The End* Is Near...
* of my Netflix Queue
I was so into adding movies for so long. Had a running list of 100+ and would go into bouts of obsessive themes. All of Billy Cosby's movies? CHECK! All of Vinnie P's movies? CHECK! All of Hulk Hogan's movies? DOUBLE CHECK...yeah that one was a lot easier than the previous two!
But now somehow there are only four movies in my queue. FOUR. That must be some kind of record! I've been thinking about it a lot, and I keep wondering what happens when I run out. I know the obvious answer is "you don't get anymore movies sent to you, but they still take your money, colleen!" but I'd like to believe the REAL answer is "they send you the movies no one else wants to watch!"
Oh man that would be pure heaven! I would love that as an option. Just receive some weird movie everyone else is ignoring! Do you think if I write then a nice email they'll do that for me? Give me all the neglected movies so I can hug and cherish them and maybe even put them in my dvd player and press play?! I used to have this thing where I would go to restaurants and not even look at the menu. When the waiter came over I would just say "what never gets ordered?" They would stare at me blankly for a while, but then always give an honest response, which would lead me into a "I'LL TAKE IT!" no matter what food they named. Often the food was weird but pretty awesome and tasty! Actually never had anything I didn't like by doing that.
The "what never gets ordered?" game was a little more successful than my "will you make my food into the shape of a face" game...only because I almost always get too nervous to try that second one fancier places. I did ask it twice and twice I got SWEET faces on my plate! Totally need to do that one more! Food tastes so much better when it has a bacon smile.
Just in case Netflix DOES just not send me their "worst of" movies I'll happily add this one as number 5:
Hritik Roshan who was the dreamy lead of DHOOM 2 ( which I've totally raved about a bunch of times now) supposedly is portraying a mentally handicapped man. Yeeeeaaah...like a Bollywoood version of I AM SAM? According to IMDB there are also aliens involved, and it also seems it might have been aliens that made him born with his handicap. This movie might be too un-PC and weird for even me, and better yet Roshan won India's version of the Oscars for his work on this film. Holy crap I must see this!
I would also queue up THIS as a full length movie if it existed! I would call it THE LIBRARY PATRON'S REVENGE! In a deep booming voice. Repeatedly. Until someone hit me with a book to stop.
If there was ever an better advocate for buying hardcovers...(though I do kinda think the nut kick miiiight have done a little more damage than a Jane Austin to the neck could.)
Oh for some reason that reminds me! I am a twitter-er-er now.
http://twitter.com/colleenaf
And if you haven't already become my goodreads friend and fellow addict, think of all the muggers that are totally going to be able to defeat your book-less self!
http://www.goodreads.com/colleenaf
Two more things! I think I'm going to change my LJ name to colleenaf for consistancy's sake. Also as much as I love furboajerboa even I have trouble spelling it! Also perhaps $15 will save LJ's possible decline, and they'lll send me a christmas card of thanks. Woo!
Second thing! Please convince me to either buy the NIKON D90 I desperately want or convince me it's the crappiest camera in the world and I should buy socks instead. Lots and lots of socks. Any financial planner with toes will tell you that. You know the slogan "Socks! Just like Money! Glued to your feet!"
And because some of you are so awesome you've somehow avoided facebook....here's that silly little "25 things". Warning! My list is not for the faint of fart! Yes, that's right. Fart.
Now that enough people have guilted me into this…and enough people have already read so many of these that you'll likely skim over my answers so I am totally safe to TMI all over this bad boy!
1. Some people have a green thumb, I have a fuzzy thumb… gilly thumb? Er….Thumb with eyeballs? Um…yeah…what I’m trying to say is for some reason my pets always live forever. My dog lived to 21. My cat over 20. My fish, all four, are turning 7 this year. It’s not like I fawn over them or even take particularly great care of them (an example being haven’t tested the fishtank water’s ph in two years)…but there’s something I do that works. I’ve always secretly believed it was some kind of good energy I give off. Or the fact I talk to them…and dance with them. (more on that in number 16)
2. I’ve dated 8 guys named Michael or variations thereof. All for 3+ months to almost 2+ years. My three longest relationships in my life were with Mike, Michael, and Mikey. All of this means Ed and I are either doooooomed or…um the exact opposite. I’m not sure which one scares me more.
3. Why do I know the number of Michaels? Well because I keep a detailed spreadsheet of people I’ve dated of course! What do you mean normal people don’t do this?! I guess this one should really be called “colleen is a chronic dater”, all started when I didn’t have a curfew if I was going out with a boy, but I did when I was hanging out with my female friends. It was an effort by my parents to make sure I wasn’t gay. Which brings me to number 4!
4. My older sis is gay. I grew up in a super religious family so this was a big deal, but as soon as Kath told me, it all made sense. It was normal and I knew the church and political leaders were entirely wrong. I became very vocal about the fact I didn’t see anything different between a gay couple in love or a straight couple. To this day people have always felt comfortable coming out of the closet to me. Even people I don’t know! I remember in college some girl I didn’t know came up to me and said “I heard you talking in the cafeteria about your sis and her girlfriend as if it was something totally normal, as if you weren’t talking about two people that were gay but just two people. I don’t know if I’ll ever come out of the closet for real, but I have to tell someone. I’m gay. My mother would kill me.” That was our only conversation ever. We at least said hi or nodded when we walked past, but I never even learned her name. It was just kinda understood. I was however happy to see her holding hands with a lovely lady a few years later!
5. I love bending gender ideas and will fight anyone TO THE DEATH…or you know for like five minutes …if they try to tell me gender roles are something we are born with instead of things we learn. Sure there are chemical differences, but I really think its about the things we see and the ways we are trained. This might also explain why I am straight but own more fake mustaches than a lot of drag-kings!
6. I don’t cook. Like really REALLY don’t cook. My version of grilled cheese is toasting two pieces of bread and then quickly throwing a piece of processed cheese in the middle when they pop up, chanting “melt…melt…” though knowing it never really will. I like to pretend me not cooking is a political statement but I know it’s really just laziness on my part.
7. I am really hyperactive. Can never sit still. I actually make holes in my shoes because I am constantly twitching my toes to the music in my head.
8. I have a medical excuse to wear sneakers all the time and it makes me super happy! Granted my heels are screwy and perfectly rectangular on x-rays, perfect in an almost awesome mathematical way, but knowing I can wear my red Saucony’s all the time is pretty sweet! Speaking of which…
10. I’ve only worn Saucony since 7th grade…though there was that bout in high school when I occasionally wore Spice Girls shoes…yeah let’s not talk about that.
9. I am really bad at numbering lists it seems.
11. I love everyone when I first meet them. It takes a whole lot for me to even half dislike a person. Like them murdering baby seals. In front of me. Repeatedly. Over a decade. (But even then, maybe they had a good reason?) Liking everyone in the world is simultaneously my worst and best trait, since it makes it hard to notice if someone is walking over me.
12. My second worst trait are my stupid eyes. I cry so damn easily. Sure I cry at sad things, but also at the end of happy books and movies, at funny commercials, when I see someone be nice to someone else on the train…My dumb eyes INSTANTLY glaze over with tear and their buggy largeness makes it impossible for other people to not notice. Can’t hide my emotions for the life of me!
13. I have a LOT of polka music on my ipod. I even once sang on an album that was nominated for the polka grammy. The song was called “Come Join Our Polka Party”. The album didn’t win but I got some lifetime bragging rights!
14. I’m tired right now. Also have gas. The end!
I’m not done?! What? Crap, how many more do I have to go? Damn all you!
Okay REAL 14. Speaking of gas! Growing up fart jokes were the most prevalent type of humor in my home, followed very closely by pun wars. I love my parents!
15. I keep a detailed dream diary, tagged with the people who appear each. I have two recurring dreams. One about the “second day of school” where I can’t find my classes, though I had found them the day before, and one just replaying an embarrassing moment from high school. Over and over again. Since 1995 over 2,000 different people have made appearances in my dreams, some hundreds of times. It’s likely you have appeared in there!
16. I secret apartment dance all the time…which consists of going home, putting on headphones and doing ballet, head-banging, military crawling and rolling over to kick my legs in the air…often all three of these in the same song. There is a good reason I don’t let people see this! I really think secret apartment dancing keeps me sane.
17. When I go to hotels, which used to be all the time with my old job, I explore every floor, check out every vending machine. If there is a ladder to something in a stairwell I climb it. If there is a fire escape I go out on it. I’m like this in most buildings. I like to climb on roofs and out windows. I miss the old fire escape in my old office. Shhh don’t tell Simon I used to climb out there!
18. I was really religious until I was 18, and didn’t stop going to church every week until I was 22. Now I don’t know what I am. No religions have gotten it right, but I do often feel like something is there.
19. Okay two reasons I lost my religion: their views on homosexuality…and this story: Okay this one falls in the realm of “should I really be writing this” or as my mom would say “TMI colleen! TMI!” but it’s a big deal to me, and maybe there are others. When I was 18 I was misdiagnosed with an STD…two years before I even had sex. I found out when I was 25 I never had it, it had just been an allergy. Also found out that the first doctor hadn’t done real tests. Maybe he just assumed I was lying about being a virgin. Unfortunately this was way after the cruel rumor mill at my college had gone around and I had to tell my parents and prospective boyfriends, some who wound up being a large part of that mill post-breakup. Literally the worst thing that ever happened to me, and because of it I lost faith in doctors, learned to fear gossips, and lost faith in religion.
20. Geez! Okay no more like that! Something funny…um how about the way I run? When I run I look like I’m doing the Charleston. My legs go out the entirely wrong way. It’s. Weird. I’m convinced this will be a helpful trait if someone ever tries to be mean and try to chase me to mug, rape, murder me, or get me to buy one of those rip-off salon packages. Yay!
21. I have a stamp collection. A really big one. * snorts and pushes glasses up on her nose *
22. I actually DO snort when I laugh really hard and loudly. Also I literally say “tee-hee” when I try to calm myself down. I find many serious movies very, VERY funny, and can never restrain my laughter. I am that person in the theater many of you probably hate. Sorry about that, but did you SEE the way that actress pretended to die?!
23. My middle names are Ann and Felicity. There’s a very long story about why I have two and why I insist on using them all the time and why there’s no period between the AF, but this thing is long enough already! Short version: there are two Colleen Venable ‘s in my family, so middle name was necessary. “colleen ann” never felt like me, so when I got old enough I picked my own middle name. “Colleen Ann Felicity” was too long to say for brevity and due to my bad typing skills at age 14 (with an inability to hit the period instead of the coma) “Colleen AF” I became. I feel more like a Colleen AF than a Colleen.
24. Man, that was the short version?! I guess this one, like Molly’s, should be “I like to write a bit too much.”
25. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I love more in this world than collaboration. You could offer me $4,000,000 to do some easy project on my own or $25 to make a photocopied mini-comic with a friend…and I would happily choose the mini. Collaboration is my answer to the meaning of life.
I DID IT! I made it to 25! What do I win?! I hope it’s a box of cereal. Mmmm cereal. Which is my backup on the “meaning of life” question if I find out I’m totally wrong about collaboration.
I was so into adding movies for so long. Had a running list of 100+ and would go into bouts of obsessive themes. All of Billy Cosby's movies? CHECK! All of Vinnie P's movies? CHECK! All of Hulk Hogan's movies? DOUBLE CHECK...yeah that one was a lot easier than the previous two!
But now somehow there are only four movies in my queue. FOUR. That must be some kind of record! I've been thinking about it a lot, and I keep wondering what happens when I run out. I know the obvious answer is "you don't get anymore movies sent to you, but they still take your money, colleen!" but I'd like to believe the REAL answer is "they send you the movies no one else wants to watch!"
Oh man that would be pure heaven! I would love that as an option. Just receive some weird movie everyone else is ignoring! Do you think if I write then a nice email they'll do that for me? Give me all the neglected movies so I can hug and cherish them and maybe even put them in my dvd player and press play?! I used to have this thing where I would go to restaurants and not even look at the menu. When the waiter came over I would just say "what never gets ordered?" They would stare at me blankly for a while, but then always give an honest response, which would lead me into a "I'LL TAKE IT!" no matter what food they named. Often the food was weird but pretty awesome and tasty! Actually never had anything I didn't like by doing that.
The "what never gets ordered?" game was a little more successful than my "will you make my food into the shape of a face" game...only because I almost always get too nervous to try that second one fancier places. I did ask it twice and twice I got SWEET faces on my plate! Totally need to do that one more! Food tastes so much better when it has a bacon smile.
Just in case Netflix DOES just not send me their "worst of" movies I'll happily add this one as number 5:
Hritik Roshan who was the dreamy lead of DHOOM 2 ( which I've totally raved about a bunch of times now) supposedly is portraying a mentally handicapped man. Yeeeeaaah...like a Bollywoood version of I AM SAM? According to IMDB there are also aliens involved, and it also seems it might have been aliens that made him born with his handicap. This movie might be too un-PC and weird for even me, and better yet Roshan won India's version of the Oscars for his work on this film. Holy crap I must see this!
Click to viewI would also queue up THIS as a full length movie if it existed! I would call it THE LIBRARY PATRON'S REVENGE! In a deep booming voice. Repeatedly. Until someone hit me with a book to stop.
If there was ever an better advocate for buying hardcovers...(though I do kinda think the nut kick miiiight have done a little more damage than a Jane Austin to the neck could.)
Oh for some reason that reminds me! I am a twitter-er-er now.
http://twitter.com/colleenaf
And if you haven't already become my goodreads friend and fellow addict, think of all the muggers that are totally going to be able to defeat your book-less self!
http://www.goodreads.com/colleenaf
Two more things! I think I'm going to change my LJ name to colleenaf for consistancy's sake. Also as much as I love furboajerboa even I have trouble spelling it! Also perhaps $15 will save LJ's possible decline, and they'lll send me a christmas card of thanks. Woo!
Second thing! Please convince me to either buy the NIKON D90 I desperately want or convince me it's the crappiest camera in the world and I should buy socks instead. Lots and lots of socks. Any financial planner with toes will tell you that. You know the slogan "Socks! Just like Money! Glued to your feet!"
And because some of you are so awesome you've somehow avoided facebook....here's that silly little "25 things". Warning! My list is not for the faint of fart! Yes, that's right. Fart.
Now that enough people have guilted me into this…and enough people have already read so many of these that you'll likely skim over my answers so I am totally safe to TMI all over this bad boy!
1. Some people have a green thumb, I have a fuzzy thumb… gilly thumb? Er….Thumb with eyeballs? Um…yeah…what I’m trying to say is for some reason my pets always live forever. My dog lived to 21. My cat over 20. My fish, all four, are turning 7 this year. It’s not like I fawn over them or even take particularly great care of them (an example being haven’t tested the fishtank water’s ph in two years)…but there’s something I do that works. I’ve always secretly believed it was some kind of good energy I give off. Or the fact I talk to them…and dance with them. (more on that in number 16)
2. I’ve dated 8 guys named Michael or variations thereof. All for 3+ months to almost 2+ years. My three longest relationships in my life were with Mike, Michael, and Mikey. All of this means Ed and I are either doooooomed or…um the exact opposite. I’m not sure which one scares me more.
3. Why do I know the number of Michaels? Well because I keep a detailed spreadsheet of people I’ve dated of course! What do you mean normal people don’t do this?! I guess this one should really be called “colleen is a chronic dater”, all started when I didn’t have a curfew if I was going out with a boy, but I did when I was hanging out with my female friends. It was an effort by my parents to make sure I wasn’t gay. Which brings me to number 4!
4. My older sis is gay. I grew up in a super religious family so this was a big deal, but as soon as Kath told me, it all made sense. It was normal and I knew the church and political leaders were entirely wrong. I became very vocal about the fact I didn’t see anything different between a gay couple in love or a straight couple. To this day people have always felt comfortable coming out of the closet to me. Even people I don’t know! I remember in college some girl I didn’t know came up to me and said “I heard you talking in the cafeteria about your sis and her girlfriend as if it was something totally normal, as if you weren’t talking about two people that were gay but just two people. I don’t know if I’ll ever come out of the closet for real, but I have to tell someone. I’m gay. My mother would kill me.” That was our only conversation ever. We at least said hi or nodded when we walked past, but I never even learned her name. It was just kinda understood. I was however happy to see her holding hands with a lovely lady a few years later!
5. I love bending gender ideas and will fight anyone TO THE DEATH…or you know for like five minutes …if they try to tell me gender roles are something we are born with instead of things we learn. Sure there are chemical differences, but I really think its about the things we see and the ways we are trained. This might also explain why I am straight but own more fake mustaches than a lot of drag-kings!
6. I don’t cook. Like really REALLY don’t cook. My version of grilled cheese is toasting two pieces of bread and then quickly throwing a piece of processed cheese in the middle when they pop up, chanting “melt…melt…” though knowing it never really will. I like to pretend me not cooking is a political statement but I know it’s really just laziness on my part.
7. I am really hyperactive. Can never sit still. I actually make holes in my shoes because I am constantly twitching my toes to the music in my head.
8. I have a medical excuse to wear sneakers all the time and it makes me super happy! Granted my heels are screwy and perfectly rectangular on x-rays, perfect in an almost awesome mathematical way, but knowing I can wear my red Saucony’s all the time is pretty sweet! Speaking of which…
10. I’ve only worn Saucony since 7th grade…though there was that bout in high school when I occasionally wore Spice Girls shoes…yeah let’s not talk about that.
9. I am really bad at numbering lists it seems.
11. I love everyone when I first meet them. It takes a whole lot for me to even half dislike a person. Like them murdering baby seals. In front of me. Repeatedly. Over a decade. (But even then, maybe they had a good reason?) Liking everyone in the world is simultaneously my worst and best trait, since it makes it hard to notice if someone is walking over me.
12. My second worst trait are my stupid eyes. I cry so damn easily. Sure I cry at sad things, but also at the end of happy books and movies, at funny commercials, when I see someone be nice to someone else on the train…My dumb eyes INSTANTLY glaze over with tear and their buggy largeness makes it impossible for other people to not notice. Can’t hide my emotions for the life of me!
13. I have a LOT of polka music on my ipod. I even once sang on an album that was nominated for the polka grammy. The song was called “Come Join Our Polka Party”. The album didn’t win but I got some lifetime bragging rights!
14. I’m tired right now. Also have gas. The end!
I’m not done?! What? Crap, how many more do I have to go? Damn all you!
Okay REAL 14. Speaking of gas! Growing up fart jokes were the most prevalent type of humor in my home, followed very closely by pun wars. I love my parents!
15. I keep a detailed dream diary, tagged with the people who appear each. I have two recurring dreams. One about the “second day of school” where I can’t find my classes, though I had found them the day before, and one just replaying an embarrassing moment from high school. Over and over again. Since 1995 over 2,000 different people have made appearances in my dreams, some hundreds of times. It’s likely you have appeared in there!
16. I secret apartment dance all the time…which consists of going home, putting on headphones and doing ballet, head-banging, military crawling and rolling over to kick my legs in the air…often all three of these in the same song. There is a good reason I don’t let people see this! I really think secret apartment dancing keeps me sane.
17. When I go to hotels, which used to be all the time with my old job, I explore every floor, check out every vending machine. If there is a ladder to something in a stairwell I climb it. If there is a fire escape I go out on it. I’m like this in most buildings. I like to climb on roofs and out windows. I miss the old fire escape in my old office. Shhh don’t tell Simon I used to climb out there!
18. I was really religious until I was 18, and didn’t stop going to church every week until I was 22. Now I don’t know what I am. No religions have gotten it right, but I do often feel like something is there.
19. Okay two reasons I lost my religion: their views on homosexuality…and this story: Okay this one falls in the realm of “should I really be writing this” or as my mom would say “TMI colleen! TMI!” but it’s a big deal to me, and maybe there are others. When I was 18 I was misdiagnosed with an STD…two years before I even had sex. I found out when I was 25 I never had it, it had just been an allergy. Also found out that the first doctor hadn’t done real tests. Maybe he just assumed I was lying about being a virgin. Unfortunately this was way after the cruel rumor mill at my college had gone around and I had to tell my parents and prospective boyfriends, some who wound up being a large part of that mill post-breakup. Literally the worst thing that ever happened to me, and because of it I lost faith in doctors, learned to fear gossips, and lost faith in religion.
20. Geez! Okay no more like that! Something funny…um how about the way I run? When I run I look like I’m doing the Charleston. My legs go out the entirely wrong way. It’s. Weird. I’m convinced this will be a helpful trait if someone ever tries to be mean and try to chase me to mug, rape, murder me, or get me to buy one of those rip-off salon packages. Yay!
21. I have a stamp collection. A really big one. * snorts and pushes glasses up on her nose *
22. I actually DO snort when I laugh really hard and loudly. Also I literally say “tee-hee” when I try to calm myself down. I find many serious movies very, VERY funny, and can never restrain my laughter. I am that person in the theater many of you probably hate. Sorry about that, but did you SEE the way that actress pretended to die?!
23. My middle names are Ann and Felicity. There’s a very long story about why I have two and why I insist on using them all the time and why there’s no period between the AF, but this thing is long enough already! Short version: there are two Colleen Venable ‘s in my family, so middle name was necessary. “colleen ann” never felt like me, so when I got old enough I picked my own middle name. “Colleen Ann Felicity” was too long to say for brevity and due to my bad typing skills at age 14 (with an inability to hit the period instead of the coma) “Colleen AF” I became. I feel more like a Colleen AF than a Colleen.
24. Man, that was the short version?! I guess this one, like Molly’s, should be “I like to write a bit too much.”
25. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I love more in this world than collaboration. You could offer me $4,000,000 to do some easy project on my own or $25 to make a photocopied mini-comic with a friend…and I would happily choose the mini. Collaboration is my answer to the meaning of life.
I DID IT! I made it to 25! What do I win?! I hope it’s a box of cereal. Mmmm cereal. Which is my backup on the “meaning of life” question if I find out I’m totally wrong about collaboration.