Last night I drank a bottle of Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon '08 that I had been saving for nearly an entire year.  It has sat on the counter since I returned from Chicago last September, to be had with Shawn when the right evening...right moment presented itself.  I have offered it up many times, just to be turned down because he's not in the ( Read more... )

What is the significance of names? Uttering just one name can send you back in time, can send your delicate sensibilities into a high of such magnitude that you think you are losing your goddamned mind. Do you hear a name and wonder if there is someone else out there that can live up to that name you place to the face that's a 3rd degree burn on ( Read more... )

Missfall

Opiate river flows

mud-thick, amber love

Coffee, nicotine high

clouds begin to cry

and the sky

downcast grey and white

how these shadows fall

cross these barren walls

I won't sleep tonight

you're not at my side

no rest, no rest I

won't dare breathe goodbye...

cold wind opens doors

blood spills, they want more

roses paint my thighs

sick but never tired ( Read more... )

I ran out of Melatonin.  I ran out of Trytophan.  I ran out of everything that puts me to sleep.  I don't have any valerian root.  I don't have anything to chew on, swallow, drink, or inject to make myself fall asleep.  So insomnia is taking me over these days.

Each day has become somewhat of a haze between drugging myself to sleep to waking up to ( Read more... )

The baby's funeral/graveside memorial is today. 
St. Mary's Cemetary at 421 Sterling here in Peoria, near the woods.  Billy is coming with as is Derrick...a friend of ours.  My mom and Shane weren't able to get the time off from work, though they both are extremely upset about the fact that they can't go.  and I know that they are.  Shane was ( Read more... )

I'm scared to death.  scared of death.  what he's asking me to do is endorse another death in my life.  this one intentional.  this one... with a smile and a nod to the grim reaper as being a staple in my life these days.  he's asking me to snuff out lights within that have just begun to flicker.  death.  another death.  and i said to him, "i just ( Read more... )