fuel

[cutecrazyice]

Week 2 entry for October: Brigit's Flame
Prompt: Fuel
Note: Oh, my. It's 11:56 here, and I really hope I managed to get this in. Heh. I did this in such a hurry, just now, but I hope it still is okay.

Comments

[dawnie_gurl]

damn it. you just made my heart flutter to the ground.

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i like this, tin. you made the party sound like an ordinary party in the beginning, but it turns out into something more. it's michael's engagement dance party, right? (or something like that)

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i really, really feel sad for kathryn. the emotions in this oneshot are so lovely, girl, especially kathryn's thoughts about fairy tales.

[cutecrazyice]

Why, thank you, Dawn. Heh. I did this in just under an hour, and I was totally freaking out, because I forgot that today was the deadline of the theme. Lol, I got too caught up in the final exams, I guess.

[dawnie_gurl]

hey, final exams are more important, don't forget that.

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anyway, this turned out fine, so you don't need to worry. hehe.

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what's up?

[cutecrazyice]

Nothing much. The finals are KILLING me. Gah. My teachers are sadists. :(

[aquarius_galuxy]

=O I like the last sentence, it stands out a lot! I like the simple style you wrote it with, and the present tenses, though there's a bit where you mixed it up ("Kathryn could practically hear").

And another, "golden spoons on their mouths." "on" is a typo, right?

But it'd be really nice if you continued this story! =P I love romance stories even though I've already read quite a few of them.

[cutecrazyice]

Lol, the "on"! I missed that! Thanks for the warning, girl. Heh.

And yeah, I told you this is hurried. But I was in a romantic mood last night, so yeah...heh, couldn't resist.

Thanks. :)

[aquarius_galuxy]

=D You're welcome!

I hardly ever get into romantic moods nowadays! =o It's more fun for me to write something weird and destructive =P

[cutecrazyice]

Lol, weird and destructive is good! It can make a very powerful piece, you know. Heh.

I just read your prof again...and oh, my God...you're into Justice League and X-Men Evolution? Girl, I'm addicted to those shows! (well, when they were still airing, that is) Heh, I know...cartoons. But what the heck, they're FUN.

[cedarwolfsinger]

Sad...very sad. Just when you think it might get better -- nope. Sad... and very well written with it. Good job. Good luck.

[cutecrazyice]

Thank you. Good luck to you, too! :)

[mermaidbia]

Very intense and passionate, yet curiously fairy-tale like and childish. I like that mixture a lot...

Good luck!

[cutecrazyice]

Thanks! Good luck to you, too. :)

Oh hai!

[mermaidbia]

Would you look at that, I'm one of your editors this week! Filling in for the lovely and regrettably busy pipisafoat, that is. What I do is, I read your piece several times and type out stuff which occurs to me, suggestions for improvements, grammatical/spelling errors, stuff I like (mostly) and so forth. Please take everything I say here with a huge grain of salt, since it's your story.

I like how you portray the world behind the curtain as "a lovely lovely fairy tale", it's befitting the story because what Kathryn stumbles into turns out to be quite the fairy tale. You have an excellent handle on the narrative voice in this story.

with such utter disapprovalThe "such" bugs me a little here, because it's the conclusion of a sentence. The word "such", at least in my own head, always implies a coming comma, or a conclusion following ("with such utter disapproval she didn't know what to do" and stuff like that) so just seeing a full-stop kind of stops me short. However, it does also remind me of the exuberant, exaggerative manner of speech

Re: Oh hai! volume 2

[mermaidbia]

The spark of irritation grows. “We are not touching each other in any inappropriate-”
“I know what you’re after,”
I like this interruption.

She fights him. She likes to believe she does. Nice introspection here

[cutecrazyice]

Wow. You guys are really good with this editing stuff. Thanks for pointing out the grammar errors (the could! I can't believe I missed that!), and for the nice tips you've given. They'd definitely be a big help with how I write in the future! :)

[mermaidbia]

It wasn't too harsh, was it? I read too late that you opted for "gentle", but I'm not too picky about the editing levels myself, so...hope I didn't take a step too far -_-