I'm going to make some out of Jiffy cake.
Three, three, three cookies! And some heart attack and cheese.
Scene: It's Thanksgiving in a small university town and everyone has (thankfully) gone home to visit their families, with the exception of two lone wannabe students: eleraama and deliapants. After spending the afternoon in an antique/collectible/knick-nack shop, they retire to make a delicious turkey and absurd gingerbread men.
And by absurd I of course mean we made the cast of X-Files, a few Harry Potters, some penises, and Impressionist trees. That's how occasional-English-Majors roll. By the way, this is image-heavy and likely not worksafe.
We used the recipe from The Joy of Cooking for gingerbread men, except that we had a bit of trouble with our mixing because eleraama has a cool (but mostly irritating) measuring tube that involves pulling the bottom down and far more hand-eye coordination than I possess, so a lot of our molasses ended up on the stove and eventually on fire.
So hours and hours later, after the turkey was done and potatoes were mashed, we rolled out some cookie dough. I had a set of plastic cutters (surprisingly good!) from the corner shop of men, stars, candy canes, and trees.
-- .Cutting up some bitches.
-- This was our first batch of cookies. As you can tell, we stupidly did not follow the 1/4" thickness rule.
-- And this is the result of not following the thickness rule. And being distracted by making icing.
-- We made icing, also from The Joy of Cooking, with some food coloring that cost more than my hair dye (thanks, corner shop, for raping my wallet). Seen here is Vomit Mauve, Holy Shit It's Green!, and Scully's Unattractive Purple Pantsuit.
-- Our first cookies that didn't turn out burned.
-- My first tree.
-- Our decoration learning period. You can hardly see them, but there are a few "just swish your stick through the icing, it looks awesome!" cookies. Mostly the trees and stars.
-- eleraama was trying to make a penis on his little man, but it didn't turn out as well as we'd hoped. I think he looks pretty gangsta. I was trying to make a penis on my little man, too, but it also didn't turn out well, so I decided to give him a cock in a frock. The world's first transgendered gingerbread man!
-- This time we just forgot the cookies were in the oven because...
-- ... we were making penis cookies.
-- And declaring Draco/Harry our new OTP (actually, it's not our OTP, it was just easier to make Draco and Harry men; we're more Snarry and MSR folk).
-- ZOOOOOOOOMBIE HALF-COOKIE!
-- "We can't go into the woods, Mulder! I always get kidnapped in the woods!"
"But, Scully -- that's where the truth is!"
-- There are also aliens in the woods.
-- Jesus, if it's not Scully being kidnapped, it's Mulder getting anal probed. When will they learn to stay out of the woods? (Answer: have you seen the last movie? They cannot resist the woods, I swear.)
-- Harry Potter (with converse), Professor Snape, Draco Malfoy, a star that really wants to be Jewish, and some gingerbread men with unattractive outfits.
-- These are cookies we have yet to ice. As far as I know, they're still in the fridge.
-- My final cookie of the night: Sparkling Vampire Edward! I am sad to say that my camera didn't pick it up, but his skin is covered in sugar to look like Movie!Edward (the dazzling looked like sugar, amirite?). Sans Bella, because she's doesn't believe in sparkle motion. I kinda want him to have an abusive relationship with the alien, not gonna lie.
-- This isn't anything baked, it's just a really tough game of Connect Four.
Scene: It's weeks later. Near finals week, to be precise. deliapants has no finals to study for, so she ends up back at the antique shop (I don't spend my life there, I swear) and buys a casserole dish to make macaroni and cheese. And some cookies.
I don't follow directions to a T (see also: 1/4" cookies), so these recipes are a lot like that option with OSx where you can have the clock give you a rough time. It's about six, it's a few minutes to three, etc. I do everything to taste.
Heart Attack and Cheese
6 ounce bag of shells noodles
1 stick of butter (seriously, I have so much butter in my freezer it is kind of amazing I am still a gold star plasma donor)
a couple spoonfuls of sour cream
a dash of milk
lots of cheese (half a bag of Kraft shredded cheddar and half a bag of Kraft shredded mozzarella)
how about a few cubes of ham steak? or some broccoli? I like broccoli. And ham. I have an abusive relationship with bacon, a lot like Bella has with Edward. I just like taking jabs at Twilight, I'll stop now.
Preheat oven to Cook noodles for a few minutes -- don't cook them all the way, just so that they're no longer dry and hard. They're still stiff and you wouldn't think of eating them this way, but they'll cook a little longer in the dish. Drain the water and set them aside.
Melt the butter on the stove or in a bowl. Mix in a couple spoons of sour cream and a dash of milk. Pour half of this in the bottom of the baking dish and cover it with cheese. Pour the noodles on top, pour the rest of the butter/milk/cream mix on top and cover with more cheese. I threw on some cubes of ham steak because for the first time in years, I am out of broccoli. D: That is how I know my sister and I aren't actually sisters. She hates broccoli and chicken and that's basically all I eat.
So throw this in the oven for however long you want. I think I had it in for ten or fifteen minutes? Long enough for the ham cubes, which were frozen, to cook. Then OM NOM NOM NOM from a bowl or even straight from the pan -- I am a big fan of eating right from the pan to save dishes. I hate doing dishes.
And the cookies recipe
3/4 cup of butter (a stick and a half, roughly)
2 cups of flour
3/4 cup of white granulated sugar
1/4 cup of brown sugar
tsp of baking powder
dash of salt
as much vanilla as you can stand -- I did two overflowing tablespoons because I think vanilla is delicious
2 eggs
3 York's peppermint patties
Melt the butter and mix it with the sugar until it is a nice smooth mixture. None of this grainy crap, I like it to be soupy, like melted ice cream. Then crack the eggs and mix them in. (My eggs were organic or something involving a nest - they had feathers all over, which was a little disconcerting because I thought there might be chicks inside. There weren't.) Then mix in the vanilla.
Slowly add the flour and baking powder and dash of salt. I went by 1/4 cups of flour at a time because I lack a mixer. I did this all by hand. With a fork. Does that make me a lameass or badass?
So, you've got your stuff all mixed. Grease or flour a cookie sheet and roll up some spoonfuls of cookie dough and toss them on. I did a batch of just plain puff cookies and then a batch of flat cookies with crushed peppermint patties sprinkled on top. Either one is pretty tasty.
Bake for 7 to 9 minutes and then enjoy!
-- My first batch of puff cookies.
-- While those were baking, I crushed some peppermint patties with a coffee cup (while in the wrapper, they were a pain, but out of the wrapper they were easier, so make it a clean cup).
-- I also had some delicious Heart Attack and Cheese.
-- Delicious puffy cookies! I usually go for flat, crunchy ones, but I thought I'd switch it up today and have some soft ones.
-- The peppermint ones about to go in the oven.
-- And while they cook I decide which addicting TV I want to watch. (I went with Lois and Clark)
-- All done! I let them cook a minute or so longer, so the sides started to brown.
OKAY eleraama ARE YOU HAPPY I POSTED COOKIES?!
Scene: It's Thanksgiving in a small university town and everyone has (thankfully) gone home to visit their families, with the exception of two lone wannabe students: eleraama and deliapants. After spending the afternoon in an antique/collectible/knick-nack shop, they retire to make a delicious turkey and absurd gingerbread men.
And by absurd I of course mean we made the cast of X-Files, a few Harry Potters, some penises, and Impressionist trees. That's how occasional-English-Majors roll. By the way, this is image-heavy and likely not worksafe.
We used the recipe from The Joy of Cooking for gingerbread men, except that we had a bit of trouble with our mixing because eleraama has a cool (but mostly irritating) measuring tube that involves pulling the bottom down and far more hand-eye coordination than I possess, so a lot of our molasses ended up on the stove and eventually on fire.
So hours and hours later, after the turkey was done and potatoes were mashed, we rolled out some cookie dough. I had a set of plastic cutters (surprisingly good!) from the corner shop of men, stars, candy canes, and trees.
-- .Cutting up some bitches.
-- This was our first batch of cookies. As you can tell, we stupidly did not follow the 1/4" thickness rule.
-- And this is the result of not following the thickness rule. And being distracted by making icing.
-- We made icing, also from The Joy of Cooking, with some food coloring that cost more than my hair dye (thanks, corner shop, for raping my wallet). Seen here is Vomit Mauve, Holy Shit It's Green!, and Scully's Unattractive Purple Pantsuit.
-- Our first cookies that didn't turn out burned.
-- My first tree.
-- Our decoration learning period. You can hardly see them, but there are a few "just swish your stick through the icing, it looks awesome!" cookies. Mostly the trees and stars.
-- eleraama was trying to make a penis on his little man, but it didn't turn out as well as we'd hoped. I think he looks pretty gangsta. I was trying to make a penis on my little man, too, but it also didn't turn out well, so I decided to give him a cock in a frock. The world's first transgendered gingerbread man!
-- This time we just forgot the cookies were in the oven because...
-- ... we were making penis cookies.
-- And declaring Draco/Harry our new OTP (actually, it's not our OTP, it was just easier to make Draco and Harry men; we're more Snarry and MSR folk).
-- ZOOOOOOOOMBIE HALF-COOKIE!
-- "We can't go into the woods, Mulder! I always get kidnapped in the woods!"
"But, Scully -- that's where the truth is!"
-- There are also aliens in the woods.
-- Jesus, if it's not Scully being kidnapped, it's Mulder getting anal probed. When will they learn to stay out of the woods? (Answer: have you seen the last movie? They cannot resist the woods, I swear.)
-- Harry Potter (with converse), Professor Snape, Draco Malfoy, a star that really wants to be Jewish, and some gingerbread men with unattractive outfits.
-- These are cookies we have yet to ice. As far as I know, they're still in the fridge.
-- My final cookie of the night: Sparkling Vampire Edward! I am sad to say that my camera didn't pick it up, but his skin is covered in sugar to look like Movie!Edward (the dazzling looked like sugar, amirite?). Sans Bella, because she's doesn't believe in sparkle motion. I kinda want him to have an abusive relationship with the alien, not gonna lie.
-- This isn't anything baked, it's just a really tough game of Connect Four.
Scene: It's weeks later. Near finals week, to be precise. deliapants has no finals to study for, so she ends up back at the antique shop (I don't spend my life there, I swear) and buys a casserole dish to make macaroni and cheese. And some cookies.
I don't follow directions to a T (see also: 1/4" cookies), so these recipes are a lot like that option with OSx where you can have the clock give you a rough time. It's about six, it's a few minutes to three, etc. I do everything to taste.
Heart Attack and Cheese
6 ounce bag of shells noodles
1 stick of butter (seriously, I have so much butter in my freezer it is kind of amazing I am still a gold star plasma donor)
a couple spoonfuls of sour cream
a dash of milk
lots of cheese (half a bag of Kraft shredded cheddar and half a bag of Kraft shredded mozzarella)
how about a few cubes of ham steak? or some broccoli? I like broccoli. And ham. I have an abusive relationship with bacon, a lot like Bella has with Edward. I just like taking jabs at Twilight, I'll stop now.
Preheat oven to Cook noodles for a few minutes -- don't cook them all the way, just so that they're no longer dry and hard. They're still stiff and you wouldn't think of eating them this way, but they'll cook a little longer in the dish. Drain the water and set them aside.
Melt the butter on the stove or in a bowl. Mix in a couple spoons of sour cream and a dash of milk. Pour half of this in the bottom of the baking dish and cover it with cheese. Pour the noodles on top, pour the rest of the butter/milk/cream mix on top and cover with more cheese. I threw on some cubes of ham steak because for the first time in years, I am out of broccoli. D: That is how I know my sister and I aren't actually sisters. She hates broccoli and chicken and that's basically all I eat.
So throw this in the oven for however long you want. I think I had it in for ten or fifteen minutes? Long enough for the ham cubes, which were frozen, to cook. Then OM NOM NOM NOM from a bowl or even straight from the pan -- I am a big fan of eating right from the pan to save dishes. I hate doing dishes.
And the cookies recipe
3/4 cup of butter (a stick and a half, roughly)
2 cups of flour
3/4 cup of white granulated sugar
1/4 cup of brown sugar
tsp of baking powder
dash of salt
as much vanilla as you can stand -- I did two overflowing tablespoons because I think vanilla is delicious
2 eggs
3 York's peppermint patties
Melt the butter and mix it with the sugar until it is a nice smooth mixture. None of this grainy crap, I like it to be soupy, like melted ice cream. Then crack the eggs and mix them in. (My eggs were organic or something involving a nest - they had feathers all over, which was a little disconcerting because I thought there might be chicks inside. There weren't.) Then mix in the vanilla.
Slowly add the flour and baking powder and dash of salt. I went by 1/4 cups of flour at a time because I lack a mixer. I did this all by hand. With a fork. Does that make me a lameass or badass?
So, you've got your stuff all mixed. Grease or flour a cookie sheet and roll up some spoonfuls of cookie dough and toss them on. I did a batch of just plain puff cookies and then a batch of flat cookies with crushed peppermint patties sprinkled on top. Either one is pretty tasty.
Bake for 7 to 9 minutes and then enjoy!
-- My first batch of puff cookies.
-- While those were baking, I crushed some peppermint patties with a coffee cup (while in the wrapper, they were a pain, but out of the wrapper they were easier, so make it a clean cup).
-- I also had some delicious Heart Attack and Cheese.
-- Delicious puffy cookies! I usually go for flat, crunchy ones, but I thought I'd switch it up today and have some soft ones.
-- The peppermint ones about to go in the oven.
-- And while they cook I decide which addicting TV I want to watch. (I went with Lois and Clark)
-- All done! I let them cook a minute or so longer, so the sides started to brown.
OKAY eleraama ARE YOU HAPPY I POSTED COOKIES?!