(no subject)
It's been a while, hasn't it, eljay?
There's been too much going on, and at the same time nothing going on. My life is routine. The decisions I've been faced with are not. Too big to write about publicly in a journal that many people from my real life know about, and that it's not impossible to associate with my real identity.
On the one hand, I'd really like to type and type and type here until it all comes out in one long stream of bitterness and joy and rage and hope and catharsis.
On the other hand... no.
I'm thinking about starting a new blog, but I'd be very picky about who I'd like to follow me there. I have eljay friends who I don't know in real life whose insight and support I really value when I post here, and I don't want to leave them behind. And then there are people who I want nothing more than to leave behind, both here and in real life, but hey, I live in Perth. Fat chance of ever escaping that.
There are struggles I think I need to write about. Decisions I don't want to make without talking them through, and that I don't want to talk through with anybody around here who I could see face to face.
Call it cowardice. Call it anxiety. Call it childish indecision. Whatever, it's a need I have. I'm done apologising for not living up to other people's standards of maturity and capability and assuredness. I just want to be me.
Dear flist,
Who would follow me to a wordpress blog?
What should my new internet name be?
What's the next step?
Love, me.
PS, I'll still update and read here whether or not I start a new blog and whether or not it's on eljay or wordpress.
There's been too much going on, and at the same time nothing going on. My life is routine. The decisions I've been faced with are not. Too big to write about publicly in a journal that many people from my real life know about, and that it's not impossible to associate with my real identity.
On the one hand, I'd really like to type and type and type here until it all comes out in one long stream of bitterness and joy and rage and hope and catharsis.
On the other hand... no.
I'm thinking about starting a new blog, but I'd be very picky about who I'd like to follow me there. I have eljay friends who I don't know in real life whose insight and support I really value when I post here, and I don't want to leave them behind. And then there are people who I want nothing more than to leave behind, both here and in real life, but hey, I live in Perth. Fat chance of ever escaping that.
There are struggles I think I need to write about. Decisions I don't want to make without talking them through, and that I don't want to talk through with anybody around here who I could see face to face.
Call it cowardice. Call it anxiety. Call it childish indecision. Whatever, it's a need I have. I'm done apologising for not living up to other people's standards of maturity and capability and assuredness. I just want to be me.
Dear flist,
Who would follow me to a wordpress blog?
What should my new internet name be?
What's the next step?
Love, me.
PS, I'll still update and read here whether or not I start a new blog and whether or not it's on eljay or wordpress.