NOTHING
Have you ever felt nothing? Like nothing at all? When you don't even feel sad or mad anymore. You try, you want to be angry but you can't, because at that moment you realise you can't feel anything.
Honestly, I'd rather feel sadden, angered, anything, right now rather than empty. It just bothers me so much, like, why am I not feeling anything? I am supposed to feel something, I am supposed to be heartbroken.
What is even worse, is when you listen to that song that always stirs up all the emotions inside of you and, nothing.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder, will I ever feel again? and I do, I get better and then I get worse and then I feel nothing again and it happens again and again and again! But try to stop me from wondering if this is the last time I'll ever feel anything.
Will this ever stop from happening? Will I ever be better for a long period of time? I want to feel good for three months, just three months, but no.
Am I gonna have to end this myself? because I don't expect to have a knight with a shinning armour to rescue from the darkness, I really don't. Although I do wonder sometimes if I will feel better if I ever was in a relationship where I was accepted for who I am. If someone, anyone, accepted both the light and the darkness in me without condescending me, someone that would love me, really love me, with knowing all my flaws and all that goes through my mind.
And I know, deep down in my heart, I know that will never happen. I hate fools, that's why I eliminated any idea of having that someone. I guess I'll just have to accept that I am the only one who is going to end all of this. I have to figure out three things, when, how, and where.
Honestly, I'd rather feel sadden, angered, anything, right now rather than empty. It just bothers me so much, like, why am I not feeling anything? I am supposed to feel something, I am supposed to be heartbroken.
What is even worse, is when you listen to that song that always stirs up all the emotions inside of you and, nothing.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder, will I ever feel again? and I do, I get better and then I get worse and then I feel nothing again and it happens again and again and again! But try to stop me from wondering if this is the last time I'll ever feel anything.
Will this ever stop from happening? Will I ever be better for a long period of time? I want to feel good for three months, just three months, but no.
Am I gonna have to end this myself? because I don't expect to have a knight with a shinning armour to rescue from the darkness, I really don't. Although I do wonder sometimes if I will feel better if I ever was in a relationship where I was accepted for who I am. If someone, anyone, accepted both the light and the darkness in me without condescending me, someone that would love me, really love me, with knowing all my flaws and all that goes through my mind.
And I know, deep down in my heart, I know that will never happen. I hate fools, that's why I eliminated any idea of having that someone. I guess I'll just have to accept that I am the only one who is going to end all of this. I have to figure out three things, when, how, and where.