REMUS LUPIN: 26 January, 1976
Dad,
Most horrifying experience of my life is now over. I can safely say that I have forever lost the desire to raise children if it means doing that again. Send Mum my apologies that she will be bereft of grandchildren. Perhaps you can invest in that puppy you never let me have when I was little and sweet and never asked for anything other than a friend a pet to compensate for your assured loneliness once I have moved on from my childhood dwelling.
I was, indeed, called to speak of the Eternal Truths that are the Birds and the Bees and the Annoyingly Overly Conservative & Repressed Parents Who Are Just Begging To Be Owled One Day By McGonagall To Learn That Their Sweet and Pure Son Hath Impregnated One Young Woman Of Questionable Upbringing and Virtue.
Right, well I did that last bit mostly in my head.
I suppose things could've been worse. Young Simon is an apt student, and I think very pleased indeed that he didn't have to learn about penises and vaginas and ovulation from McGonagall. (By the way, I don't suppose I ever thought to thank you for being so completely reasonable when it was my turn for the Eternal Truths. You are a scholar and a gentleman, and I shall recommend you for all of my friends' parties.)
At the end of the day, Simon Lambert was all prepped and ready for full-on locker room talk and boasting to his friends. I suggested which people he ought to avoid as well, as I am sure that some Slytherins would be far too eager to take the mickey and set him up to do or say something horrible.
I have not written back to the Lamberts, as I suspect they don't really give two shakes of a kneazle's tail what I told their son. I admit to feeling a bit odd that I could've told him all manner of misinformation and they'd never bat their eyes.
Shit, here comes Sirius I ought to get this up to the owlry before it's too dark and cold. Damn Scottish winters! My love to Mum, and if you need some suggestions of good animals to use as substitute grandchildren, just let me know.
Forever childlessly yours,
Most horrifying experience of my life is now over. I can safely say that I have forever lost the desire to raise children if it means doing that again. Send Mum my apologies that she will be bereft of grandchildren. Perhaps you can invest in that puppy you never let me have when I was little and sweet and never asked for anything other than a friend a pet to compensate for your assured loneliness once I have moved on from my childhood dwelling.
I was, indeed, called to speak of the Eternal Truths that are the Birds and the Bees and the Annoyingly Overly Conservative & Repressed Parents Who Are Just Begging To Be Owled One Day By McGonagall To Learn That Their Sweet and Pure Son Hath Impregnated One Young Woman Of Questionable Upbringing and Virtue.
Right, well I did that last bit mostly in my head.
I suppose things could've been worse. Young Simon is an apt student, and I think very pleased indeed that he didn't have to learn about penises and vaginas and ovulation from McGonagall. (By the way, I don't suppose I ever thought to thank you for being so completely reasonable when it was my turn for the Eternal Truths. You are a scholar and a gentleman, and I shall recommend you for all of my friends' parties.)
At the end of the day, Simon Lambert was all prepped and ready for full-on locker room talk and boasting to his friends. I suggested which people he ought to avoid as well, as I am sure that some Slytherins would be far too eager to take the mickey and set him up to do or say something horrible.
I have not written back to the Lamberts, as I suspect they don't really give two shakes of a kneazle's tail what I told their son. I admit to feeling a bit odd that I could've told him all manner of misinformation and they'd never bat their eyes.
Shit, here comes Sirius I ought to get this up to the owlry before it's too dark and cold. Damn Scottish winters! My love to Mum, and if you need some suggestions of good animals to use as substitute grandchildren, just let me know.
Forever childlessly yours,