Death is so close, I can taste it
My grandfather is going to die.
Yes I've said this an entry ago but now it is time. He is not supposed to make it past Monday. My dad & Kay are getting married on Monday...
Dad & Kay are visiting him right now. They are staying the night. I couldnt go. I am going tomorrow with my Aunt Gloria though. But I just couldnt go tonight.
Opa has been *contacting* Kay. She hears him. Last night he was talking to her in her dream in German, and when she woke up she wrote down everything she could...she called Oma in the morning and Oma said that at the time Kay was writing this down, Opa was talking outloud to his mom...in German. His mom died....YEARS ago....Oma keeps telling him "Go to her. She wants you to go to her" ... He is scared he is going to go to hell. He has made his peace with God, Oma has forgiven him for everything, and I do believe everybody has...something is keeping him here. His heart? He has a really strong heartbeat. But yet, he is right at the edge.
Kay is *werid* with this stuff, and she has this really, really strong feeling he is going to pass tonight. Another reason I cant be there. I do not want to be there when he passes. It sounds selfish. But I'm sorry. I couldnt handle it. I dont need that added!
When I was 6, I was living with my mom. She was married to this guy Bob. Bob has a sister named Lisa. Her husband was right at death. We went to visit one night and I was sitting on his lap...he died while I was on his lap. Okay this has "scared me" as Kay put it. And I wasnt that close to the man. But my grandfather whom did a good deal in raising me and what not, somebody I have always been pretty close to.... I cant be there when he dies. I just cant. I cannot do it.
Tomorrow his my grandparents anniversary. And he either isnt going to make it past, or will barley make it. If he makes it through tonight, we will seriously be amazed. I dont want him to make it past tonight. He is suffering. I dont want him to suffer anymore. We all know he is in pain. He takes so much medication and he still complains about being in pain....
Oma stays up all night with him. Stays up virtually all day with him now. She keeps telling him to let go. To go. That it is his time and he shouldnt suffer anymore. She tells him she will be fine, she has people to take care of her...which is incredibly true. She has four children, three of which live close, and she has numerous neighbors that are really helpful. See she lives in Lady Lake which is a retirement community...so she lives with a bunch of old people. haha. But each has their own house and they can all drive or have golfcarts and what not. Its not like one building with a bunch of people. Its a whole freaking TOWN So she has plenty of people to take care of her...most already are. She has plenty to continue taking care of her. He is worried about her though. Which is nice. But she wants his suffering to end, but he is deathly (...) afraid he is going to go to hell...we wonder why. We dont know what he did or what happened to him when he was in Germany during World War 2 ... back then you did what you were told. No questions asked. We have a feeling he killed somebody....
In Kay's "dream" last night, she told Opa to show her pictures since she couldnt understand him. She said he showed her so many pictures so fast, it was hard to see them all. He showed her a picture of Oma's rosary, his mother, and other things. Also she said you could her him talking, his female talking, there was a music box palying a German nusery rhyme in the background, and you could hear a baby crying and loud "booms" outside...bombs falling. My family and I have talked about how we stronly believe he is/was Jewish....and this makes me think it even more so. I dont know about the others...but I really believe he is/was. I told Kay this and said she he probably was. He "escaped" during the war. Him and his sister Lisa. ::different than my mom's 2nd ex-husbands sister::
My Aunt Marieann had to go home today. She came down on Tuesday and left today. She will be back Monday. She had to go home today to do a few things with her kids, and work especially. I think she may bring her kids with her this time. He is so close to the end, if she brings them, it may be too late to see their grandfather alive one last time. Her youngest child, David ::12?:: is deathly afraid of Opa. Megan ::her oldest, 15:: is as well now. See the whold family gathered in July for a birthday party for him. They came down. Opa was doing something with David on the computer and David touched the keyboard I guess when he wasnt supposed to and Opa said "Touch it again and I will kill you" ... maybe David not forgiving him is keeping him here...I dunno. See thats not like Opa. He LOVES children. He has so many awards from school's for volunteering its not even funny. He had nothing better to do with his time and he loved it. Well see, he had just started taking Oxy-Cotton ... thats not a good medication. Very addictive and changes you. Our neighbor's husband took it for awhile. He tried to kill her in her sleep. Thats not like him either. He changed medications after that. I dont know if Opa did...I dont think so. I dont think David told anybody until probably recently. Marieann just told Kay today, whom in turn told me. I dunno.
I just cant deal with all this. I want him to die though. Not for a selfish thing and that sounds REALLY mean I know. But I mean it for him! He is suffering so much!!! I just want it to end. Oma is suffering watching him suffer. As is the rest of the family. He doesnt need to suffer. He's made his peace with God. Oma has forgiven him, as has everybody else except for possibly David. Maybe he has. Maybe he hasnt. Maybe Opa just doesnt know. I'm sure Marieann talked to him when she got home today...I dont know.
I am going to be seeing him tomorrow...this will be difficult. If he is still alive and kicking or if he has passed. Either way, it is going to be really difficult
Yes I've said this an entry ago but now it is time. He is not supposed to make it past Monday. My dad & Kay are getting married on Monday...
Dad & Kay are visiting him right now. They are staying the night. I couldnt go. I am going tomorrow with my Aunt Gloria though. But I just couldnt go tonight.
Opa has been *contacting* Kay. She hears him. Last night he was talking to her in her dream in German, and when she woke up she wrote down everything she could...she called Oma in the morning and Oma said that at the time Kay was writing this down, Opa was talking outloud to his mom...in German. His mom died....YEARS ago....Oma keeps telling him "Go to her. She wants you to go to her" ... He is scared he is going to go to hell. He has made his peace with God, Oma has forgiven him for everything, and I do believe everybody has...something is keeping him here. His heart? He has a really strong heartbeat. But yet, he is right at the edge.
Kay is *werid* with this stuff, and she has this really, really strong feeling he is going to pass tonight. Another reason I cant be there. I do not want to be there when he passes. It sounds selfish. But I'm sorry. I couldnt handle it. I dont need that added!
When I was 6, I was living with my mom. She was married to this guy Bob. Bob has a sister named Lisa. Her husband was right at death. We went to visit one night and I was sitting on his lap...he died while I was on his lap. Okay this has "scared me" as Kay put it. And I wasnt that close to the man. But my grandfather whom did a good deal in raising me and what not, somebody I have always been pretty close to.... I cant be there when he dies. I just cant. I cannot do it.
Tomorrow his my grandparents anniversary. And he either isnt going to make it past, or will barley make it. If he makes it through tonight, we will seriously be amazed. I dont want him to make it past tonight. He is suffering. I dont want him to suffer anymore. We all know he is in pain. He takes so much medication and he still complains about being in pain....
Oma stays up all night with him. Stays up virtually all day with him now. She keeps telling him to let go. To go. That it is his time and he shouldnt suffer anymore. She tells him she will be fine, she has people to take care of her...which is incredibly true. She has four children, three of which live close, and she has numerous neighbors that are really helpful. See she lives in Lady Lake which is a retirement community...so she lives with a bunch of old people. haha. But each has their own house and they can all drive or have golfcarts and what not. Its not like one building with a bunch of people. Its a whole freaking TOWN So she has plenty of people to take care of her...most already are. She has plenty to continue taking care of her. He is worried about her though. Which is nice. But she wants his suffering to end, but he is deathly (...) afraid he is going to go to hell...we wonder why. We dont know what he did or what happened to him when he was in Germany during World War 2 ... back then you did what you were told. No questions asked. We have a feeling he killed somebody....
In Kay's "dream" last night, she told Opa to show her pictures since she couldnt understand him. She said he showed her so many pictures so fast, it was hard to see them all. He showed her a picture of Oma's rosary, his mother, and other things. Also she said you could her him talking, his female talking, there was a music box palying a German nusery rhyme in the background, and you could hear a baby crying and loud "booms" outside...bombs falling. My family and I have talked about how we stronly believe he is/was Jewish....and this makes me think it even more so. I dont know about the others...but I really believe he is/was. I told Kay this and said she he probably was. He "escaped" during the war. Him and his sister Lisa. ::different than my mom's 2nd ex-husbands sister::
My Aunt Marieann had to go home today. She came down on Tuesday and left today. She will be back Monday. She had to go home today to do a few things with her kids, and work especially. I think she may bring her kids with her this time. He is so close to the end, if she brings them, it may be too late to see their grandfather alive one last time. Her youngest child, David ::12?:: is deathly afraid of Opa. Megan ::her oldest, 15:: is as well now. See the whold family gathered in July for a birthday party for him. They came down. Opa was doing something with David on the computer and David touched the keyboard I guess when he wasnt supposed to and Opa said "Touch it again and I will kill you" ... maybe David not forgiving him is keeping him here...I dunno. See thats not like Opa. He LOVES children. He has so many awards from school's for volunteering its not even funny. He had nothing better to do with his time and he loved it. Well see, he had just started taking Oxy-Cotton ... thats not a good medication. Very addictive and changes you. Our neighbor's husband took it for awhile. He tried to kill her in her sleep. Thats not like him either. He changed medications after that. I dont know if Opa did...I dont think so. I dont think David told anybody until probably recently. Marieann just told Kay today, whom in turn told me. I dunno.
I just cant deal with all this. I want him to die though. Not for a selfish thing and that sounds REALLY mean I know. But I mean it for him! He is suffering so much!!! I just want it to end. Oma is suffering watching him suffer. As is the rest of the family. He doesnt need to suffer. He's made his peace with God. Oma has forgiven him, as has everybody else except for possibly David. Maybe he has. Maybe he hasnt. Maybe Opa just doesnt know. I'm sure Marieann talked to him when she got home today...I dont know.
I am going to be seeing him tomorrow...this will be difficult. If he is still alive and kicking or if he has passed. Either way, it is going to be really difficult