The Rules
I read The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right years ago out of sheer curiosity. What could other women be getting out of this? What the hell?
And "what the hell" was basically my reaction upon delving into it as well. (This book still holds a place in the Top 3 Books That Got A Violent Reaction from Christy. The other two were a book by Rush Limbaugh that the same sense of perverse curiosity about others' ideologies drove me to read and a book called Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps that was assigned in a Masculinity Studies course a few years ago. Each of these three books prompted me to throw them across the room or down the stairs, something I would never do with a "real book.")
And now I am passing on the frustration and insanity to my students. I've assigned sections of the book to accompany the short story we're reading for class Tuesday, Melissa Bank's "A Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing," which is centered on and critical of the ideas presented by The Rules.
For your reading pleasure (or something), here's a short excerpt from the book that I find particularly revolting. In Chapter 4, entitled "But First the Product--You!" (disturbing enough in itself), the authors advocate emphasizing physical appearance and being overly concerned with wearing the right clothes and even wearing makeup at all times: "Put lipstick on even when you go jogging!" they advise. And then this:
"Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward. If you have a bad nose, get a nose job; color gray hair; grow your hair long. Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. It doesn't matter what your hairdresser and friends think. You're certainly not trying to attract them! Let's face it, hairdressers are notorious for pushing exciting, short haircuts on their clients; trimming long hair is not fun for them. It doesn't matter that short hair is easier to wash and dry or that your hair is very thin. The point is, we're girls! We don't want to look like boys."
Wow. I mean, wow.
And I'm not just offended by this because I have short hair myself. They put a LOT of weight on a haircut in the seduction process. And demonizing hairdressers in the process is just a bit weird.
Ultimately, the message here is not just limited to "Appearance is important." It crosses that line and goes on to reach ever greater heights of superficiality and stereotypical attitudes. Fuck the hairdressers and their expertise. Fuck your own comfort, happiness, or sense of style. Fuck what your friends think; after all, they're really not all THAT important because you can't marry them. Hooray for imposed gender identity and making sure you make your sex/gender/sexuality as clear as possible. We wouldn't want to confuse the boys by looking like one. That would be catastrophic.
Trust me, the whole book is awful in this way. If you really want to read it for some reason, check it out from your local public library (I'll bet you money they have a copy--or two or three. Mine did.) and do not give these people or their publishers any more money.
And "what the hell" was basically my reaction upon delving into it as well. (This book still holds a place in the Top 3 Books That Got A Violent Reaction from Christy. The other two were a book by Rush Limbaugh that the same sense of perverse curiosity about others' ideologies drove me to read and a book called Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps that was assigned in a Masculinity Studies course a few years ago. Each of these three books prompted me to throw them across the room or down the stairs, something I would never do with a "real book.")
And now I am passing on the frustration and insanity to my students. I've assigned sections of the book to accompany the short story we're reading for class Tuesday, Melissa Bank's "A Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing," which is centered on and critical of the ideas presented by The Rules.
For your reading pleasure (or something), here's a short excerpt from the book that I find particularly revolting. In Chapter 4, entitled "But First the Product--You!" (disturbing enough in itself), the authors advocate emphasizing physical appearance and being overly concerned with wearing the right clothes and even wearing makeup at all times: "Put lipstick on even when you go jogging!" they advise. And then this:
"Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward. If you have a bad nose, get a nose job; color gray hair; grow your hair long. Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. It doesn't matter what your hairdresser and friends think. You're certainly not trying to attract them! Let's face it, hairdressers are notorious for pushing exciting, short haircuts on their clients; trimming long hair is not fun for them. It doesn't matter that short hair is easier to wash and dry or that your hair is very thin. The point is, we're girls! We don't want to look like boys."
Wow. I mean, wow.
And I'm not just offended by this because I have short hair myself. They put a LOT of weight on a haircut in the seduction process. And demonizing hairdressers in the process is just a bit weird.
Ultimately, the message here is not just limited to "Appearance is important." It crosses that line and goes on to reach ever greater heights of superficiality and stereotypical attitudes. Fuck the hairdressers and their expertise. Fuck your own comfort, happiness, or sense of style. Fuck what your friends think; after all, they're really not all THAT important because you can't marry them. Hooray for imposed gender identity and making sure you make your sex/gender/sexuality as clear as possible. We wouldn't want to confuse the boys by looking like one. That would be catastrophic.
Trust me, the whole book is awful in this way. If you really want to read it for some reason, check it out from your local public library (I'll bet you money they have a copy--or two or three. Mine did.) and do not give these people or their publishers any more money.