Learning Curve- Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was dark, waiting outside Julian Barratt’s house. Noel looked around, unable to make out much aside from the road behind him and the door in front of him, and wondered crossly if it would be so difficult for the council to invest in a lamppost or two. He was suddenly drowned in light, sound and colour as the door opened. Music was playing, the twins were babbling, the telephone was ringing and Julia was calling, “Is it Noel?” from the kitchen. Julian gave Noel a hug and pulled him into the warm and noisy house, shutting the door behind him as Noel hung up his coat.
“Heya,” He said with a grin to Julian, then gesturing up the stairs in the direction of the babies’ room, where they were sat in their cots talking gibberish loudly to one another, “My house’ll be like that soon, eh? I can’t wait.”
“Yep, my congratulations,” Julian smiled, “And I told Julia, I knew you wouldn’t mind- come here, Jules!”
Julia came out into the hall, wiping her hands on her skirt
“Noel, hi,” She said, edging closer to Julian, putting her arm around his waist as he did the same to her, “Julian told me about Russell, I… well, wow! Congratulations!”
“Thanks,” Noel grinned.
“Got to grow up a bit now, yeah?” Julia smirked.
“Hah, no way!” Noel laughed, “No, things are gonna get even crazier now. Ju, I’ve gotta tell you some of my ideas for the film, it’s gonna be mental! I wanna get junior a staring part in it. Just realised, Kirk is gonna love having a little baby to play with!”
“Oh, have you told him and his parents then?” Julian said interestedly, letting go of Julia as she started to climb the stairs because the twins were crying.
“Well, no... I haven’t even told my Mum,” Noel said embrassedly, looking at his feet, but then raising his head to say, “I’m going to soon though, really. Russell told his Mum months ago, I’m just a bit nervous. Okay, a lot nervous.”
“She won’t be horrible about it though,”
“I don’t know, I mean I haven’t even told her I’m with Russell, she only knows going off magazines and tabloids. I haven’t… actually spoke to her for months. Or Dad. Or Mike.”
"You should, Noel," Julian advised, almost sternly.
"Hey, it's not my fault," Noel protested, putting his hands up, "I've not been putting it past Mike to tell them, or Mum at least, and so for ages I've been waiting for them to confront me about it, and I'm scared to stick my foot in it in case they do know, and they just need time to think it over and will talk to me when they're ready."
"But he might not have told them," Julian said. Noel nodded feverishly.
"Precisely," He murmured, frowning with thought, "What d'you think I should do, 'Ju?"
"Personally-" Julian started, but was interrupted by his girlfriend calling his name down the stairs. He glanced at Noel, then gestured he follow as he ascended to the twins' room. On stepping inside, Julian picked up one of his sons and passed him to a startled Noel. "Come on, one hand under his bottom, the other behind his head... hold him a bit closer, and rock him- gently, don't give him shaken baby syndrome! That's it. See? Easy."
Noel smiled as the baby's wails subsided, enjoying the soft warm weight as the little head lolled against his chest. Julian took the other boy from Julia, who then disappeared back down to the kitchen. "As I was saying," He continued quietly, rocking the one he was holding, who was in fact Walter, "I think you should speak to them in private about it, in person. Separately though, so that your Mum and Dad can't argue with each other. Just tell them. It'll be easier than you imagine. And if the worst comes to the worst, Noel," He laid his sleeping son down, Noel copying, "You have to stay with Russell. He needs all the support he can get at the moment. You can iron things out with everyone else afterwards- but if he spends too much time alone, Russell could make himself seriously ill. Do you understand that?
"Yes," Noel swallowed. And that was the end of the conversation. They both left the room, the fact dawning on Noel that he had just learnt how to hold a baby, how to speak but still be heard around a sleeping one, and how to arrange his emotional priorities.
"Would you like something to drink, Noel?" Julia offered.
"Uh, just water, thanks," Noel smiled.
"You sure? Nothing stronger?"
Noel screwed up his face.
"Not for me, thanks, I don't want to get out of routine."
"Routine?" Julian said interestedly, fetching a glass of water for Noel.
"I'm only eating and drinking what Russell's allowed to," He explained, "So that it's easier on him. It's hell for him, what with him being a vegetarian and the world's first pregnant man. We've gotta be careful. I mean they say it's not recommended for pregnant women to eat peanuts, but they haven't proven it does much damage- imagine how much un-proven shtick there is for poor Russ to decide what to follow and not follow."
"Ouch," Julian said, handing Noel the glass ("Cheers, mate."), "That's really kind of you Noel. I'm proud of you."
Noel laughed.
"So, yeah, I'm on a strict diet of veg, water and strawberry milkshake powder."
"Strawberry milkshake powder?" Julia repeated, confused.
"Russell's..." Noel had to think hard to stop himself from saying "kink", "...craving."
"Oh, right." Julia said. Noel handed her his empty glass, pointing the direction of the door and saying,
"Sorry I wasn't here for very long, but I best be getting back to his highness at home, he's probably up the wall already. Listen, Ju, I'll give you a call, okay?"
"Certainly sir," Julian replied, walking him to the front door and opening it with one hand, then bowing and gesturing outside, "Was a pleasure to have your presence, your excellency,"
Noel grinned.
"See you, Julian. Next time I'll bring Russ, alright? You can touch the bump."
Julian laughed.
"I look forward to it."
Noel saluted, then walked back out into the annoying lamppost-less darkness, sticking his hands in his pockets, Julian smiling at his back until he could no longer see the gleam of his jacket, or hear the click of his boots on the tarmac.
* * *
Russell had never before realised how shrill and annoying dialling tones were. He was sat cross-legged on the bed, his phone under his ear and a notebook lay open balanced on top of the bump. He was ringing Morrissey, and it seemed to take forever for him to pick up, only giving Russell more time to start panicking and forgetting what he was going to say.
"Hello?" Someone finally said, snapping Russell out of a mental rant and making him jump.
"Morrissey," He said hastily, pushing his hair behind his ear, "Um, hello, it's Russell."
"I know." Morrissey said, without any emotion in his voice, almost flatly. That stung, but Russell continued.
"'Ello, just ringing to see how you are, how things are going, we haven't spoken in a while, I've been really busy."
"Well, we all know why that is."
"What?" Russell said, his heart thudding, frightened. How could Morrissey have found out? "What d'you mean?"
"You've got a new boyfriend, I have come to believe."
"Oh! Right! Yes!" Russell breathed a sigh of relief, "Yes, well, that's not why, it's got nothing to do with that- no, actually, that's a lie, it has got something to do with that, but it's not exclusively that- what?" He asked testily as Morrissey sighed exasperatedly.
"Just that you deny that you're from Sidcup."
"Morrissey," Russell moaned, "I am not from Sidcup!"
"I presume you want to see me then? Where shall we meet? How many women should we bring each? Unless you'd rather bring Mr. Fielding."
"Morrissey, I'm serious, I need to talk to you about something very important. I might just still be a little leech of a fan to you, but I consider you a friend, and I trust you, and really need to talk to you. Please."
It was silent for a moment.
"Alright, Russell. Are you busy tomorrow afternoon? You'll have to run your address past me again."
"I love you, Morrissey," Russell grinned, clicking his pen on and getting ready to scribble in the notebook. Morrissey smiled a smile that Russell couldn't see, but could feel.
"I know, Russell. Thanks. How does two suit you?"
* * *
Matt was staring at the television, unable to believe how ridiculous and boring the film they were watching was. He and Dee had chosen one at random from the video bin in Poundland, and it was such unbelievable tosh that Dee has already dozed off leant against Matt's chest, the remote still in her hand. He gently prised it from her fingers, cursing as she wriggled and stretched, waking up.
"Matt?" She said groggily, looking up, "Is it over yet?"
"Half an hour in." Matt replied, "Should I turn it off?"
"Dear God, please do," She groaned. He obeyed, and she turned around so that she was lay on top of him.
"We should make our own film," She whispered seductively.
"Well. You know I'm no stranger to film making, you've seen some of me and Russell's early stuff."
She laughed, her voice low.
"You haven't done this kind of film."
"Er. You'd be surprised." Matt smirked. Dee sat up and raised her eyebrows at him, all attempts at allure gone.
"You made a PORN film with RUSSELL BRAND?" She said incredulously, "That I have to see! Have you still got it? That would go for so much money y'know, Matt, much more than Paris Hilton's completely un-arousing tripe. I could sell it for you."
"No," Matt laughed, "NO."
Dee pouted.
"Why not?" She asked, making herself sound like a little girl.
"Don't sulk, or you won't get any ice cream," Matt threatened. Dee grinned, and scooped a spoonful out the tub on the coffee table, spooning it into Matt's mouthful, and promptly sent her tongue in afterwards. They broke apart some seconds later, breathless and sticky. She reached for another scoopful, and pulled gently at the waist of Matt's jeans. His eyes widened. "Don't you dare-" He began.
It was very, very cold.
* * *