Hello - long time no see!
yea, so there were a couple times before this that i tried to upday and it closed and erased my whole entry. the frustration kept me away for awhile, but lie all things like that i felt it calling me back.
im not in the best of moods right now, and i hate being that way. a person isnt perfectly happy their whole life, even thoguh some people expect them to be. i dont even know how i feel - just kind of blah. i feel like there is something m issing in my life and i cant put my finger on it. im very fullfilled adn thankful in many areas of my life, but i feel kinda like a sponge and nothing is completely full. We were talking about something like htis in my philosophy class now that i come to think of it. My teacher said somehting like even things that appear solid to the naked eye really are still full of mostly air. things that seem complete on the outside are not solid - there are holes in it, evne if they remain unseen. (im not tring to imply anuthing)
i love not having to get up before 7 anymore. the level of enjoyment in adn of my life has risen so much at with the ability to awake after the sun. it is so lovely!
i was realizing the other day that this tiny double i share with my roomie is becoming more and more home to me. i dont know if i like it too much. i miss my house and family, but everything else about home aint that great. there is nothing to do, all of the other people in my life, except cathy, have gotten different - or shall i say stayed excatly the same (frightning almost), there is nothing ot do, and i hated just sitting at home waiting to think up something to pass time - how boring. i dont know, there is always something about it though that i will miss...
ramble, ramble, ramble...
yadda, yadda, yadda...
you can tell it is a sleepy friday night.
i didnt do anything not only because i didnt have anything to do, but also because i have to get up early tomorrow adn sit through a 9 hour DC Reads training session on how to handle the little brats i "tutor" adn "teach to read". YAY! Fuck! i dont want to sit around and have them tell me how to discipline the lil' snots without hitting them! its is soooo stupid! everything has like elementary school teacher lingo - we dont take turns reading - we "popcorn read", we dont not jump all over everthing and act like monkeys - we "keeps Heads-Up safe", we dont behave because thats the right thing to do - we act like dilinquents and some times wont hit other kids or will sometime do what we are supposed to to earn "toppings for the pizza of good beahvior to earn a pizza party" or "popcorn in our popcorn buckets to earn a popcorn party" or fucking "ice cream scoops for our ice cream cones to eran a ice cream party"! AGGGGHHHHH!! What ever happened to kids behaving because that is what the teacher said and thats IT! Yea bitch - thats right! Huh - call me "whitey" again! Damn kids! GRRRR! and i still go back... i must be a push over.
ahhh...i can hear the release of frustration - its like air slowlyl leaking out of an over filled balloon...psssssssssssssssssssssssss...
breathe....chirp chirp....ssssssssssssss (water hitting the sand)....cawcaw cawcaw...fluuuufluuuufluuu (breezing whisping through tree leaves)....uuuuoooooggghhhhh (whales howling - reminds me of tests in Dr. Stowers room - i will neve forget those damn whale tapes she used to make us listne to...ah ah - not thinking about Dr. Stowers...)
so ya...pray for me...PLEASE! im lost...