Mourning Again
Captain Joebearcow and I were delivering a meal kit to a random person when he received a text message from his sweet cousin, Sarah. It read:
"Hey Joebear. It's me, Sarah. I have some terrible news. Please call me as soon as possible."
"Always something," Captain Joebearcow said. Then he did a great impression of his Mama Bear. "If it's not one thing, it's another."
I laughed.
We arrived at the dock of the random person. I dropped the meal kit off at the lighthouse and took a picture. Then I got back on Francesca, our new and improved sailboat.
"Hey what's going on, Sarah?!" Captain Joebearcow yelled in his strong voice over the phone.
"I... Uh... Have something to Uhhh... Tell you... It's..." Sarah said sadly over the phone as Captain Joebearcow drove the boat on Baseline River. We were now stationed at the Gulf of Gilbert.
"Sarah? What's wrong?" Captain Joebearcow asked.
"Angelina..." Sarah started to say as she was choking on her own tears. Angelina was Captain Joebearcow's much older sister.
"What happened, Sarah?" Captain Joebearcow asked.
Sarah was hyperventilating and sighing as she was trying to breathe. She couldn't talk out of sadness. Her mind was too heavy to form words. She sounded like literally cracking in pieces.
"Sarah ummm... What's going on with Angelina...?" Captain Joebearcow asked as concern saturated his voice.
"Angelina... is dead," she said as she choked on her own words.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry," Captain Joebearcow said. Angelina was a pirate on the high seas out in the Pacific Ocean. She was known as the Black Beauty of the Sea. She was a Captain in her day. Captain Joebearcow was slightly afraid of her. To tell the truth, he was surprised that Captain Angelina lasted that long on the seas.
I felt a wave of sadness hit Francesca.
Sarah sighed. "Yeah, me, too," she said as her breath was heavy out of her throat.
"Whoa whoa whoa! What happened?" he asked.
"Apparently, she had gotten THE JAB," Sarah answered dramatically. Sarah also avoided the jab like the Plague. She was a kindred spirit. Captain Joebearcow considers her a sister.
"Yeah, fuck modern medicine. It's nothing but trouble!" Captain Joebearcow yelled with a growl. He slammed the steering wheel with his fists.
"Yeah. Very true. Why she was jabbed twice is beyond me," Sarah said.
"I don't know. It was just stupid. I honestly don't understand what was going through her head when she was jabbed," Captain Joebearcow said as he threw his right paw to one side.
"I don't know, either, Joebear," Sarah said softly.
"Where will the funeral be held?" he asked.
"Either in Ohio, Arroz, or Neverland," Sarah said. "Uncle Ricardo is supposed to arrange it, but we have no idea who is paying for it. I'm broke."
"So are we. I'm going to go make some fish to deal with the news," Captain Joebearcow said.
"Yeah. That is a good idea," Sarah said absent-mindedly.
Captain Joebearcow and Sarah were both black bears. They were trying to distract themselves by thinking about food. None of them spoke for a good minute and a half.
"Do you need to stay on the phone?" he asked.
"No. You go make fish, and I am going to go into the kitchen and make myself some albacore tuna," Sarah said in a voice that sounded like she was a ghost from Christmas past.
"Are you sure?!" Joebear asked as concern shouted in his voice.
"Yes. I'll be fine," Sarah said. Yeah right! Her cousin just passed away. How the actual fuck could she be fine?!
"All right. I'm sorry, Sarah. This sucks," Captain Joebearcow said. "Love you."
"Love you, too, Joebear," Sarah said weakly.
There was a pause on the line before it disconnected. Captain Joebearcow drove, but he wasn't paying attention. He stared ahead and was on autopilot.
And... then the phone rang. A random number called.
Captain Joebearcow answered, "Hello?"
"Hello, brother Joebear. I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm proud of you," a woman said. A dog barked in the background.
"Angelina?! How did you get my number? Are you still alive after all?!" Captain Joebearcow shouted.
"I used your seaside delivery number, you dumbass bear. Haha. And no, I'm not alive. I am a spirit. My dog Miracle barks a hello," Angelina said.
"Oh. Um..... Is Miracle still alive?" Captain Joebearcow asked.
"Yes. He is on his way to see you. In my will, I gave him to you," Angelina said.
"Me?! Why me?! I saw you only like ten times ever!" Captain Joebearcow shouted.
"You're the best of the brothers clearly, and the most adorable," Angelina said with a chuckle.
"Well... ummm... Thanks. I feel honored?" Captain Joebearcow raised his eyebrow at the phone.
"Look. I don't have much time, so before I pass into the after life, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, Joebearcow. Tell your wife I say hi," Angelina said.
"Oh. Nice to meet you, Angelina," I said.
"I'm dead, you dumb bitch. You can't meet me. But if I were alive, it would have been nice to meet you. Goodbye Joebear. Goodbye Nicole," Angelina said.
"Goodbye..." Captain Joebearcow said as tears flooded his eyes.
"I'm seeing spirits around me..." Angelina whispered.
Captain Joebearcow drove, and we both started sobbing. My mind wasn't registering anything around me.
---------------------------------------------------------
"Oh Em Gee! That's sad! That's terrible! I'm sorry to hear that. We must schedule a Zoom Call about this!" King Bruce Ice shouted over the phone as I heard him slam his fist. He growled like the brown bear he was.
Captain Joebearcow growled in response as he heard the bear growl.
"I agree! Should I schedule the call or you?" I asked.
"I'm up to my ears in work. Can you do it? Invite all the beeeeearrrrrrs!" King Bruce Ice yelled. He growled "beeeeearrrrrrs."
"Even the gray bears?!" I asked.
"Yes even the gray bears! Invite Count Vanilla Manilla!" King Bruce Ice yelled. He sang a song of growls.
Captain Joebearcow sang in harmony with the growls. Bae Whuhhhhhh!!!!
"Bae Whuhhhhhhhh!!!!!" I sang before I spoke again, "Yes. I would love to hear the wisdom of Count Vanilla Manilla."
"Then invite him to the Zoom Call! And convince him to sing at the reception!" King Bruce Ice spoke with vigor.
"Will do!" I shouted as I opened up Zoom. My father knows how to handle Zoom better than I do.
"Put me on speaker. I need to practice the opening song for the meeting," King Bruce Ice said.
"You're already on speaker, King Bruce Ice. Sing!" I commanded.
"Please please please sing a song of commemoration!!!!" King Bruce Ice sang.
"Please please please sing a song of inspiration!!!" Queen Megara Ice and the Ice Princesses sang. King Bruce and Queen Megara Ice had four daughters.
Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling howled. Duke the Ace of Dodging was a pitbull mix. Riley the Ace of Riddling was a purebred Black Labrador.
"Please please please sing a song of retribution!" Captain Joebearcow sang loudly.
"Retribution!" We all sang.
"We need a meeting!!!!!" King Bruce Ice sang.
"We need a meeting!!!!" Queen Megara Ice and the Ice Princesses sang.
"Are you sure?" Captain Joebearcow asked. "My family is holding a funeral for her at some point."
"Yyyyyyyyeeeesssssss!!!!" the royal Ice family sang.
"Dude, couldn't we just call the Sexually-Frustrated Kool-Aid Man and ask him to pay for Angelina's funeral?" I asked. "We're mother-fucking broke."
"Yes. That's another reason for the meeting," King Bruce Ice sang.
"Really? Wouldn't a family member be responsible for paying for it?" Queen Megara Ice asked.
"I just got an update from my uncle Ricardo that my young cousin, Terry, and he are coordinating the funeral arrangements. They don't exactly know WHO is paying for it still. They think it's going to be split, but we should still consult the Sexually-frustrated Kool-Aid Man about payment options," Captain Joebearcow said.
"So... how did she die?" Queen Megara lce shouted.
"Kryptonite by Three Doors Down," King Bruce Ice answered.
"Oh Shit! I'm glad I didn't get the boosters. I don't see how becoming a super heroine is worth it," Queen Megara Ice said.
"It isn't," Captain Joebearcow said. "Being an average Joe is much better. This is what happens when you have too much power."
Riley the Ace of Riddling barked. Duke the Ace of Dodging howled.
Captain Joebearcow growled.
"THE SEXUALLY-FRUSTRATED KOOL-AID MAN IS PAYING FOR THE FUNERAL, AND THAT'S THAT!" King Bruce Ice announced.
Holy Shit! King Bruce Ice has spoken!
"Hey Joebear. It's me, Sarah. I have some terrible news. Please call me as soon as possible."
"Always something," Captain Joebearcow said. Then he did a great impression of his Mama Bear. "If it's not one thing, it's another."
I laughed.
We arrived at the dock of the random person. I dropped the meal kit off at the lighthouse and took a picture. Then I got back on Francesca, our new and improved sailboat.
"Hey what's going on, Sarah?!" Captain Joebearcow yelled in his strong voice over the phone.
"I... Uh... Have something to Uhhh... Tell you... It's..." Sarah said sadly over the phone as Captain Joebearcow drove the boat on Baseline River. We were now stationed at the Gulf of Gilbert.
"Sarah? What's wrong?" Captain Joebearcow asked.
"Angelina..." Sarah started to say as she was choking on her own tears. Angelina was Captain Joebearcow's much older sister.
"What happened, Sarah?" Captain Joebearcow asked.
Sarah was hyperventilating and sighing as she was trying to breathe. She couldn't talk out of sadness. Her mind was too heavy to form words. She sounded like literally cracking in pieces.
"Sarah ummm... What's going on with Angelina...?" Captain Joebearcow asked as concern saturated his voice.
"Angelina... is dead," she said as she choked on her own words.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry," Captain Joebearcow said. Angelina was a pirate on the high seas out in the Pacific Ocean. She was known as the Black Beauty of the Sea. She was a Captain in her day. Captain Joebearcow was slightly afraid of her. To tell the truth, he was surprised that Captain Angelina lasted that long on the seas.
I felt a wave of sadness hit Francesca.
Sarah sighed. "Yeah, me, too," she said as her breath was heavy out of her throat.
"Whoa whoa whoa! What happened?" he asked.
"Apparently, she had gotten THE JAB," Sarah answered dramatically. Sarah also avoided the jab like the Plague. She was a kindred spirit. Captain Joebearcow considers her a sister.
"Yeah, fuck modern medicine. It's nothing but trouble!" Captain Joebearcow yelled with a growl. He slammed the steering wheel with his fists.
"Yeah. Very true. Why she was jabbed twice is beyond me," Sarah said.
"I don't know. It was just stupid. I honestly don't understand what was going through her head when she was jabbed," Captain Joebearcow said as he threw his right paw to one side.
"I don't know, either, Joebear," Sarah said softly.
"Where will the funeral be held?" he asked.
"Either in Ohio, Arroz, or Neverland," Sarah said. "Uncle Ricardo is supposed to arrange it, but we have no idea who is paying for it. I'm broke."
"So are we. I'm going to go make some fish to deal with the news," Captain Joebearcow said.
"Yeah. That is a good idea," Sarah said absent-mindedly.
Captain Joebearcow and Sarah were both black bears. They were trying to distract themselves by thinking about food. None of them spoke for a good minute and a half.
"Do you need to stay on the phone?" he asked.
"No. You go make fish, and I am going to go into the kitchen and make myself some albacore tuna," Sarah said in a voice that sounded like she was a ghost from Christmas past.
"Are you sure?!" Joebear asked as concern shouted in his voice.
"Yes. I'll be fine," Sarah said. Yeah right! Her cousin just passed away. How the actual fuck could she be fine?!
"All right. I'm sorry, Sarah. This sucks," Captain Joebearcow said. "Love you."
"Love you, too, Joebear," Sarah said weakly.
There was a pause on the line before it disconnected. Captain Joebearcow drove, but he wasn't paying attention. He stared ahead and was on autopilot.
And... then the phone rang. A random number called.
Captain Joebearcow answered, "Hello?"
"Hello, brother Joebear. I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm proud of you," a woman said. A dog barked in the background.
"Angelina?! How did you get my number? Are you still alive after all?!" Captain Joebearcow shouted.
"I used your seaside delivery number, you dumbass bear. Haha. And no, I'm not alive. I am a spirit. My dog Miracle barks a hello," Angelina said.
"Oh. Um..... Is Miracle still alive?" Captain Joebearcow asked.
"Yes. He is on his way to see you. In my will, I gave him to you," Angelina said.
"Me?! Why me?! I saw you only like ten times ever!" Captain Joebearcow shouted.
"You're the best of the brothers clearly, and the most adorable," Angelina said with a chuckle.
"Well... ummm... Thanks. I feel honored?" Captain Joebearcow raised his eyebrow at the phone.
"Look. I don't have much time, so before I pass into the after life, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, Joebearcow. Tell your wife I say hi," Angelina said.
"Oh. Nice to meet you, Angelina," I said.
"I'm dead, you dumb bitch. You can't meet me. But if I were alive, it would have been nice to meet you. Goodbye Joebear. Goodbye Nicole," Angelina said.
"Goodbye..." Captain Joebearcow said as tears flooded his eyes.
"I'm seeing spirits around me..." Angelina whispered.
Captain Joebearcow drove, and we both started sobbing. My mind wasn't registering anything around me.
---------------------------------------------------------
"Oh Em Gee! That's sad! That's terrible! I'm sorry to hear that. We must schedule a Zoom Call about this!" King Bruce Ice shouted over the phone as I heard him slam his fist. He growled like the brown bear he was.
Captain Joebearcow growled in response as he heard the bear growl.
"I agree! Should I schedule the call or you?" I asked.
"I'm up to my ears in work. Can you do it? Invite all the beeeeearrrrrrs!" King Bruce Ice yelled. He growled "beeeeearrrrrrs."
"Even the gray bears?!" I asked.
"Yes even the gray bears! Invite Count Vanilla Manilla!" King Bruce Ice yelled. He sang a song of growls.
Captain Joebearcow sang in harmony with the growls. Bae Whuhhhhhh!!!!
"Bae Whuhhhhhhhh!!!!!" I sang before I spoke again, "Yes. I would love to hear the wisdom of Count Vanilla Manilla."
"Then invite him to the Zoom Call! And convince him to sing at the reception!" King Bruce Ice spoke with vigor.
"Will do!" I shouted as I opened up Zoom. My father knows how to handle Zoom better than I do.
"Put me on speaker. I need to practice the opening song for the meeting," King Bruce Ice said.
"You're already on speaker, King Bruce Ice. Sing!" I commanded.
"Please please please sing a song of commemoration!!!!" King Bruce Ice sang.
"Please please please sing a song of inspiration!!!" Queen Megara Ice and the Ice Princesses sang. King Bruce and Queen Megara Ice had four daughters.
Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling howled. Duke the Ace of Dodging was a pitbull mix. Riley the Ace of Riddling was a purebred Black Labrador.
"Please please please sing a song of retribution!" Captain Joebearcow sang loudly.
"Retribution!" We all sang.
"We need a meeting!!!!!" King Bruce Ice sang.
"We need a meeting!!!!" Queen Megara Ice and the Ice Princesses sang.
"Are you sure?" Captain Joebearcow asked. "My family is holding a funeral for her at some point."
"Yyyyyyyyeeeesssssss!!!!" the royal Ice family sang.
"Dude, couldn't we just call the Sexually-Frustrated Kool-Aid Man and ask him to pay for Angelina's funeral?" I asked. "We're mother-fucking broke."
"Yes. That's another reason for the meeting," King Bruce Ice sang.
"Really? Wouldn't a family member be responsible for paying for it?" Queen Megara Ice asked.
"I just got an update from my uncle Ricardo that my young cousin, Terry, and he are coordinating the funeral arrangements. They don't exactly know WHO is paying for it still. They think it's going to be split, but we should still consult the Sexually-frustrated Kool-Aid Man about payment options," Captain Joebearcow said.
"So... how did she die?" Queen Megara lce shouted.
"Kryptonite by Three Doors Down," King Bruce Ice answered.
"Oh Shit! I'm glad I didn't get the boosters. I don't see how becoming a super heroine is worth it," Queen Megara Ice said.
"It isn't," Captain Joebearcow said. "Being an average Joe is much better. This is what happens when you have too much power."
Riley the Ace of Riddling barked. Duke the Ace of Dodging howled.
Captain Joebearcow growled.
"THE SEXUALLY-FRUSTRATED KOOL-AID MAN IS PAYING FOR THE FUNERAL, AND THAT'S THAT!" King Bruce Ice announced.
Holy Shit! King Bruce Ice has spoken!