I fear my depression is returning. It's not too bad yet, but I'm scared it might get there. I don't know how to stop it. Quitting my job seems like a good idea, but I'm not 100% sure if it'll help, or if it'll just make me broke. One thing I know is that it's worst on the nights before I go to work, and while I'm there. All the time it's getting harder to get anything done; even the things I'm good at and that I enjoy I don't want to do. Of course this is the start of the spiral- can't find the motivation to do stuff -> don't get anything done -> feelings of uselessness, shame and regret -> no motivation to do stuff (doomed to failure) -> rinse and repeat -> depression.
Since I recognise what's happening this time, maybe I'll find a way to break out of it. Dear flist, can haz some hints plz?
And now, some lyrics. Because nothing says depression quite like angsty emo livejournalled lyrics posts of songs that were popular* when I was a teenager.
Monsters-- Something for Kate
I was hanging upside down from the overpass
Waiting to discover something about the world
I couldn't get with the program
And I couldn't listen to them
It was like trying to think in reverse
And I don't want to slide into apathy
And I don't want to die in captivity
But these monsters follow me around
Hunting me down, trying to wipe me out
Wipe me out
Wipe me out
Wipe me out
I was hiding away under water
Waiting for distance and buying some time
Trying to be two hundred thousand years younger
So I could excuse myself from humankind
'Cause I don't want to be a container
Or a bastard with a ten page disclaimer
But these monsters spin me around
Get me down, just try and shut me out
Shut me out
Shut me out
Shut me out
Hold it in your head
Hold it in your head
Hold it in your head
Believe and make believe and make believe
(Shut me out) I was hiding away under water
(Shut me out) Waiting for distance, waiting for time
(Shut me out) And I don't want to slide into apathy
(Shut me out) And I don't want to live in captivity
*But not with me. I didn't appreciate this song when it came out. I didn't really get what it was about. I've never been a big fan of Something for Kate because I usually find their music a bit bland, but when this came on the radio at work yesterday it just seemed right.