Actually He's My Cab Driver And I Needed To Pick Up A Prescription: a play in one act
CHARACTERS
CORDELIA, an upset shopper
JEREMY, a cashier
KEVAN, a cab driver
MELORA (offstage), a sick cat
SETTING
One week before Christmas, a distressed [CORDELIA] enters a Mac store where she is greeted by [JEREMY], the non-genius-bar cashier.
CORDELIA
So... on my way down The Hill to the main library, my iPod just up and died on me. [She pulls out her old iPod.] I am amazed it has lasted this long.
JEREMY
Holy crap, how old is that?
CORDELIA
I don't even know. How much are the iPod Nanos?
JEREMY
The 8 gigs are 142 and the 16 gigs are 198.
[A phone rings, CORDELIA looks upset by the caller ID, but answers regardless.]
CORDELIA
Kevan, what the hell!
KEVAN
Delia, I am so sorry. I'm just really tired.
CORDELIA
I just -- no. The appointment was for two, we agreed on two, and I had to call you at ten til two, and even then you didn't bother to pick up.
KEVAN
I can't help when people call me during the day. I've been up all morning and I just want to sleep.
CORDELIA
Were you even going to call me to cancel? I had to call you! It just would have been nice to know ahead of time that you were going to bail out on me. You always do this!
KEVAN
How about this. I'll give you the main number and and have them charge it to my account? I just don't want to go out right now.
CORDELIA
That's not the point, Kevan. I'm just going to cancel the appointment because you finally called me three minutes before my damn appointment and now I'm going to have to call the doctor and reschedule because you just don't feel like doing your job. I really feel like I can't depend on you anymore, Kevan. Every time I make this appointment, something gets in the way of you taking me and I don't find out until it's too late for me to make it. [She hangs up her cell phone and turns back to JEREMY.] I'll take the 8 gig in purple, please.
JEREMY
I have no idea what just happened, but in my mind, you just broke up with your boyfriend because he wouldn't come with you to get an abortion. Please, please don't correct me, I would like to believe this assumption. It kinda made my day.
CORDELIA
Okay.
[End Scene]
This is not my iPod, but it is as close to "purple iPod nano" as I could find in eight pages of Google Images. I guess the purples are really super new?
I am naming him Edward and covering him in glitter to illustrate the abusive relationship I have with my electronics.
CORDELIA, an upset shopper
JEREMY, a cashier
KEVAN, a cab driver
MELORA (offstage), a sick cat
SETTING
One week before Christmas, a distressed [CORDELIA] enters a Mac store where she is greeted by [JEREMY], the non-genius-bar cashier.
CORDELIA
So... on my way down The Hill to the main library, my iPod just up and died on me. [She pulls out her old iPod.] I am amazed it has lasted this long.
JEREMY
Holy crap, how old is that?
CORDELIA
I don't even know. How much are the iPod Nanos?
JEREMY
The 8 gigs are 142 and the 16 gigs are 198.
[A phone rings, CORDELIA looks upset by the caller ID, but answers regardless.]
CORDELIA
Kevan, what the hell!
KEVAN
Delia, I am so sorry. I'm just really tired.
CORDELIA
I just -- no. The appointment was for two, we agreed on two, and I had to call you at ten til two, and even then you didn't bother to pick up.
KEVAN
I can't help when people call me during the day. I've been up all morning and I just want to sleep.
CORDELIA
Were you even going to call me to cancel? I had to call you! It just would have been nice to know ahead of time that you were going to bail out on me. You always do this!
KEVAN
How about this. I'll give you the main number and and have them charge it to my account? I just don't want to go out right now.
CORDELIA
That's not the point, Kevan. I'm just going to cancel the appointment because you finally called me three minutes before my damn appointment and now I'm going to have to call the doctor and reschedule because you just don't feel like doing your job. I really feel like I can't depend on you anymore, Kevan. Every time I make this appointment, something gets in the way of you taking me and I don't find out until it's too late for me to make it. [She hangs up her cell phone and turns back to JEREMY.] I'll take the 8 gig in purple, please.
JEREMY
I have no idea what just happened, but in my mind, you just broke up with your boyfriend because he wouldn't come with you to get an abortion. Please, please don't correct me, I would like to believe this assumption. It kinda made my day.
CORDELIA
Okay.
[End Scene]
This is not my iPod, but it is as close to "purple iPod nano" as I could find in eight pages of Google Images. I guess the purples are really super new?
I am naming him Edward and covering him in glitter to illustrate the abusive relationship I have with my electronics.