Dazed && Confused
Tomorrow I turn 20. I don't want to. I hope I don't remember it. It just sounds so old to me. And the older I get, the more I feel I should start focusing on the future, and just the thought of that makes me think about it even less. At least I'm having a party, I haven't had a birthday party since I turned sixteen. It was supposed to be a surprise. It wasn't. So Val and I decided to have a double pink birthday party since her birthday is a few weeks after mine. It's also our last night in 11C. I was cleaning up some of my pictures I had on the TV stand and started looking at the ones Apryl had on there. She used to be so happy, she used to be like, fun- what happened? I don't get it, this year was supposed to be even more fun than last year and so far, it hasn't even been close (well other than Christmas Break- it's been a blast hanging out with Chad, Sarah, Cass, Val, Steve, Kyle, Alex, & Zack- and of course my baby). It's been a nice break away from school, work, life.. everything. After all the stuff that's happened with moving, the only thing I feel bad about is not telling Apryl. But I had no idea what was going on in her life, no one did. She shut herself out from everyone. She said we were still her best friends, but she never talked to us about anything. I talked to her about my messed up life, but she never said a word about how unhappy she was. And we can't take it back now, not with how much Christine wants to kill us- and for what? I did nothing to her, I barely even talked to her. But somehow she found it her place to tell Apryl what was going on. Why does she even care? She hated Apryl from the start. The only thing I can come up with was that by her telling Apryl, it would cause drama in mine and Sarah's life. I've never had anyone hate me so much, for NO REASON. That's what's really getting to me- what did I do? Yeah so it wasn't the smartest idea not to tell Apryl, but there was never a time where she was here and both Sarah and I were too. And for me, it wasn't even about getting away from Apryl as much as it was me wanting to be able to sit downstairs in my living room and watch TV or a movie with my friends. Unless Christine and Adam were gone, they were always in the living room playing on their computers or watching some movie. Why they never went to his place, I have no idea. Especially since we were so loud all the time. I understand I'm a loud person, just by nature. But honestly, who in college even has the time to go to bed early on the weekends- who even wants to? Everyone just clashed. Apryl didn't like people over, Christine and Kendra didn't like noise.. and well, Sarah and I happen to love having people over and being loud. It's just the way we are. We like to spend time with our friends and just chill out and relax- so we don't have to think about work or school and just have a good time. Whatever, people are different. I just don't get how someone can hate someone so much over something that doesn't even concern them. I need to go finish cleaning though, we need to make the apartment look "comfortable for new residents to move in" yeah this might be a tough one, lol. Later days- if you want in on the pink birthday party, just lemme know!