Cast your worries to the side, focus on them when you get the time...
There are so many things going on in my head rightnow that i do not even kno what to begin with, how much to share, and what to make of any of it.
I had my pre-op thursday. It went as well as one could go i suppose. When we got there they ran us all over the building trying to find the right place. I guess that they are kind of under construction right now, so its all divided in two different parts of the building. Anyway, we finally got everything figured out and I filled out some paper work and met with the anesthesiologist. She was really nice and walked us through pretty much everything we needed to know. I asked for something to take the night before since i have such bad anxiety, and she prescribed me some stuff. From there it was back to the other side of the building to pay and such. We payed with a credit card, which seems so funny to me, but hey the cashback rewards payoff with something like that. They took some more pictures of me there (wee fun) and i saw a picture of a surgery that had already been done which looked awesome (very comforting). Then we had to go to my regular physician to get blood drawn. I am so proud of myself - I didn't cry, scream, run, break out in hives, pass out etc. They send that to the outpatient center I guess. So anywho, done with that stage of the process. Just one left to go.
The nice thing about this place is its an outpatient center for mostly people whos insurance companies are not funding their cosmetic surgeries. So, as you may very well imagine it is, shall we say well furnished? I was surrounded by snobby country club rich girls in for their bi-monthly botox and the like. *shrug* comes with the territory I suppose.
Needless to say, I haven't been sleeping well at all. I wake up at all hours of the night in states of confusion. Anything ranging from, today is my surgery to I've already had the surgery in which case I grab myself only to realize that is not at all the case. I've had all sorts of crazy dreams, not necessarily relating to surgery, but I would venture to say they are perhaps as a result of all my anxiety surrounding the surgery.
I've got something to say, something harsh, something thats been on my mind for quite some time now, but I just don't know how, or when, or if its at all appropriate. My goals is to bring in not to cast away.
My phone hasn't been working properly lately. Text messaging has been rather out of the question and it has stopped notifiying me of new voicemail. I checked it the other day and had 13 new messages. I've got a few phone calls I need to make. If you've called me and left messages you might want to call again, I think I've got it working now.
I think I finally figured out my problem with boys on the way home from work this evening - however as I walk through it on here I think I may wind up contradicting myself or finding some error in my thought process. I guess that I like to start dating people that I don't know very well, rather then people that I have been friends with for at least some amount of time. Probably two main reasons for this: the first being that you really get that full butterflies in the stomach want to be with them all the time feeling to the full effect. The other being that it makes the relationship last longer because I spend so much time getting to know the person on the basic level and then on top of that have to eally get to kow them. This is when it gets tricky beause I find that this person isn't what I was looking for - if i ws looking for anything at all. So even though I know what kind of person i want to date, I don't allow for it because I begin dating people that I don't know well enough. Is this making any sense?
Work continues to be good. The people, less one or two folks, are amazingly fun. I made $85 the other night in like 5 hours which was pretty awesome. Then there are times like yesterday morning when I only made 10 dollars. Thats what its like in the restaurant business, I suppose, hit or miss.
I've got more to say but lack the motivation to write it currently. To be continued...