Its all going down the tubes
I am so confused. Me and my boyfriend had a big "tiff" on Saturday. We fixed things and said we'll keep going. We hung out on Monday and everything was cool. Tuesday I could hardly get him to talk to me. So I emailed him telling him how it was making me mad, because we agreed to do this. We were supposed to hang out today. He decided he doesnt want to.
And he deleted EVERY SINGLE email I ever sent him! He had a folder in his hotmail account for all emails I send him...and he deleted every single one today! Some were special songs I sent him, others were hey have a good day, others were cute pictures and all kinds of stuff. He just up and deleted every single one of them! Normally he deletes the ones like what I sent him last night, but not every single email from me! This really had me upset.
I guess he 'tried to prove me wrong' today by talking to me on the phone. He called me. WoW. Only cuz I told him to so I knew if we were hanging out. We're not. We were on the phone for MAYBE 45minutes and most of the time I was listening to him breath or he had me on hold. The last 15minutes he did an interview with me for some school class. Thats not exactly holding a converstaion with me. Plus most of the time he was writing what I said and all that stuff. So its not like we really talked.
I dont like being in a realtionship where I cant talk to the person. In person we watch movies most of the time. So we're not talking. And if we're playing cards, we're not talking. He is not a phone person. I know this. He tells me he'll call me if he ever wants to talk on the phone. Before we started dating he called me all the time. Daily even. Sometimes more than once! Now I have to fight him to call me! Sometimes I like to talk on the phone and I cant talk to him cuz he's not a phone person. And he doesnt listen to me. He'll sit and play a computer game and watch TV while we are on the phone. And it wouldnt be so bad if he didnt completely zone out. But he completely zones out.
He doenst like getting on AIM "I get on for you" and yet the whole time he is playing a game, surfing the web and talking to OTHER PEOPLE. He puts me last. If I included a conversation between us, it would be me talking a lot and once a minute (if that) I would get a few words out of him. You see the time and he seriously says one thing a minute...normally less! And its like 3 or so words. He can type. I know he can. So its not like he spends the whole time typing. He just talks to everybody else. And the only way to get him to talk it seems is to ask him a question. That takes him even longer.
He wants me to make plans with him, well it seems like I am the only one ever making plans anymore! He doesnt make plans with me. The "plans" he makes with me are canceling. Saying "I dont feel like it today" And going and hanging out with somebody else. He does that all the time. And he wonders why I get hurt and upset. He bails on me to hang out with other people. Or just bails on me for no reason. And when he does this is always the times that I really want to see him. Not just as something to do. Like I wanna see him extra. But what can I do? Nothing.
It just really irks me that he deleted every single email I have ever sent him. I dont understand why. He used to tell me how he loves getting email and he never gets any and he feels really special when I email him. I guess I've sent him to many emails. He used to save them all. Now he doesnt have a single one saved. I have email him just to say "I love you" before. He never emails me for any reason. I wish he would have at least saved the emails that said "I love you" when I just emailed him to say that. It wouldnt bother me so much if he had always been deleting them. But he up and deleted 9 months of emails today. It wasnt a space problem. He still had space. But he deleted all the emails I sent him. None were bad. He had already deleted them! So he deleted all the good stuff from me. WoW. That makes me feel really good.
I love him, I do, but I dont understand why he is putting me though all the pain he has been putting me through lately. He makes me cry daily. And doesnt seem to care. He says he does. But actions speak louder than words and he keeps on doing the same things. He says he tries to change, but no effort of trying is at all aparent. I got my temper under control for him. I dont give a shit about my temper. If I blow up at you, you fucking deserve it. And you deserve more than what I give you because I hold a lot of shit in. And I like to yell. It makes me feel better and gets my point across better ::as I see it:: and yet I dont yell anymore. Not just at him, at anybody really. But especially him. And I dont get as upset as often. And he says he appreciates it, but he doesnt even try to do little things for me. Blah. I just dont understand. And I dont know what to do.
Okay, I am done venting about this for now. Until I get all upset and emotional and start crying again. Blah. I have done that like 3 times at least in the past hour. Every time I look at my emails. Thinking about how he deleted every single email I have ever sent him. That seriously, seriously hurts. And it serously shocks me. And I just dont understand! Blah!!!
And he deleted EVERY SINGLE email I ever sent him! He had a folder in his hotmail account for all emails I send him...and he deleted every single one today! Some were special songs I sent him, others were hey have a good day, others were cute pictures and all kinds of stuff. He just up and deleted every single one of them! Normally he deletes the ones like what I sent him last night, but not every single email from me! This really had me upset.
I guess he 'tried to prove me wrong' today by talking to me on the phone. He called me. WoW. Only cuz I told him to so I knew if we were hanging out. We're not. We were on the phone for MAYBE 45minutes and most of the time I was listening to him breath or he had me on hold. The last 15minutes he did an interview with me for some school class. Thats not exactly holding a converstaion with me. Plus most of the time he was writing what I said and all that stuff. So its not like we really talked.
I dont like being in a realtionship where I cant talk to the person. In person we watch movies most of the time. So we're not talking. And if we're playing cards, we're not talking. He is not a phone person. I know this. He tells me he'll call me if he ever wants to talk on the phone. Before we started dating he called me all the time. Daily even. Sometimes more than once! Now I have to fight him to call me! Sometimes I like to talk on the phone and I cant talk to him cuz he's not a phone person. And he doesnt listen to me. He'll sit and play a computer game and watch TV while we are on the phone. And it wouldnt be so bad if he didnt completely zone out. But he completely zones out.
He doenst like getting on AIM "I get on for you" and yet the whole time he is playing a game, surfing the web and talking to OTHER PEOPLE. He puts me last. If I included a conversation between us, it would be me talking a lot and once a minute (if that) I would get a few words out of him. You see the time and he seriously says one thing a minute...normally less! And its like 3 or so words. He can type. I know he can. So its not like he spends the whole time typing. He just talks to everybody else. And the only way to get him to talk it seems is to ask him a question. That takes him even longer.
He wants me to make plans with him, well it seems like I am the only one ever making plans anymore! He doesnt make plans with me. The "plans" he makes with me are canceling. Saying "I dont feel like it today" And going and hanging out with somebody else. He does that all the time. And he wonders why I get hurt and upset. He bails on me to hang out with other people. Or just bails on me for no reason. And when he does this is always the times that I really want to see him. Not just as something to do. Like I wanna see him extra. But what can I do? Nothing.
It just really irks me that he deleted every single email I have ever sent him. I dont understand why. He used to tell me how he loves getting email and he never gets any and he feels really special when I email him. I guess I've sent him to many emails. He used to save them all. Now he doesnt have a single one saved. I have email him just to say "I love you" before. He never emails me for any reason. I wish he would have at least saved the emails that said "I love you" when I just emailed him to say that. It wouldnt bother me so much if he had always been deleting them. But he up and deleted 9 months of emails today. It wasnt a space problem. He still had space. But he deleted all the emails I sent him. None were bad. He had already deleted them! So he deleted all the good stuff from me. WoW. That makes me feel really good.
I love him, I do, but I dont understand why he is putting me though all the pain he has been putting me through lately. He makes me cry daily. And doesnt seem to care. He says he does. But actions speak louder than words and he keeps on doing the same things. He says he tries to change, but no effort of trying is at all aparent. I got my temper under control for him. I dont give a shit about my temper. If I blow up at you, you fucking deserve it. And you deserve more than what I give you because I hold a lot of shit in. And I like to yell. It makes me feel better and gets my point across better ::as I see it:: and yet I dont yell anymore. Not just at him, at anybody really. But especially him. And I dont get as upset as often. And he says he appreciates it, but he doesnt even try to do little things for me. Blah. I just dont understand. And I dont know what to do.
Okay, I am done venting about this for now. Until I get all upset and emotional and start crying again. Blah. I have done that like 3 times at least in the past hour. Every time I look at my emails. Thinking about how he deleted every single email I have ever sent him. That seriously, seriously hurts. And it serously shocks me. And I just dont understand! Blah!!!