A Kitten's Guide to Looking After Your Human
Humans need protecting because they know two secrets: One, the combination to the fridge and, two, the spell required to open food tins. So, until Kitten Command unravel the human code, we kittens have to watch them like kittyhawks.
Lesson One: Eternal vigilance. Humans are a much predated species and must be protected from mice (bubonic plague); birds (avian flu); spiders (hysteria and fear of unwaxed legs); beetles (60s hysteria) and over-eating (obesity - not a disease amongst kittens)
The best way to do this is to check ahead. If your human plans to enter a strange room it's your duty to go ahead and check for danger.
Here we see Xena, having swept the loft for birds and mice, announcing the stable clear and safe for humans. "Clear!"
Remember danger is everywhere - even inside the house. Here we see Kai making sure the stairs are clear and free of pythons (a rare but necessary check. Kitten's can never be too careful)
And don't forget that even a stationary human can be in danger. Here we see Kai demonstrating the art of 'close bowl protection.' Yes, kittens have to get that close - too far away and another cat - or worse, a dog - might sneak in and get a nose in the defenceless human's bowl.
Remember the human has to eat just the right amount of food - too little and they're too weak to open a ring pull can, too much and they can't bend down to open the food cupboard door. So all kittens must watch carefully, count the spoonfuls of porridge going from bowl to mouth, and intervene if the human is eating too much. The human will thank you later. Maybe.
Lesson One: Eternal vigilance. Humans are a much predated species and must be protected from mice (bubonic plague); birds (avian flu); spiders (hysteria and fear of unwaxed legs); beetles (60s hysteria) and over-eating (obesity - not a disease amongst kittens)
The best way to do this is to check ahead. If your human plans to enter a strange room it's your duty to go ahead and check for danger.
Here we see Xena, having swept the loft for birds and mice, announcing the stable clear and safe for humans. "Clear!"
Remember danger is everywhere - even inside the house. Here we see Kai making sure the stairs are clear and free of pythons (a rare but necessary check. Kitten's can never be too careful)
And don't forget that even a stationary human can be in danger. Here we see Kai demonstrating the art of 'close bowl protection.' Yes, kittens have to get that close - too far away and another cat - or worse, a dog - might sneak in and get a nose in the defenceless human's bowl.
Remember the human has to eat just the right amount of food - too little and they're too weak to open a ring pull can, too much and they can't bend down to open the food cupboard door. So all kittens must watch carefully, count the spoonfuls of porridge going from bowl to mouth, and intervene if the human is eating too much. The human will thank you later. Maybe.