Merry Christmas, Happy Halloween, and Happy Birthday, Ted the Alligator
King Joebear and I had just returned from the magical swamp that was on this planet. It was even crazier than the swamp we frequented on Earth. As King Joebear and I returned home, we saw that Godiva, Tug, Miss Oreo, and Kissy were circled around Ted the Alligator who was wearing a green and red party hat. Apparently, we were celebrating his birthday early. No one told me they were hosting at our place. But I guess it was an emergency considering that even the holidays are part of cancel culture.
King Joebear's and my modern abode had Christmas trees in the living room and moats around them. To be honest, the trees were almost too large to be stationed in our living room. The moats also smelled crisp and like they were from the Alps. I dubbed this celebration lit.
Our house was in the middle of the street and decorated with candy canes, trees decorated with pumpkins and purple tinsil, and bells along the mantle on the inside and gutters on the outside. Miss Oreo and Kissy invited reindeer to our house, and they were walking around. Lawn mowers outside of our house were also cutting the grass and making a stupid amount of noise. There were also elves walking around, putting mushrooms in the bushes that the lawn mowers ignored. They also walked around, and put boxes in the bushes. Some elves walked around, and put saplings in the bushes. There was a fat man walking around, and hiding in the bushes. There was a fat woman walking around, and jumping out of bushes.
It must have been the Nightmare Before Christmas here because the holidays arrived early.
Tyler1 also was at our house and trying to play League of Legends with Ted the Alligator. Tyler1 usually screamed at the birthday guest because that's what Tyler1 does. He screams at people. He explained that if you don't move for him, he won't move for you.
"OH COME ON, PUSH!" Tyler1 shouted at the computer.
Tug then pushed over one of King Joebear's monitors and knocked it on the floor.
"Haha! Are you serious, Tug? What did you do that for?" I blurted out
Joebear then picked up the monitor and put it back on the computer desk. "What are you doing? That was as cringy as Lenny Kravitz!"
"I like Lenny Kravitz. Should I play his songs?" I asked.
"No," Ted the Alligator said with an aggressive growl.
"What are you even fucking talking about?" Tyler1 said. "When I grow my hair, I look like Lenny Kravitz. Yes, cat, I get it."
The TV then showed Dr. Fuckchi and Alex Jones sitting side by side and reporting the news.
"Hello everybody, this is Dr. Fuckchi," the obnoxious duck with a New York accent said.
"And I'm Dr. Alex Jones with the CDPCP, and we want to report that the frogs on the Green Planet have gone gay! It's an EPIDEMIC!" a white grizzly bear with big blue eyes shouted at us in a raspy froggy voice.
"Yes. It's definitely crazy. I blame the onions that are growing on this planet. They have been linked to making frogs gay and fat and the rest of us getting salmonella. As the main health director of the United Emirates of Chinta and true head of the Center of Disease and Plague Control and Prevention, I have instructed a recall on all onions grown on this planet," Dr. Fuckchi said with a quack at the end of the rant.
"The Onion has also gone out of business because of bullshit happening somewhere!" Dr. Alex Jones shouted at us in his froggy voice.
Godiva sighed and said, "That explains why that onion pizza we ordered tastes turrible."
Ted the Alligator lifted the large one-topping onion pizza with his mouth and threw it in the garbage. He growled at it. "That was dumb of us to order that fucking pizza."
"I guess my son has to delete onions from his diet and possibly replace them with olives to keep on his G.O.M.B.S diet. It's greens, olives... mushrooms, beans, and seeds," Godiva said.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HALLOWEEN, AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TED THE ALLIGATOR!" I shouted. "I did not want to relive my personal bad experience with the large one-topping onion pizza at Pappa Pig's Pizzeria. It was a cheese pizza with onion strings under it. Clearly, I have salmonella, and no one told me.
On Christmas of 2018, I was dressed in a black dress and black dress shoes and working for Mr. Williamson, the man that floated away a few minutes ago who had a vision problem and a great sense of humor. It had rained heavily on Christmas Eve in 2018, so Mr. Williamson's backyard had turned into a swamp.
On Christmas Day of 2018, Mr. Williamson and I discovered Ted the Alligator. They had a major argument until Ted the Alligator became his pet.
"Thank you, although that pizza was fucking god-awful! Goddamn!" Ted the Alligator said as he said as he slithered over back under the tree.
"Yeah. That was just SORRY!" Godiva said.
Tug howled loudly to confirm.
King Joebear chuckled. "At least wasn't as bad as that potatoes and carrots AU ROTTEN my wife made on Sunday evening. That was-that was- I don't know what to say about that meal!"
"At least you were able to eat three bowls of it despite the packets of cheese paste from Wild Thighs Cafe and vanilla almond milk from Count Vanilla Manilla's freezer coagulating in the oven and almost causing World War III in the oven!" I shouted.
"It was bad, bae!" King Joebear threw his head back and laughed. "That meal can rest in pieces. If it comes back to life, I'm throwing it in a live volcano."
We all just laughed and shook our heads. It was ridiculous that even onions have been recalled. It's always something. And I definitely can't cope with The Onion not reporting the news anymore. It was my favorite place to get the TRUE news. I am still trying to cope with the potatoes and carrots au rotten that was created in my oven.
I began to sing, and as I sang, the others (except Ted the Alligator) joined in singing,
"Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday, dear Ted the Alligator.
Happy Birthday to you."
King Joebear's and my modern abode had Christmas trees in the living room and moats around them. To be honest, the trees were almost too large to be stationed in our living room. The moats also smelled crisp and like they were from the Alps. I dubbed this celebration lit.
Our house was in the middle of the street and decorated with candy canes, trees decorated with pumpkins and purple tinsil, and bells along the mantle on the inside and gutters on the outside. Miss Oreo and Kissy invited reindeer to our house, and they were walking around. Lawn mowers outside of our house were also cutting the grass and making a stupid amount of noise. There were also elves walking around, putting mushrooms in the bushes that the lawn mowers ignored. They also walked around, and put boxes in the bushes. Some elves walked around, and put saplings in the bushes. There was a fat man walking around, and hiding in the bushes. There was a fat woman walking around, and jumping out of bushes.
It must have been the Nightmare Before Christmas here because the holidays arrived early.
Tyler1 also was at our house and trying to play League of Legends with Ted the Alligator. Tyler1 usually screamed at the birthday guest because that's what Tyler1 does. He screams at people. He explained that if you don't move for him, he won't move for you.
"OH COME ON, PUSH!" Tyler1 shouted at the computer.
Tug then pushed over one of King Joebear's monitors and knocked it on the floor.
"Haha! Are you serious, Tug? What did you do that for?" I blurted out
Joebear then picked up the monitor and put it back on the computer desk. "What are you doing? That was as cringy as Lenny Kravitz!"
"I like Lenny Kravitz. Should I play his songs?" I asked.
"No," Ted the Alligator said with an aggressive growl.
"What are you even fucking talking about?" Tyler1 said. "When I grow my hair, I look like Lenny Kravitz. Yes, cat, I get it."
The TV then showed Dr. Fuckchi and Alex Jones sitting side by side and reporting the news.
"Hello everybody, this is Dr. Fuckchi," the obnoxious duck with a New York accent said.
"And I'm Dr. Alex Jones with the CDPCP, and we want to report that the frogs on the Green Planet have gone gay! It's an EPIDEMIC!" a white grizzly bear with big blue eyes shouted at us in a raspy froggy voice.
"Yes. It's definitely crazy. I blame the onions that are growing on this planet. They have been linked to making frogs gay and fat and the rest of us getting salmonella. As the main health director of the United Emirates of Chinta and true head of the Center of Disease and Plague Control and Prevention, I have instructed a recall on all onions grown on this planet," Dr. Fuckchi said with a quack at the end of the rant.
"The Onion has also gone out of business because of bullshit happening somewhere!" Dr. Alex Jones shouted at us in his froggy voice.
Godiva sighed and said, "That explains why that onion pizza we ordered tastes turrible."
Ted the Alligator lifted the large one-topping onion pizza with his mouth and threw it in the garbage. He growled at it. "That was dumb of us to order that fucking pizza."
"I guess my son has to delete onions from his diet and possibly replace them with olives to keep on his G.O.M.B.S diet. It's greens, olives... mushrooms, beans, and seeds," Godiva said.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HALLOWEEN, AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TED THE ALLIGATOR!" I shouted. "I did not want to relive my personal bad experience with the large one-topping onion pizza at Pappa Pig's Pizzeria. It was a cheese pizza with onion strings under it. Clearly, I have salmonella, and no one told me.
On Christmas of 2018, I was dressed in a black dress and black dress shoes and working for Mr. Williamson, the man that floated away a few minutes ago who had a vision problem and a great sense of humor. It had rained heavily on Christmas Eve in 2018, so Mr. Williamson's backyard had turned into a swamp.
On Christmas Day of 2018, Mr. Williamson and I discovered Ted the Alligator. They had a major argument until Ted the Alligator became his pet.
"Thank you, although that pizza was fucking god-awful! Goddamn!" Ted the Alligator said as he said as he slithered over back under the tree.
"Yeah. That was just SORRY!" Godiva said.
Tug howled loudly to confirm.
King Joebear chuckled. "At least wasn't as bad as that potatoes and carrots AU ROTTEN my wife made on Sunday evening. That was-that was- I don't know what to say about that meal!"
"At least you were able to eat three bowls of it despite the packets of cheese paste from Wild Thighs Cafe and vanilla almond milk from Count Vanilla Manilla's freezer coagulating in the oven and almost causing World War III in the oven!" I shouted.
"It was bad, bae!" King Joebear threw his head back and laughed. "That meal can rest in pieces. If it comes back to life, I'm throwing it in a live volcano."
We all just laughed and shook our heads. It was ridiculous that even onions have been recalled. It's always something. And I definitely can't cope with The Onion not reporting the news anymore. It was my favorite place to get the TRUE news. I am still trying to cope with the potatoes and carrots au rotten that was created in my oven.
I began to sing, and as I sang, the others (except Ted the Alligator) joined in singing,
"Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday, dear Ted the Alligator.
Happy Birthday to you."