Missing Out
Most days, I feel like a total outcast. Where do I belong? I once heard that the teenage years are supposed to be the most fun, a time to enjoy your youth. But to me, these have been the loneliest years of my life. And it seems so never ending. So long. Like I'm trapped in this time continuum and I can't break free or rush the time. I don't know teens like me. Everyone has friends, and practically everyone is in a relationship with someone. Kids my age go to football games and parties and sleepovers. That all seems so foriegn to me. I can't relate to anyone my age, not really. I've clicked with a few, surprisingly, but there's still this dull ache inside of me that won't go away. All I do is lose friends. I'm almost too afraid to let anyone get too close to me again. Why bother when history continues to repeat itself? At least that's what my head is telling me. My heart is saying something different. And since God dwells in my heart, I think it's him. But why does he give me this desire to have a best friend? To break my somewhat loner life? Aren't there more important things in life? Like helping others (which is something I've been wanting to do lately)? I've been praying for friends for a long time. People have come and go in my life that I thought would be the answer to my prayers. But like I said, those people have come and gone.
And if I pray to be a friend to someone who needs me, it seems like everyone already has friends of their own that can help them. I feel so alone. If I didn't have God, I would probably crumble. He's the only reason I continue with my life in this hopeful outlook. Despite what I have written, life really hasn't been bad for me. It's actually pretty okay. I just have these longings sometimes. One day, I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. Another day, I want to help someone. A week later, I want to change the world. It's crazy. But it gets overpowering a lot, thinking of those things.
Honestly, I think I am missing out. I don't feel sixteen (I'll be 16 in 2 weeks). Sixteen year olds have sweet sixteens and get new cars and all these cool things. Me? My birthday falls on a Monday, and once school is over, I'll be going to ballet class, and I'll go home to just do some homework and then go to bed. Some sweet sixteen, huh?
And if I pray to be a friend to someone who needs me, it seems like everyone already has friends of their own that can help them. I feel so alone. If I didn't have God, I would probably crumble. He's the only reason I continue with my life in this hopeful outlook. Despite what I have written, life really hasn't been bad for me. It's actually pretty okay. I just have these longings sometimes. One day, I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. Another day, I want to help someone. A week later, I want to change the world. It's crazy. But it gets overpowering a lot, thinking of those things.
Honestly, I think I am missing out. I don't feel sixteen (I'll be 16 in 2 weeks). Sixteen year olds have sweet sixteens and get new cars and all these cool things. Me? My birthday falls on a Monday, and once school is over, I'll be going to ballet class, and I'll go home to just do some homework and then go to bed. Some sweet sixteen, huh?