Why House Hates Stupid People
Title: Why House Hates Stupid People
Author: cielo_claro
Rating: PG-13, purely for language.
Pairing: House/Wilson, one-sided.
Summary: House leaves Wilson a drunk voicemail.
Disclaimer: House, MD is property of NBC/Universal, David Shore, Katie Jacobs, et. al and I am in no way claiming ownership of any characters involved. I intend to receive no monetary benefit from this work and intend no copyright infringement.
Warning: Dialogue (monologue?) only.
Notes: I found this while cleaning out my .doc folders. I'm not extremely proud of it, but I didn't think it was too horrible, so I figured, why not?
Why House Hates Stupid People
“Hello, you’ve reached James Wilson, Head of Oncology at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. If this is an emergency please try and reach me on my pager. Otherwise leave a message with your name, number and brief message and I’ll get right back to you.”
“Heeeey. It’s me, it’s House. I’m back from that date with the redhead, Naomi. Nadine? The one from the clinic, the chesty one with scoliosis? Yeah… yeah. We got drunk and took a cab to her place. She played the bassoon in high school. And we talked about… the leg, and she said she… she understood. And she likes jazz and… I just, I… ahh.
“You know what I hate? I hate how stupid people can just walk into your life and fuck with everything. You know, someone you didn’t even know- or want to know- and they somehow find a way to worm themselves into your life. They don’t even matter, they’re just like every other stupid person you’ve ever met in your entire life but then they have to do something completely stupid and idiotic to make you notice them. You start talking and then they have the nerve to fucking make you laugh. And then you don’t even know how it happens, but you can’t eat lunch alone or watch porn by yourself anymore because it’s always fucking about them and they don’t even know, or care, because they have more important shit in their lives.
“It gets to the point where you can’t even enjoy a date with a hot girl who likes jazz because you keep waiting for her to ask you about your patients or talk to about monster trucks. And goddammit you should be grateful that she doesn’t but for some fucking reason it matters.
“You don’t even know what you order from Starbucks anymore because fucking stupid people always have to get it for you because they’re so fucking like that that it’s something they would do. And you know when you always order the same damn thing from that same damn Chinese place, and then you realize when you get home that you ordered for two and that fucking vegetable shit is just going to rot in the fridge? It kinda feels like that, only all the time.
“Yeah… stupid fucking people, right Wilson? Well, I guess I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow."
Author: cielo_claro
Rating: PG-13, purely for language.
Pairing: House/Wilson, one-sided.
Summary: House leaves Wilson a drunk voicemail.
Disclaimer: House, MD is property of NBC/Universal, David Shore, Katie Jacobs, et. al and I am in no way claiming ownership of any characters involved. I intend to receive no monetary benefit from this work and intend no copyright infringement.
Warning: Dialogue (monologue?) only.
Notes: I found this while cleaning out my .doc folders. I'm not extremely proud of it, but I didn't think it was too horrible, so I figured, why not?
Why House Hates Stupid People
“Hello, you’ve reached James Wilson, Head of Oncology at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. If this is an emergency please try and reach me on my pager. Otherwise leave a message with your name, number and brief message and I’ll get right back to you.”
“Heeeey. It’s me, it’s House. I’m back from that date with the redhead, Naomi. Nadine? The one from the clinic, the chesty one with scoliosis? Yeah… yeah. We got drunk and took a cab to her place. She played the bassoon in high school. And we talked about… the leg, and she said she… she understood. And she likes jazz and… I just, I… ahh.
“You know what I hate? I hate how stupid people can just walk into your life and fuck with everything. You know, someone you didn’t even know- or want to know- and they somehow find a way to worm themselves into your life. They don’t even matter, they’re just like every other stupid person you’ve ever met in your entire life but then they have to do something completely stupid and idiotic to make you notice them. You start talking and then they have the nerve to fucking make you laugh. And then you don’t even know how it happens, but you can’t eat lunch alone or watch porn by yourself anymore because it’s always fucking about them and they don’t even know, or care, because they have more important shit in their lives.
“It gets to the point where you can’t even enjoy a date with a hot girl who likes jazz because you keep waiting for her to ask you about your patients or talk to about monster trucks. And goddammit you should be grateful that she doesn’t but for some fucking reason it matters.
“You don’t even know what you order from Starbucks anymore because fucking stupid people always have to get it for you because they’re so fucking like that that it’s something they would do. And you know when you always order the same damn thing from that same damn Chinese place, and then you realize when you get home that you ordered for two and that fucking vegetable shit is just going to rot in the fridge? It kinda feels like that, only all the time.
“Yeah… stupid fucking people, right Wilson? Well, I guess I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow."