"The day has been eventful"

[cleolinda]

@cleolinda: Anxious about doctor visit. Have to go, don't want to go.

@cleolinda: I'll talk about it more elsewhere, rather than inflict the details on everyone. It's a pro-active effort, not serious illness

Comments

[litlover12]

Oh, Cleo. My heart goes out to you. There's something about gynecologists . . . whether you have the right one or the wrong one makes ALL the difference, much more so than with other kinds of doctors

[cleolinda]

Thanks. It's interesting--there is just something about pelvic exam pain that is upsetting on a completely separate level. And what really took me aback, I think, was that she was fine the first time. It wasn't like, "this is a terrible doctor and you should never go back." I'm just repeating myself at this point, but yeah, it does a number on your head in a way that "going to the walk-in clinic for flesh-eating catbitis" doesn't, even though they cheerfully gave me shit for not coming in sooner and had a younger doctor come in to witness the administration of ~THE CLINDA~ antibiotic. Like, that was just funny, because I didn't feel like my worth as a person or a woman was involved or anything.

[dragonpaws]

Chiming in about pelvic exam pain being psychologically disturbing in a completely unique way. I have vulvar vestibulitis (another fun vulvar pain syndrome, yay!) and basically every exam for it I just lay there and cry. Not intentionally, and it is hideously embarrassing, but something about hurting there while spread out helpless on a table and some stranger is touching me... it really gets to me. And I have been through multiple cycles of IVF treatment with calm and good cheer, even though that is painful and humiliating in its own special way, so it is definitely an effect unique to pelvic pain

[dragonpaws]

*pubic hair, obviously. Though I also find it weird if strange men comment on my hair that is publicly visible.

I appreciate you being so open about this, even though it is hard- It is so important to be reminded that you have to be your own advocate for medical care.

[scornedsaint]

Oh my goodness, this hurt to read but thank you for posting it. And thank you for reiterating that it is okay to question your doctor if you don't like what's happening. I think it's hard for a lot of people because it's like "Well...they went to school for this, so they must know more than me" (this is also the problem I have when interacting with hairstylists.) I only recently got up the courage to tell my doctor about how painful pap smears are for me -- not due to vaginismus, just things are apparently more narrowly-set down there than average -- so they used the pediatric speculum instead and the doctor said he was glad I told him because they didn't want me to be uncomfortable. And I think a good doctor would want to know that shit, because every body is different and there are some reactions they can't anticipate. ...But you obviously had a horrifically bad one, good god. I'm morbidly curious to know if she's still practicing

[editornia]

OMG, something called a 'pediatric speculum' exists? I *so* have to ask my doctor for that next time! Thank you for mentioning it!!

[scornedsaint]

They do! The practice I go to isn't in associated with a family/pediatric one, so presumably it must be something that all offices have around even if they don't see pediatric patients.

(Honestly, speculums were always terrifying to me, but ESPECIALLY after that part in Tina Fey's memoirs where she describes it as looking like a milkshake machine.)

[litlover12]

Yeah, I had the pediatric one too. My gyno this time said, "I'm going to use the smallest one I have" and then she saw me having MAJOR PAIN and was like ". . . You know what, there's one even smaller" and whipped out the pediatric one. Thank heaven for it!!

[mysticowl]

*big internet hugs*

I'm sorry you had a bad day, but glad they took care of you well. Wherever that nurse and doctor from 15 years ago are, fuck them and the medical ethics and patient care classes they apparently failed.

I had at transvaginal ultrasound once that needed a full bladder (I think it was both abdominal and tv), and the full bladder thing nearly killed me. I mean, not literally, but I needed to go to the bathroom *so bad*. I drank the exact prescribed amount of water, but thinking back I should've tailored it a bit more to my tiny bladder. It was like, "Stick whatever you want wherever, just let me go pee!"

[cleolinda]

Heh. I honestly didn't know if mine was full enough, because I just had a stomach disgustingly full of water, but they told me to come on in anyway. That was the last procedure I had, and I was just totally Pallas Cat by that point.

[the_rainbow_jen]

Jumping in - I've been told the exact opposite also works - completely empty bladder works for scans. Mind, different techs, but its generally easier to squeeze out the last bit than chug/slosh around.

[rufinia]

I had a transvag one once, and when they pulled out the wand, I actually yelled "You're going to put that WHERE?????"

It was uncomfortable.

[editornia]

Also, the gel they put on your stomach these days is weirdly hot. Gel technology has either greatly improved in the last fifteen years, or the previous doctor was using weird cold sketchy gel, because of course she would.

It has changed, yes. Thankfully!

...I'm glad you're still here, I'm glad you came through it, and *MASSIVE HUGS* for surviving it. (I also have problems with evil pap-smears. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I get one, it hurts shitloads and I bleed and it is epically painful. So at least you're not alone in that regard? Sorry for the possible TMI.))

[cleolinda]

Oh, this entry is a TMI zone. Honestly, there wasn't any blood, so it wasn't even as bad as that. I WAS literally white-knuckling through it, but again, I think the worst part was just the sheer disappointment. That feeling of "but I thought I'd gotten better."

[channonyarrow]

Your head did, but your body may take some convincing. Just - you deserve good care (everyone does!), you didn't get it, and no kidding you put off going to the doc forever.

No matter how okay I am mentally with my rapist ex, I sometimes have trouble with sex, and I am generally very sexually happy and in touch with what I like, and have several partners at the mo', but I was totally celibate for 6 years and basically celibate for 11. Your body is just on a different timeframe than your head, and maybe it will take time, but every step you take to convince it, not just your head, will help. I think that's true anyway.

I hope that other doc was tarred, feathered, run out of town on a rail, and is doing something different now. You deserve support, and so does everyone.

[vivian_lake]

All the sympathy in the world.

Anyone who prioritises recaps over the recapper's physical and mental health doesn't even deserve to get eaten, because they're most likely completely inedible, and even Lecter won't be able to make anything decent out of them.

(I wish I could somehow just magically make you to not feel guilt about those things, but I don't have superpowers. Moral support, this I have in spades.)

[cleolinda]

Heh, thanks. I figured I'd just go ahead and say that up front, because I just really did not feel like dealing with that moment of shock you get when you're like "I cannot believe you just said that, here, in my comments, and now I have to try not to throttle you." It's very--well, you'll know the moment I'm talking about, when Hannibal just stares at Mason stabbing the chair, like "I don't even know how to handle this."

[vermouth1991]

(I think that part of the reason why Hannibal's character gets so successfully humanized is that he faces genuine problems in his life that even we "peons" can relate to: a friend jilting an appointment without a warning (Will in "Sorbet"), people you're uncomfortable of dealing with but you simply have to because it's your job (Franklin in a nutshell), people offending you so severely but you can't retaliate because then *you'd* be called rude (Mason and the chair