(no subject)
They say that if you wear goggles that make everything appear upside down your brain will turn it rightside up again.
I think that instead of your brain correcting the picture, the image flips your brain.
Something to do with perception and reality.
***
I remember being four or five when my big brother taught me to howl. From the top of our plywood treehouse in a tall maple we howled down the sun and brought up the moon.
Today i feel like ive been sitting in cages and tethered to buried stakes for too many years. Arent i too young for that feeling?
***
i'm looking at real estate, something i used to do for hours at a time when i was a valet at the bravern. ha.
10, 20+ acres, somewhere in the tonasket type area. i will also look in OR, AK, MT, canadia, somewhere else. dare i look on another continent? russia? must have year round source of water, trees, varied elevation, soil not too impossible for growing food, and no human habitation within sight, or more than that, hard miles. i might allow a small cabin on the property itself, but preferably i'm the one who put it there. no more than 60k. preferably 20. less. free. right.
i'm not sure about something though. the choices are to buy a house in a city something i could rent out at a price that covers payments and produces a small profit, i'm only talking 200ish but more is possible, and with luck sell for more than the purchase price. money from that and regular income would go towards my nowhere land which i could build up over the years. or i could buy both within years of each other, owe an uncomfortable amount, run with luck that i will be able to afford both, or sell the house and hopefully not lose money if it becomes too much. or i could buy my nowhere and sink all my money into it, make it my home, pay a small predictable amount annually. other options there are but who wants to read the extent of my stick rubbing?
i don't know. i have limited yet reliable income right now and few expenses. my upbringing only provided distant familiarity with money. paperwork disgusts me and i'm bullheaded enough to defend my naivety to the last. i despise the notion of ....no rant here now, after all, i am employed by an institution that defends such practices. i could take one shot at one thing i know i want and make my kill, or i could dabble, and potentially make a mistake, begin at zero, worse, in debt, and put off my nowhere home for years. my biggest fear is building my nowhere and having it taken from me, particularly by my own ignorance or poor planning or distractibility. it's likely i will wield a shotgun when strangers call and i have every intention of keeping wolves and fierce goats on the land.
another thing i have accepted is that i will be going into this alone. i expect no partner, no accomplice. it's a much safer way of thinking, maybe even more adult of me to drop hope and take the mission for myself entirely, but as much as it saddens me it comforts as well. my deep issues with trust. and, odds are a person will appear. i just don't expect, and i think i'd be fine in solitude. i'm not waiting around for anyone, that's for sure. hard enough to get my own ass in gear.
some people daydream about their weddings. some about godhood. i want land to grow vegetables, care for my animal kin, produce art, get away from the infectious smallness of humans, and be satisfied at the end of most days because i have finished my chores, exercised my mind and body, avoided pollutions and pestilence, and maybe touched freedom through the bared heels of my feet. that's what i dream about.
that and the apocalypse, and pretty colors and warm bodies and warfare and red dust and long travels and shining minerals and strange beasts and ghosts and labors.
***
my days lately have consisted of listening to majors play, firing rockets at aircraft, and desert stargazing as helicopters and jets shoot rockets and machine guns and drop bombs on a little target town named yodaville. peaceful, in other words.
junior mints, books, coffee. MREs. sometimes i spend the night with an fb from fl. drama though she can be, i am comfortable around her, and she touches me gently. she'll probably never know how grateful i am to her for that.
I think that instead of your brain correcting the picture, the image flips your brain.
Something to do with perception and reality.
***
I remember being four or five when my big brother taught me to howl. From the top of our plywood treehouse in a tall maple we howled down the sun and brought up the moon.
Today i feel like ive been sitting in cages and tethered to buried stakes for too many years. Arent i too young for that feeling?
***
i'm looking at real estate, something i used to do for hours at a time when i was a valet at the bravern. ha.
10, 20+ acres, somewhere in the tonasket type area. i will also look in OR, AK, MT, canadia, somewhere else. dare i look on another continent? russia? must have year round source of water, trees, varied elevation, soil not too impossible for growing food, and no human habitation within sight, or more than that, hard miles. i might allow a small cabin on the property itself, but preferably i'm the one who put it there. no more than 60k. preferably 20. less. free. right.
i'm not sure about something though. the choices are to buy a house in a city something i could rent out at a price that covers payments and produces a small profit, i'm only talking 200ish but more is possible, and with luck sell for more than the purchase price. money from that and regular income would go towards my nowhere land which i could build up over the years. or i could buy both within years of each other, owe an uncomfortable amount, run with luck that i will be able to afford both, or sell the house and hopefully not lose money if it becomes too much. or i could buy my nowhere and sink all my money into it, make it my home, pay a small predictable amount annually. other options there are but who wants to read the extent of my stick rubbing?
i don't know. i have limited yet reliable income right now and few expenses. my upbringing only provided distant familiarity with money. paperwork disgusts me and i'm bullheaded enough to defend my naivety to the last. i despise the notion of ....no rant here now, after all, i am employed by an institution that defends such practices. i could take one shot at one thing i know i want and make my kill, or i could dabble, and potentially make a mistake, begin at zero, worse, in debt, and put off my nowhere home for years. my biggest fear is building my nowhere and having it taken from me, particularly by my own ignorance or poor planning or distractibility. it's likely i will wield a shotgun when strangers call and i have every intention of keeping wolves and fierce goats on the land.
another thing i have accepted is that i will be going into this alone. i expect no partner, no accomplice. it's a much safer way of thinking, maybe even more adult of me to drop hope and take the mission for myself entirely, but as much as it saddens me it comforts as well. my deep issues with trust. and, odds are a person will appear. i just don't expect, and i think i'd be fine in solitude. i'm not waiting around for anyone, that's for sure. hard enough to get my own ass in gear.
some people daydream about their weddings. some about godhood. i want land to grow vegetables, care for my animal kin, produce art, get away from the infectious smallness of humans, and be satisfied at the end of most days because i have finished my chores, exercised my mind and body, avoided pollutions and pestilence, and maybe touched freedom through the bared heels of my feet. that's what i dream about.
that and the apocalypse, and pretty colors and warm bodies and warfare and red dust and long travels and shining minerals and strange beasts and ghosts and labors.
***
my days lately have consisted of listening to majors play, firing rockets at aircraft, and desert stargazing as helicopters and jets shoot rockets and machine guns and drop bombs on a little target town named yodaville. peaceful, in other words.
junior mints, books, coffee. MREs. sometimes i spend the night with an fb from fl. drama though she can be, i am comfortable around her, and she touches me gently. she'll probably never know how grateful i am to her for that.