OneShot: Lies Part 3

[cherrylady6]

Lies

“Emotional stress?”, repeated Kame, disbelieving.

The doctor nodded. “It can be caused by a lot of things. First of all, there’s the stress from working too much. And second, there is fear. He could have had fear of other’s opinions, of the reaction of the audience, of himself failing or even of someone in his surroundings. When you combine those two, you’ll have a very exhausting sort of emotional stress that causes a break-down.”

Kame noticed Ryo’s reaction from the corner of his eye and he thanked the man fast for the information, letting the medic go.

“It’s not your fault, Ryo”, Kame assured him.

“Well, who’s fault is it then?”, asked Ryo, the sadness showing in his face. “I danced next to him, and I actually enjoyed it, and that was probably all he needed for a break-down. I should’ve asked the choreographer for another solution. And I did nothing but scolding him during the performance! Of course he was afraid of failing and get scolded again. I was so stupid! I should be punished for this, really.”

“Stop talking nonsense”, said Kame and smacked Ryo’s head lightly, taking his hand as he opened the door to Ueda’s room and dragged Ryo inside with him. They sat down on different sides of the bed, watching Ueda sleep. He was breathing normally, and Ryo calmed down a bit though he was irriated by all the machines around him and the constant peeping sounds. But they showed that Ueda was alive, so he didn’t bother.

“He’s pretty”, sighed Kame, looking at Ueda’s sleeping face.

“I know …” Ryo took in the outlines of Ueda and closed then his eyes, trying to let the picture show up in front of him. Maybe he would dream of him tonight?

“Want a glass of water?”, asked Kame after a while, getting up already to get the two glasses and the can on the table in the room.

“Yeah, why not”, answered Ryo, not looking up. He was still staring at Ueda, not getting tired of the beautiful face he missed for so long now. When was the last time he stared into those pretty eyes? The last time he was able to catch his smile?

“Ah, it seems to be cool, that’s good”, stated Kame as he took the can in his hands, but he put it down again. He took the two glasses first and gave one to Ryo before he turned around to get the can again. But he didn’t see his bag on the floor and tripped over it, letting the glass fall to the ground where it fragmented into thousand pieces of glass all over the floor.

“Shit!”, yelled Kame as he was trying to break his fall with his hands and felt the glass shivers press against his palm.

“Be careful.”

Kame recognized the familiar voice already at the first tone and got up as fast as he could, ignoring the stinging pain in his hands.

“Tat-chan, you’re awake”, he said in a soft voice, standing next to the bed, bending over it a little to look properly at his friend. He expected a warm greeting but all he saw was a confused Ueda.

“Excuse me … I’m sure I’m supposed to know you - but, who are you?”

Kame was surprised and lost his poise for a second, but then he replied as nice as before.

“Kamenashi Kazuya, your band member. We’re good friends. You … you don’t remember?”

“No …” Ueda shook his head slowly. Then he turned to his other side, eyeing Ryo.

“And you are?”

“Nishikido Ryo.” Ryo was too surprised to answer properly, so he just said his name though he saw the confusion in Ueda’s eyes.

“I suppose you’re in my band, too?”

“No, actually, I’m not.”

“Actually?”

“I’m not. See, we were -“

The nurse entered the room and cut Ryo off just as he was about to explain Ueda their relationship.

“Ah, I see, Ueda-san is awake. Can I ask you two to leave for today? Our patient needs to rest. You can talk to the doctor again if you want to, he can tell you when you can visit him the next time. … What happened here?” She pointed at the glass shivers all over the floor.

“I broke a glass, sorry”, stated Kame, throwing a fast glance at his hands. He noticed the blood on his palms and felt the stinging pain again, but he hid them as much as possible.

“It’s okay, I’ll clean that.”

Kame and Ryo took their things before they took their leave and walked out of the room, going straigtht to the doctor’s office. Ryo was following Kame who walked fast through the corridors.

“Doc? I .. wanted to ask .. Ueda lost his memory … will he remember everything soon?”

“Well, he is concussed, he hit his head on the floor, it’s possible that it caused a momentary loss of his memory, but he should recover soon, don’t worry. Go home for today. You can come again tomorrow. Maybe his memory is already back by that time.”

“Thanks”, said Ryo and Kame together, before they walked out of the hospital, both silent. There weren’t any words for them to say.

*****

“Ryo? I can’t come with you to the hospital today, I’m sorry.You remember the broken glass from yesterday? Actually, my hands hurt like hell and I bandaged them, I don’t think I will go anywhere with this. Will you go there alone?”

“Don’t you think it’s even better for you to go to the hospital then, to check your hands?”

“No, it will heal on its own, don’t worry. Will you?”

“Yeah, I definitely visit him. It’s probably my last chance, Kame. I can’t let him go like this.”

“Well, greet him, okay?”

“Promise. Bye, Kame. I hope your hands will be okay soon.”

Ryo hung up and got ready for his walk to the hospital. He wondered why Kame avoided hospitals but then again, nobody liked going to the medic or to the hospital, so it was just normal. He took his jacket from the hook and walked out of his apartment. He felt a fresh breeze and stopped for a moment in front of his door, enjoying the cool air around him, taking a breath. Then he started to walk to the hospital. It would take some time, especially because Ryo didn’t live in the center, but he didn’t plan to go back very soon, so it was okay. The way didn’t seem to be long because Ryo knew where he was going, and he was thinking of Ueda’s reaction if he remembered him again and saw him. Would he be mad? Sad? Or ignore him? Well, he could only find it out by visiting Ueda. And he would, under any circumstances.

Ryo stood in front of the hospital and looked at it. It was a huge building, modern, advanced. He looked for the window of Ueda’s room, but he wasn’t able to find it. Then he walked in and went straight to Ueda’s room. He knocked on the door, but no one answered, so he opened it a little and peeked inside, but there was no one except Ueda, sleeping. Ryo tiptoed into the room and closed the door, trying not to make a sound. He walked slowly towards Ueda’s bed, looking closely at his face, sitting down on the windowsill, looking outside the window before he looked back to Ueda. He looked ill. He had dark circles under his eyes. Ryo knew that the nurse always wanted Ueda to eat a lot, but he could see clearly that he had lost weight. Was it worse than what they told him? Was he really going to be okay so soon? The stage was high after all, and Ueda had had a lot of pressure.

“Will you be fine?”, he asked, not expecting an answer. He tried to calm himself down. Ryo stood up and walked to the bed, stroking over Ueda’s hair. It seemed light and not as voluminous and strong as before and Ryo could see his cheekbones more clearly. Why did he notice all this only now? It really couldn’t be the result of one night in the hospital. Ueda must have looked more skinny even before. And he didn’t notice? Ryo blamed himself as he followed Ueda’s outlines, bent over him, not noticing as the door opened.

“Oh, sorry, am I disturbing you?”, asked the nurse, sorrow in her voice.

“No, it’s okay”, answered Ryo and stepped back immediately. “Will he be fine? He looks so skinny.”

“He wasn’t eating a lot, he kept telling me that he wasn’t hungry at all. And we gave him sleeping pills for now, since his body was really exhausted and it will help him to rest a little. But I hope he can recover soon once he had a rest. But I can’t tell you for sure. I suppose you know the times for visitors?”

“Yeah, I do, but - can I stay over night? Please?”

“I don’t think -“

“Please, I want to be with him when he wakes up. I made so many mistakes, I want to show him at least that I’m supporting him, even in those bad times. Help me out?”

“Well, how can I say ‘No’ then?”, sighed the nurse, a small smile on her face. “Shall I bring food for you then, too?”

“No, really, I’m fine, I won’t eat anything here. Thanks.”

The nurse just nodded and left the room, leaving Ryo with Ueda alone in the white and lonely room. Ryo stood in between the windowsill and Ueda’s bed, deciding what he would do now. Ryo wanted to use his time well, so he pulled out a notebook and a pen out of his bag and sat again on the windowsill. He should’ve brought his guitar but who could’ve known that they gave Ueda sleeping pills? Ryo tucked up his legs and put the pad on his tighs, thinking of what happened the last days. There was so much in his head that he had to write down. He had always loved to write songs, to write everything down he thought of and turn it into beautiful lyrics. While he stared out of the window, he recalled every single detail of his last days, not even flinching when he reached his painful memories of Ueda ignoring him. But somehow, Ryo couldn’t write it down. Because there was no end to the story, because he had yet to wait for Ueda to wake up and tell him the end. Maybe then he could write the lyrics for a nice song. If Ueda would make a song out of their situation? Ryo turned his face away from the window, glancing at the angelic face of his boyfriend, lying in the bed, a few sunrays reaching his pale skin. Then he threw a look at his wristwatch, just to notice that he had spent nearly three hours with sitting and thinking about him and Ueda. He didn’t feel tired, more refreshed. Probably he had needed this? Because he felt free now, his mind was a lot more easier on him as before. Ryo moved a little, wanted to stand up and get a glass of water and he felt that he was hungry. He put a hand on his stomach, but the sounds didn’t stop. Yet he didn’t want to leave the room, Ueda could wake up every minute and Ryo wanted to be with him so desperately once he was awake. So he drank water before he sat down next to the bed, on a chair, waiting. He grabbed Ueda’s hand which lay on top of the blanket and put it between his palms, massaging it. He waited for 10 minutes before he looked out of the window again, observing the birds outside jumping from branch to branch. He lay his head on Ueda’s hand to have a better view. Soon, he felt himself getting tired and his eyes felt heavier as he slowly fell asleep.

*****

Ryo opened his eyes, trying to get a clue on where he was and what he was doing. He thought he had heard a noise and looked around nervously, but he wasn’t moving his head. It was completely dark around him, and it was hard to recognize anything. His eyes followed a small light which he figured was the light of the moon. It was night. Ryo tried to lift his body but it ached awfully as he tried to, he felt pain in his back from being slighty bend the whole time. Ryo sighed, still lying there and not intending to change it. He felt the warmth on the right side of his face, and then he remembered where he was.

“Tatsuya?”

He asked, breaking the silence, hoping for an answer, but there wasn’t one. Ryo was hungry, and he felt powerless. But he couldn’t leave Ueda alone under any circumstances and he felt too weak to get up anyway. Ryo made himself comfortable again in nearly the same position to not lift his back and experience the pain again, looking at the slight moonlight in the room, letting everything seem so mysterious. He closed his eyes, trying to sleep, but it didn’t seem like he would fall asleep soon. Ryo tried to think of something that would make him sleep, he remembered the happy days with Ueda, and he smiled unconsciously as photos of them appeared before his inner eye. But it kept him awake, not wanting to miss a single photo in his mind because of falling asleep. But in the end, Ryo fell asleep, smiling, on Ueda’s blanket, his hand holding Ueda’s tight in his..

*****

Ueda opened his eyes, but he closed them immediately again as the light blinded him. The room was bright with sunlight, and he had been in the dark for quite some time. He slowly opened them again, adjusting to the light. He felt weak, and he felt a soft headache, but it was nothing compared to the pain he felt before, so he was relieved because obviously they helped him. He was still a little sleepy, probably due to the sleeping pills the nurse gave him. She explained everything to him before and though he didn’t really listen to her he understood most of what she was saying. He threw a look outside the window at the garden, listening to the birds outside. The wind blew the leaves past the window, and Ueda followed them with his eyes, smiling as he took in the beauty of nature.

A city that colours with rustling dancing petals
Together with a sweet scent the spring breeze starts blowing through it

He smiled even more as he felt creativity coming back to him, the lyrics floating his mind. He didn’t feel exhausted anymore but relaxed and good. Maybe this would be a good song? He loved spring, and sure there would be so many awesome settings he could write about. Wanting to see a little more, he propped himself a little up on his bed, supporting himself with his elbows, as he noticed the weight on his legs. Ueda looked down for the first time and what he saw sent a chill down his spine.

“Ryo?”

Ryo’s face was lying on Ueda’s legs, and he had his arms on the edge of the bed, too. He was obviously sleeping, his eyes closed and his face relaxed. The sunlight shone at him, slightly, and it made him look even more pale than he already was. Ueda noticed that Ryo was softly holding his hand and he pressed it a little, checking if he was really asleep. But there was no reaction. Just when Ueda thought what he would do now with a sleeping man on his legs, Ryo started to smile slightly in his sleep, causing Ueda to smile too. What was he dreaming about? Ueda took in the outlines of the face he missed so long, following every strand of his hair with his eyes. He seemed to be rested but still Ueda had the feeling he was drained and weak.

“How long are you already here?”, asked Ueda, more to himself than to Ryo, not expecting an answer. Why was Ryo here? Didn’t Ueda tell him to stay away from him, clearly? It didn’t seem like Ryo would listen to him. But Ueda just couldn’t even feel a hint of being angry at him, instead he was so thankful that Ryo was here, with him, supporting him.

He didn’t want to wake Ryo up, so Ueda grabbed a magazine from the nightstand the nurses prepared always for the patients to help them overcome their boredom. He flipped it open and smiled as he noticed that it was one of those music magazines where Johnny’s bands were always in. He turned the pages over, looking at every single one closely. He examined KAT-TUN’s sites, reading everything, smiling at the photos of his bandmembers. They had become so handsome. He came to NEWS’ section and stopped for a second. Was he already ready to look at Ryo again? To confront himself with him? How were the things between them now? Then, without thinking too long, he turned the page and looked at Ryo’s photo, taking in his beauty. A smile formed immediately on his face and he glanced at the sleeping Ryo again before he read on. He finished one interview after the other and turned the pages fast, but he stopped surprised after he finished the NEWS’ section because he saw Ryo again. A double page? Again? The Kanjani section didn’t even begin, right? He looked at the last page, seeing Tegoshi there, and he was even more confused as he looked at Ryo’s site before he started to read. His eyes widened in shock as he understood what the article was about.

Tatsuya,

I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say except for I’m sorry.. Are there any more words I can tell you? I’m not smart enough to say ‘I’m sorry’ in many languages, but it means all the same anyway, and I want you to know that I am saying it honestly. I’m so unbelievable sorry that I lied about our relationship, I guess I was just too afraid of what everyone thought but I didn’t spend a second with thinking about your emotions and I want to apologize therefore because it’s the worst thing I could have done.. It’s my own fault that it all turned out like this and I’m not blaming anyone, but you don’t leave me a chance to explain everything to you, so I can only hope you read this and understand me a little, maybe.. I didn’t want to hurt you ever, you were always so fragile when it came to emotions, to trust someone.. And I destroyed your trust in me, and I will hate me forever for that, believe me.. You are the most precious thing in my life and I never wanted to lose you but fate took a turn I didn’t agree with.. I see you everyday at work, and it hurts so much not to be able to be close to you.. I don’t want you to think I didn’t love you enough for saying it in public because I love you more than everything else I can think of.. It’s not easy for me to write all this knowing that everyone in the whole wide world is able to read this but I can’t think of anything else I could do for you to make up what I did.. Sorry for being this lame.. I want to thank you for letting me get close to you, for being a part of your life and for experiencing this wonderful time with you.. If you’re ever able to forgive me, believe me, I will tell everyone how happy I am with you, just for the sake of annoying everyone! I hope you understood what you mean to me, though your feelings might have changed, I still feel the same..

I love you, Ueda Tatsuya.

Nishikido Ryo

Ueda looked up from the magazine, not believing what he just read. He had stared so long at the picture that showed Ryo while writing the letter and he had spent just as much time with rereading the letter. There was no doubt that Ryo wrote it, be it the spidery handwriting of him or the expressions he used, Ueda knew it all too well. He felt a tear rolling down his cheek, but he couldn’t care less about that as he read the letter again, taking every single word in. Then he looked up, glancing at Ryo who was still peacefully sleeping on the blanket. Ueda put the magazine on his nightstand, closed, before he reached out with his hand to touch Ryo’s soft skin and stroked his silky black hair.

Ryo opened his eyes immediately as if the stroke gave him an electric shock. At first he looked sleepy and clueless, but once he noticed where he was he was awake in a second. He straightened up and made a painful face, pressing his hands against his back before he concentrated his attention on Ueda, who smiled. He looked straight into his eyes, looking for an answer before he dared to ask.

As though attracted by something, when I suddendly tried to rise my face,
I met eyes with you, the world shook and our chests trembled

“Are you remembering everything?”

“Yeah …”, answered Ueda, not looking away, lost in Ryo’s eyes.

“Tatsuya, I’m so horribly sorry for everything! I don’t know how to explain what I feel, really. I’m bad at words, you know that. But I want you to know that it’s not because I don’t love -“

Ueda pressed a finger on Ryo’s lips, forcing him to stop talking. Ryo looked obviously confused, but Ueda just smiled before he straightened a little up too.

“I overreacted, Ryo. It wasn’t fair of me to expect you to tell it everyone, especially because I know you’re not the person to tell everyone. I should have noticed but I was too stubborn and too much focused on myself, forgive me. I know that you love me even when you don’t say it, even when you keep it a secret in front of others. It’s okay. I’m happy as long as you are by my side, and I don’t care who knows and who doesn’t.”

Ryo stared at him, unbelieving.

The time that I spend with you runs along just like the light
Your innocent face, smiling akwardly, I really love it

“Let’s have breakfast, alright?”, asked Ueda, pressing the button for the nurse.

Ryo wasn’t able to say something but he nearly glowed from the happiness he felt. He was sitting on Ueda’s bed, beaming with joy, looking back and forth between Ueda and the view outside.

It didn’t take long for the nurse to come, and she brought them breakfast because she could sense the nearly ceremonial atmosphere in the room and it was Ueda’s last day in the hospital.

“Enjoy your meal”, she said and left the room with a wink.

“Say aaaaaaaah”, ordered Ueda, preparing food for Ryo and feeding him. Ryo was overly hungry because he didn’t eat something for quite some time and Ueda had fun with feeding him. If the other members were here, they would be annoyed already, knowing that they had to deal with those lovebirds for a long time from now on.

“How is it?”

“That’s the best taste ever!”, answered Ryo happily, giggling. “And once you get out of here, we’re going to tell everyone and annoy them!”, he added, smiling a little evil. But wasn’t exactly this what Ueda loved the most?

“Alright”, agreed he then, grabbing Ryo’s hand to pull him closer for a kiss.

“Well, I have to correct myself”, said Ryo, as he lay next to Ueda, interrupting their kiss. “This is the best taste ever!” He leaned again towards Ueda and kissed him softly, intertwining his fingers with Ueda’s, and soon they forgot about the breakfast …

“If only they could last forever and ever”, these everydays of happiness...
The dream you told me that day, let’s go make it true, you and me
That dream that cannot be replaced...

******************************************

A/N:

It's already the end ~ so they had a happy ending ♥ I actually love sad endings but I can't seem to write them xD
Wow, this took me quite some time to write it and I was stuck on a few parts but over all I enjoyed writing it a lot and I like the story :)
I especially enjoyed writing all the descriptions as you may have noticed because I wrote way too long about Ueda's pretty face :D And I think I probably mixed up the use of Ueda and Tatsuya, sorry for that!

I hope I didn't rush it or failed at writing and critique is appreciated so I can improve :)
I hope you could read Ryo's letter well. I chose a different font for it because I wanted to make clear that he wrote it himself. I noticed later that LJ makes it quite hard to read, so I coloured it blue. D:

The lyrics I used for Part 3: Ueda Tatsuya - Hana No Mau Machi

Thanks for reading! ~
Comments make me happy ^__^

AND I TOTALLY SHOULDN'T BE HERE T__T I just had the feeling I had to update as I promised it >_< Hopefully mom doesn't catch me xDDD
*runssss to study*
Enjoy reading! xD I love you guys ~ ♥♥ -hugs-