What now?
What is the next step? I have a choice that I am not ready to make. Well, maybe It's not a choice but a thought that I need to fight, but it's becoming a choice bc a friend is trying to make me make it for her. I love you Stina but I can't make this decision for you. I love Chris and I can't help but think this way. It wasn't a mistake in which you like to seem to think, it was a choice of mine that I took on and really didn't think about the outcome. I thought I was over it but you know me....it's always going to settle in the back of my head. I really wish you could understand that. If the situation was reversed, I'm sure you'd think about it too. It's only natural. You asked me to be honest and upfront about things and I finally do and now I just get shit on for it, or get put on the spot bc of it. I am only telling you these things bc in due time, they will only build up in my head and someday, somewhere, I will end up blowing up bc I never got to say it earlier. Everyone has they're own imagination about personal relationships and mine just seems to take the oposite route and drift toward the "what if" or "i wonder why he has to call her at this hour" stage. I will get over it. I am not going to be the one who tells you that you can not be his friend and I am not going to tell you to stop answering his calls. BE HIS FRIEND! All I am asking of you is to be honest with me. No matter how harsh or unbareable you might think it could be to tell me.....just be honest and most importantly, start with yourself first.