My Heart Stops Every Time
You've got your airplane
And I've got the plain air of here
You're gone and I've gone insane
Oh when will you reappear?
Sixteen year old Tom Levin smoothed out the blue and white aeroplane ticket in his hands, saved from the last time he had flown to England to visit his girlfriend and boyfriend, siblings Permanent Rose and Indigo Casson. Rose was eleven, Indigo sixteen. Tom didn't find this wrong; the feeling he got when he was with them was overwhelming, such a deep and warm love that it immediately dispelled all negative thoughts. Rose was an artist, and Indigo, like Tom, was a musician. Both boys played guitar, and were in a band called Mesh with their friend David. David knew nothing of the relationship. Sometimes, their relationship and the band proved difficult, as Tom lived in America and Rose, Indigo and David lived in England, but so far both had survived.
I'm just some new kid
Who can't get his mind off of you
And I know that it's stupid
Tom could vividly remember the first day he had met Indigo. It had been in Year Seven at Indigo's school. Indigo's older, gorgeous, genius half sister Saffron, along with her best friend Sarah, had burst into the boys washroom and waged war against a red-headed bully named Tony, and his gang, who had been bullying Indigo. Tom, having only just arrived from America, disgruntled and alone, had been foolish enough to watch the show then voice his own, cocky opinion when it was over. Since then, the gang and their ring leader had not left him alone, and made his time in England terrible. But Indigo and Rose had protected him- Indigo in a caring, passionate way ("Going to kiss him better, Casson?" One of the gang had once leered) and Rose defiantly and angrily. It had been very hard to say goodbye when the time came for Tom to go back to America. It had been the last day at the Cassons' chaotic house that he had first kissed Indigo. While they were upstairs in Indigo's room, pretending to sort out guitar music, they had held each other and kissed. Indigo had been quite shaken at first, but he had ironed things out his mind before long. Indigo was like that- he was clever and level-headed and knew how to work out what to do in a situation. He understood that there was something between Tom and he- he just didn't know what was going to happen next.
Cause you've got Hawaii
And I've gotten no letters from you
I should stop whining
Cause its only been a day or two...
When Tom first went away, he received no word from Permanent Rose or Indigo. He was hurt, and felt used- if Indigo didn't want to keep in touch, then why had he let him kiss him on their last day together? He didn't realise that, in the rush of his last day there, he had forgotten to gives them means to contact him. Then, at six o clock one morning, he had gotten a phone call (his number had been stolen from school by David) saying Rose would arrive in New York within the hour. He had thrown on his clothes and rushed to the airport. When he saw Rose he was so ecstatic with joy that he swept her into his arms and, without thinking, kissed her on the lips. Rose had been eight at the time. She was delighted. Tom was confused. His feelings for Rose were growing to rapidly match those he had for Indigo. He cello-taped a photograph of them to his ceiling and would fall asleep looking at them each night.
I don't know what you did
But you got me to fall for you
I know its stupid
Sometimes Tom would feel very alone, miles and miles away from his best friends, but then he would get a phone call or an email and feel close to them again. Sometimes he would be angry that they were apart, but then he play his guitar and remember the lazy, early summer days at the Casson house, and fall in love again.
Your families rad and I
Wish that they were here today
But they're thousands and thousands of miles away
The Cassons- Tom didn't know where to begin when thinking about the Cassons.
Eve Casson- Indigo and Rose's artist mother, who did her work in the shed and was willing to call nearly everyone darling. Bill Casson- their father, also an artist, but not a garden-shed one like Eve. He lived in an expensive studio in London, and came home either for special occasions or emergencies, the latter of which Rose often tried to forge to test her father's promise. Then there was Cadmium Gold, known as Caddy, the eldest. She was a scatterbrained, golden-haired young woman with a teenage heart, who had not so long ago vanished in search of her ex-boyfriend Michael who had taken himself off to drive around the edge of Europe on a motorcycle with his friend Luke after Caddy had returned her engagement ring to him. Next was Saffron, who was Indigo's cousin and half-sister. Her mother had been Eve's twin sister, and had been killed in a car crash. Her father was none other than Bill - a fact which failed to disturb Eve ("Linda and I always did share everything." She had once said). Next there was Indigo himself. Indigo was intelligent and composed. In his spare time he listened to music, played his guitar, or read. His favourite book was Morte D'arthur, and that book was Tom and Rose's favourite too. (Although, Rose had only ever read two books from cover to cover, the other being Little Red Riding Hood). Then there was Rose. Rose was very artistic- and would not restrict her creativity to a piece of paper. Much of her art was around the house, painted straight onto the walls. There was a picture of the family along one side of the kitchen- including Tom of course. There were many other people who were included as family- such as Saffy's best friend Sarah. Sarah was in a wheelchair but was by no means a chronic invalid. If Sarah wanted to do something, she would indeed do it. Nothing nor no one could stop her. Indigo had tried to channel emotion by dating Sarah for a short amount of time, but it had not worked. His love for Tom stayed strong. He longed to see him again.
I felt so bad when your mom
Caught us eating ice cream in your
Room at three in the morning
'Cause I'd hate for her
To not want me around her daughter, cause my heart stops everytime
Tom could remember all too well one of the mornings when he had been to England for the second time. It was summer, and he was staying at the Casson house. Early one morning, probably about three o clock, Rose had snuck into Tom and Indigo's room and complained that she couldn't sleep. Indigo dug out his new, hardback copy of Morte d'arthur (a gift from Tom), and Tom had gone downstairs and come back with a large tub of ice cream, and the three had sat up and talked and read to each other and eaten ice cream. However, things got a bit out of control and Tom ended up eating ice cream out of the other two's mouths. Rose was not fazed to see her older brother kissing another boy- simply a bit jealous. When Tom broke back from Indigo, he ladled a spoonful into Rose's open mouth and then sent his tongue in afterwards. After about ten seconds, Indigo cleared his throat loudly. Tom opened his eyes to see Eve standing in the doorway, dressed in a fluffy dressing gown, her hair defying gravity. He pulled back sharply from Rose, terrified. But Eve was still half asleep, and by morning would probably think it was a bizarre dream.
"Darlings," She said, "Isn't it a bit early for ice cream?"
"Yes Mummy," Said Rose brightly, getting a bit of ice creams off Indigo's upper lip with her little finger, "Sorry!"
"Just... don't get it on the floor please darlings." She had said, then left the room and trundled back to her own. The three looked at each other, and had to grab pillows to muffle their hysterical laughter.
You've got Polaroid
And you even know how to rhyme
I'd be overjoyed
If we could just hang out sometime
I don't know what you did
But you got me to fall for you
And I know that it's stupid
But you know that I try
That summer had been bliss. Tom and Indigo had spent the sunny days in the field behind Indigo's school, with their guitars, writing songs and taking silly photos with an old Polaroid camera. The rainy days they had spent indoors, with Rose, making art and eating cookies made by Sarah's mother. At night the three piled into one room, alternating between Indigo's and Rose's, and read morte d'arthur, adding their own scenes and acting out sections, sometimes with Tom and Indigo's musical accompaniment. They didn't try to repeat the ice cream incident again, as Saffron was home from a summer camp her and Sarah had signed up for, and Saffron finding them would most probably be disastrous. She already found Tom, though sweet, "callous beyond belief" and no one knew how she would react if she found out that he was on kissing terms with both her little sister and her little brother. When Tom went home, he had kissed them both on the cheek at the airport. When he leant in to kiss Indi's pale cheek, Rose saw Saffron raise an eyebrow, but she said nothing.
Your drawing's rad and I
Put in on my wall and I made
Sure it wouldn't fall cause if it did
My straw wrapper might tear
And there would be no knot and I would
Feel like I'd been shot right through the heart
And I'd fall apart but I'd remember how
My heart stops everytime
Rose had caught Tom up just before he got on the plane.
"Permanent Rose!" He hissed, "You're not meant to be here!" Her hair was wild and she was pink cheeked from running, but she was smiling. She was clutching a piece of paper and a plastic drinks carton similar to a Capri Sun.
"Take these!" She insisted, "Bye bye Tom!" She stood up on her tip toes and kissed him briefly, before running off again. Tom stuffed the offerings into his bag, and looked at them later when he was on the aeroplane. The paper was a careful charcoal drawing of him, Indigo and Rose, just their heads in profile, gazing into space. The drinks carton took a little inspection before Tom understood what it was. It had two little characters on it- little cartoons named Tropical Tom and Icy Indi. It didn't matter that 'Indi' was portrayed as a girl, Tom had always thought Indigo would look fantastic in women's clothes anyway. On an even closer look, the maker of the drink was called 'Permanent Drinks Limited'.
"Genius, Rose..." Tom had murmured to himself. He drunk the juice inside, then straightened out the carton and straw and straw wrapper to keep. Unfortunately, an air hostess took his carton and straw and put them in the bin when he went to the bathroom, but the straw wrapper stayed, as her gaze had missed it. Tom picked it up and put it safely with the drawing in his bag. He stuck them both to his wall, and every time he went into his room he glanced nervously at them to make sure they were still safe. He would hate them to be damaged.
You are so special
I just hope that we can be friends
I'll wait forever
But I guess that it all depends
On you and yours
So come on and dance with me
Cause you are so special
Tom and Indigo had first heard hellogoodbye's Two Weeks In Hawaii at a club in America. They were out late, and had original been with girls, but they hadn't been too bothered about them so the girls had both wandered off to find better dates. The song came on, loud and powerful, and Indigo soon noticed that Tom was looking at him intently. Eventually, Tom stood up, and took Indigo's hand. Indigo's heart skipped a beat, but he didn't hesitate. They two began to dance together. Soon enough, they were kissing, and no one in the club cared. They were all either gay or drunk, so therefore used to it.
I hope that this makes you smile
And you might stay that way for a while
Cause you deserve every grin that you get
And you'll get them a lot from me
The next day, the two boys couldn't stop smiling at each other. They felt a certain freedom that they hadn't felt before. Their secret was fractionally out. They were joined by Rose later that day at the airport, who kissed Tom with all her might.
"Wow, Permanent Rose," Said Tom weakly, "You're getting advanced."
Rose grinned.
"I've been practicing."
Tom didn't ask on whom. Indigo remained silent. He didn't think Tom was quite ready for that yet.
You are so special
I just hope that we can be friends
I'll wait forever
But I guess that it all depends
On you and yours
So come on and dance with me
Cause you are so special
And my heart stops every time
"Dear Tom," Tom's father read aloud to his son "I hope you still have the straw wrapper! Today Indigo and I were acting, it was the scene where Lancelot dies. Indigo wrote a song. It's called American Highs and it's very fast and upbeat and poor David is having trouble learning the drums for it. Caddy sent a blank postcard and I think Saffron is suspicious. We had ice cream but it tastes different without you- Tom, this letter makes no sense at all!" He finished weakly.
Tom just smiled. Right now, at this point in his life, everything made perfect sense.
THE END