This is a really long post with a lot of words.
You know what's really tiring and irksome? When people complain about you on the internet/use something you said to start an internet fight/hatefest, only instead of actually saying "what you said/did bothered me", they just... go do it somewhere else instead of addressing the problem to you. It is doubly worse if you don't know the person or have never actually spoken to them in your life, and then wham! There they are! Complaining!
I'm used to this happening on the Mean Meme, because that is what the Mean Meme exists for. Mostly, when they do it, it amuses me more than anything else. But this week it happened on some articles I wrote, and on some people's livejournals, and it's really getting old. I could understand if I was some sort of big deal, people would go complain elsewhere instead of saying "yo, what you're doing is whack". Like, if someone wrote a nationally syndicated column or made a post on a Big Deal Blog like Gawker or something in which they said something douchey, I wouldn't leave a comment there because would never read it/care. But seriously, me? I now fall in the "it's not worth leaving a comment" category? People can't talk to me? I talk about gay dudes and write fake come-ons by Thomas Aquinas and blabber about my gerbil. I am an extremely un-influential, super-boring person. I am not a big deal at all. I'm a very little deal. I'm still not sure when I even entered into deal-dom.
Sigh. Instead of discussing this, let's discuss two people who aren't tiring/irksome and are actually a big deal. At least, to me:
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR FACES. HOW DO THEY MANAGE TO BE MORE DELIGHTFUL EVERY WEEK? I love all the gratuitous Colin's Profile Porn we get (I have this thing for Colin's profile. Namely: it is the most freakishly beautiful profile to ever exist ever. I feel it should be exploited and used more often. Or perhaps put on a coin, since that's where the profile of awesome people goes.), I love how cute and giggly they are with each other (and that Colin's response to Bradley going "I'll give you a hint - RAAAAAAAR" was not "a dying crow?" because that would have been my guess), and I continue to be enamored with the fact that there is a very special smile Colin uses on Bradley that he doesn't use with anyone else. At one point, I should probably go around gathering actual proof so I sound less like a crazy person, but there's this smile, I swear, okay. He only smiles part-way, so just the tops of his top teeth are showing, and his eyes don't go into full-on crinkle mode, but do jusssst at the edges and it's so fond I can't stand it. I SWEAR I AM NOT CRAZY AND THIS EXISTS, OKAY. I have asked for confirmation from people who don't even ship these two and they've gone HOLY SHIT YOU ARE RIGHT. It's entirely possible they were humoring me, but it totally is there! I'm not kidding! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY.
But regardless, I LOVE THEIR FACES AND THEIR BFF-NESS (SLASH POSSIBLY MORE) AND EVERYTHING THEY CHOOSE TO BE. THE END.
AND SOME THOUGHTS ON MERLIN
ARTHUR FAAAAAAAAAAACE. All things should start with Arthur faaaaaaaaaace.
omg this scene melted me in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY. Possibly because this is exactly how my parents get ready for bed, bickering and talking over the issues du jour, one of them getting into bed to read and the other puttering around laying out their clothes or something. It was just so intimate and lovely and aslfkjslkflksjf. I WANT TO SEE MORE OF THIS. THIS ALL THE TIME.
Okay, there's been lots of discussi-wank over Arthur and his propensity to throw things at Merlin. I've felt, or a long time, that Arthur isn't really intending to hurt Merlin, he's more expressing his feeling in an emotionally constipated way. And then I felt bad, because usually I'm extremely sensitive to relationships that border on abusive, and the idea of shipping one upset me, and the idea that I was excusing such behavior upset me even more. Until this episode. Because Merlin was totally asking for it. Arthur was having a serious conversation and since Merlin clearly didn't know how to make Arthur feel better, he started teasing him. Now, after what, three years together, I think Merlin is pretty aware that teasing leads to stuff being thrown at him. Hell, a worm can be conditioned to recognize certain activities lead to a punishment. And yet he does it anyway! Constantly! And it's not like this is something he can't help doing, like breathing too loudly. He could stop goading Arthur any time he wants to, and he doesn't. Which leads me to believe that on some level, Merlin (and Arthur, probably), enjoy this little back-and-forth. Even if it does mean that Merlin often is slightly bruised from various debris being lobbed at his face.
Someone left a comment on my column this week which was so perfect I wanted it, like, BRONZED, which was Elena is everything I hoped Gwen was going to be. I didn't always dislike Gwen. In fact, in season 1, I really liked her. She was kickass in a quiet way that I feel gets overlooked a lot. Sure, she didn't chop dudes down left and right, but she was like, kickass mom-style. She knew what to say to people to make them feel better, she was quietly confident, she was sweet, she was mature, and she was totally awesome and endearingly bumbling sort of way. Her scene with Arthur in 1.10 was AMAZING and based on that preview of Arthur/Gwen I was actually really hopeful. I knew I'd never take kindly to any girl who came between Merlin and Arthur, but she seemed to mother Arthur and fill a very different role than Merlin, and I didn't mind so much. I liked her. I could see her and Arthur having a relationship based on respect and quiet affection. Maybe Arthur would always love Merlin the best, but that didn't mean he couldn't love Gwen or have a quiet, mature relationship with her. Then I could have my cake believing Merlin and Arthur were the REAL love story and Arthur and Gwen were married because they were close and Merlin didn't quite pull off the tiara. And Gwen/Arthur shippers could be all "aw, look how sweet they are!". OT3, dudes! That's what I wanted. WAS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?
And look at Arthur's face! He does like her, he just doesn't know what to do with a girl who isn't perfect and goddess-y. Like, a real person. It's a problem a lot of dudes have, and it makes me wonder how, if Arthur and Gwen get married, he' EVER going to deal. She's going to have to fart and go to the bathroom at some point! And what if she got pregnant? Pregnant women are NOT elegant and ladylike. I mean you saw how mortified they were when she was cursed to fart ONCE, or he was cursed to have donkey ears, both of which were things they had zero control over.
Look, I make no bones about disliking Arthur/Gwen, but mostly what I dislike about it is how it's characterized to be some sort of true love for the ages. They do love each other, that's true, but they clearly have a puppy, adolescent love. And that's fine! But can we just admit that's what it is? When they're acting like that, like in that scene where they make fun of Vivian at the beginning of 2.10, I love them. They're adorable! LET'S STICK TO THAT, SHOW WRITERS, OKAY?
SLKDFJLSKDFJSLKDJF THIS SCEEEEEEENE. How I love it. HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN TO DISCUSS HOW I LOVE IT. Arthur being all wild-eyed and begging Merlin to never leave him. Merlin's little smirk! DO THEY HAVE TO STAND THAT CLOSE? I THINK THEY ARE DOING IT JUST FOR ME.
Also, I don't know whose decision it was to have Merlin, when he said "I thought you might want some time alone" to whisper the "time alone" part like he was a maiden aunt clutching his pearls, but it was adorable and hilarious and I laughed for a really, really, REALLY long time. A+++++ COLIN AND/OR DIRECTOR.
NEVER NOT HILARIOUS. Don't all fangirls secretly wish to press against the manly chest of Bradley James? Of course, he's about as tall as my brother, so I can tell from experience that if I ever got to hug him (HAH HAH HAH) I'd come up to... just under his pecs. And if he actually hugged back, he might accidentally squash and kill me, since I think his arms are about as thick as my neck. YET ANOTHER REASON I SHOULD NEVER MEET BRADLEY AND/OR COLIN IN REAL LIFE. Or maybe should just exhibit caution hugging people.
Best episode for ridiculous faces or BEST EPISODE FOR RIDICULOUS FACES EVER?! Is background!Merlin laughing at Elena or the fact that Arthur is doing his best impression of Blue Steel? WE MAY NEVER KNOW.
All of fandom has laughed themselves silly over this image. I fail to see why we shouldn't repeat that one more time.
I am so not kidding about my love of Colin Morgan's profile. LOOK AT IT YOU GUYS. It's so perfect it's SICKENING. I just. lasdkjfsldkj. It's not even like a romantic/sexual adoration, it's like... an aesthetic obsession. It makes me want to pull out all my art materials in a futile attempt to re-create such loveliness so it may live forever. I don't even know what it is. I think it has to do with the ratio of all his features to each other, or something. I don't even know. I JUST LOVE IT.
Ugh. I feel like I should say something nice about Gwen since I'm about to rag on how she was written this episode for, like, eight billion paragraphs, so, in all honesty, she looks extremely pretty here.
Yes, Gwen, that face exactly. What was wrong with you this episode? You're flakier than a freaking box of cereal. You're hot than you're cold! You're yes than you're no! Gwen has, for the last season and a half, been swearing up and down that nothing can ever happen between her and Arthur, she's totally not into it/doesn't expect anything from him, oh don't mind her while she stands in the corner with increasingly bosom-revealing dresses and heaves sighs. That in and of itself was annoying enough. But then this episode she kept trying to pull this high school girl thing. She basically has been saying she and Arthur should move on with their lives, and then when Arthur does, or is forced to, she gets all OH DON'T MIND ME I'M TOTALLY FINE, I'LL JUST LOOK AT YOU WITH HUGE TEARY EYES AND TELL YOU I LOVED YOU, EVEN THOUGH I WAS SWEARING I DIDN'T FOR OVER A YEAR. ALLOW ME TO GUILT YOU. BUT DON'T MIND ME. I'LL JUST GROW OLD AND DIE ALONE.
This shit drove me crazy enough when I was in high school, and it drives me even crazier when they put this sort of behavior on Gwen, who used to be so way cooler than this. There's been a bit of a misconception, at least from blog readers, that I don't like Gwen, which is untrue. I don't like this Gwen. I like real Gwen, who used to have plots of her own that weren't just about her relationship with Arthur. I miss her being an articulated character. I miss her not acting like a brat. If I didn't like her, I honestly wouldn't care about the mangled mess that the Merlin writers have left her character. But I do care, which is why I'm pissed off, because I hate hating her. If I just started watching second season, honestly? I'd think Gwen was a giant bitch who only gives a shit about Arthur because he's the prince. She doesn't like him, she likes, as she says ALL THE TIME, the king he's going to become. That's all she talks about! And she only starts talking about it and cuddling up to Arthur once Lance fucks off. It's got nothing to do with slut shaming blah blah how dare a woman be sexually interested blah blah what a slut. I don't have a problem with her having two guys after her. I don't have a problem with her liking two different guys. Hell, they're both gorgeous guys, I'm more likely to give her a high five. What irks me is the way she's handling it, which is emotionally manipulative, immature, and confusing as hell. It's been a while. She needs to make a choice about what she wants and stick to it instead of acting like a wishy-washy, completely unsympathetic child.
Also, I would like to take the writers of Merlin into a room and then yell at them for a really long time about their inability to write female characters that don't suck. FFS, Angel and Katie are better actresses than this. They deserve better material than what they're given. Honestly, the gender/sexuality fail is really the only thing that bothers me about this show. I don't care about the dubious CGI or plot holes. In fact, I find it endearing. This, though? I AM NOT ENDEARED TO THIS.
My thoughts exactly, Merlin.
In happier news, I AM IN LOVE WITH MERLIN'S LITTLE STOCKING FEETS OMG. I have long suspected, upon observing them peeking out of his Vivienne Westwood boots, that they would be adorable. THEY ARE ADORABLE.
HANDS DOWN BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE EPISODE. Merlin, Gaius' pimp. He's all "BREAK OUT YOUR FISHNET STOCKINGS, SON, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BECOME A MAN NOW."
"Now, I know you weren't sure about the frilly panties, but I swear they make all the difference."
"DO. NOT. WANT."
"Yes, that bustier was a bad idea."
Not to be dissuaded by his failure as the Pimp of Camelot, Merlin moved on to his next career ambition - magical pest exterminator.
This scene. Jeeeeezy chreezy. What do I even say about this scene that hasn't been said a million times? It's like, one of the greatest Merlin/Arthur scenes of all time. It's like... everything that is perfect and that their relationship is and can become in one scene. It's everything that makes their relationship so amazingly perfect. It's why I love them. And oh, I love them. I DO I DO I DO I DO. THEY ARE SO LOVELY AND AMAZING AND PERFECT AND OMG I WANT THEM TO BE TOGETHER AND THIS AMAZING FOREVER.
NOTE TO WHOEVER WAS IN CHARGE OF EDITING/DIRECTING THIS SCENE: isn't Gwen supposed to be relieved Arthur isn't getting married? THIS DOES NOT LOOK RELIEVED. I am confused by this phenomenon.
A lot of people were saying they liked Elena pre-transformation better, but I didn't see much of a difference, besides the fact that she didn't act like the girl that always gets selected in high school romantic comedies that are cheap Pygmalion remakes. She seemed to have all her sass and spunk to me, just in a more socially acceptable way.
But, like everyone, I loooooooved Elena. Loved her! derryere and I have decided that Gwaine/Elena is totally OTP and we want them to swash and buckle together and go have totally awesome horse-riding adventures and generally cause mayhem and be boss. WOULDN'T THIS BE AMAZING? IT WOULD BE TOTES AMAZING.
Seriously, though, I want Elena-fic. I want BUCKETS of Elena-fic. I want Elena/ANYONE. I want her being totally awesome and Not A Very Good Princess and Arthur's bestest ally and how in the future she comes to Camelot and Arthur pretends to be peeved but isn't, except he sort of is because she and Merlin have ENTIRELY TOO MUCH FUN discussing all of his failings. I LOVE HER. MORE OF HER, PLEASE.
The final Arthur/Gwen conversation would, under normal circumstances, have struck me as adorable. However, after an entire episode of being BEYOND IRRITATED at exactly what they were having a conversation about that I honestly was like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU TWO SHUT UPPPPPP. Though I will say:
a) Gwen looked v. pretty.
b) Arthur was adorable.
c) He totally went back to Merlin and bragged about how awesome he was with girls, and Merlin ruffled his hair and went "oh, of course you are", at which point Arthur gave him a noogie.
d) And then they made out.
Edit: This entry was supposed to go up late this afternoon, but my homework ended up taking way longer than it was supposed to, and on top of that, the gerbil had a stroke.
Gerbils are generally pretty healthy, hardy little creatures, but once they get older, they are prone to having strokes. As Tess is nearly three, she's quite elderly for a gerbil. She'd been oddly sleepy all day (especially considering that she was manic this weekend - jumping for eight hours straight and refusing to be calmed), but I figured she was just making up for being crazy for the last few days. I started to worry around eight-ish, and when I went to touch her to wake her, she was ice cold and shaking uncontrollably. And when she uncurled and tried to walk away, she could barely coordinate her paws, and ended up bumbling and swaying around the cage, knocking into the sides. (Actually, if she was perfectly fine otherwise, I would have assumed she was drunk, and it would have been kind of cute.) I immediately picked her up and started bawling, which made my dad, who was the only one home with me, feel very awkward and uncomfortable, since he's always been of the opinion that it's weird to keep a rodent in the house and feed it on purpose, and shouldn't he go release it at the park for the owls to eat like he does with the mice in our basement? After I collected myself, I immediately swaddled the gerbil up in an old flannel sheet and looked up the symptoms. And let's just say, it's a good thing I checked in on her when I did.
Just like when humans have strokes, not all gerbil strokes are created equal. When a gerbil has a stroke, one of four things can happen:
1. It kills the gerbil immediately.
2. The gerbil becomes paralyzed/incapacitated and has to be put down for humane reasons.
3. The gerbil suffers subsequent strokes and, after being already compromised, dies.
4. The gerbil has a rough patch and eventually is fine.
After calling around to the vet (yes, she has a vet, she had conjunctivitis when she was little, which got so bad mostly because I felt like an idiot getting a vet for a gerbil. I relented when I started having to open her eyes for her and wipe out the pink goop at least once a day), and then the veterinary hospital (the vet was closed), and then the breeder (because the hospital said I should bring her in for diagnostics and bloodwork, and all I could think was "she just had a stroke, you want me to give her a heart attack by stressing her out that much? Also, she's a gerbil"), a few things became clear. One, the gerbil, in all likelihood, was going to be okay. Normally the strokes come in rapid succession, and the more hours she went without one the better. Two, the hospital would be useless. They could tell me exactly what type of stroke she had, but there isn't any medicine they could give her to make her better. Because, even though I act like she's not, she's a gerbil, it's not like gerbil neurological conditions are a lucrative market. Three, she had warmed up considerably, was very vocal when she didn't like how I had wrapped her, and ate a banana slice like she was starving and then gulped down a ton of water, all of which were signs of a healthy, recovering little beastie, before napping under the blanket I keep over my lap, curled up like a doormouse. She'll have to be watched closely for the next couple of days, and at night I'll be moving the cage up to my room, because it's warmer and there's a lamp I can put on her to keep her warm. But she's up and about and running around like almost-normal (she still occasionally wobbles).
So it's looking like, in conclusion, Little Miss Thang will be back to her sassy-ass self in no time. (She has already sassed me at least twice tonight.) I am extremely grateful to everyone who saw my frantic OMGWTF MY GERBIL HAD A STROKE BRB HAVING AN EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN tweet and responded so kindly, and to everyone who e-mailed me, and to all the love sent my way. On behalf of both myself and Her Majesty The Most Over-Loved Rodent in the Universe, thank you. We might have been able to do this without you, but it sure would have sucked a whole lot more.
I'm used to this happening on the Mean Meme, because that is what the Mean Meme exists for. Mostly, when they do it, it amuses me more than anything else. But this week it happened on some articles I wrote, and on some people's livejournals, and it's really getting old. I could understand if I was some sort of big deal, people would go complain elsewhere instead of saying "yo, what you're doing is whack". Like, if someone wrote a nationally syndicated column or made a post on a Big Deal Blog like Gawker or something in which they said something douchey, I wouldn't leave a comment there because would never read it/care. But seriously, me? I now fall in the "it's not worth leaving a comment" category? People can't talk to me? I talk about gay dudes and write fake come-ons by Thomas Aquinas and blabber about my gerbil. I am an extremely un-influential, super-boring person. I am not a big deal at all. I'm a very little deal. I'm still not sure when I even entered into deal-dom.
Sigh. Instead of discussing this, let's discuss two people who aren't tiring/irksome and are actually a big deal. At least, to me:
Click to viewI LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR FACES. HOW DO THEY MANAGE TO BE MORE DELIGHTFUL EVERY WEEK? I love all the gratuitous Colin's Profile Porn we get (I have this thing for Colin's profile. Namely: it is the most freakishly beautiful profile to ever exist ever. I feel it should be exploited and used more often. Or perhaps put on a coin, since that's where the profile of awesome people goes.), I love how cute and giggly they are with each other (and that Colin's response to Bradley going "I'll give you a hint - RAAAAAAAR" was not "a dying crow?" because that would have been my guess), and I continue to be enamored with the fact that there is a very special smile Colin uses on Bradley that he doesn't use with anyone else. At one point, I should probably go around gathering actual proof so I sound less like a crazy person, but there's this smile, I swear, okay. He only smiles part-way, so just the tops of his top teeth are showing, and his eyes don't go into full-on crinkle mode, but do jusssst at the edges and it's so fond I can't stand it. I SWEAR I AM NOT CRAZY AND THIS EXISTS, OKAY. I have asked for confirmation from people who don't even ship these two and they've gone HOLY SHIT YOU ARE RIGHT. It's entirely possible they were humoring me, but it totally is there! I'm not kidding! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY.
But regardless, I LOVE THEIR FACES AND THEIR BFF-NESS (SLASH POSSIBLY MORE) AND EVERYTHING THEY CHOOSE TO BE. THE END.
AND SOME THOUGHTS ON MERLIN
ARTHUR FAAAAAAAAAAACE. All things should start with Arthur faaaaaaaaaace.
omg this scene melted me in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY. Possibly because this is exactly how my parents get ready for bed, bickering and talking over the issues du jour, one of them getting into bed to read and the other puttering around laying out their clothes or something. It was just so intimate and lovely and aslfkjslkflksjf. I WANT TO SEE MORE OF THIS. THIS ALL THE TIME.
Okay, there's been lots of discussi-wank over Arthur and his propensity to throw things at Merlin. I've felt, or a long time, that Arthur isn't really intending to hurt Merlin, he's more expressing his feeling in an emotionally constipated way. And then I felt bad, because usually I'm extremely sensitive to relationships that border on abusive, and the idea of shipping one upset me, and the idea that I was excusing such behavior upset me even more. Until this episode. Because Merlin was totally asking for it. Arthur was having a serious conversation and since Merlin clearly didn't know how to make Arthur feel better, he started teasing him. Now, after what, three years together, I think Merlin is pretty aware that teasing leads to stuff being thrown at him. Hell, a worm can be conditioned to recognize certain activities lead to a punishment. And yet he does it anyway! Constantly! And it's not like this is something he can't help doing, like breathing too loudly. He could stop goading Arthur any time he wants to, and he doesn't. Which leads me to believe that on some level, Merlin (and Arthur, probably), enjoy this little back-and-forth. Even if it does mean that Merlin often is slightly bruised from various debris being lobbed at his face.
Someone left a comment on my column this week which was so perfect I wanted it, like, BRONZED, which was Elena is everything I hoped Gwen was going to be. I didn't always dislike Gwen. In fact, in season 1, I really liked her. She was kickass in a quiet way that I feel gets overlooked a lot. Sure, she didn't chop dudes down left and right, but she was like, kickass mom-style. She knew what to say to people to make them feel better, she was quietly confident, she was sweet, she was mature, and she was totally awesome and endearingly bumbling sort of way. Her scene with Arthur in 1.10 was AMAZING and based on that preview of Arthur/Gwen I was actually really hopeful. I knew I'd never take kindly to any girl who came between Merlin and Arthur, but she seemed to mother Arthur and fill a very different role than Merlin, and I didn't mind so much. I liked her. I could see her and Arthur having a relationship based on respect and quiet affection. Maybe Arthur would always love Merlin the best, but that didn't mean he couldn't love Gwen or have a quiet, mature relationship with her. Then I could have my cake believing Merlin and Arthur were the REAL love story and Arthur and Gwen were married because they were close and Merlin didn't quite pull off the tiara. And Gwen/Arthur shippers could be all "aw, look how sweet they are!". OT3, dudes! That's what I wanted. WAS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?
And look at Arthur's face! He does like her, he just doesn't know what to do with a girl who isn't perfect and goddess-y. Like, a real person. It's a problem a lot of dudes have, and it makes me wonder how, if Arthur and Gwen get married, he' EVER going to deal. She's going to have to fart and go to the bathroom at some point! And what if she got pregnant? Pregnant women are NOT elegant and ladylike. I mean you saw how mortified they were when she was cursed to fart ONCE, or he was cursed to have donkey ears, both of which were things they had zero control over.
Look, I make no bones about disliking Arthur/Gwen, but mostly what I dislike about it is how it's characterized to be some sort of true love for the ages. They do love each other, that's true, but they clearly have a puppy, adolescent love. And that's fine! But can we just admit that's what it is? When they're acting like that, like in that scene where they make fun of Vivian at the beginning of 2.10, I love them. They're adorable! LET'S STICK TO THAT, SHOW WRITERS, OKAY?
SLKDFJLSKDFJSLKDJF THIS SCEEEEEEENE. How I love it. HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN TO DISCUSS HOW I LOVE IT. Arthur being all wild-eyed and begging Merlin to never leave him. Merlin's little smirk! DO THEY HAVE TO STAND THAT CLOSE? I THINK THEY ARE DOING IT JUST FOR ME.
Also, I don't know whose decision it was to have Merlin, when he said "I thought you might want some time alone" to whisper the "time alone" part like he was a maiden aunt clutching his pearls, but it was adorable and hilarious and I laughed for a really, really, REALLY long time. A+++++ COLIN AND/OR DIRECTOR.
NEVER NOT HILARIOUS. Don't all fangirls secretly wish to press against the manly chest of Bradley James? Of course, he's about as tall as my brother, so I can tell from experience that if I ever got to hug him (HAH HAH HAH) I'd come up to... just under his pecs. And if he actually hugged back, he might accidentally squash and kill me, since I think his arms are about as thick as my neck. YET ANOTHER REASON I SHOULD NEVER MEET BRADLEY AND/OR COLIN IN REAL LIFE. Or maybe should just exhibit caution hugging people.
Best episode for ridiculous faces or BEST EPISODE FOR RIDICULOUS FACES EVER?! Is background!Merlin laughing at Elena or the fact that Arthur is doing his best impression of Blue Steel? WE MAY NEVER KNOW.
All of fandom has laughed themselves silly over this image. I fail to see why we shouldn't repeat that one more time.
I am so not kidding about my love of Colin Morgan's profile. LOOK AT IT YOU GUYS. It's so perfect it's SICKENING. I just. lasdkjfsldkj. It's not even like a romantic/sexual adoration, it's like... an aesthetic obsession. It makes me want to pull out all my art materials in a futile attempt to re-create such loveliness so it may live forever. I don't even know what it is. I think it has to do with the ratio of all his features to each other, or something. I don't even know. I JUST LOVE IT.
Ugh. I feel like I should say something nice about Gwen since I'm about to rag on how she was written this episode for, like, eight billion paragraphs, so, in all honesty, she looks extremely pretty here.
Yes, Gwen, that face exactly. What was wrong with you this episode? You're flakier than a freaking box of cereal. You're hot than you're cold! You're yes than you're no! Gwen has, for the last season and a half, been swearing up and down that nothing can ever happen between her and Arthur, she's totally not into it/doesn't expect anything from him, oh don't mind her while she stands in the corner with increasingly bosom-revealing dresses and heaves sighs. That in and of itself was annoying enough. But then this episode she kept trying to pull this high school girl thing. She basically has been saying she and Arthur should move on with their lives, and then when Arthur does, or is forced to, she gets all OH DON'T MIND ME I'M TOTALLY FINE, I'LL JUST LOOK AT YOU WITH HUGE TEARY EYES AND TELL YOU I LOVED YOU, EVEN THOUGH I WAS SWEARING I DIDN'T FOR OVER A YEAR. ALLOW ME TO GUILT YOU. BUT DON'T MIND ME. I'LL JUST GROW OLD AND DIE ALONE.
This shit drove me crazy enough when I was in high school, and it drives me even crazier when they put this sort of behavior on Gwen, who used to be so way cooler than this. There's been a bit of a misconception, at least from blog readers, that I don't like Gwen, which is untrue. I don't like this Gwen. I like real Gwen, who used to have plots of her own that weren't just about her relationship with Arthur. I miss her being an articulated character. I miss her not acting like a brat. If I didn't like her, I honestly wouldn't care about the mangled mess that the Merlin writers have left her character. But I do care, which is why I'm pissed off, because I hate hating her. If I just started watching second season, honestly? I'd think Gwen was a giant bitch who only gives a shit about Arthur because he's the prince. She doesn't like him, she likes, as she says ALL THE TIME, the king he's going to become. That's all she talks about! And she only starts talking about it and cuddling up to Arthur once Lance fucks off. It's got nothing to do with slut shaming blah blah how dare a woman be sexually interested blah blah what a slut. I don't have a problem with her having two guys after her. I don't have a problem with her liking two different guys. Hell, they're both gorgeous guys, I'm more likely to give her a high five. What irks me is the way she's handling it, which is emotionally manipulative, immature, and confusing as hell. It's been a while. She needs to make a choice about what she wants and stick to it instead of acting like a wishy-washy, completely unsympathetic child.
Also, I would like to take the writers of Merlin into a room and then yell at them for a really long time about their inability to write female characters that don't suck. FFS, Angel and Katie are better actresses than this. They deserve better material than what they're given. Honestly, the gender/sexuality fail is really the only thing that bothers me about this show. I don't care about the dubious CGI or plot holes. In fact, I find it endearing. This, though? I AM NOT ENDEARED TO THIS.
My thoughts exactly, Merlin.
In happier news, I AM IN LOVE WITH MERLIN'S LITTLE STOCKING FEETS OMG. I have long suspected, upon observing them peeking out of his Vivienne Westwood boots, that they would be adorable. THEY ARE ADORABLE.
HANDS DOWN BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE EPISODE. Merlin, Gaius' pimp. He's all "BREAK OUT YOUR FISHNET STOCKINGS, SON, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BECOME A MAN NOW."
"Now, I know you weren't sure about the frilly panties, but I swear they make all the difference."
"DO. NOT. WANT."
"Yes, that bustier was a bad idea."
Not to be dissuaded by his failure as the Pimp of Camelot, Merlin moved on to his next career ambition - magical pest exterminator.
This scene. Jeeeeezy chreezy. What do I even say about this scene that hasn't been said a million times? It's like, one of the greatest Merlin/Arthur scenes of all time. It's like... everything that is perfect and that their relationship is and can become in one scene. It's everything that makes their relationship so amazingly perfect. It's why I love them. And oh, I love them. I DO I DO I DO I DO. THEY ARE SO LOVELY AND AMAZING AND PERFECT AND OMG I WANT THEM TO BE TOGETHER AND THIS AMAZING FOREVER.
NOTE TO WHOEVER WAS IN CHARGE OF EDITING/DIRECTING THIS SCENE: isn't Gwen supposed to be relieved Arthur isn't getting married? THIS DOES NOT LOOK RELIEVED. I am confused by this phenomenon.
A lot of people were saying they liked Elena pre-transformation better, but I didn't see much of a difference, besides the fact that she didn't act like the girl that always gets selected in high school romantic comedies that are cheap Pygmalion remakes. She seemed to have all her sass and spunk to me, just in a more socially acceptable way.
But, like everyone, I loooooooved Elena. Loved her! derryere and I have decided that Gwaine/Elena is totally OTP and we want them to swash and buckle together and go have totally awesome horse-riding adventures and generally cause mayhem and be boss. WOULDN'T THIS BE AMAZING? IT WOULD BE TOTES AMAZING.
Seriously, though, I want Elena-fic. I want BUCKETS of Elena-fic. I want Elena/ANYONE. I want her being totally awesome and Not A Very Good Princess and Arthur's bestest ally and how in the future she comes to Camelot and Arthur pretends to be peeved but isn't, except he sort of is because she and Merlin have ENTIRELY TOO MUCH FUN discussing all of his failings. I LOVE HER. MORE OF HER, PLEASE.
The final Arthur/Gwen conversation would, under normal circumstances, have struck me as adorable. However, after an entire episode of being BEYOND IRRITATED at exactly what they were having a conversation about that I honestly was like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU TWO SHUT UPPPPPP. Though I will say:
a) Gwen looked v. pretty.
b) Arthur was adorable.
c) He totally went back to Merlin and bragged about how awesome he was with girls, and Merlin ruffled his hair and went "oh, of course you are", at which point Arthur gave him a noogie.
d) And then they made out.
Edit: This entry was supposed to go up late this afternoon, but my homework ended up taking way longer than it was supposed to, and on top of that, the gerbil had a stroke.
Gerbils are generally pretty healthy, hardy little creatures, but once they get older, they are prone to having strokes. As Tess is nearly three, she's quite elderly for a gerbil. She'd been oddly sleepy all day (especially considering that she was manic this weekend - jumping for eight hours straight and refusing to be calmed), but I figured she was just making up for being crazy for the last few days. I started to worry around eight-ish, and when I went to touch her to wake her, she was ice cold and shaking uncontrollably. And when she uncurled and tried to walk away, she could barely coordinate her paws, and ended up bumbling and swaying around the cage, knocking into the sides. (Actually, if she was perfectly fine otherwise, I would have assumed she was drunk, and it would have been kind of cute.) I immediately picked her up and started bawling, which made my dad, who was the only one home with me, feel very awkward and uncomfortable, since he's always been of the opinion that it's weird to keep a rodent in the house and feed it on purpose, and shouldn't he go release it at the park for the owls to eat like he does with the mice in our basement? After I collected myself, I immediately swaddled the gerbil up in an old flannel sheet and looked up the symptoms. And let's just say, it's a good thing I checked in on her when I did.
Just like when humans have strokes, not all gerbil strokes are created equal. When a gerbil has a stroke, one of four things can happen:
1. It kills the gerbil immediately.
2. The gerbil becomes paralyzed/incapacitated and has to be put down for humane reasons.
3. The gerbil suffers subsequent strokes and, after being already compromised, dies.
4. The gerbil has a rough patch and eventually is fine.
After calling around to the vet (yes, she has a vet, she had conjunctivitis when she was little, which got so bad mostly because I felt like an idiot getting a vet for a gerbil. I relented when I started having to open her eyes for her and wipe out the pink goop at least once a day), and then the veterinary hospital (the vet was closed), and then the breeder (because the hospital said I should bring her in for diagnostics and bloodwork, and all I could think was "she just had a stroke, you want me to give her a heart attack by stressing her out that much? Also, she's a gerbil"), a few things became clear. One, the gerbil, in all likelihood, was going to be okay. Normally the strokes come in rapid succession, and the more hours she went without one the better. Two, the hospital would be useless. They could tell me exactly what type of stroke she had, but there isn't any medicine they could give her to make her better. Because, even though I act like she's not, she's a gerbil, it's not like gerbil neurological conditions are a lucrative market. Three, she had warmed up considerably, was very vocal when she didn't like how I had wrapped her, and ate a banana slice like she was starving and then gulped down a ton of water, all of which were signs of a healthy, recovering little beastie, before napping under the blanket I keep over my lap, curled up like a doormouse. She'll have to be watched closely for the next couple of days, and at night I'll be moving the cage up to my room, because it's warmer and there's a lamp I can put on her to keep her warm. But she's up and about and running around like almost-normal (she still occasionally wobbles).
So it's looking like, in conclusion, Little Miss Thang will be back to her sassy-ass self in no time. (She has already sassed me at least twice tonight.) I am extremely grateful to everyone who saw my frantic OMGWTF MY GERBIL HAD A STROKE BRB HAVING AN EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN tweet and responded so kindly, and to everyone who e-mailed me, and to all the love sent my way. On behalf of both myself and Her Majesty The Most Over-Loved Rodent in the Universe, thank you. We might have been able to do this without you, but it sure would have sucked a whole lot more.