The end of the world will at least have good catering
I pay particular care to the rate at which I eat crystallized ginger from Trader Joe's because at a certain point, I will surpass the unspoken human quota for crystallized ginger and this ungodly surplus of ingestation will do its evil part when the apocalypse happens. I understand this and take upon my task gravely. I am determined not to be ignorant but I am only human and have my faults like anyone.
How sad that such delicious treats will one day cause the downfall of _________ [world region deleted; if I told people the future they would only work to stop it and try to fight time and prophecy, which might cause it to actually happen and I dislike that sort of irony; it is trite]! It is widely thought that _________ has the most gorgeous _________ in the world so we do not take this statement lightly.
Our hearts weep inside at the future to come which may be laid at the feet of crystallized ginger and the wicked people who eat it. If only, if only (we say as we sigh melodramatically in front of a great big audience), oh if only they had abolished crystallized ginger ages ago!
Still, I cannot help but be selfishly happy that they did not, even if it does mean the entire end of _________. They are just so delicious. I expect others will be mindful in how much crystallized ginger they eat in their lifetimes and therefore do most of my role for me. Am I a bad person for this? Probably.
How sad that such delicious treats will one day cause the downfall of _________ [world region deleted; if I told people the future they would only work to stop it and try to fight time and prophecy, which might cause it to actually happen and I dislike that sort of irony; it is trite]! It is widely thought that _________ has the most gorgeous _________ in the world so we do not take this statement lightly.
Our hearts weep inside at the future to come which may be laid at the feet of crystallized ginger and the wicked people who eat it. If only, if only (we say as we sigh melodramatically in front of a great big audience), oh if only they had abolished crystallized ginger ages ago!
Still, I cannot help but be selfishly happy that they did not, even if it does mean the entire end of _________. They are just so delicious. I expect others will be mindful in how much crystallized ginger they eat in their lifetimes and therefore do most of my role for me. Am I a bad person for this? Probably.