rp: melchioritz
Authors: Melchior - mrsdannyfenton
Moritz - nummy_cream_puf
Fandom: Spring Awakening
Pairing: Melchioritz
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,782
Notes: This was the first RP I ever did with Sarah. :D There is a follow-up to it and you had better BELIEVE I'm gonna post that too. X3 Read and comment? ♥
Melchior lay sprawled out along his bed, sighing as he stared at the shapes on his ceiling. He was never usually this lethargic, but something had been on his mind lately: the infamous sex essay. He had written it in hopes to ease his friend Moritz's dreams, not make them worse - and that was exactly what he had seemed to do: make them worse.
He lost track of how many times Moritz had complained about his dreams to him, yet nothing he said or showed him seemed to help. All he ever did was make things worse for him and he didn't want to do that anymore. There was nothing in the world that depressed Melchior more than when he seemed to make Moritz upset. He was going to make damn sure there was going to be no more of that.
He reached over to his nightstand, pulling his journal out. He opened the cover as the essay that was flooding his thoughts fell onto his lap. He stared at the piece of paper, sighing to himself.
"Melchi!" Fraulein Gabor trotted up the stairs, knocking gently on the door to Melchior's door. He quickly shifted in his bed, tossing the essay aside so his Mother wouldn't find it. She pushed the door open gently, smiling at her son. "You have a guest. Moritz Steifel is here to see you!"
--
Moritz had lost track of when the dreams started, couldn't even remember a time when he hadn't been afraid to go to sleep and then even more frightened to wake up after them. He couldn't remember when he hadn't felt awkward around girls and even more awkward around boys. A time when he hadn't done so poorly in school-- it all seemed like a far off story about someone else.
He awoke that Saturday late in the afternoon. Apparently he needed to catch up on his rest after only receiving two or three hours every night that school week. His hair was askew and his eyes were red from how much he had rubbed at them, how much he had tossed and turned and tried to push those images out of his mind. Moritz marched to Melchior's hands trembling in his pockets as he tried to think of everything but those pictures in that essay-- he conjugated Greek with every step, the words forming on his lips but never truly were uttered. He must have looked even more crazed than normal.
Frau Gabor looked upon him with extreme sympathy when he knocked shyly on the door, however once he was actually there, the pictures rose back up. Moritz thanked her quickly, following past her into Melchior's room, even more thankful when she shut the door and left.
Still, the reason he was here to see his friend-- it rose up, and brought all those awful images and thoughts with them. Why-- how could such things incur such a reaction in him? Certainly-- certainly this couldn't be normal...? And yet the essay made it painfully clear that it was normal. Almost too clear.
"Hello Melchi..." Moritz breathed out, eyes studying his shoes, flexing his toes slightly and watching the leather shift; anything to keep those thoughts away.
--
Melchior looked to the door, giving his mother the signal to leave them alone. He crossed the room to where Moritz stood, motioning for him to sit on the bed. He looked down the hallway to make sure that Frau Gabor was out of sight before shutting and locking the door behind.
"Moritz? Are you alright?" he asked the other boy, sitting on the bed next to him. He knew it was a stupid question to ask - given what the essay entailed - but he seemed a lot more distraught today than he ever had been before. Melchior was worried.
--
Moritz nodded meekly, sitting down on the edge of Melchior's bed, his hands folded perfectly in his lap, eyes downcast. He should have been at ease in his friend's room-- and yet Moritz couldn't feel at ease anywhere.
"I--" He started but the words died in his throat, a furious blush rising up in his face as those images danced across his conscious. The drawings in the margins, words he couldn't wrap his tongue around...
"The essay..." Moritz began softly, fingers fumbling shakily in his pocket for the crumpled collection of papers. They had been folded and refolded in several different ways before just finally squeezed into a ball and shoved into his jacket. Moritz didn't want to look at it-- instead just weakly held the frayed mess of papers in his hand as if it were some tremendous weight.
--
Melchior hung his head in shame, feeling at fault for everything Moritz was feeling. "Look, Moritz...." he started, trying to pry the papers from his fingers. He glanced behind his bed, seeing another copy of the godforsaken essay. He couldn't believe he wrote it. Well, he could, but he didn't ever think something like this would come out of it.
As long as he'd known Moritz he'd known him to be awkward and shy, but never like this. He was never quiet around Melchior, ever. And now all of a sudden he was? Over a stupid piece of paper? It seems as if everyone really was fascinated with penis and vagina.
"Moritz, I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his temples. "I never thought any of this was going to happen. I was trying to help you, not make it worse." He cursed under his breath, deciding it was better to stare at his feet now than look anywhere else in the room.
Especially at the boy next to him.
--
Moritz shifted uncomfortably, Melchior pulling the essay from his hands. And yet as soon as he was without it, he longed for it. He needed to be reminded of those pictures-- of those foreign words-- genitalia, labia majora...
"I--I can't focus-- on anything...! I mean-- how do you...stop it from happening...? How do you...not think about something you don't even think about willingly?" His voice started off soft, tired at first, but it quickly became hysterical, his hands fisting and fingers pulled just slightly at the fabric of his too-large pants. All his clothing was too-large. He never fit properly into anything.
--
Melchior looked over at Moritz, seeing the discontentment in his eyes. "I guess I've never really had that problem," he shrugged, knowing it probably wasn't the best thing to say. He had learned at a young age things people weren't supposed to know until they were married. He had gone through the same thing that Moritz went through, but he always had that knowledge to get him out of his sticky situations.
"It's unusual how these thoughts come into our heads, isn't it?" He looked up at the ceiling, searching for the right way to put the words. "The more we think about it, the more the thoughts come. The more we don't think about it, the thoughts come." He opened his mouth to speak again, but shut it soon after. He knew a way to get rid of the 'bad dreams,' but he dare ask Moritz to... no, he couldn't.
--
Moritz felt his mood seem to sink even lower. His fingers clenched a bit tighter, gnawing rather viciously on the inside of his lip. He never knew what to do when such thoughts rose into his mind. Instead he just tried his hardest to focus on something else-- to start an essay or do algebra or translate Latin.
"What- what is it, Melchi?" Moritz asked, his eyes catching the hesitation in his friend's face. He didn't want Melchior to hide or keep things from him. He didn't want to feel anymore fragile than he already knew he was...
No, not with him, not with Melchior.
--
Melchior looked back at Moritz, hesitating to speak. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. He bit his lip, deciding to shut the curtains. "I..." he started. He kicked himself mentally, chastising himself for being so awkward. He was never that way around Moritz, never! So why was his body doing this to him now? Why was he feeling like this around Moritz of all people?
But yet Moritz was so vulnerable right now, so unsure, so... Melchior wanted to help him. He wanted to show him that the kind of things Moritz could only dream about could become real. He wanted to...
He wanted to touch him so badly. Yet every time his hand reached out to Moritz, he'd draw it back to himself. He shook his head, deciding to move closer to Moritz. "It's nothing, really." He smiled at Moritz, trying to tell him in silence that nothing was wrong.
But it was quite the opposite.
--
Moritz's eyebrows furrowed slightly as he tried to discern Melchior's face. He was still holding back-- there was something behind his smile. No-- he couldn't take his friend of all people treating him this way, like he was going to break. Even if that seemed to be another ever constant in Moritz's life now...
"Please Melchior..." Moritz breathed out, his hand moving to fall a top his friend's. However such a simple gesture caused his body to tingle just beneath the skin, and the palm of his hand to almost ignite as if Melchior's own flesh had burned him.
--
"What is it?" Melchior stared down at his lap, feeling his pants tightening at the slightest touch of Moritz's hand. He swallowed what felt like an egg, taking centuries to slide down his throat. His body was acting out of time with his mind now as he felt his fingers interlacing with Moritz's upon his lap. He didn't know what he was doing. What they were doing. All he knew is that he wanted it. He needed it.
"Moritz," he whispered, his lips just centimeters from Moritz's ear. "I can help you get rid of those dreams."
--
Moritz held his breath when Melchior intertwined their fingers, trying to hold back a shudder as his hand seemed to burn even more, their palms pushed together now. Why was his body reacting like this--?
And then Melchior's lips were practically at his ear, the words soft but implying-- something in his tone-- Moritz gasped rather audibly, only then realizing he was starting to feel a bit light headed from lack of oxygen and the unfamiliar pooling of heat in his groin. He finally let the shudder run through him, panicking slightly at the thoughts started to rise up in his head-- those dreams-- lips and tongues and strange body parts all danced in his mind.
But Melchior could make this go away...?
"H-How...?" Moritz heard himself ask, his voice sounding far off and foreign to his ears.
--
Melchior smiled to himself, finding Moritz's reactions satisfying in some sadistic. He was probably doing nothing but confuse the poor boy more, but if that was what it took, then so be it.
He turned to look straight at Moritz, pressing a hand to his cheek. "I'll show you," he said huskily, trailing his free hand down to Moritz's heated groin. "Just trust me."
Melchior stroked Moritz's cheek, pressing his lips to Moritz's softly. He did it. He didn't back out this time, didn't give Moritz a chance to protest. He took the biggest risk in the book of being best friends, but he didn't care. He wanted him so bad it hurt - literally. The tightness in his pants was enough to cut the circulation off from his groin.
--
Moritz shuddered when he felt that hand come to rest on his face, only then becoming aware of the intense blush painted across his cheeks. His fingers fell slack in between Melchior's before he pulled it back slightly.
However he hadn't been prepared for what those words did to him-- just the tone sending sparks of arousal through him and causing that uncomfortable pressure to pick up in his groin. Moritz shifted, about to say something-- but then he couldn't speak, something hard and hot was weighing down on his mouth and it took a second for Moritz to realize that thing was-- Melchior.
He gasped into the kiss, pulling back because he didn't know what else to do. His eyes flew open and he made a small sound low in his throat of confusion but he couldn't form any actual words as his lips lay slack.
--
Melchior moved back over to his prospective side of the bed, sighing to himself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He knew how much he wanted it, though. For a moment - if only a brief one - he thought that Moritz wanted it too.
He sat staring off into space, trying not to let the awkwardness get to him. The only thing ringing through the air was a sense of uncomfortableness and he couldn't bear it. He didn't want Moritz to be uncomfortable - that was the last thing he wanted to do. But then why did he do it?
Fuck.
--
Moritz shifted, feeling a stab of guilt as Melchior sounded so defeated and then refused to even look him in the eye. Even while his groin was start to hurt from all these strange feelings-- there was something in that kiss that he felt good and right.
Shyly, he let his hand fall to Melchior's thigh, beckoning his attention with the light, meek movement of his fingers, rubbing his friend's clothed leg in an attempt at comfort. "Melchior..." Moritz breathed out, shifting a bit closer to the other, trying to get him to look at him-- to get him to try to kiss him again...
--
Melchior turned to look at Moritz rather abruptly, their faces so close now that all he had to do was move just a few more inches. He didn't know if he could do it again. He wanted to, the tightness in his pants told him he needed to....
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, just letting himself feel Moritz's breath against his cheek. His hands lay still in his lap, fists clenched so he wouldn't be tempted to touch Moritz where he didn't want to be touched. He needed to have some sort of self-control.
--
Moritz felt his breath catch in his throat when Melchior turned to face him so quickly. Their faces were so close-- he could feel the warm gust of air as Melchior exhaled against his cheek and he shuddered, fingers tightening a bit on his friend's thigh.
"I--" he started, voice unsure. Moritz took a shaky breath before whispering, "Yes".
He had to make a decision in his life-- a good decision-- this had to be good...right? If it was with Melchior-- if he had enjoyed that tingly sensation running straight through his body the first time he had kissed him...
--
Melchior hesitated, pausing to see if he was imagining the words that just came out of Moritz's mouth. He clenched his thighs together, afraid for his life is Moritz's hand moved anymore toward the heat in his pants.
He moved the couple inches he needed to, closing the gap between his and Moritz's lips. He was soft, gentle, waiting for Moritz to react to him. A hand slid around Moritz's waist, pulling them closer together. He didn't ever want to let go.
--
Moritz felt Melchior's thighs move beneath his fingers. He was about to pull them back, but then Melchior's lips were on his and nothing else matter-- he couldn't think of anything else.
It was soft and chaste and Moritz didn't know what to do at first. Finally, he shyly pressed back, expressing that he liked it-- that he wanted more...
He leaned into Melchior a bit more as he felt his friend's arm around his waist, shifting their positions slightly. His other hand came up, grabbing at the back of Melchior's dress shirt, holding onto him tight.
--
Melchior pressed his lips harder against Moritz's, parting his lips slightly to deepen the kiss. He wanted to do more - so much more than kissing but for once in his life something in his life had gone right and he wasn't going to let it slip away so fast by making a rash decision.
He let out a low groan at the back of his throat, positioning themselves so they were directly across from eachother. He took his free hand and slowly traced along Moritz's thigh, steadily and slowly working his way a bit higher. He reached the growing erection in Moritz's pants before too long, rubbing small circles against it through the fabric.
--
That kiss, those lips-- felt so incredibly right. And even though they were sending strange sensations all throughout Moritz's body, causing the heat in his groin to practically double, he didn't mind... Still, he tried to keep his hips away from Melchior's, not wanting his friend to find his body reacting so.
His cheeks flushed as felt Melchior's lips part and his own fell apart, deepening the kiss. Moritz moved his lips a bit awkwardly, trying to do everything right even though he had never kissed anyone-- not like this at least. However when he felt those fingers on his thigh, his back stiffened a bit. They drifted further north, causing his excitement and anxiety to work him up even more than he already was.
He gasped harshly, pulling back from the kiss and moaning out when Melchior's fingers finally found his groin. An embarrassed blush filled his entire face as he heard his reaction, as he felt that sinfully good bit of pressure and movement over his arousal. Why did it feel so good-- when everyone seemed to be so against such a thing...?
"M-Melchior..." Moritz gasped out, his eyes slightly afraid-- confused at all he was feeling, at why his body was reacting this way-- but still... no part of Moritz wanted him to stop.
--
Melchior's lips seemed to be frozen in the state they were against Moritz's, even after he had pulled away. He searched his eyes, trying to see what he felt.
"What is it?" Melchior asked in a low whisper, staying as close to Moritz as possible. He just wanted them to stop talking. He wanted to kiss him and never stop. He wanted to do so much more to him. He wanted Moritz. It was okay when Hanschen and Ernst did things like this, so why wasn't it okay for them?
--
Moritz swallowed thickly, seeing the concern in Melchior's face-- seeing...something more. Something that scared him and yet excited him even more. Finally he shook his head slightly, breathing a soft, "Nothing..."
And then he was pressing his lips to Melchior's once more, shy and chaste at first before finally pushing a bit of pressure unto the other, kissing him as his body urged him into it even more. His fingers moved up slightly on Melchior's thigh, though the press of his friend's hand over his groin distracted him from most everything else.
He felt disoriented and slightly dizzy-- but it was-- nice.
--
Oh, god. Melchior smiled into their kiss, untucking Moritz's shirt from his trousers. He felt the throbbing need growing need in both of their pants, and something needed to happen about it.
He broke the kiss for a moment, trailing kisses along Moritz's neck, leaving an affectionate bite or two along the way. A worked its way down Morit'z torso, slowly making its way south. He slid his hand down Moritz's pants, stopping at the base of Moritz's throbbing arousal. "Can I?" he whispered against Moritz's ear, his breath hot and his voice raspy and low.
--
Moritz only dimly noticed his shirt being untucked, vaguely recalled Melchior's hand traveling down his chest and a whimper escaping his own throat when his friend began to kiss and nip at his neck.
"O-Oh..." Moritz sighed softly as he began to get used to that movement of lips and just the prick of teeth on his skin-- but then he stiffened considerably once more as he felt Melchior's hand move into his pants. He wanted to question what he was doing but all noise died off in his throat. Moritz thought his face might exploded from his embarrassed and ashamed blush. What could Melchior possibly be thinking...?
However when he asked him like that-- so breathless and... Moritz scrambled for the word he had read the previous night-- erotic. His breath caught in his throat along with all sound and the only thing he could do was nod a bit dumbly, letting his eyes slip closed.
--
Melchior attached his lips to Moritz's again in a sort of hurried frenzy. With his free hand he undid Moritz's trousers, sliding them down his thighs. He moved to Moritz's feet, untying the shoestrings of his sneakers, letting them fall to floor, his trousers following not long after that.
He laid kisses along the base of Moritz's length, gently pushing him back onto the bed. Melchior positioned himself so he was in between Moritz's legs, moving along his erection in slow, soft strokes. "Don't worry," he whispered from his place on the bed, "it's just me."
--
Moritz didn't know what to do as Melchior unbuttoned his pants, moving them lower. This was all moving so fast-- his length was exposed and he flushed an even harsher red from the shame of it all. But...Melchior seemed fine with it-- more than fine, actually. It reassured Moritz slightly.
As Melchior laid him back, he shifted slightly, still somewhat confused as to what they were all doing-- but he recognized this concept vaguely from Melchior's essay-- when you have someone's mouth on your...well-- there.
Those light touches made Moritz shudder and his fingers wrapped tightly in Melchior's sheets. Could they really be doing this...?
And then he spoke, soft and controlled and it was rational, intelligent Melchior. He was right-- it was him, his best friend...who else would he ever want to do something like this to him...?
Weakly, Moritz nodded, eyes staring down at Melchior briefly. But he couldn't stand watching this-- the embarrassment too strong, and so he let his head fall back against the mattress, squeezing his eyes shut and bracing himself.
--
Melchior smiled to himself, a little surprised - yet completely content - that Moritz was letting him do this. His fingers ghosted along the underside of Moritz's length, his other hand tracing small circles along his hip bone.
Melchior's lips laid more kisses along the base of Moritz's apparent arousal, slowly letting them move further and further down.
Melchior paused a moment, spreading Moritz's legs a bit further apart. He slid a hand under Moritz, gently sliding him to the edge of the bed. Melchior smiled up at Moritz, hoping he'd see. If he was like anyone else in this world, he probably wouldn't be looking - but the reassurance was there, in all the silence going on between them. Melchior sat on his knees under Moritz at the edge of his bed, slowly taking Moritz into his mouth.
--
Moritz tried not to jerk and writhe as he felt Melchior's fingers move along his length, felt those lips moving over his sensitive flesh. He was so overcome he nearly pulled his legs up, nearly kicked Melchior away. His fingers tightened on the sheets, gasping and whimpering without any second thought as Melchior teased his length.
However when Melchior moved him, wanting him to sit up, Moritz complied shakily. Melchior on his knees like that-- between his legs...so close to his arousal-- Moritz squeezed his eyes shut. Just the sight of this made him feel like he would lose it. But certainly at this point that was all Moritz wanted-- for Melchior to do this and get it over with so he could stop having those dreams and could stop being such a failure. Surely this would fix it all-- Melchior had said it would...
"A--Ah!" Moritz cried out loudly, not having intended to make any noise at all. His fingers grabbed at the first thing he could get to-- the back of Melchior's head, pulling tight on those brown curls. He saw stars as he felt Melchior's warm, wet mouth around his length and his entire body seemed to be shaking with the waves of strange pleasure he felt.
--
Melchior took the signal of fingers in his hair to keep going, and so he did.
He ran a finger up and down Moritz's thigh, picking up speed as he took more and more of him into his mouth. His teeth grazed the side of Moritz's erection, searching its entirety painstakingly slow. He wanted Moritz to come and he wanted him to do it soon. The constriction he felt in his own pants now only urged him to go further. Feeling really risky, he slowed down his pace, humming at the back of his throat.
--
For some reason Moritz felt a need for urgency, the slow movement over his length mixing his embarrassment with frustration rather dangerously. However when he felt Melchior humming in the back of his throat, well Moritz wasn't expecting something like that-- his fingers tightened rather harshly and before he knew what was happening, his hips were jerking, forcing his length further into Melchior's mouth as he came. The excitement had been too much and fresh, hot tears rolled down Moritz's cheeks as he let out a weak, strangled groan.
His entire body felt warm and tingly but he was also ashamed, not believing he had just allowed himself to do such a thing-- to be so raw. The tears continued to fall down his cheeks, dripping from his chin onto his lap, his bottom lip shaking as he repressed a sob. Moritz only felt all the more confused now...
--
Melchior braced himself for what was to come, preparing to swallow the liquid. He pulled away from Moritz, breathing heavily.
He smiled as he opened his mouth to say something but promptly shut it seeing Moritz's face. He sat next to him, placing a hand against his thigh. "Moritz, I'm sorry... was it that bad?" He thought that he had wanted this. "Shit, I'm sorry," he apologized again, taking his hand off of Moritz. He was confused and most likely was not in the right state of mind to have Melchior touching him again so soon.
--
Moritz shuddered, body recoiling from Melchior's hand on his thigh. His throat felt clenched shut and finally when he choked out a strangled, "I should go--" the sob finally escaped. Moritz heaved slightly as he tried to contain himself, his entire body trembling with the effort to keep from crying out.
He moved shakily, finding his pants and underwear on the floor and pulling them on hastily before slipping his shoes on, not even bothering to tie them. Moritz was certain to look a mess and his face flushed bright red from shame. What Melchior must think of him now...
--
"Moritz, wait!" Melchior cried after him, blocking the door. "Please, don't leave." His eyes were pleading for him to stay. Moritz couldn't just get up and leave, especially after something like that.
"I..." For once, Melchior had nothing to say. "Just.. go ahead and go. I'm sorry, Moritz. I didn't mean to make you feel weird. I hate it when you feel that way! But apparently, that's all I ever do. Just. Go if you want." He could kick himself for speaking those words out loud, because the only things screaming at him in his head were 'Don't leave! Please stay with me!' but of course he couldn't say that. "Moritz..."
--
Moritz only felt the tears fall faster, finally let out quiet sobs as Melchior ranted. He didn't want Melchior to be mad at him-- but he was. He was mad at him and himself and-- everything had just fallen apart. Breathless, in between hiccuping sobs, Moritz gasped out, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." but it was no use as he moved past his friend, rushing out of the house. He couldn't stay.
Perhaps this was the end of their friendship.
Moritz didn't intend to find out.
Moritz - nummy_cream_puf
Fandom: Spring Awakening
Pairing: Melchioritz
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,782
Notes: This was the first RP I ever did with Sarah. :D There is a follow-up to it and you had better BELIEVE I'm gonna post that too. X3 Read and comment? ♥
Melchior lay sprawled out along his bed, sighing as he stared at the shapes on his ceiling. He was never usually this lethargic, but something had been on his mind lately: the infamous sex essay. He had written it in hopes to ease his friend Moritz's dreams, not make them worse - and that was exactly what he had seemed to do: make them worse.
He lost track of how many times Moritz had complained about his dreams to him, yet nothing he said or showed him seemed to help. All he ever did was make things worse for him and he didn't want to do that anymore. There was nothing in the world that depressed Melchior more than when he seemed to make Moritz upset. He was going to make damn sure there was going to be no more of that.
He reached over to his nightstand, pulling his journal out. He opened the cover as the essay that was flooding his thoughts fell onto his lap. He stared at the piece of paper, sighing to himself.
"Melchi!" Fraulein Gabor trotted up the stairs, knocking gently on the door to Melchior's door. He quickly shifted in his bed, tossing the essay aside so his Mother wouldn't find it. She pushed the door open gently, smiling at her son. "You have a guest. Moritz Steifel is here to see you!"
--
Moritz had lost track of when the dreams started, couldn't even remember a time when he hadn't been afraid to go to sleep and then even more frightened to wake up after them. He couldn't remember when he hadn't felt awkward around girls and even more awkward around boys. A time when he hadn't done so poorly in school-- it all seemed like a far off story about someone else.
He awoke that Saturday late in the afternoon. Apparently he needed to catch up on his rest after only receiving two or three hours every night that school week. His hair was askew and his eyes were red from how much he had rubbed at them, how much he had tossed and turned and tried to push those images out of his mind. Moritz marched to Melchior's hands trembling in his pockets as he tried to think of everything but those pictures in that essay-- he conjugated Greek with every step, the words forming on his lips but never truly were uttered. He must have looked even more crazed than normal.
Frau Gabor looked upon him with extreme sympathy when he knocked shyly on the door, however once he was actually there, the pictures rose back up. Moritz thanked her quickly, following past her into Melchior's room, even more thankful when she shut the door and left.
Still, the reason he was here to see his friend-- it rose up, and brought all those awful images and thoughts with them. Why-- how could such things incur such a reaction in him? Certainly-- certainly this couldn't be normal...? And yet the essay made it painfully clear that it was normal. Almost too clear.
"Hello Melchi..." Moritz breathed out, eyes studying his shoes, flexing his toes slightly and watching the leather shift; anything to keep those thoughts away.
--
Melchior looked to the door, giving his mother the signal to leave them alone. He crossed the room to where Moritz stood, motioning for him to sit on the bed. He looked down the hallway to make sure that Frau Gabor was out of sight before shutting and locking the door behind.
"Moritz? Are you alright?" he asked the other boy, sitting on the bed next to him. He knew it was a stupid question to ask - given what the essay entailed - but he seemed a lot more distraught today than he ever had been before. Melchior was worried.
--
Moritz nodded meekly, sitting down on the edge of Melchior's bed, his hands folded perfectly in his lap, eyes downcast. He should have been at ease in his friend's room-- and yet Moritz couldn't feel at ease anywhere.
"I--" He started but the words died in his throat, a furious blush rising up in his face as those images danced across his conscious. The drawings in the margins, words he couldn't wrap his tongue around...
"The essay..." Moritz began softly, fingers fumbling shakily in his pocket for the crumpled collection of papers. They had been folded and refolded in several different ways before just finally squeezed into a ball and shoved into his jacket. Moritz didn't want to look at it-- instead just weakly held the frayed mess of papers in his hand as if it were some tremendous weight.
--
Melchior hung his head in shame, feeling at fault for everything Moritz was feeling. "Look, Moritz...." he started, trying to pry the papers from his fingers. He glanced behind his bed, seeing another copy of the godforsaken essay. He couldn't believe he wrote it. Well, he could, but he didn't ever think something like this would come out of it.
As long as he'd known Moritz he'd known him to be awkward and shy, but never like this. He was never quiet around Melchior, ever. And now all of a sudden he was? Over a stupid piece of paper? It seems as if everyone really was fascinated with penis and vagina.
"Moritz, I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his temples. "I never thought any of this was going to happen. I was trying to help you, not make it worse." He cursed under his breath, deciding it was better to stare at his feet now than look anywhere else in the room.
Especially at the boy next to him.
--
Moritz shifted uncomfortably, Melchior pulling the essay from his hands. And yet as soon as he was without it, he longed for it. He needed to be reminded of those pictures-- of those foreign words-- genitalia, labia majora...
"I--I can't focus-- on anything...! I mean-- how do you...stop it from happening...? How do you...not think about something you don't even think about willingly?" His voice started off soft, tired at first, but it quickly became hysterical, his hands fisting and fingers pulled just slightly at the fabric of his too-large pants. All his clothing was too-large. He never fit properly into anything.
--
Melchior looked over at Moritz, seeing the discontentment in his eyes. "I guess I've never really had that problem," he shrugged, knowing it probably wasn't the best thing to say. He had learned at a young age things people weren't supposed to know until they were married. He had gone through the same thing that Moritz went through, but he always had that knowledge to get him out of his sticky situations.
"It's unusual how these thoughts come into our heads, isn't it?" He looked up at the ceiling, searching for the right way to put the words. "The more we think about it, the more the thoughts come. The more we don't think about it, the thoughts come." He opened his mouth to speak again, but shut it soon after. He knew a way to get rid of the 'bad dreams,' but he dare ask Moritz to... no, he couldn't.
--
Moritz felt his mood seem to sink even lower. His fingers clenched a bit tighter, gnawing rather viciously on the inside of his lip. He never knew what to do when such thoughts rose into his mind. Instead he just tried his hardest to focus on something else-- to start an essay or do algebra or translate Latin.
"What- what is it, Melchi?" Moritz asked, his eyes catching the hesitation in his friend's face. He didn't want Melchior to hide or keep things from him. He didn't want to feel anymore fragile than he already knew he was...
No, not with him, not with Melchior.
--
Melchior looked back at Moritz, hesitating to speak. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. He bit his lip, deciding to shut the curtains. "I..." he started. He kicked himself mentally, chastising himself for being so awkward. He was never that way around Moritz, never! So why was his body doing this to him now? Why was he feeling like this around Moritz of all people?
But yet Moritz was so vulnerable right now, so unsure, so... Melchior wanted to help him. He wanted to show him that the kind of things Moritz could only dream about could become real. He wanted to...
He wanted to touch him so badly. Yet every time his hand reached out to Moritz, he'd draw it back to himself. He shook his head, deciding to move closer to Moritz. "It's nothing, really." He smiled at Moritz, trying to tell him in silence that nothing was wrong.
But it was quite the opposite.
--
Moritz's eyebrows furrowed slightly as he tried to discern Melchior's face. He was still holding back-- there was something behind his smile. No-- he couldn't take his friend of all people treating him this way, like he was going to break. Even if that seemed to be another ever constant in Moritz's life now...
"Please Melchior..." Moritz breathed out, his hand moving to fall a top his friend's. However such a simple gesture caused his body to tingle just beneath the skin, and the palm of his hand to almost ignite as if Melchior's own flesh had burned him.
--
"What is it?" Melchior stared down at his lap, feeling his pants tightening at the slightest touch of Moritz's hand. He swallowed what felt like an egg, taking centuries to slide down his throat. His body was acting out of time with his mind now as he felt his fingers interlacing with Moritz's upon his lap. He didn't know what he was doing. What they were doing. All he knew is that he wanted it. He needed it.
"Moritz," he whispered, his lips just centimeters from Moritz's ear. "I can help you get rid of those dreams."
--
Moritz held his breath when Melchior intertwined their fingers, trying to hold back a shudder as his hand seemed to burn even more, their palms pushed together now. Why was his body reacting like this--?
And then Melchior's lips were practically at his ear, the words soft but implying-- something in his tone-- Moritz gasped rather audibly, only then realizing he was starting to feel a bit light headed from lack of oxygen and the unfamiliar pooling of heat in his groin. He finally let the shudder run through him, panicking slightly at the thoughts started to rise up in his head-- those dreams-- lips and tongues and strange body parts all danced in his mind.
But Melchior could make this go away...?
"H-How...?" Moritz heard himself ask, his voice sounding far off and foreign to his ears.
--
Melchior smiled to himself, finding Moritz's reactions satisfying in some sadistic. He was probably doing nothing but confuse the poor boy more, but if that was what it took, then so be it.
He turned to look straight at Moritz, pressing a hand to his cheek. "I'll show you," he said huskily, trailing his free hand down to Moritz's heated groin. "Just trust me."
Melchior stroked Moritz's cheek, pressing his lips to Moritz's softly. He did it. He didn't back out this time, didn't give Moritz a chance to protest. He took the biggest risk in the book of being best friends, but he didn't care. He wanted him so bad it hurt - literally. The tightness in his pants was enough to cut the circulation off from his groin.
--
Moritz shuddered when he felt that hand come to rest on his face, only then becoming aware of the intense blush painted across his cheeks. His fingers fell slack in between Melchior's before he pulled it back slightly.
However he hadn't been prepared for what those words did to him-- just the tone sending sparks of arousal through him and causing that uncomfortable pressure to pick up in his groin. Moritz shifted, about to say something-- but then he couldn't speak, something hard and hot was weighing down on his mouth and it took a second for Moritz to realize that thing was-- Melchior.
He gasped into the kiss, pulling back because he didn't know what else to do. His eyes flew open and he made a small sound low in his throat of confusion but he couldn't form any actual words as his lips lay slack.
--
Melchior moved back over to his prospective side of the bed, sighing to himself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He knew how much he wanted it, though. For a moment - if only a brief one - he thought that Moritz wanted it too.
He sat staring off into space, trying not to let the awkwardness get to him. The only thing ringing through the air was a sense of uncomfortableness and he couldn't bear it. He didn't want Moritz to be uncomfortable - that was the last thing he wanted to do. But then why did he do it?
Fuck.
--
Moritz shifted, feeling a stab of guilt as Melchior sounded so defeated and then refused to even look him in the eye. Even while his groin was start to hurt from all these strange feelings-- there was something in that kiss that he felt good and right.
Shyly, he let his hand fall to Melchior's thigh, beckoning his attention with the light, meek movement of his fingers, rubbing his friend's clothed leg in an attempt at comfort. "Melchior..." Moritz breathed out, shifting a bit closer to the other, trying to get him to look at him-- to get him to try to kiss him again...
--
Melchior turned to look at Moritz rather abruptly, their faces so close now that all he had to do was move just a few more inches. He didn't know if he could do it again. He wanted to, the tightness in his pants told him he needed to....
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, just letting himself feel Moritz's breath against his cheek. His hands lay still in his lap, fists clenched so he wouldn't be tempted to touch Moritz where he didn't want to be touched. He needed to have some sort of self-control.
--
Moritz felt his breath catch in his throat when Melchior turned to face him so quickly. Their faces were so close-- he could feel the warm gust of air as Melchior exhaled against his cheek and he shuddered, fingers tightening a bit on his friend's thigh.
"I--" he started, voice unsure. Moritz took a shaky breath before whispering, "Yes".
He had to make a decision in his life-- a good decision-- this had to be good...right? If it was with Melchior-- if he had enjoyed that tingly sensation running straight through his body the first time he had kissed him...
--
Melchior hesitated, pausing to see if he was imagining the words that just came out of Moritz's mouth. He clenched his thighs together, afraid for his life is Moritz's hand moved anymore toward the heat in his pants.
He moved the couple inches he needed to, closing the gap between his and Moritz's lips. He was soft, gentle, waiting for Moritz to react to him. A hand slid around Moritz's waist, pulling them closer together. He didn't ever want to let go.
--
Moritz felt Melchior's thighs move beneath his fingers. He was about to pull them back, but then Melchior's lips were on his and nothing else matter-- he couldn't think of anything else.
It was soft and chaste and Moritz didn't know what to do at first. Finally, he shyly pressed back, expressing that he liked it-- that he wanted more...
He leaned into Melchior a bit more as he felt his friend's arm around his waist, shifting their positions slightly. His other hand came up, grabbing at the back of Melchior's dress shirt, holding onto him tight.
--
Melchior pressed his lips harder against Moritz's, parting his lips slightly to deepen the kiss. He wanted to do more - so much more than kissing but for once in his life something in his life had gone right and he wasn't going to let it slip away so fast by making a rash decision.
He let out a low groan at the back of his throat, positioning themselves so they were directly across from eachother. He took his free hand and slowly traced along Moritz's thigh, steadily and slowly working his way a bit higher. He reached the growing erection in Moritz's pants before too long, rubbing small circles against it through the fabric.
--
That kiss, those lips-- felt so incredibly right. And even though they were sending strange sensations all throughout Moritz's body, causing the heat in his groin to practically double, he didn't mind... Still, he tried to keep his hips away from Melchior's, not wanting his friend to find his body reacting so.
His cheeks flushed as felt Melchior's lips part and his own fell apart, deepening the kiss. Moritz moved his lips a bit awkwardly, trying to do everything right even though he had never kissed anyone-- not like this at least. However when he felt those fingers on his thigh, his back stiffened a bit. They drifted further north, causing his excitement and anxiety to work him up even more than he already was.
He gasped harshly, pulling back from the kiss and moaning out when Melchior's fingers finally found his groin. An embarrassed blush filled his entire face as he heard his reaction, as he felt that sinfully good bit of pressure and movement over his arousal. Why did it feel so good-- when everyone seemed to be so against such a thing...?
"M-Melchior..." Moritz gasped out, his eyes slightly afraid-- confused at all he was feeling, at why his body was reacting this way-- but still... no part of Moritz wanted him to stop.
--
Melchior's lips seemed to be frozen in the state they were against Moritz's, even after he had pulled away. He searched his eyes, trying to see what he felt.
"What is it?" Melchior asked in a low whisper, staying as close to Moritz as possible. He just wanted them to stop talking. He wanted to kiss him and never stop. He wanted to do so much more to him. He wanted Moritz. It was okay when Hanschen and Ernst did things like this, so why wasn't it okay for them?
--
Moritz swallowed thickly, seeing the concern in Melchior's face-- seeing...something more. Something that scared him and yet excited him even more. Finally he shook his head slightly, breathing a soft, "Nothing..."
And then he was pressing his lips to Melchior's once more, shy and chaste at first before finally pushing a bit of pressure unto the other, kissing him as his body urged him into it even more. His fingers moved up slightly on Melchior's thigh, though the press of his friend's hand over his groin distracted him from most everything else.
He felt disoriented and slightly dizzy-- but it was-- nice.
--
Oh, god. Melchior smiled into their kiss, untucking Moritz's shirt from his trousers. He felt the throbbing need growing need in both of their pants, and something needed to happen about it.
He broke the kiss for a moment, trailing kisses along Moritz's neck, leaving an affectionate bite or two along the way. A worked its way down Morit'z torso, slowly making its way south. He slid his hand down Moritz's pants, stopping at the base of Moritz's throbbing arousal. "Can I?" he whispered against Moritz's ear, his breath hot and his voice raspy and low.
--
Moritz only dimly noticed his shirt being untucked, vaguely recalled Melchior's hand traveling down his chest and a whimper escaping his own throat when his friend began to kiss and nip at his neck.
"O-Oh..." Moritz sighed softly as he began to get used to that movement of lips and just the prick of teeth on his skin-- but then he stiffened considerably once more as he felt Melchior's hand move into his pants. He wanted to question what he was doing but all noise died off in his throat. Moritz thought his face might exploded from his embarrassed and ashamed blush. What could Melchior possibly be thinking...?
However when he asked him like that-- so breathless and... Moritz scrambled for the word he had read the previous night-- erotic. His breath caught in his throat along with all sound and the only thing he could do was nod a bit dumbly, letting his eyes slip closed.
--
Melchior attached his lips to Moritz's again in a sort of hurried frenzy. With his free hand he undid Moritz's trousers, sliding them down his thighs. He moved to Moritz's feet, untying the shoestrings of his sneakers, letting them fall to floor, his trousers following not long after that.
He laid kisses along the base of Moritz's length, gently pushing him back onto the bed. Melchior positioned himself so he was in between Moritz's legs, moving along his erection in slow, soft strokes. "Don't worry," he whispered from his place on the bed, "it's just me."
--
Moritz didn't know what to do as Melchior unbuttoned his pants, moving them lower. This was all moving so fast-- his length was exposed and he flushed an even harsher red from the shame of it all. But...Melchior seemed fine with it-- more than fine, actually. It reassured Moritz slightly.
As Melchior laid him back, he shifted slightly, still somewhat confused as to what they were all doing-- but he recognized this concept vaguely from Melchior's essay-- when you have someone's mouth on your...well-- there.
Those light touches made Moritz shudder and his fingers wrapped tightly in Melchior's sheets. Could they really be doing this...?
And then he spoke, soft and controlled and it was rational, intelligent Melchior. He was right-- it was him, his best friend...who else would he ever want to do something like this to him...?
Weakly, Moritz nodded, eyes staring down at Melchior briefly. But he couldn't stand watching this-- the embarrassment too strong, and so he let his head fall back against the mattress, squeezing his eyes shut and bracing himself.
--
Melchior smiled to himself, a little surprised - yet completely content - that Moritz was letting him do this. His fingers ghosted along the underside of Moritz's length, his other hand tracing small circles along his hip bone.
Melchior's lips laid more kisses along the base of Moritz's apparent arousal, slowly letting them move further and further down.
Melchior paused a moment, spreading Moritz's legs a bit further apart. He slid a hand under Moritz, gently sliding him to the edge of the bed. Melchior smiled up at Moritz, hoping he'd see. If he was like anyone else in this world, he probably wouldn't be looking - but the reassurance was there, in all the silence going on between them. Melchior sat on his knees under Moritz at the edge of his bed, slowly taking Moritz into his mouth.
--
Moritz tried not to jerk and writhe as he felt Melchior's fingers move along his length, felt those lips moving over his sensitive flesh. He was so overcome he nearly pulled his legs up, nearly kicked Melchior away. His fingers tightened on the sheets, gasping and whimpering without any second thought as Melchior teased his length.
However when Melchior moved him, wanting him to sit up, Moritz complied shakily. Melchior on his knees like that-- between his legs...so close to his arousal-- Moritz squeezed his eyes shut. Just the sight of this made him feel like he would lose it. But certainly at this point that was all Moritz wanted-- for Melchior to do this and get it over with so he could stop having those dreams and could stop being such a failure. Surely this would fix it all-- Melchior had said it would...
"A--Ah!" Moritz cried out loudly, not having intended to make any noise at all. His fingers grabbed at the first thing he could get to-- the back of Melchior's head, pulling tight on those brown curls. He saw stars as he felt Melchior's warm, wet mouth around his length and his entire body seemed to be shaking with the waves of strange pleasure he felt.
--
Melchior took the signal of fingers in his hair to keep going, and so he did.
He ran a finger up and down Moritz's thigh, picking up speed as he took more and more of him into his mouth. His teeth grazed the side of Moritz's erection, searching its entirety painstakingly slow. He wanted Moritz to come and he wanted him to do it soon. The constriction he felt in his own pants now only urged him to go further. Feeling really risky, he slowed down his pace, humming at the back of his throat.
--
For some reason Moritz felt a need for urgency, the slow movement over his length mixing his embarrassment with frustration rather dangerously. However when he felt Melchior humming in the back of his throat, well Moritz wasn't expecting something like that-- his fingers tightened rather harshly and before he knew what was happening, his hips were jerking, forcing his length further into Melchior's mouth as he came. The excitement had been too much and fresh, hot tears rolled down Moritz's cheeks as he let out a weak, strangled groan.
His entire body felt warm and tingly but he was also ashamed, not believing he had just allowed himself to do such a thing-- to be so raw. The tears continued to fall down his cheeks, dripping from his chin onto his lap, his bottom lip shaking as he repressed a sob. Moritz only felt all the more confused now...
--
Melchior braced himself for what was to come, preparing to swallow the liquid. He pulled away from Moritz, breathing heavily.
He smiled as he opened his mouth to say something but promptly shut it seeing Moritz's face. He sat next to him, placing a hand against his thigh. "Moritz, I'm sorry... was it that bad?" He thought that he had wanted this. "Shit, I'm sorry," he apologized again, taking his hand off of Moritz. He was confused and most likely was not in the right state of mind to have Melchior touching him again so soon.
--
Moritz shuddered, body recoiling from Melchior's hand on his thigh. His throat felt clenched shut and finally when he choked out a strangled, "I should go--" the sob finally escaped. Moritz heaved slightly as he tried to contain himself, his entire body trembling with the effort to keep from crying out.
He moved shakily, finding his pants and underwear on the floor and pulling them on hastily before slipping his shoes on, not even bothering to tie them. Moritz was certain to look a mess and his face flushed bright red from shame. What Melchior must think of him now...
--
"Moritz, wait!" Melchior cried after him, blocking the door. "Please, don't leave." His eyes were pleading for him to stay. Moritz couldn't just get up and leave, especially after something like that.
"I..." For once, Melchior had nothing to say. "Just.. go ahead and go. I'm sorry, Moritz. I didn't mean to make you feel weird. I hate it when you feel that way! But apparently, that's all I ever do. Just. Go if you want." He could kick himself for speaking those words out loud, because the only things screaming at him in his head were 'Don't leave! Please stay with me!' but of course he couldn't say that. "Moritz..."
--
Moritz only felt the tears fall faster, finally let out quiet sobs as Melchior ranted. He didn't want Melchior to be mad at him-- but he was. He was mad at him and himself and-- everything had just fallen apart. Breathless, in between hiccuping sobs, Moritz gasped out, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." but it was no use as he moved past his friend, rushing out of the house. He couldn't stay.
Perhaps this was the end of their friendship.
Moritz didn't intend to find out.