The Best Offense... P/R fanfiction
Title: The Best Offense... (1/1)
Warning: R for language
Characters: Puck/Rachel mentions of Lauren/Puck
Summary: Written from a prompt on the Puckleberry watch along thread. "I really hope they do another summer break up a la Tina and Artie. It would be all too hilarious for Lauren to meet a semi-pro wrestler and rake Puck over the coals, leaving Rachel to pick up the pieces of his "shattered heart."
Word Count: 1144
Disclaimer: Obviously this is just for fun. I don't own these characters.
As Rachel walked down the halls, she breathed in the smell of new bulletin boards. She loved school. Never mind the fact that in a mere week she’d probably be washing slushie out of her hair. New Directions would be back together, it’d be her senior year, and she was going to get into Julliard, or NYU, and she’d be breaking into the biz soon. Nothing could bring her down from this high. Fame and success were so close she could taste them.
Rounding the corner, she stopped as she overheard voices.
“Are you effing kidding me?”
“Listen, you’re no UFC fighter Puckerman.”
“Neither is he! And neither are you! I’ve had pool jobs all summer! I couldn’t fight the cougars off fast enough. I’ve been god damn celibate for like 12 days! That’s a record! And not one I’d normally be proud of. You left for 12 days! “
“Puck, we never actually had sex, how is it that you’ve been celibate for 12 days?”
“I thought celibate meant getting no action…”
“No you idiot, it means you aren’t having sex.”
“Oh, well then I’ve been celibate like, months!”
“Listen, dude, this was never gonna work, I’m getting my GED and heading back to Olympic training.”
“And you’re sucking face with a semi pro wrestler.”
“That too. It’s been fun.”
Rachel hid in her spot behind the door until she heard Lauren leave. She thought about waiting for Puck to go, too, but he just stood there leaning against a locker looking pitiful.
“Pardon me,” Rachel said tentatively.
“Oh God, did you just hear all that? Fuck my life,” Puck said pitifully.
“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know the whole story, but it seems like she is very much in the wrong on this.”
Puck rolled his eyes and picked up his bag. “I do not want to talk about this, Berry.”
“What brings you to school?” she said trying to change the subject. She could just leave him, but he looked rather morose and he had made her feel better back when the news of Finn and Santana had come out.
“Football practice,” he replied shortly.
“I just finished up piano lessons,” she smiled. “Playing instruments can really give you a leg up when trying to break into show business.”
Puck nodded his head and then looked her up and down. She should have chosen her words more carefully. He heard innuendo when she had not intended it. Rachel knew what he was thinking and she wasn’t sure she knew how to answer what would be his next question.
“You wanna make out?” he said casually.
“Your girlfriend just dumped you, like two minutes ago…” he leered and she shook her head. “I suppose I should be impressed those weren’t the first words out of your mouth.”
“So, you in or out Berry?” Puck said with a half smile.
“Have you really been faithful to Lauren?”
“Are you asking if I’m clean? Because since Baby Gate I’ve been suiting up,” Puck said offended.
“While that is good to know, that wasn’t the question I asked,” Rachel said. “Because if you were faithful to her, really and truly, I should commend you. You’ve really grown.”
“There were a couple of cougars at first,” Puck said shrugging. “But after that, yeah, I was. I liked her and I mean, she could like, kill me or something.”
“No matter your motives, I do find it impressive.” Rachel took his hand. This was probably a bad idea, but he was very irresistible. “My dads won’t be home for another few hours.”
Puck took that moment to seize her lips and spin her around so that she had her back against the locker. He put his hands on her hips and his mouth moved from her lips to her neck.
“What would you have said,” Puck spoke in between kisses to her neck and jaw line. “If I hadn’t?”
“I hadn’t planned that far,” Rachel said as she nibbled on his earlobe. “You aren’t thinking of her, are you?”
“God no,” Puck said while moving his hand under the back of her shirt. “I can get my arms around you.”
Rachel stopped and put her hands on his chest to push him away. “I thought you liked her.”
“And she just dumped me for some guy with bigger muscles.”
“So you’re allowed to be harsh and mean about it?” Rachel said upset. “I’m offended on behalf of all womankind.”
“Shit,” Puck said running a hand through his hair. “We don’t all recover from breakups like you. Ya know, by pining like puppies…” Rachel put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at him.
“It’s like…” Puck paused a moment. “It’s like my natural response to be a dick when someone dumps me. She just shit on my feelings.”
“Well it’s inappropriate,” Rachel said tersely.
“But it’s not inappropriate for you to be dancing with my tongue right now?”
“This is absurd!” Rachel huffed. “I was just trying to make you feel better.” She grabbed her bag from the floor and walked away.
“That’s fine!” Puck yelled from behind her. “I’m missing a Spartacus marathon on Starz anyway!”
Puck sat on his bed watching blood fly on his TV screen but he couldn’t enjoy it. He felt crappy. Lauren dumped him and Rachel called him on his shit. Great day in Puckerman history. Girls were stupid. Yeah, stupid girls.
After more blood and boobs, Puck still wasn’t feeling better. He grabbed his phone and called Berry.
“This better not be a booty call,” Rachel said shortly.
“Wrong number, if I wanted booty on short notice I’d call Santana,” Puck said. “I called,” Puck paused because the act of apologizing was legit painful. “I’m sorry.”
“I might be speechless,” Rachel replied.
“And yet she speaks,” Puck said.
Rachel made some kind of squeaky noise that Puck took to mean she was offended again so he figured he’d better actually apologize.
“Listen, my factory default is douche, and I know you were trying to make me feel better. Not a lot of people would really care to do that, so, just, ya know, sorry I offended chick kind, k?”
“Apology accepted, Noah,” Rachel said and he could hear her smile. “Good night.”
“Night.” Puck said as he hung up. After turning off the TV he leaned back with his hands under his head.
Senior year was not starting off on the right foot, unless he considered Rachel trying to comfort him. That was pretty awesome of her. And what had she said? He’d shown considerable growth or something? That was a pretty high compliment for her, he supposed. Maybe the year wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he could convince her for some boob action this year…that was a worthy goal to work towards, right?
Warning: R for language
Characters: Puck/Rachel mentions of Lauren/Puck
Summary: Written from a prompt on the Puckleberry watch along thread. "I really hope they do another summer break up a la Tina and Artie. It would be all too hilarious for Lauren to meet a semi-pro wrestler and rake Puck over the coals, leaving Rachel to pick up the pieces of his "shattered heart."
Word Count: 1144
Disclaimer: Obviously this is just for fun. I don't own these characters.
As Rachel walked down the halls, she breathed in the smell of new bulletin boards. She loved school. Never mind the fact that in a mere week she’d probably be washing slushie out of her hair. New Directions would be back together, it’d be her senior year, and she was going to get into Julliard, or NYU, and she’d be breaking into the biz soon. Nothing could bring her down from this high. Fame and success were so close she could taste them.
Rounding the corner, she stopped as she overheard voices.
“Are you effing kidding me?”
“Listen, you’re no UFC fighter Puckerman.”
“Neither is he! And neither are you! I’ve had pool jobs all summer! I couldn’t fight the cougars off fast enough. I’ve been god damn celibate for like 12 days! That’s a record! And not one I’d normally be proud of. You left for 12 days! “
“Puck, we never actually had sex, how is it that you’ve been celibate for 12 days?”
“I thought celibate meant getting no action…”
“No you idiot, it means you aren’t having sex.”
“Oh, well then I’ve been celibate like, months!”
“Listen, dude, this was never gonna work, I’m getting my GED and heading back to Olympic training.”
“And you’re sucking face with a semi pro wrestler.”
“That too. It’s been fun.”
Rachel hid in her spot behind the door until she heard Lauren leave. She thought about waiting for Puck to go, too, but he just stood there leaning against a locker looking pitiful.
“Pardon me,” Rachel said tentatively.
“Oh God, did you just hear all that? Fuck my life,” Puck said pitifully.
“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know the whole story, but it seems like she is very much in the wrong on this.”
Puck rolled his eyes and picked up his bag. “I do not want to talk about this, Berry.”
“What brings you to school?” she said trying to change the subject. She could just leave him, but he looked rather morose and he had made her feel better back when the news of Finn and Santana had come out.
“Football practice,” he replied shortly.
“I just finished up piano lessons,” she smiled. “Playing instruments can really give you a leg up when trying to break into show business.”
Puck nodded his head and then looked her up and down. She should have chosen her words more carefully. He heard innuendo when she had not intended it. Rachel knew what he was thinking and she wasn’t sure she knew how to answer what would be his next question.
“You wanna make out?” he said casually.
“Your girlfriend just dumped you, like two minutes ago…” he leered and she shook her head. “I suppose I should be impressed those weren’t the first words out of your mouth.”
“So, you in or out Berry?” Puck said with a half smile.
“Have you really been faithful to Lauren?”
“Are you asking if I’m clean? Because since Baby Gate I’ve been suiting up,” Puck said offended.
“While that is good to know, that wasn’t the question I asked,” Rachel said. “Because if you were faithful to her, really and truly, I should commend you. You’ve really grown.”
“There were a couple of cougars at first,” Puck said shrugging. “But after that, yeah, I was. I liked her and I mean, she could like, kill me or something.”
“No matter your motives, I do find it impressive.” Rachel took his hand. This was probably a bad idea, but he was very irresistible. “My dads won’t be home for another few hours.”
Puck took that moment to seize her lips and spin her around so that she had her back against the locker. He put his hands on her hips and his mouth moved from her lips to her neck.
“What would you have said,” Puck spoke in between kisses to her neck and jaw line. “If I hadn’t?”
“I hadn’t planned that far,” Rachel said as she nibbled on his earlobe. “You aren’t thinking of her, are you?”
“God no,” Puck said while moving his hand under the back of her shirt. “I can get my arms around you.”
Rachel stopped and put her hands on his chest to push him away. “I thought you liked her.”
“And she just dumped me for some guy with bigger muscles.”
“So you’re allowed to be harsh and mean about it?” Rachel said upset. “I’m offended on behalf of all womankind.”
“Shit,” Puck said running a hand through his hair. “We don’t all recover from breakups like you. Ya know, by pining like puppies…” Rachel put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at him.
“It’s like…” Puck paused a moment. “It’s like my natural response to be a dick when someone dumps me. She just shit on my feelings.”
“Well it’s inappropriate,” Rachel said tersely.
“But it’s not inappropriate for you to be dancing with my tongue right now?”
“This is absurd!” Rachel huffed. “I was just trying to make you feel better.” She grabbed her bag from the floor and walked away.
“That’s fine!” Puck yelled from behind her. “I’m missing a Spartacus marathon on Starz anyway!”
Puck sat on his bed watching blood fly on his TV screen but he couldn’t enjoy it. He felt crappy. Lauren dumped him and Rachel called him on his shit. Great day in Puckerman history. Girls were stupid. Yeah, stupid girls.
After more blood and boobs, Puck still wasn’t feeling better. He grabbed his phone and called Berry.
“This better not be a booty call,” Rachel said shortly.
“Wrong number, if I wanted booty on short notice I’d call Santana,” Puck said. “I called,” Puck paused because the act of apologizing was legit painful. “I’m sorry.”
“I might be speechless,” Rachel replied.
“And yet she speaks,” Puck said.
Rachel made some kind of squeaky noise that Puck took to mean she was offended again so he figured he’d better actually apologize.
“Listen, my factory default is douche, and I know you were trying to make me feel better. Not a lot of people would really care to do that, so, just, ya know, sorry I offended chick kind, k?”
“Apology accepted, Noah,” Rachel said and he could hear her smile. “Good night.”
“Night.” Puck said as he hung up. After turning off the TV he leaned back with his hands under his head.
Senior year was not starting off on the right foot, unless he considered Rachel trying to comfort him. That was pretty awesome of her. And what had she said? He’d shown considerable growth or something? That was a pretty high compliment for her, he supposed. Maybe the year wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he could convince her for some boob action this year…that was a worthy goal to work towards, right?