The Dee-Annotated Supernatural - Scarecrow
What's funny about this episode is that just at dinner beforehand, we were talking about American Gods.
What was also funny was that the Male was getting into the Wincest, and I was helpless with mirth.
Scarecrow
Car: *dies inauspiciously*
Nice People: *get out of car*
The Male: I want NO TENSION, just take her head off.
Me: Sorry, this segment has to run for at least three minutes.
Nice people: *go into the eerie lost-making orchard*
Me: Marco?
Creepy noises: *happen*
The Male: It's behind you.
Nice people: *whirl around*
The Male: Still behind you.
Nice people: *run for it*
The Male: Hey, are they just running in a straight line past the same stuff? They ARE. That's AWESOME.
Sam: *answers phone* Dad? ... are you hurt? *has whole big conversation*
Me: You're not waking up your brother or anything?
Yeah, ok, so I just want Sam jumping on Dean's bed and jerking him out of sleep and flailing hands and stuff. But still. He looks over like he's checking if Dean is still asleep and does not wake him up at all. BAD SAMMY.
Sam: *is a stubborn bitch*
Dean: *grabs phone* ... Yes sir.
Me: ATTABOY.
Although, admittedly, Dad could have been slightly less equivocal in his order-giving - at times he sounds like he has a secret he's just dying for someone to winkle out of him - and said, oh, I dunno, "It's too dangerous, you'll get us all killed, now hand me over to your brother who KNOWS THIS."
Despite all my bitching, I heart this opening scene with much heart.
Sam: So... *gives us the premise in a nutshell*
Dean: Yahtzee
Us: *mirth!*
Sam: We're not going to Indiana.
Dean: We're not?
I just love his "OK, humouring the crazy brother" look and tone.
Dean: Yeah, it's called being a good son.
The Male: Cookies!
Me: Yes, dear. Cookies.
Dean: You're a selfish bastard.
Sam: That what you really think?
Dean: Yes it is.
The Male: You know what he really thinks, he told you in Skin.
Me: *too busy having fan-paroxysm*
But he's right. HE'S RIGHT. This episode might go down in history as the one where my desire to slap Sam reached an all-time high. Little punk.
Dean: I will leave your ass, you hear me?
Sam: That's what I want you to do.
That muscle in Dean's jaw: *twitches*
Me: *gurgles and slides off the couch*
Dean: *pulls out phone and cycles through to Sam's number*
Me: That's a LOT of contacts in there for such an anti-social fucker, Dean-o.
Dean: Hi, my name's John Bonham.
Scotty: Isn't that the drummer from Led Zeppelin?
Us: *howls of laughter*
Me: BUSTED! Totally had to happen one day.
The Male: I thought Hamill and Ford would've got 'em done.
Me: Nah, the geek factor's too high on that one.
Sam: *almost falls over the blonde chickie*
The Male: Hey, she's hot, bet she knows something.
Meg: You could be some kind of freak.
Me: That is a distinct possibility.
The Male: But he's in good company.
Meg: *gets in with "shady van guy"*
The Male: Now, what I want to see is, like, a hundred metres down the road, the van veers suddenly into the ditch and she climbs out with, like, six extra legs.
Me: Have you been watching anime again?
The Male: She's totally a weird spider creature.
Everyone: *knows nothing about Dean's missing "friends"*
Emily: Did the guy have a tattoo?
Me: She hasn't even looked at the pictures, does she have a fetish or something?
Dean: *is driving along when his luggage starts making noises*
The Male: The pants-o-meter!
Me: There's pants around, captain!
The Male: Pants!
Dean: *wanders around in the orchard, nothing in all directions*
Me: Marco?
Dean: *finds the scarecrow* Dude, you fugly.
Us: *raucous laughter*
Me: Sometimes, just nothing we say is better than what he says.
Commercial break: *happens*
The Male: *dashes off to check the cricket scores*
Commercial break: *ends*
Me: We're back!
The Male: You're back.
Emily to Dean: You're back!
Me: ...OK, that was weird.
Dean: *leans nonchalantly on the car and lays the charm on Emily*
The Male: Yep, she's hot, she definitely knows something.
Emily: *is hot and knows something, like what's going on*
Me: Hey, says Dean, I've stumbled into American Gods. Also, I really wish she would stop shaking her head all the time.
The Male: Not as bad as Hermione's eyebrows.
Me: Nothing is as bad as Hermione's eyebrows.
The Male: ...of Doom!
Sam: *gives the bus lady attitude*
Me: LITTLE PUNK!
Sam: *is contemplating calling Dean*
Meg: Hey.
Sam: *doesn't call Dean*
Me: Hah! Hot chick comes first. He totally IS Dean's brother after all.
Meg: You were right, that guy was shady. All hands.
The Male: No, that was YOU, weird spider lady.
It says a lot about Sam's experiences at college that he doesn't think a single thing is up with a girl who looks like Meg laying it on that thick. I mean, you could build the Maginot line out of her flirtation.
I do like her hair, though.
I DON'T LIKE SAM'S OMG GET A HAIRCUT.
...when did I start channelling saintsomeone?
Dean: *yanks Scotty's chain*
Me: Strychnine in the coffee, coming right up.
Dean: *tries desperately to save the Nice People*
Nice People: *are immune to saving!*
Me: Goddamn, where's Sammy with his cuddly believability when you need him?
The Male: Getting eaten by the spider lady.
Me: She's not a spider lady!
The Male: She totally is.
Dean: You know, my brother could give you this puppy-dog look and you'd just buy right into it...
Me: BWEE!
Sheriff: *arrives*
Dean: *rolls his eyes*
Me: You called the cops? That is sooooo immature omg.
Sheriff's car: *chases the Impala three miles*
Me: He ran him out of town. He RAN him OUT of TOWN.
The Male: They have weird laws in the States.
Me: It's like it's the Wild West or something. He ran him out of town! And don't come back now, y'hear!
Meg: *tells Sam what he wants to hear about independence from families*
Sam: I know how you feel.
The Male: I was supposed to attract a good husband too.
Dean: *sneaks back into town under cover of night*
Me: He even has a black horse. Where's his hat? Someone give him a hat.
Nice People: *stomp around in the familiar orchard*
Me: Marco?
Dean: *pops up with his shotgun*
Me: Polo!
Scarecrow: *chases them out of the orchard*
Me: You pesky kids!
The Male: They should set it on fire.
Me: Pyro.
The Male: Naw, just so that they know where it is. None of this creeping up behind me, mister!
Me: If it's all tanned skin, it'd go up like a torch.
The Male: NOW who's the pyro?
Me: Fire pretty!
Steve: What the hell was that?
Dean: Don't ask.
Me: Because I have no fucking clue.
Dean: You were right, you've gotta go your own thing; live your own life.
Sam: Are you serious?
The Male: No, but this is the only way I can make you come back.
Dean: You stand up to Dad, and you always have. I wish I--
Me: Don't you EVEN!
Honestly. Sometimes this show has all the subtlety and grace of a brick to the back of the head.
Also, I suspect this might go down in history as the episode where I realised Dean might not be as cool in canon as he is in my head.
Community college professor: *is genial*
The Male: Cancer man!
Me: Wot?
The Male: This is the X-fucking-files!
Dean: What if it was imported?
Me: Finest top-shelf paganism, triple-distilled for added smoothness.
Dean: Wasn't a lot of this area settled by immigrants?
Me: What area? AMERICA?
Dean: *reads out the canned explanation from the Olde Tome*
Me: So the old guy's the kobold.
Dean: *walks into the butt of a rifle*
Me: AW YEAH! Bitch goes DOWN.
Village elders: *have a info-dump session meeting*
The Male: This is like the Village under umbrellas.
Auntie Em and Uncle Henry: *shove Emily into the basement with Dean*
The Male: Told you she was hot.
Me: Now this is a fertility rite, so get fertilising, you two.
Emily: Why are you doing this?
Auntie Em: For the common good.
The Male: OH! They're communists! That explains everything!
Emily: I don't understand. They're gonna kill us?
The Male: She knows nothing! Not hot after all.
Dean: You better start believing, because I'm going to need your help.
Me: Yeah, since my other pretty sidekick ran off.
Door: *opens*
Elders: *are stern*
Me: Y'all done with the getting it on yet?
Scotty: *totes firearm*
Me: Shotgun wedding!
Communist Auntie Em: The good of the many outweighs the good of the one.
The Male: Technically it's the good of the two.
Sam: *arrives to save the day*
Me: Excellent! This makes the score Sam on 1 and Dean on... how many episodes have we had now?
Dean: How'd you get here?
Sam: I, uh, stole a car.
Dean: AHAHA that's my boy.
Me: *ded of squee*
Dean: Keep an eye on that scarecrow.
Sam: What scarecrow?
Us: aw shiiiit.
They: *eye empty cross*
The Male: Well, they're a couple.
Me: Who's the girl? Toss a coin for it.
Auntie Em and Uncle Henry: *are taken by the scarecrow*
Me: Oh, hey, excellent. I like a bit of unforeseen poetic irony in the morning.
The Male: It smells like victory?
Me: More like apple pie.
The three of them: *walk through the eerie morning orchard*
Me: What's in yer can, Sammy?
Tree: *has runes carved in its trunk*
Me: I'm not an ancient Nordic tree.
Emily: Let me. *reaches for burning branch*
Dean: You know the whole town's gonna die.
Emily: Good.
Me: Well, she's bitter. She should go off and find Meg, and they could have angry lesbian sex.
Sam and Dean: *exchange a look at the tree burns*
The Male: I'm glad you're with me, Sam.
Emily: *gets on a bus*
Me: She IS going to find Meg for the hot angry lesbian sex!
Bus: *is going to Boston*
Me: But their love will be thwarted for a while.
Sam: *dribbles a bibful*
Me: *mutters* Little emo punk
Dean: Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
Us: *die laughing*
Sam: You should be kissing my ass; you were dead meat.
OK, pause for fit of "you hypocrite!" Because I'm not just making it up, y'know, Dean saves his brother's scrawny ass on average once a week, and does Sam EVER say thank you? No. Occasionally he manages a "uh, like, sorry". And I don't think Dean NEEDS Sam to say thanks, because saving Sam is just what Dean does. It'd be like someone saying, "Thanks for being yourself." The response would be, "uh... um, OK."
BUT, the point is AS IF Dean's going to go, "Yeah, thanks for that." He said he was happy to see Sam when he showed up! What more does Sam want, blood?
OK, pause in my righteous ire while I laugh my butt off at myself. Of course, this is just bickering, just words, not real sentiments. They're just filling the air because it's the two of them, back together, and that's just totally a N'AWW thing, it really is.
But still. I'm grumpy with Sam this episode, obviously.
Meg: *is in another van with another shady character*
The Male: Extra legs! Spider lady!
Meg: *pulls out a chalice*
Me: Er. She's a leftover from Charmed?
Meg: *slits shady van guy's throat*
Me: Oh god. Save me from wimp-out throat-slittings.
(Weird old Aussie TV series called Bordertown. THAT had a good throat-slitting. Blood EVERYWHERE. It also had Cate Blanchett as an albino witch. Anyway.)
Meg: It makes no sense. I could have stopped Sam. Hell, I could've taken them both.
Me: Now there's a pretty mental image.
The Male: Where are her extra legs?
Huh. So Meg is a child of the Family Conspiracy to Burn Winchesters and Associated Womenfolk?
Conceptually, I like her. I find the actress kind of... annoying. Can't really pin down why. Something in the smarm, perhaps. She's a little too prissy cheerleader-meets-Elvira. For instance, the shoving the guy over when she'd filled her chalice? Meh. What would've been better is if she'd grabbed him by the hair and tilted him forward to fill her chalice better, and then just cast him aside. More capability, less concern for her manicure. And anyway, the chalice-blood-Charmed bullshit annoys me so much I can hardly articulate it. GET YOUR OWN SCHTICK. It's just so cheesy.
What was also funny was that the Male was getting into the Wincest, and I was helpless with mirth.
Scarecrow
Car: *dies inauspiciously*
Nice People: *get out of car*
The Male: I want NO TENSION, just take her head off.
Me: Sorry, this segment has to run for at least three minutes.
Nice people: *go into the eerie lost-making orchard*
Me: Marco?
Creepy noises: *happen*
The Male: It's behind you.
Nice people: *whirl around*
The Male: Still behind you.
Nice people: *run for it*
The Male: Hey, are they just running in a straight line past the same stuff? They ARE. That's AWESOME.
Sam: *answers phone* Dad? ... are you hurt? *has whole big conversation*
Me: You're not waking up your brother or anything?
Yeah, ok, so I just want Sam jumping on Dean's bed and jerking him out of sleep and flailing hands and stuff. But still. He looks over like he's checking if Dean is still asleep and does not wake him up at all. BAD SAMMY.
Sam: *is a stubborn bitch*
Dean: *grabs phone* ... Yes sir.
Me: ATTABOY.
Although, admittedly, Dad could have been slightly less equivocal in his order-giving - at times he sounds like he has a secret he's just dying for someone to winkle out of him - and said, oh, I dunno, "It's too dangerous, you'll get us all killed, now hand me over to your brother who KNOWS THIS."
Despite all my bitching, I heart this opening scene with much heart.
Sam: So... *gives us the premise in a nutshell*
Dean: Yahtzee
Us: *mirth!*
Sam: We're not going to Indiana.
Dean: We're not?
I just love his "OK, humouring the crazy brother" look and tone.
Dean: Yeah, it's called being a good son.
The Male: Cookies!
Me: Yes, dear. Cookies.
Dean: You're a selfish bastard.
Sam: That what you really think?
Dean: Yes it is.
The Male: You know what he really thinks, he told you in Skin.
Me: *too busy having fan-paroxysm*
But he's right. HE'S RIGHT. This episode might go down in history as the one where my desire to slap Sam reached an all-time high. Little punk.
Dean: I will leave your ass, you hear me?
Sam: That's what I want you to do.
That muscle in Dean's jaw: *twitches*
Me: *gurgles and slides off the couch*
Dean: *pulls out phone and cycles through to Sam's number*
Me: That's a LOT of contacts in there for such an anti-social fucker, Dean-o.
Dean: Hi, my name's John Bonham.
Scotty: Isn't that the drummer from Led Zeppelin?
Us: *howls of laughter*
Me: BUSTED! Totally had to happen one day.
The Male: I thought Hamill and Ford would've got 'em done.
Me: Nah, the geek factor's too high on that one.
Sam: *almost falls over the blonde chickie*
The Male: Hey, she's hot, bet she knows something.
Meg: You could be some kind of freak.
Me: That is a distinct possibility.
The Male: But he's in good company.
Meg: *gets in with "shady van guy"*
The Male: Now, what I want to see is, like, a hundred metres down the road, the van veers suddenly into the ditch and she climbs out with, like, six extra legs.
Me: Have you been watching anime again?
The Male: She's totally a weird spider creature.
Everyone: *knows nothing about Dean's missing "friends"*
Emily: Did the guy have a tattoo?
Me: She hasn't even looked at the pictures, does she have a fetish or something?
Dean: *is driving along when his luggage starts making noises*
The Male: The pants-o-meter!
Me: There's pants around, captain!
The Male: Pants!
Dean: *wanders around in the orchard, nothing in all directions*
Me: Marco?
Dean: *finds the scarecrow* Dude, you fugly.
Us: *raucous laughter*
Me: Sometimes, just nothing we say is better than what he says.
Commercial break: *happens*
The Male: *dashes off to check the cricket scores*
Commercial break: *ends*
Me: We're back!
The Male: You're back.
Emily to Dean: You're back!
Me: ...OK, that was weird.
Dean: *leans nonchalantly on the car and lays the charm on Emily*
The Male: Yep, she's hot, she definitely knows something.
Emily: *is hot and knows something, like what's going on*
Me: Hey, says Dean, I've stumbled into American Gods. Also, I really wish she would stop shaking her head all the time.
The Male: Not as bad as Hermione's eyebrows.
Me: Nothing is as bad as Hermione's eyebrows.
The Male: ...of Doom!
Sam: *gives the bus lady attitude*
Me: LITTLE PUNK!
Sam: *is contemplating calling Dean*
Meg: Hey.
Sam: *doesn't call Dean*
Me: Hah! Hot chick comes first. He totally IS Dean's brother after all.
Meg: You were right, that guy was shady. All hands.
The Male: No, that was YOU, weird spider lady.
It says a lot about Sam's experiences at college that he doesn't think a single thing is up with a girl who looks like Meg laying it on that thick. I mean, you could build the Maginot line out of her flirtation.
I do like her hair, though.
I DON'T LIKE SAM'S OMG GET A HAIRCUT.
...when did I start channelling saintsomeone?
Dean: *yanks Scotty's chain*
Me: Strychnine in the coffee, coming right up.
Dean: *tries desperately to save the Nice People*
Nice People: *are immune to saving!*
Me: Goddamn, where's Sammy with his cuddly believability when you need him?
The Male: Getting eaten by the spider lady.
Me: She's not a spider lady!
The Male: She totally is.
Dean: You know, my brother could give you this puppy-dog look and you'd just buy right into it...
Me: BWEE!
Sheriff: *arrives*
Dean: *rolls his eyes*
Me: You called the cops? That is sooooo immature omg.
Sheriff's car: *chases the Impala three miles*
Me: He ran him out of town. He RAN him OUT of TOWN.
The Male: They have weird laws in the States.
Me: It's like it's the Wild West or something. He ran him out of town! And don't come back now, y'hear!
Meg: *tells Sam what he wants to hear about independence from families*
Sam: I know how you feel.
The Male: I was supposed to attract a good husband too.
Dean: *sneaks back into town under cover of night*
Me: He even has a black horse. Where's his hat? Someone give him a hat.
Nice People: *stomp around in the familiar orchard*
Me: Marco?
Dean: *pops up with his shotgun*
Me: Polo!
Scarecrow: *chases them out of the orchard*
Me: You pesky kids!
The Male: They should set it on fire.
Me: Pyro.
The Male: Naw, just so that they know where it is. None of this creeping up behind me, mister!
Me: If it's all tanned skin, it'd go up like a torch.
The Male: NOW who's the pyro?
Me: Fire pretty!
Steve: What the hell was that?
Dean: Don't ask.
Me: Because I have no fucking clue.
Dean: You were right, you've gotta go your own thing; live your own life.
Sam: Are you serious?
The Male: No, but this is the only way I can make you come back.
Dean: You stand up to Dad, and you always have. I wish I--
Me: Don't you EVEN!
Honestly. Sometimes this show has all the subtlety and grace of a brick to the back of the head.
Also, I suspect this might go down in history as the episode where I realised Dean might not be as cool in canon as he is in my head.
Community college professor: *is genial*
The Male: Cancer man!
Me: Wot?
The Male: This is the X-fucking-files!
Dean: What if it was imported?
Me: Finest top-shelf paganism, triple-distilled for added smoothness.
Dean: Wasn't a lot of this area settled by immigrants?
Me: What area? AMERICA?
Dean: *reads out the canned explanation from the Olde Tome*
Me: So the old guy's the kobold.
Dean: *walks into the butt of a rifle*
Me: AW YEAH! Bitch goes DOWN.
Village elders: *have a info-dump session meeting*
The Male: This is like the Village under umbrellas.
Auntie Em and Uncle Henry: *shove Emily into the basement with Dean*
The Male: Told you she was hot.
Me: Now this is a fertility rite, so get fertilising, you two.
Emily: Why are you doing this?
Auntie Em: For the common good.
The Male: OH! They're communists! That explains everything!
Emily: I don't understand. They're gonna kill us?
The Male: She knows nothing! Not hot after all.
Dean: You better start believing, because I'm going to need your help.
Me: Yeah, since my other pretty sidekick ran off.
Door: *opens*
Elders: *are stern*
Me: Y'all done with the getting it on yet?
Scotty: *totes firearm*
Me: Shotgun wedding!
Communist Auntie Em: The good of the many outweighs the good of the one.
The Male: Technically it's the good of the two.
Sam: *arrives to save the day*
Me: Excellent! This makes the score Sam on 1 and Dean on... how many episodes have we had now?
Dean: How'd you get here?
Sam: I, uh, stole a car.
Dean: AHAHA that's my boy.
Me: *ded of squee*
Dean: Keep an eye on that scarecrow.
Sam: What scarecrow?
Us: aw shiiiit.
They: *eye empty cross*
The Male: Well, they're a couple.
Me: Who's the girl? Toss a coin for it.
Auntie Em and Uncle Henry: *are taken by the scarecrow*
Me: Oh, hey, excellent. I like a bit of unforeseen poetic irony in the morning.
The Male: It smells like victory?
Me: More like apple pie.
The three of them: *walk through the eerie morning orchard*
Me: What's in yer can, Sammy?
Tree: *has runes carved in its trunk*
Me: I'm not an ancient Nordic tree.
Emily: Let me. *reaches for burning branch*
Dean: You know the whole town's gonna die.
Emily: Good.
Me: Well, she's bitter. She should go off and find Meg, and they could have angry lesbian sex.
Sam and Dean: *exchange a look at the tree burns*
The Male: I'm glad you're with me, Sam.
Emily: *gets on a bus*
Me: She IS going to find Meg for the hot angry lesbian sex!
Bus: *is going to Boston*
Me: But their love will be thwarted for a while.
Sam: *dribbles a bibful*
Me: *mutters* Little emo punk
Dean: Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
Us: *die laughing*
Sam: You should be kissing my ass; you were dead meat.
OK, pause for fit of "you hypocrite!" Because I'm not just making it up, y'know, Dean saves his brother's scrawny ass on average once a week, and does Sam EVER say thank you? No. Occasionally he manages a "uh, like, sorry". And I don't think Dean NEEDS Sam to say thanks, because saving Sam is just what Dean does. It'd be like someone saying, "Thanks for being yourself." The response would be, "uh... um, OK."
BUT, the point is AS IF Dean's going to go, "Yeah, thanks for that." He said he was happy to see Sam when he showed up! What more does Sam want, blood?
OK, pause in my righteous ire while I laugh my butt off at myself. Of course, this is just bickering, just words, not real sentiments. They're just filling the air because it's the two of them, back together, and that's just totally a N'AWW thing, it really is.
But still. I'm grumpy with Sam this episode, obviously.
Meg: *is in another van with another shady character*
The Male: Extra legs! Spider lady!
Meg: *pulls out a chalice*
Me: Er. She's a leftover from Charmed?
Meg: *slits shady van guy's throat*
Me: Oh god. Save me from wimp-out throat-slittings.
(Weird old Aussie TV series called Bordertown. THAT had a good throat-slitting. Blood EVERYWHERE. It also had Cate Blanchett as an albino witch. Anyway.)
Meg: It makes no sense. I could have stopped Sam. Hell, I could've taken them both.
Me: Now there's a pretty mental image.
The Male: Where are her extra legs?
Huh. So Meg is a child of the Family Conspiracy to Burn Winchesters and Associated Womenfolk?
Conceptually, I like her. I find the actress kind of... annoying. Can't really pin down why. Something in the smarm, perhaps. She's a little too prissy cheerleader-meets-Elvira. For instance, the shoving the guy over when she'd filled her chalice? Meh. What would've been better is if she'd grabbed him by the hair and tilted him forward to fill her chalice better, and then just cast him aside. More capability, less concern for her manicure. And anyway, the chalice-blood-Charmed bullshit annoys me so much I can hardly articulate it. GET YOUR OWN SCHTICK. It's just so cheesy.