Mr. Hyde
My humor has always been a little...off.
My personality seems to be cut right down the middle, something I never really had control over. When I was a kid it was easy, I only used one part of my personality: easy-going/laid back, overly sensitive, too caring to the point everyone walks all over you, silly, obsessive, loud, imaginative, and kind-hearted. Life was simple. I had been told by moma countless times I had a 1000 watt smile and another parent commented to her "that when Katie smiles, her eyes light up." But something happened when high school was coming to a close. That 1000 watt smile sometimes dimmed into a lopsided smirk and my personality got a bit cloudy. Maybe it was hormones but something inside of me was changing. A part of my personality that had lain dormant for so long was trying to push its way out. I found myself coming out with cynical statements that 17 year olds wouldn't normally say. Instead of being bitten I was the one biting. I never ceased putting others before myself but now I was careful not to be nice to everyone.
When I was little my mom gave me the best advice I have ever gotten. After coming home crying from friends’ houses where their other friends would bully me or blatantly leave me out, mom would wipe my tears away and tell me, "Katie, not everyone is going to like you." I had this desire for everyone to be my friend. I was rarely ever mean so I never understood when people who didn't even get the chance to know me would make the decision to hate me. I didn't get it and to this day I still don't. Maybe it's because I have such a strong personality people don't know how to handle me. Honestly, sometimes I can't handle me either.
I don't know how the day will play out until I wake up in the morning. Once I sit up I know what kind of day I'm going to have. It's either one or the other. Never a mix of both. A good one means the world gets a "happy-go-lucky Me". On an off day...oh boy...the world gets "the other Me". My usual sunny disposition morphed into what you get on most days at the surge: distrusting, sarcastic, impatient, compulsive, quiet (unless provoked), creative but wants you over there not here. Sometimes the two personalities merge (being laid back AND sarcastic at the same time) but more often than not, it's usually one or the other and you can easily tell which one inhabits my body at the moment just by my body language. If I'm not looking at you when you're speaking, it's bad today.
I have to admit, though I love being a goofball I don't like some of the traits that come with that. On good days I find I see the true colors of those around me and I get sad. On bad days, if someone crosses me I get mad then I produce something to get out my frustration. I have a lot of trouble writing when I'm overly happy and you can tell because no one comments on those journal entries. But yesterday, yesterday I feel my college self pushing through my cheerful exterior to glare at an advertisement outside the train window.
As we're pulling into the Bethpage station I see it. It's a typical print ad for another Walk and normally it wouldn't even faze me and I wouldn't pay attention to it but something inside of me snaps. A thought flashes in my head and I laugh.
Cringehumor.
Oh my God, it's back. A side of me I had suppressed when I worked at Genesis is trying to get out. I didn't know if I should let it out. I didn't know if I could handle the brashness of that sense of humor, the same sense of humor that I put into my ads with my partner, Mike, in the journalism school. We created ads for Comedy Central that cursed you out. We produced KY Jelly advertisements without even using words. We had a campaign for candy cigarettes that bordered on pedophilia and when the class cringed and tried not to giggle, I did it for them until they felt it was okay to. My teacher, Slayden, once told me, "You go for the cheap laugh." He wasn't complimenting me even though I took it as that; he was trying to tell me it's hard to sustain laughs but I don't know Slayden, I still go into hysterics during commercials I’ve seen a hundred times that are funny.
So I come up with an idea in reaction to what I see on the billboard. It's on a green background with a picture of everyone walking down the street and it says: Taking strides to prevent suicide. Well...being that I've been there, been that desperate that I felt killing myself was a better option than living, I come up with a more effective ad. An ad if I had seen it seven years ago, it might have scared me into putting down that bottle of Bayer aspirin. So today I take ten minutes to create my masterpiece in Photoshop (and you can tell...but give me a break. I've been out of school for over four years!)
The reason I warned you about my dual personality is specifically for what I made. I want you to understand there are two sides of me. This side can be offensive but I just have to put this out there. I just have to keep writing about things that make you uncomfortable, draw things that gross you out, and create anything that comes to mind for I fear my brain will waste away if I never use it. I will however, be using a fake lj cut which is where the rest of my post will be hidden in the comment section. These cuts will be warnings for you and if you click on the link, you can't blame me for what you see. I don’t want you to be assaulted by my work, I'd rather give you the choice to look for yourself. I want to start posting work of mine that can be borderline offensive because some of my readers enjoy that sick sense of humor I possess. Though there are some of you that like my nicey-nice chaste humor as well. I don't want to lose any readers but I honestly don't really know what yall like to begin with. I'm just putting myself out there as an artist and if I'm not afraid to expose my weakness you shouldn't be afraid to tell me where I go wrong or right.
My personality seems to be cut right down the middle, something I never really had control over. When I was a kid it was easy, I only used one part of my personality: easy-going/laid back, overly sensitive, too caring to the point everyone walks all over you, silly, obsessive, loud, imaginative, and kind-hearted. Life was simple. I had been told by moma countless times I had a 1000 watt smile and another parent commented to her "that when Katie smiles, her eyes light up." But something happened when high school was coming to a close. That 1000 watt smile sometimes dimmed into a lopsided smirk and my personality got a bit cloudy. Maybe it was hormones but something inside of me was changing. A part of my personality that had lain dormant for so long was trying to push its way out. I found myself coming out with cynical statements that 17 year olds wouldn't normally say. Instead of being bitten I was the one biting. I never ceased putting others before myself but now I was careful not to be nice to everyone.
When I was little my mom gave me the best advice I have ever gotten. After coming home crying from friends’ houses where their other friends would bully me or blatantly leave me out, mom would wipe my tears away and tell me, "Katie, not everyone is going to like you." I had this desire for everyone to be my friend. I was rarely ever mean so I never understood when people who didn't even get the chance to know me would make the decision to hate me. I didn't get it and to this day I still don't. Maybe it's because I have such a strong personality people don't know how to handle me. Honestly, sometimes I can't handle me either.
I don't know how the day will play out until I wake up in the morning. Once I sit up I know what kind of day I'm going to have. It's either one or the other. Never a mix of both. A good one means the world gets a "happy-go-lucky Me". On an off day...oh boy...the world gets "the other Me". My usual sunny disposition morphed into what you get on most days at the surge: distrusting, sarcastic, impatient, compulsive, quiet (unless provoked), creative but wants you over there not here. Sometimes the two personalities merge (being laid back AND sarcastic at the same time) but more often than not, it's usually one or the other and you can easily tell which one inhabits my body at the moment just by my body language. If I'm not looking at you when you're speaking, it's bad today.
I have to admit, though I love being a goofball I don't like some of the traits that come with that. On good days I find I see the true colors of those around me and I get sad. On bad days, if someone crosses me I get mad then I produce something to get out my frustration. I have a lot of trouble writing when I'm overly happy and you can tell because no one comments on those journal entries. But yesterday, yesterday I feel my college self pushing through my cheerful exterior to glare at an advertisement outside the train window.
As we're pulling into the Bethpage station I see it. It's a typical print ad for another Walk and normally it wouldn't even faze me and I wouldn't pay attention to it but something inside of me snaps. A thought flashes in my head and I laugh.
Cringehumor.
Oh my God, it's back. A side of me I had suppressed when I worked at Genesis is trying to get out. I didn't know if I should let it out. I didn't know if I could handle the brashness of that sense of humor, the same sense of humor that I put into my ads with my partner, Mike, in the journalism school. We created ads for Comedy Central that cursed you out. We produced KY Jelly advertisements without even using words. We had a campaign for candy cigarettes that bordered on pedophilia and when the class cringed and tried not to giggle, I did it for them until they felt it was okay to. My teacher, Slayden, once told me, "You go for the cheap laugh." He wasn't complimenting me even though I took it as that; he was trying to tell me it's hard to sustain laughs but I don't know Slayden, I still go into hysterics during commercials I’ve seen a hundred times that are funny.
So I come up with an idea in reaction to what I see on the billboard. It's on a green background with a picture of everyone walking down the street and it says: Taking strides to prevent suicide. Well...being that I've been there, been that desperate that I felt killing myself was a better option than living, I come up with a more effective ad. An ad if I had seen it seven years ago, it might have scared me into putting down that bottle of Bayer aspirin. So today I take ten minutes to create my masterpiece in Photoshop (and you can tell...but give me a break. I've been out of school for over four years!)
The reason I warned you about my dual personality is specifically for what I made. I want you to understand there are two sides of me. This side can be offensive but I just have to put this out there. I just have to keep writing about things that make you uncomfortable, draw things that gross you out, and create anything that comes to mind for I fear my brain will waste away if I never use it. I will however, be using a fake lj cut which is where the rest of my post will be hidden in the comment section. These cuts will be warnings for you and if you click on the link, you can't blame me for what you see. I don’t want you to be assaulted by my work, I'd rather give you the choice to look for yourself. I want to start posting work of mine that can be borderline offensive because some of my readers enjoy that sick sense of humor I possess. Though there are some of you that like my nicey-nice chaste humor as well. I don't want to lose any readers but I honestly don't really know what yall like to begin with. I'm just putting myself out there as an artist and if I'm not afraid to expose my weakness you shouldn't be afraid to tell me where I go wrong or right.