Hatari 2022
A/N: an adaptation of Hatari (1962) mixed with holiday hubbabaloo. I was turned into a jaguar again because it's Christmas. The cats came back for Christmas.
My cats, Kissy and Miss Oreo and my young prodigy writer, Jasmine Bell greeted me as Kurt ushered me away from Anna Maria D'Allesandro, also known as Dallas. Miss Oreo and Kissy meowed a few times.
"What the fuck do these cats want?!" Captain Joebearcow screamed.
"I fed them! I gave them water! I hosed their shit and piss off in a landfill! What the fuck do they want?! XARA! Pet Miss Oreo, please! She's meowing near me!" Captain Albearcow screamed.
I rubbed up against Miss Oreo and said, "Quit! I'm busy! WHADDYA NEED?!"
Jasmine Bell laughed loudly.
"Merry Christmas and Happy Very Belated Birthday, Jasmine Bell!" I said loudly. Jasmine Bell's birthday was actually on December 19.
"Happy Happy Birthday to Jasmine Bell, the young inspiration of the new millennium, a driving force of 2023! In her celebration, we enjoy pizza and wine," my uncle Matthew said as he walked toward us with a box of pizza and bottle of red wine before he walked away from us with a box of pizza and a bottle of red wine. He added capers and asiago to his pizza and ate a slice before drinking a glass of red wine and laughing his trademark laugh. That man was hungry and thirsty.
Jasmine Bell chugged a bottle of vodka before she skipped away and climbed a tree. She then started eating a meat lovers pizza that was randomly in the tree. She was laughing between bites.
Elephants were making their own holiday commotion. They were arguing, stomping, drinking water, and eating.
John Wayne shot at them.
The elephants bellowed in unison one more time before they traveled together to another watering hole to continue to bitch.
"Ugh. The holidays are dramatic enough. We don't need the elephants to add to the drama that is Christmas and family gatherings," John Wayne commented. He reloaded his shotgun.
A rhino ran at us and wanted more drama.
"Goddammit," John Wayne said as he shot at him. "I can't get away from it. He's a big one. Take your time with him, Pockets!"
"Yes, Bwana. I'll be careful, Bwana," Pockets said as he chased the rhinos around while doing a monkey walk. Pockets was a literal circus clown without the outfit, hair, and make-up.
The rhino chased Kurt around.
"You're supposed to chase HIM around," John Wayne said.
"Tell him that!" Kurt screamed as he climbed the same tree Jasmine Bell was sitting in.
"Casa Camba!" Pockets screamed at the rhino.
"Casa Camba!"John Wayne also screamed at the rhino.
"TASHAAAA!!!!" I sang. "The Ace of Beauty," I added.
Tasha the Ace of Beauty, a Tibetan Mastiff, scarfed the remainder of Uncle Matthew's pizza and wine before barking 25 times. Then, she went out of her way to exist elsewhere.
"Crazy ass dog," Jasmine Bell said as she shook her head and let out a breath. "I wish Tug were here. He was normal." Tug is a legend.
Then we heard a familiar howl as a familiar basenji charged up near the tree where Kurt and Jasmine Bell were located.
"TUG! You have returned!" Jasmine Bell said with an excited squee.
Tug was the basenji that was immortal throughout time. He was once Peter's (a tall curly-haired brunet with green eyes and glasses) basenji before Peter was jabbed. Then Peter unfortunately faded out of existence. And now Tug was Jasmine Bell's basenji.
"Happy Birthday, Mommy," Tug said as he wrapped his body around Jasmine Bell's leg.
My cats, Kissy and Miss Oreo and my young prodigy writer, Jasmine Bell greeted me as Kurt ushered me away from Anna Maria D'Allesandro, also known as Dallas. Miss Oreo and Kissy meowed a few times.
"What the fuck do these cats want?!" Captain Joebearcow screamed.
"I fed them! I gave them water! I hosed their shit and piss off in a landfill! What the fuck do they want?! XARA! Pet Miss Oreo, please! She's meowing near me!" Captain Albearcow screamed.
I rubbed up against Miss Oreo and said, "Quit! I'm busy! WHADDYA NEED?!"
Jasmine Bell laughed loudly.
"Merry Christmas and Happy Very Belated Birthday, Jasmine Bell!" I said loudly. Jasmine Bell's birthday was actually on December 19.
"Happy Happy Birthday to Jasmine Bell, the young inspiration of the new millennium, a driving force of 2023! In her celebration, we enjoy pizza and wine," my uncle Matthew said as he walked toward us with a box of pizza and bottle of red wine before he walked away from us with a box of pizza and a bottle of red wine. He added capers and asiago to his pizza and ate a slice before drinking a glass of red wine and laughing his trademark laugh. That man was hungry and thirsty.
Jasmine Bell chugged a bottle of vodka before she skipped away and climbed a tree. She then started eating a meat lovers pizza that was randomly in the tree. She was laughing between bites.
Elephants were making their own holiday commotion. They were arguing, stomping, drinking water, and eating.
John Wayne shot at them.
The elephants bellowed in unison one more time before they traveled together to another watering hole to continue to bitch.
"Ugh. The holidays are dramatic enough. We don't need the elephants to add to the drama that is Christmas and family gatherings," John Wayne commented. He reloaded his shotgun.
A rhino ran at us and wanted more drama.
"Goddammit," John Wayne said as he shot at him. "I can't get away from it. He's a big one. Take your time with him, Pockets!"
"Yes, Bwana. I'll be careful, Bwana," Pockets said as he chased the rhinos around while doing a monkey walk. Pockets was a literal circus clown without the outfit, hair, and make-up.
The rhino chased Kurt around.
"You're supposed to chase HIM around," John Wayne said.
"Tell him that!" Kurt screamed as he climbed the same tree Jasmine Bell was sitting in.
"Casa Camba!" Pockets screamed at the rhino.
"Casa Camba!"John Wayne also screamed at the rhino.
"TASHAAAA!!!!" I sang. "The Ace of Beauty," I added.
Tasha the Ace of Beauty, a Tibetan Mastiff, scarfed the remainder of Uncle Matthew's pizza and wine before barking 25 times. Then, she went out of her way to exist elsewhere.
"Crazy ass dog," Jasmine Bell said as she shook her head and let out a breath. "I wish Tug were here. He was normal." Tug is a legend.
Then we heard a familiar howl as a familiar basenji charged up near the tree where Kurt and Jasmine Bell were located.
"TUG! You have returned!" Jasmine Bell said with an excited squee.
Tug was the basenji that was immortal throughout time. He was once Peter's (a tall curly-haired brunet with green eyes and glasses) basenji before Peter was jabbed. Then Peter unfortunately faded out of existence. And now Tug was Jasmine Bell's basenji.
"Happy Birthday, Mommy," Tug said as he wrapped his body around Jasmine Bell's leg.