Vacation Time
I have no idea what else to call this. I'm not currently at home, but as I have the time, I figured I would post to my journal.. My first, and also last post in this journal was a bit... morbid to say the least. Oi, I do not like being depressed especially when it is over something that I am clueless as to why. But yeah, that's certainly not the case here. I never did find out what had me so down. I'm happier than I can ever remember being. I guess I should post where I am. Lmao
I am currently in Georgia. Lol. About three weeks, (or is it two) after Mikey left from his visit with me, it was arranged for me to come up here and see him, Instead of for three days, like when he came down, Xander and I have a week to be here. It's awesome, and has done no more than prove to me that this is truthfully what I want. I love him so much more than I ever thought possible. I can't even begin to explain, or describe the happiness I feel, or how much I love this man. Lol.
I will admit that the closer it gets to Tuesday, the day of my departure... I'm finding myself a little down. It is so tempting to say, "Ya know what! Screw this, I'm so not getting back on that bus" I don't want to go back home. I want to stay here with him. I've never been so happy before. Never! I mean... Man, I've just never felt the way I do now. Never. I've been happy, that goes without saying. But never his happy, except where my son is involved. But that's such a different kind of happiness. Anyone who has any kids can agree to that I think.
But something that I have come to realize within the past couple of days, is both exhilerating and terrifying. I was with my soon to be ex-husband for almost 4 years. We dated for two years, and were married for two years, well nearly two years. It would have been two years December 28th this year. With a three year friendship before that, but I came to realize, in all this time, I never loved him. I never trusted him completely, not completely enough to put my heart in his hands, and give him the power to break it. I never loved him enough to give him the kind of power over me that would have given him the ability to hurt me so deeply that I might not recover from it. Because I did not trust him not to do so. I've never experienced love to it's fullest extent until now. Mikey has shown me just what it is to love fully, so completely that you are willing to entrust your partner with everything that you are, everything that you ever will be. Knowing that they can take that power, and utterly destroy you with it, if they so chose, but trusting them enough, to know that they would not do so, not intentionally.
When he holds me, I feel safe, I feel protected. I've never felt that sense of security with someone before. He has shown me so much in the short time we have been together, it's... both surprising and amazing. I never knew just what I was missing out on, until him. He's shown me what it's like to be able to feel loved in a touch, a gesture. He is a strong person, and has been through so much already, that I want to be the best I can for him, and be myself at the same time. He knows how much I've been hurt aswell, and I think... that at any other time in our lives, if we had gotten together, maybe without the experiences we have both had, a relationship would not have been a good idea maybe... I don't know.. But I could not be happier than I am in this moment.
I don't want to leave on Tuesday.
With that said... I think that is all I have to say.
I am currently in Georgia. Lol. About three weeks, (or is it two) after Mikey left from his visit with me, it was arranged for me to come up here and see him, Instead of for three days, like when he came down, Xander and I have a week to be here. It's awesome, and has done no more than prove to me that this is truthfully what I want. I love him so much more than I ever thought possible. I can't even begin to explain, or describe the happiness I feel, or how much I love this man. Lol.
I will admit that the closer it gets to Tuesday, the day of my departure... I'm finding myself a little down. It is so tempting to say, "Ya know what! Screw this, I'm so not getting back on that bus" I don't want to go back home. I want to stay here with him. I've never been so happy before. Never! I mean... Man, I've just never felt the way I do now. Never. I've been happy, that goes without saying. But never his happy, except where my son is involved. But that's such a different kind of happiness. Anyone who has any kids can agree to that I think.
But something that I have come to realize within the past couple of days, is both exhilerating and terrifying. I was with my soon to be ex-husband for almost 4 years. We dated for two years, and were married for two years, well nearly two years. It would have been two years December 28th this year. With a three year friendship before that, but I came to realize, in all this time, I never loved him. I never trusted him completely, not completely enough to put my heart in his hands, and give him the power to break it. I never loved him enough to give him the kind of power over me that would have given him the ability to hurt me so deeply that I might not recover from it. Because I did not trust him not to do so. I've never experienced love to it's fullest extent until now. Mikey has shown me just what it is to love fully, so completely that you are willing to entrust your partner with everything that you are, everything that you ever will be. Knowing that they can take that power, and utterly destroy you with it, if they so chose, but trusting them enough, to know that they would not do so, not intentionally.
When he holds me, I feel safe, I feel protected. I've never felt that sense of security with someone before. He has shown me so much in the short time we have been together, it's... both surprising and amazing. I never knew just what I was missing out on, until him. He's shown me what it's like to be able to feel loved in a touch, a gesture. He is a strong person, and has been through so much already, that I want to be the best I can for him, and be myself at the same time. He knows how much I've been hurt aswell, and I think... that at any other time in our lives, if we had gotten together, maybe without the experiences we have both had, a relationship would not have been a good idea maybe... I don't know.. But I could not be happier than I am in this moment.
I don't want to leave on Tuesday.
With that said... I think that is all I have to say.