Comments | cheesemongers: The Kiss that Goes Deeper than Skin (OR: Angst, Angst, Angst)

amazon_syren in cheesemongers

The Kiss that Goes Deeper than Skin (OR: Angst, Angst, Angst)

Apr 26, 2006 22:11

Okay ( Read more... )

Comments 31

anonymous April 27 2006, 09:45:50 UTC

I watch splatter movies, I read about all sorts of diseases and horrible ways to die and suffer, in that sense I'm pretty tough. But everyone has something that turns their stomach; for me it's self-inflicting wounds. Bludgery, fine; if I see someone cutting herself, even in simulated television, I feel like fainting or throwing up or both. Oh, well, vampires are actually different - I only feel a twinge then; because I know the scars will fade and there's no way that would kill or really harm her. Still ( ... )

ilthit April 27 2006, 09:46:08 UTC

...That was me.

amazon_syren April 27 2006, 12:34:08 UTC

Heheheh...
I kinda figured. ;-)

amazon_syren April 27 2006, 13:00:25 UTC

Hey, have tried to fix up the italics problem. (And tweaked a couple of other things). Go have another read and see what you think. Better? :-)

Thread 13

latin_doll April 27 2006, 20:24:14 UTC

The separation of thought process and action works well. What I especially like about this is that you italicised the action, rather than the thoughts, which makes the thoughts seem more real than what actually happens. Especially as there's no "I" in the action until the last line. (Yes, that's a "me". Details.) A bit like... waking up? Finding oneself? (In a kiss, nonetheless.) I think that's neat. Anyway ( ... )

ilthit April 28 2006, 12:50:29 UTC

This is commentary on the fic, really, but you pointed something out there: the action italicized rather than the thought - it works because the thought is foremost on the character's field of perception, right? She's focused on the thought, living in the thoughts, rather than the actions. Neat.

amazon_syren April 28 2006, 13:03:10 UTC

Yup. :-) (At least that was the idea. ;-)

amazon_syren April 28 2006, 12:52:07 UTC

All in all, though, yes, I think I can buy thisOh, thank goodness ( ... )

Thread 16

Belated commentary... ilthit May 3 2006, 18:14:23 UTC

You know, I actually liked it better when you said Mal's mouth was still bloody when Polly kissed her.

Re: Belated commentary... amazon_syren May 4 2006, 13:31:21 UTC

Technically so do I, but a good point was raised (I can't remember if it was by you or Latin-Doll) about what Polly's tasting Mal's blood would/could mean or be misinterpreted as meaning, so I changed it.