slow fade into the ocean's arms

[citizenx]

I play a couple of instruments. I don't really know how. If I try to think about it, nothing comes. I can't explain it, not to someone else, not to myself, not unless I put a lot of effort into it and fiddle around with my hands. When I'm actually doing it, though, it's pretty effortless. It just happens. (Unless I try too hard. Or I'm not in the right mindset.)

I haven't played much lately, though. I don't really know what I've done lately. It seems my mind is almost always in the wrong place now, unable to fully concentrate on what I should. I'm waiting for the future, wondering how time can move so slowly. I'm looking to the past, marveling at how time can move so quickly. I'm stuck in the present with little thought to anything else. But then I sit down and actually do and it just works. It's kind of amazing.

I'm waiting on books to come; there are still a few things to get through, but some new books are a higher priority. Now, I'm reading about despair, and I'm reading slowly.

I'll get out of this funk soon. I know.