Rambling contemplative questions about my boyfriend...
So... I have been dating this guy Jeff for about 3 months now. He's great. He's a teacher and a tutor and a security guard. So, he's great. I may be falling for him. He's 33-years-old (only 5 years older than me). He lives with his parents because he got divorced 3 years ago. He has a four-year-old daughter. Which is great. The way he talks about her, you can tell that he absolutely adores her. That's definitely something I look for in a guy. I have no desire to have my own children, so it is totally okay with me that I may be a step-mom (if things keep progressing the way they have been).
So, I really really like him. But, I feel like sometimes when we talk, we don't have a whole ton in common. He's a teacher and a believer, which is good. But other than that, we don't watch the same kind of tv shows, we don't really listen to the same type of music, we don't like the same movies really. So, when we talk, it's kind of shallow stuff. Like, "How are things going?" "What's new?" "How's your day with your daughter going?" And I feel like sometimes, I don't have a whole ton of stuff to add to the conversation. Especially now since I'm not doing anything at all during the day!
Also, I was reading back into some of my old journal entries on here. And I was reading about how my past boyfriends treated me. Mainly Joe. It's so different now. I'm over Joe. I know that. He was my first love, yes. And he'll probably forever have a piece of my heart. But there are no active feelings for him. I know that now. But I was reading about how Joe was so looking forward to the future and about how he was telling all his family about me and so interested in introducing me to his family and friends. And with Jeff, it's different. I only see him once or twice a week (only on Wednesdays right now because I can't drive out to see him). And sometimes I feel like he doesn't necessarily want to spend time with me. Like, he says he's falling in love with me. But when he has a free night, he'd rather spend it at home watching tv rather than coming over and taking me out or coming over and watching tv with me even. It's like I'm not that important to him and I'm not a priority to him? At least that's how I feel. Is that being blown way out of proportion for me to feel that way?
I just don't know how to feel anymore. I want a guy who wants to spend time with me. And I want a guy who wants to show me off and who wants me to fit in with his family and friends and who wants me to be involved in his home life.
Am I being totally unrealistic? I haven't been in a relationship for so long, I almost don't know what is a normal feeling and what isn't?
I do really like Jeff. Don't get me wrong. I don't want things to end with him. It would hurt if we weren't together. I do look forward to spending time with him. I wish we spent more time together, though.
I think I'm just confused and unsure. And vulnerable. Which I HATE being! Ugh!