The separation of thought process and action works well. What I especially like about this is that you italicised the action, rather than the thoughts, which makes the thoughts seem more real than what actually happens. Especially as there's no "I" in the action until the last line. (Yes, that's a "me". Details.) A bit like... waking up? Finding oneself? (In a kiss, nonetheless.) I think that's neat. Anyway.
Her thought processes, on the other hand, are remarkably coherent, considering what's happening. I think they might benefit a bit from the rougher style you put into the italic bits. (But that's me being picky, I seldomly think in full sentences.)
Now, how does Polly come into the play? I gather from the conversation above that these (rather massive) problems are something Mal wants to deal with on her own, yet she does nothing to even hide the wound from Polly, while at the same time essentially telling her that she can't help. Mal knows that this must hurt Polly, so how does she deal with that? (I'm not saying it's atypical, just that it's something to be considered, maybe.)
Smaller issue, because I'm not quite sure how far the relationship between them has progressed at this point. You have Mal thinking "It makes her sick to think about it", yet later, Polly kisses Mal, which must have taken some effort on Polly's part. Now, Mal could take this as proof of Polly's love, but considering her mindset here, I'd find it more probable that she at least feels some guilt about having manipulated Polly into something (tasting blood) she's repulsed by.
All in all, though, yes, I think I can buy this :)
This is commentary on the fic, really, but you pointed something out there: the action italicized rather than the thought - it works because the thought is foremost on the character's field of perception, right? She's focused on the thought, living in the thoughts, rather than the actions. Neat.
Regarding Mal and how Polly comes into play: This is far from the first time she's cut herself. (She brought the water jug out with her to wash any blood off the stones, in order to hide what she's doing). It's just the first time Polly's caught her at it. Up until then, she didn't know.
Mal wasn't expecting Polly to wake up, so her presence on the balcony was a surprise. (Thense the dropping of the razor). At that point, I think Mal just decided that going "lacerations? what lacerations?" would really, really not work. Plus... While she does feel she needs to (must?) deal with this stuff on her own, she also feels she needs to be truthful to the woman she loves. This does not, of course, mean that she feels she has to disclose everything, but rather that any information that does get passed on needs to be honest information. Mal figured that... Polly doesn't need to know about this. It will make her upset. I'll just deal with it on my own. No need to worry her, to hurt her, to scare her, etc. But. When Polly finds out anyway, her thought process becomes: Now that she knows, she deserves to know the real reason why. This is set after "Make Me Your Own", so Polly already knew what bleeding, or being bled, meant to Mal. It just wasn't something she could stomach very well.
I'm not sure if there's away to visually create a pause, to suggest the tone of voice Mal used when she said "because you can't"... reluctant, sad, but needing to explain all the same. Any suggestions? :-) (Oo... wait. Got an idea. :-)
Yes, the kiss was meant as a declaration of love and support. :-) I think Mal was surprised, more than anything else, by that kiss. She would have tried to kiss Polly with her mouth touched with red, but Polly kissed her despite it. I think she more likely felt relief ("I can't disgust her completely if she's willing to do this, here and now, despite what she's just seen, just heard") than guilt. Guilt might come later, but at that moment, it was like letting out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, if you will. "My secret's out... and she doesn't hate me for it..." Yes? :-)
I probably shouldn't find that sorta funny, but I do. Er.
And while I insist that Mal would probably have an easier time hiding lacerations than anyone else (how fast do these heal, anyway?), Polly's a pretty observant girl, so, yeah. Your Mal's the type for brutal honesty, right?
No need to worry her, to hurt her, to scare her, etc.
The scarce disclosure of information exhibited here probably doesn't help in the worry, hurt or scare department, though. (Not sure if a thorough explanation would, either. Bit of a complex problem, that.)
I'm not sure if there's away to visually create a pause
You already dealt with that, (and, by the way, did you mean to put two blank lines there? Because the inserted italic line works for that). Dunno. There's a neat little device that I totally read somewhere else first: "... Because you can't". It's adequate, at least.
Re: last paragraph: relief might work, too, if she expected Polly to explode or become otherwise unreasonable, but in this case, I think a hug or something might work better, because the kiss, with the blood involved, has that context of "See what I'm willing to do for you", to me, at least. I dunno. Mal's probably clever enough to see the love and support thing, though,
I probably shouldn't find that sorta funny, but I do. Er.
It's okay. I was going for funny. :-) (Wierd funny, but funny none the less. ;-)
Said lacerations would probably only lake a couple of minutes to heal. In theory she could have let her sleeve drop over them to cover them, but since it was rolled up, rather than pushed up, that's hard to do fast. Plus there'd still be the razor to contend with. (The only thing Mal could be shaving is her head, and *maybe* her eyebrows -- so it would be a little odd -- and would get Polly suspicious -- if she just happened to have a razor with her, at four in the morning, on their balcony, with no explaination. ;-)
Re: Brutal honesty. For the most part (if she trusts you). For example, when they met Clarisse ("Make Me Your Own"), and Polly asked her "Did you enjoy it?" Mal told her the truth, even though Polly probably would have preferred a lie (although she probably would have seen through it, too), and it might have been easier to say "No, of course not. I don't do that stuff any more. It has no appeal for me what-so-ever", and leave it at that, rather than saying "...yep." and dealing with what-ever the consequences of that one sylable were.
Re: Complex Explaination vs Scarce Information: See... this isn't a stand-alone. Technically she's already had the longer explaination (in the above-mentioned fic). This is just carrying on that touch of plot-line, if you will. Polly understands (or at least thinks she understands) about Mal's... getting pleasure from bleeding. She doesn't understand it nearly as well as she needs to, though, and Mal hasn't quite figured that out yet. (And maybe, maybe doesn't want to. Maybe some trecherous part of her knows damn-well it's easier to leave things unsaid and she's just fooling herself into thinking that this is enough... Well... she'll find out in a few years (and by years, I mean: in my next fic) that she was wrong. I think that one will be *significantly* longer...).
Re: Pause: I did, indeed, mean to put two blank lines there. :-)
The explosions will come eventually. I'm a little worried about that, if only because it involves a certain amount of domestic violence. Not a lot, but enough to make *me* go "Gah! That's not supposed to happen! Stay Good, Polly! Stay Good!" And similar. I may tweak that last line so that it doesn't say where Polly kissed her. Which still allows for a certain amount of "I'm your partner in this", without having to deal with the squick-factor. :-)
I don't think Polly would try to kill Mal (and anything less than a stake or decapitation just won't work), but she's definitely going to hit her. Hard. Not that is has much of an effect, but you get the idea.
Re: That fic ("Make Me Your Own") having reached a conclusion: Yes it did, but: Stories are never over, just because you stop writing them. (There's a couple on Trumpets that point this out... how no-one ever only exists in the stories that are written about them. Even in the case of fictional lives, the lives still have to keep functioning between chunks of narravite. I think it's a big enough relationship-issue to be adressed again. :-)
Mal seems to be in possession of a fully functioning nervous system, though. So yes, I'd say the effect is there :)
Other than that, so true. It's almost frustrating how stories are always, always bigger than what you can fit onto the paper (onto the screen, well), but then again, it... isn't. Strange. And I think I read that fic.
I think this one's shaping up to be long. Or, as is usually the case with me, shaping up to be half a dozen stories that follow hard on each-others' heals.
There are enough different strings I need to pull together...
It involves Mal and Polly getting sent to AM for a trade mission (the general's decided that Polly needs a rest and a 'working vacation' should do the trick), wherein they (or, rather, Polly) have to deal with Commander Vimes (because it was through him that the original 'on credit' food was bought after the war 13-odd years ago, and so he's been kind-of handling it since, in his capacity as Duke of Ankh). This allows Mal to meet Sally.
Beyond that, Mal has to be in a situation that makes all of her 'recovering addict' stress worse -- enough that she's turning away from Polly at night because she's afraid she'll go too far, that a kiss will lead to puncture wounds and that'll be the end of it. Both Polly and Mal have to be *quite* aware of Sally's bisexuality (yay for my ficverse... where 'het' is so far from the norm, it might qualify as funny) *and* the fact that vampires foreswear human blood, but not vampire blood.
Essentially, I have get the circumstances right so that an affair seems likely, and perhaps even *is* likely, without actually (A) letting it happen, or (B) having anyone act out of character...
(Part of this involves getting Mal drunk on 'speciality coffee', probably laced with brandy, when out for coctails and talking with Sally for an evening that turns into eight hours and a proposition... And Sally isn't stupid enough to proposition someone who she *knows* is dating someone else, unless she thought it likely that she'd get a 'yes' in return...)
Ah. I vaguely recall Sally trampling all over my nerves throughout Thud*, but this sounds interesting, and I always wanted to give her a second chance.
I think it says in MR that "vampires aren't poisoned easily", or something along those lines. Don't know if that extends to alcohol, but I'm sure there's something available that makes vampires drunk (and somehow, I think Sally would know about it.)
Beyond that, Mal has to be in a situation that makes all of her 'recovering addict' stress worse
Hehehe. Alcohol makes vampires drunk -- or at least sticky-gooey-multi-coloured alocohol makes Sally drunk, and she's definitely had more practice than Mal has. Mal's had coffee laced with bourbon (in *small* amounts), and even that was about 15 years ago. And she has, occasionally, in her pre-League years sipped blood from a drunk person... it didn't actually make her *drunk*, but it did make her a bit tipsy/light-headed. So... Alcohol works (both in PTerry's discverse, and in my version thereof).
Given the way Sally reacted to Carrot ("Oh Gods, this one was really attractive"), I got the impression that not only did she find Carrot hot (which was the obvious bit), but that it wasn't the first time she'd been into a human and maybe that finding humans attractive made her... twitch (if you will), wanting to sink her teeth into a really big apple, if nothing else. :-) So I think that she'd understand where Mal was coming from, even if she wasn't actually dating a human, she'd... understand the allure, and the resulting stress, of doing so.
Re: Recovering Addict Stress: A bit of both, actually. Pent-up pressure... By this point, she and Polly have been dating for about 10 years (which means Mal's known -- and been crazy about -- her for about 13). Shortly before this bout of stories occurred, they decided that they'd be spending Polly's life together (having already decided that Vampire!Polly would be a bad thing on many, many levels -- Note: Still want to read your fic!) so... It's not that Mal's feeling 'constricted' or anything by being in a permanent relationship. As far as she was concerned, it was permanent as of the first kiss, unless Polly decided differently. So that's not the problem. It's just... It's been ten years of, well, the equivallent of being an alcoholic, working in a Coyote Ugly bar. Which is going to slowly wear down her defences. (Thense why she turned to the razor in the first place... she's noticed she's been drinking more coffee lately, and cutting herself more often, and feeling slightly depressed, a little bit, although she mostly doesn't notice that last part, it being such a common occurance during the majority of her life).
I just need something to bring it to a head. In this case, General Clogston is sending them to Ankh Morpork on a trade mission (to work with the Duke of Ankh -- how convenient). This, of course, will rev-up Mal's territorial instincts which will lead to higher stress-levels and, possibly a temporary (just on the journey, due to not packing nearly enough, having not twigged to the liklihood of territorial-stress) coffee-shortage. Nothing like in MR, just... a slight nervousness on Mal's part about "am I going to have to use my coffee-necklace? Can I hold out until we get to Ankh Morpork, where coffee will be plentiful?" Yada, yada, yada.
Anyway, not sure how it's going to work out, but that's part of it...
I think that she and Polly are going to stumble into a gay-bar (or, rather, I know they are -- I just need to sort out why, and how they get there) that caters to all species. [Side note: I wonder if there are lesbian-femme dwarfs. I mean, it's easy enough to be lesbian and normal-dwarf, because you just Don't Talk About That, and get on with things in private. But to be an obviously-female dwarf who *likes* female dwarfs (obviously or not)... how would that work out?] Mal and Polly are going to see a vampire couple (one member of whom happens to be Sally) happily drinking from one-another, despite their both being in the League. And that, my friend, will definitely exacerbate the situation.
I now have the image of Mal drinking technicolour drinks with umbrellas and pineapple slices in my head. Thank you.
I'm sure there are coffee-themed cocktails. With, y'know, absolutely no alcohol at all in them, or so says Sally. (Er. Much in the same way as the herbal wine in Witches Abroad was totally harmless.)
Damn. No I've got a coffee craving. (Dear brain: it's eleven p.m. Shut up.)
... Mal has territorial instincts?
Maybe, in Ankh-Morpork, she buys decaffeinated coffee by mistake, not realising that anyone could commit such an atrocity? (This would, of course, require that she's fixated on the caffeine in particular. What does make coffee different from acorns, anyway?*)
How they get from there into a gay bar, I do not know, though. Er. The thought was logical when I started on it.
Polly and Mal were looking for a place to eat that wasn't a total greasy-spoon, near where they're staying. (Their charming government put them up in the Shades, not knowing any better, and trying to get their budget to stretch, thense their being anywhere near Paradise Street while on a Trade mission). They saw the name 'Wild Honey' and figured it was some sort of health-food place. Boy were they wrong.
It's not the caffeine that Mal craves (otherwise tea would have been fine) it's... I think it's the everything. The taste and the smell (which would be off in decaf, or so I hear -- although she might have been able to tell just by smelling the beans...), the Coffee Experience. So... decaf would have *some* effect, just as iced coffee would have *some* effect, it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be good enough (and far better than suck-it-down acorns) to do the trick. :-)
Mal has territorial instincts. I think *all* vampires (in DW) have territorial instincts. Thense the not-crossing-rivers thing --> Before the dawn of Official Borders, rivers were handy territorial markers. Or something like that. ;-)
Sally goes for the umbrella-garnished drinks. Mal will do just fine with, say, Coffee laced liberally with Bearhuggers Whiskey Cream and/or Wahlulu (or anything else found in a Screaming Orgasm -- which Sally may attempt to convince Mal to try, in both a litteral and alcoholic sense).
<*sigh*> Mal is... a rather... emotional drunk (not surprising: Loose the inhibitions and all the emotional outpourings that she's usually stamping on come out). It's like part of her becomes a little kid all over again, and she cries when she's sad about stuff, and giggles easilly... It's both cute and somewhat iritating (in a pull-yourself-together sort of way) at the same time.
(I *did* have a reply ready yesterday... and then my internet went to sleep for the night. *hits internet*. Anyway, here's what I remember.)
Re territorial instincts: didn't Polly and Mal cross a river at the end of MR? It had something to do with water, at least.
But of course, it makes sense for a hunting species. (Y'know, I fear that due to the fact I read Carpe Jugulum only once and then lent it to friend and never got it back (what is it with books and not giving them back, anyway?) I'm missing out on an awful lot of Discworld!vampire facts. Damn. *ponders another visit to the public library* *ponders a visit to said friend*
And I'm giggling about the idea of health food in Ankh-Morpork. Ever the naive country girls, these two are. Yesyes :)
Re: Crossing a river. I don't think it's the running water that does it, I think it's the idea of going into someone else's territory.
She went to Genua for a year, and that didn't freak her out -- possibly because there weren't any other vampires in Genua so it was... fair-game territory, rather than a place belonging to someone else.
In the case of her job with the army... Because she's generally fighting *for* territory, and she's backed up by an army, and not actually fighting any other vampires (it would be somewhat different if, say, Zlobenia also had a vampire among its ranks)... So I think it's a question of context as much as anything else.
Mal may be friendly-ish with Otto, but she doesn't know *any* of the other vampires on the Plains, and she's a *long* way from home with only one human for back-up -- and she's a human who is as much a liability (because Mal cares for her, and the other vamps will see that) as a help in fight.
So... Given that she's stressing already, and is now entering into a stressful situation (vicious cycle, anyone?) everything is just kind of playing on everything else and making the whole thing worse.
It doesn't help that Polly's on her period, either. (Menstruation is a rare thing in Borogravia, what with the general shortage of food, and all that, so Polly -- and every other woman in the country -- really only bleeds two or three times a year. If that). Unfortunately, as far as Mal's nose is concerned, this is just a too-heady mixture of blood and sex that she has to try her damnedest to ignore. Which involves *not* sleeping with Polly (Litterally. Not just a moratorium on sex, but, like finding a handy rafter or something and not being in the same bed with her). Which is just a miserable situation to be in, and makes it all the more possible for suspicions to grow around the idea that Mal may be getting her sex-fix elsewhere... We shall see...
Her thought processes, on the other hand, are remarkably coherent, considering what's happening. I think they might benefit a bit from the rougher style you put into the italic bits. (But that's me being picky, I seldomly think in full sentences.)
Now, how does Polly come into the play? I gather from the conversation above that these (rather massive) problems are something Mal wants to deal with on her own, yet she does nothing to even hide the wound from Polly, while at the same time essentially telling her that she can't help. Mal knows that this must hurt Polly, so how does she deal with that? (I'm not saying it's atypical, just that it's something to be considered, maybe.)
Smaller issue, because I'm not quite sure how far the relationship between them has progressed at this point. You have Mal thinking "It makes her sick to think about it", yet later, Polly kisses Mal, which must have taken some effort on Polly's part. Now, Mal could take this as proof of Polly's love, but considering her mindset here, I'd find it more probable that she at least feels some guilt about having manipulated Polly into something (tasting blood) she's repulsed by.
All in all, though, yes, I think I can buy this :)
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Oh, thank goodness. :-)
Regarding Mal and how Polly comes into play:
This is far from the first time she's cut herself. (She brought the water jug out with her to wash any blood off the stones, in order to hide what she's doing). It's just the first time Polly's caught her at it. Up until then, she didn't know.
Mal wasn't expecting Polly to wake up, so her presence on the balcony was a surprise. (Thense the dropping of the razor).
At that point, I think Mal just decided that going "lacerations? what lacerations?" would really, really not work.
Plus... While she does feel she needs to (must?) deal with this stuff on her own, she also feels she needs to be truthful to the woman she loves.
This does not, of course, mean that she feels she has to disclose everything, but rather that any information that does get passed on needs to be honest information.
Mal figured that... Polly doesn't need to know about this. It will make her upset. I'll just deal with it on my own. No need to worry her, to hurt her, to scare her, etc.
But. When Polly finds out anyway, her thought process becomes: Now that she knows, she deserves to know the real reason why. This is set after "Make Me Your Own", so Polly already knew what bleeding, or being bled, meant to Mal. It just wasn't something she could stomach very well.
I'm not sure if there's away to visually create a pause, to suggest the tone of voice Mal used when she said "because you can't"... reluctant, sad, but needing to explain all the same. Any suggestions? :-) (Oo... wait. Got an idea. :-)
Yes, the kiss was meant as a declaration of love and support. :-)
I think Mal was surprised, more than anything else, by that kiss. She would have tried to kiss Polly with her mouth touched with red, but Polly kissed her despite it.
I think she more likely felt relief ("I can't disgust her completely if she's willing to do this, here and now, despite what she's just seen, just heard") than guilt.
Guilt might come later, but at that moment, it was like letting out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, if you will. "My secret's out... and she doesn't hate me for it..."
Yes? :-)
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I probably shouldn't find that sorta funny, but I do. Er.
And while I insist that Mal would probably have an easier time hiding lacerations than anyone else (how fast do these heal, anyway?), Polly's a pretty observant girl, so, yeah. Your Mal's the type for brutal honesty, right?
No need to worry her, to hurt her, to scare her, etc.
The scarce disclosure of information exhibited here probably doesn't help in the worry, hurt or scare department, though. (Not sure if a thorough explanation would, either. Bit of a complex problem, that.)
I'm not sure if there's away to visually create a pause
You already dealt with that, (and, by the way, did you mean to put two blank lines there? Because the inserted italic line works for that). Dunno. There's a neat little device that I totally read somewhere else first: "... Because you can't". It's adequate, at least.
Re: last paragraph: relief might work, too, if she expected Polly to explode or become otherwise unreasonable, but in this case, I think a hug or something might work better, because the kiss, with the blood involved, has that context of "See what I'm willing to do for you", to me, at least. I dunno. Mal's probably clever enough to see the love and support thing, though,
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I probably shouldn't find that sorta funny, but I do. Er.
It's okay. I was going for funny. :-) (Wierd funny, but funny none the less. ;-)
Said lacerations would probably only lake a couple of minutes to heal. In theory she could have let her sleeve drop over them to cover them, but since it was rolled up, rather than pushed up, that's hard to do fast. Plus there'd still be the razor to contend with. (The only thing Mal could be shaving is her head, and *maybe* her eyebrows -- so it would be a little odd -- and would get Polly suspicious -- if she just happened to have a razor with her, at four in the morning, on their balcony, with no explaination. ;-)
Re: Brutal honesty. For the most part (if she trusts you). For example, when they met Clarisse ("Make Me Your Own"), and Polly asked her "Did you enjoy it?" Mal told her the truth, even though Polly probably would have preferred a lie (although she probably would have seen through it, too), and it might have been easier to say "No, of course not. I don't do that stuff any more. It has no appeal for me what-so-ever", and leave it at that, rather than saying "...yep." and dealing with what-ever the consequences of that one sylable were.
Re: Complex Explaination vs Scarce Information: See... this isn't a stand-alone. Technically she's already had the longer explaination (in the above-mentioned fic). This is just carrying on that touch of plot-line, if you will. Polly understands (or at least thinks she understands) about Mal's... getting pleasure from bleeding.
She doesn't understand it nearly as well as she needs to, though, and Mal hasn't quite figured that out yet. (And maybe, maybe doesn't want to. Maybe some trecherous part of her knows damn-well it's easier to leave things unsaid and she's just fooling herself into thinking that this is enough... Well... she'll find out in a few years (and by years, I mean: in my next fic) that she was wrong. I think that one will be *significantly* longer...).
Re: Pause: I did, indeed, mean to put two blank lines there. :-)
The explosions will come eventually. I'm a little worried about that, if only because it involves a certain amount of domestic violence. Not a lot, but enough to make *me* go "Gah! That's not supposed to happen! Stay Good, Polly! Stay Good!" And similar.
I may tweak that last line so that it doesn't say where Polly kissed her. Which still allows for a certain amount of "I'm your partner in this", without having to deal with the squick-factor. :-)
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Re: long explanations: Recalling "Make me your own", I see how this ties in, although that fic seemed to have reached a conclusion already,
Well... she'll find out in a few years (and by years, I mean: in my next fic) that she was wrong. I think that one will be *significantly* longer...).
Looking forward to that one :)
Stay Good, Polly! Stay Good!
Keeping Polly from killing Mal is a destiny we seem to share :P
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I don't think Polly would try to kill Mal (and anything less than a stake or decapitation just won't work), but she's definitely going to hit her.
Hard.
Not that is has much of an effect, but you get the idea.
Re: That fic ("Make Me Your Own") having reached a conclusion: Yes it did, but: Stories are never over, just because you stop writing them. (There's a couple on Trumpets that point this out... how no-one ever only exists in the stories that are written about them. Even in the case of fictional lives, the lives still have to keep functioning between chunks of narravite. I think it's a big enough relationship-issue to be adressed again. :-)
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Other than that, so true. It's almost frustrating how stories are always, always bigger than what you can fit onto the paper (onto the screen, well), but then again, it... isn't. Strange. And I think I read that fic.
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Or, as is usually the case with me, shaping up to be half a dozen stories that follow hard on each-others' heals.
There are enough different strings I need to pull together...
It involves Mal and Polly getting sent to AM for a trade mission (the general's decided that Polly needs a rest and a 'working vacation' should do the trick), wherein they (or, rather, Polly) have to deal with Commander Vimes (because it was through him that the original 'on credit' food was bought after the war 13-odd years ago, and so he's been kind-of handling it since, in his capacity as Duke of Ankh).
This allows Mal to meet Sally.
Beyond that, Mal has to be in a situation that makes all of her 'recovering addict' stress worse -- enough that she's turning away from Polly at night because she's afraid she'll go too far, that a kiss will lead to puncture wounds and that'll be the end of it. Both Polly and Mal have to be *quite* aware of Sally's bisexuality (yay for my ficverse... where 'het' is so far from the norm, it might qualify as funny) *and* the fact that vampires foreswear human blood, but not vampire blood.
Essentially, I have get the circumstances right so that an affair seems likely, and perhaps even *is* likely, without actually (A) letting it happen, or (B) having anyone act out of character...
(Part of this involves getting Mal drunk on 'speciality coffee', probably laced with brandy, when out for coctails and talking with Sally for an evening that turns into eight hours and a proposition... And Sally isn't stupid enough to proposition someone who she *knows* is dating someone else, unless she thought it likely that she'd get a 'yes' in return...)
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I think it says in MR that "vampires aren't poisoned easily", or something along those lines. Don't know if that extends to alcohol, but I'm sure there's something available that makes vampires drunk (and somehow, I think Sally would know about it.)
Beyond that, Mal has to be in a situation that makes all of her 'recovering addict' stress worse
Anything specific or just pent-up pressure?
*Could have been worse. Could have bored me :)
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Alcohol makes vampires drunk -- or at least sticky-gooey-multi-coloured alocohol makes Sally drunk, and she's definitely had more practice than Mal has. Mal's had coffee laced with bourbon (in *small* amounts), and even that was about 15 years ago. And she has, occasionally, in her pre-League years sipped blood from a drunk person... it didn't actually make her *drunk*, but it did make her a bit tipsy/light-headed.
So... Alcohol works (both in PTerry's discverse, and in my version thereof).
Given the way Sally reacted to Carrot ("Oh Gods, this one was really attractive"), I got the impression that not only did she find Carrot hot (which was the obvious bit), but that it wasn't the first time she'd been into a human and maybe that finding humans attractive made her... twitch (if you will), wanting to sink her teeth into a really big apple, if nothing else. :-)
So I think that she'd understand where Mal was coming from, even if she wasn't actually dating a human, she'd... understand the allure, and the resulting stress, of doing so.
Re: Recovering Addict Stress: A bit of both, actually. Pent-up pressure... By this point, she and Polly have been dating for about 10 years (which means Mal's known -- and been crazy about -- her for about 13). Shortly before this bout of stories occurred, they decided that they'd be spending Polly's life together (having already decided that Vampire!Polly would be a bad thing on many, many levels -- Note: Still want to read your fic!) so...
It's not that Mal's feeling 'constricted' or anything by being in a permanent relationship. As far as she was concerned, it was permanent as of the first kiss, unless Polly decided differently. So that's not the problem.
It's just... It's been ten years of, well, the equivallent of being an alcoholic, working in a Coyote Ugly bar.
Which is going to slowly wear down her defences. (Thense why she turned to the razor in the first place... she's noticed she's been drinking more coffee lately, and cutting herself more often, and feeling slightly depressed, a little bit, although she mostly doesn't notice that last part, it being such a common occurance during the majority of her life).
I just need something to bring it to a head.
In this case, General Clogston is sending them to Ankh Morpork on a trade mission (to work with the Duke of Ankh -- how convenient). This, of course, will rev-up Mal's territorial instincts which will lead to higher stress-levels and, possibly a temporary (just on the journey, due to not packing nearly enough, having not twigged to the liklihood of territorial-stress) coffee-shortage. Nothing like in MR, just... a slight nervousness on Mal's part about "am I going to have to use my coffee-necklace? Can I hold out until we get to Ankh Morpork, where coffee will be plentiful?" Yada, yada, yada.
Anyway, not sure how it's going to work out, but that's part of it...
I think that she and Polly are going to stumble into a gay-bar (or, rather, I know they are -- I just need to sort out why, and how they get there) that caters to all species. [Side note: I wonder if there are lesbian-femme dwarfs. I mean, it's easy enough to be lesbian and normal-dwarf, because you just Don't Talk About That, and get on with things in private. But to be an obviously-female dwarf who *likes* female dwarfs (obviously or not)... how would that work out?]
Mal and Polly are going to see a vampire couple (one member of whom happens to be Sally) happily drinking from one-another, despite their both being in the League.
And that, my friend, will definitely exacerbate the situation.
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I'm sure there are coffee-themed cocktails. With, y'know, absolutely no alcohol at all in them, or so says Sally. (Er. Much in the same way as the herbal wine in Witches Abroad was totally harmless.)
Damn. No I've got a coffee craving. (Dear brain: it's eleven p.m. Shut up.)
... Mal has territorial instincts?
Maybe, in Ankh-Morpork, she buys decaffeinated coffee by mistake, not realising that anyone could commit such an atrocity? (This would, of course, require that she's fixated on the caffeine in particular. What does make coffee different from acorns, anyway?*)
How they get from there into a gay bar, I do not know, though. Er. The thought was logical when I started on it.
*Pretty much everything, come to think of it.
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Polly and Mal were looking for a place to eat that wasn't a total greasy-spoon, near where they're staying. (Their charming government put them up in the Shades, not knowing any better, and trying to get their budget to stretch, thense their being anywhere near Paradise Street while on a Trade mission).
They saw the name 'Wild Honey' and figured it was some sort of health-food place.
Boy were they wrong.
It's not the caffeine that Mal craves (otherwise tea would have been fine) it's... I think it's the everything. The taste and the smell (which would be off in decaf, or so I hear -- although she might have been able to tell just by smelling the beans...), the Coffee Experience.
So... decaf would have *some* effect, just as iced coffee would have *some* effect, it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be good enough (and far better than suck-it-down acorns) to do the trick. :-)
Mal has territorial instincts. I think *all* vampires (in DW) have territorial instincts. Thense the not-crossing-rivers thing --> Before the dawn of Official Borders, rivers were handy territorial markers. Or something like that. ;-)
Sally goes for the umbrella-garnished drinks. Mal will do just fine with, say, Coffee laced liberally with Bearhuggers Whiskey Cream and/or Wahlulu (or anything else found in a Screaming Orgasm -- which Sally may attempt to convince Mal to try, in both a litteral and alcoholic sense).
<*sigh*> Mal is... a rather... emotional drunk (not surprising: Loose the inhibitions and all the emotional outpourings that she's usually stamping on come out). It's like part of her becomes a little kid all over again, and she cries when she's sad about stuff, and giggles easilly... It's both cute and somewhat iritating (in a pull-yourself-together sort of way) at the same time.
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Re territorial instincts: didn't Polly and Mal cross a river at the end of MR? It had something to do with water, at least.
But of course, it makes sense for a hunting species. (Y'know, I fear that due to the fact I read Carpe Jugulum only once and then lent it to friend and never got it back (what is it with books and not giving them back, anyway?) I'm missing out on an awful lot of Discworld!vampire facts. Damn. *ponders another visit to the public library* *ponders a visit to said friend*
And I'm giggling about the idea of health food in Ankh-Morpork. Ever the naive country girls, these two are. Yesyes :)
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I vote: Visit Said Friend. :-)
Re: Crossing a river.
I don't think it's the running water that does it, I think it's the idea of going into someone else's territory.
She went to Genua for a year, and that didn't freak her out -- possibly because there weren't any other vampires in Genua so it was... fair-game territory, rather than a place belonging to someone else.
In the case of her job with the army... Because she's generally fighting *for* territory, and she's backed up by an army, and not actually fighting any other vampires (it would be somewhat different if, say, Zlobenia also had a vampire among its ranks)... So I think it's a question of context as much as anything else.
Mal may be friendly-ish with Otto, but she doesn't know *any* of the other vampires on the Plains, and she's a *long* way from home with only one human for back-up -- and she's a human who is as much a liability (because Mal cares for her, and the other vamps will see that) as a help in fight.
So... Given that she's stressing already, and is now entering into a stressful situation (vicious cycle, anyone?) everything is just kind of playing on everything else and making the whole thing worse.
It doesn't help that Polly's on her period, either. (Menstruation is a rare thing in Borogravia, what with the general shortage of food, and all that, so Polly -- and every other woman in the country -- really only bleeds two or three times a year. If that). Unfortunately, as far as Mal's nose is concerned, this is just a too-heady mixture of blood and sex that she has to try her damnedest to ignore. Which involves *not* sleeping with Polly (Litterally. Not just a moratorium on sex, but, like finding a handy rafter or something and not being in the same bed with her).
Which is just a miserable situation to be in, and makes it all the more possible for suspicions to grow around the idea that Mal may be getting her sex-fix elsewhere...
We shall see...
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