down down, prices are-- GODDAMN IT COLES
so what with the new HP movie out everyone's all RRRAH RAH MY CHILDHOOD, and i was like, "good point". i haven't watched a HP movie since the fourth one (because i am that one single weirdo who got bored watching; and like, i'd been "eh" about the HP movies until then, and so by that point i was like, "i have paid to see four of these movies now and they've all been so-so, i think they've had more than enough chances to try and impress me") but everyone's been so hyped up about this one i thought maybe i should give the last movie a chance. i wanted to re-read some of the books to get in the mood but the library's closed on the weekend, so i thought, "eh, i'll venture back into the fanfiction."
BAD IDEA
especially as, like
HP = my adolescence
my adolescence = horrible
horrible = emo
emo = slytherin
(don't try make that into any logical sense, it's andy!logic)
so every time i try to get into the HP fandom again i stupidly, STUPIDLY always default back to slytherin things
and so i get bombarded with shit like
DRACO IS A VEELA
DRACO IS AN ELF
SNAPE IS DARTH VADER
VOLDEMORT IS MY LITTLE PONY
and now i'm totally turned off the movie again. :\
(also i kinda hear that the slytherins are portrayed horribly in the movie. this makes me sad. i know they're bad guys but i liked them. ): )
the friend i met up with last night was talking with me about fear and how i let it rule my life. she kept pointing things out in a really blunt way and i guess... challenging me about a lot of my fears, where a lot of people would've nodded sympathetically.
(my friend feels quite strongly about not enabling people to wallow in their weaknesses. she isn't rude in any way, she just thinks that enabling people's fears doesn't help them at all.)
today, i went to meet my aunt and brother for lunch. ate tooooons, and then got panicky. food and i have a bad relationship. i love it, and i'll eat, but if i feel full (like, stuffed, not satiated), i get panicky and have to go puke it up again to feel better. if not, it's like:
GO PUKE NOW
but no it's bad it's unhealthy
BUT FAT IS UNHEALTHY
well i've eaten now and i don't overeat much anyway and i enjoyed my food so--
YES BUT JUST OVEREATING ONCE IS LIKE FIFTY BAZILLION CALORIES which is like a month of not eating which I KNOW you're not gonna be able to do because you love eating
well yes this is true
so either go get rid of your food now or be like that huge chick in norbit
okay/but
and etc. etc. if i go down the 'but' train of thought. all along whenever i've mentioned this to someone they've been all, "but you're not fat." it is like. the least effective thing to say to someone who hates their body because the immediate reaction is YES I AM.
anyway, i was feeling all panicky and then i remembered the talk last night and i heard my friend say, "is being fat really the worst thing in the world. is it worse than watching your father die, is it scarier than almost crashing on the freeway, is it so much worse than everything you've ever been through that it's so unbearable that you can't stand it."
it put things back into perspective. i still feel really uncomfortable right now and the thoughts are still looping, but like. being fat is not that bad. it's not like OKAY YEAH NOW I HAVE THE LICENSE TO GO OUT AND GAIN 498234 KILOS, but it makes the idea of putting on weight less scary.