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latin_doll February 9 2007, 23:32:25 UTC
Question: it has taken them two weeks from the border to Munz, and they haven't found a bathtub anywhere and thus sorted out the I-kinda-don't-wanna-undress-problem already? I mean, I think I get your explanation, but first of all, eurgh (and on the clean sheets, too), and secondly I think it'd have manifested itself before Munz.

*reads on* Also, they've been shooed away by Shufti to have a wash, and then there's dinner and stuff, and then... Anyway, I believe that needs fixing.

I told you already how I feel about their arriving. Exactly how I imagined it.

I'm not really sure even Mal can line a not-eve-one-year-old girl up and make her sing filthy songs for Polly. So maybe there should be another kid between her and Jack?

- She wants to shed them like a skin that’s grown too small, leave them behind (burn them), forget what happened.That, and the whole two paragraphs, is quite beautiful. And it's so... sad, how they're taking these tiny little steps to get reaquainted with normality and it doesn't work. (Cruel ( ... )

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latin_doll February 9 2007, 23:34:22 UTC
Of course, there had to be at least one unclosed tag, and right at the end, too.

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amazon_syren February 10 2007, 00:57:31 UTC
HAhahahahahahahaha! :-D

Of course there does. :-D

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amazon_syren February 10 2007, 01:13:38 UTC
Okay, yes. Two weeks.
However it's two weeks with no money what-so-ever, not even army IOUs. So no inns, and (remarkably) no abandonned buildings with convenient bath-tubs and humerous board-of-tourism-inspired wall-paper. (They would look a bit like rose buds from a distance, but if you looked closely, you'd see they were actually tiny beets. Welcome to Borog(ra)via. ;-)

Agreed about the extra kid. Possibly Tilly (short for Tilda). Or not. :-)

Re: Shufti & Bathing: Yes, good point. This does need fixing. :-)
Also, note: They actually slept on top of the blankets, rather than getting under the sheets. Partly out of respect for whoever is currently doing the washing, but mostly out of exhaustion, I think. :-)

Re: Beautiful: Yay! :-D <*Is delighted and honoured all to pieces ( ... )

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ilthit February 24 2007, 19:11:40 UTC
I copied this for myself last weekend, but just read it this morning, which shows you at least how much computer time I've had recently. :D Okay, and that I've been using what I have had on finishing up Buffy drawings. :D ( ... )

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amazon_syren February 24 2007, 19:58:59 UTC
Re: Matter of Taste: It's also a matter of spacing. It isn't a new body of text. It's part of the same body of text, which was long enough that it had to be broken into manageable chunks.

They crossed into their own country, and the new day was a great big fish.

But, of course, that is never the end of the story.Or whatever it was ( ... )

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ilthit February 24 2007, 21:17:29 UTC
Oh; okay, so I shouldn't html the epilogue with the title "Epilogue"? Oops. :D

Actually not the killing of the soldier, since that's the sort of thing a soldier would do anyway; I meant more like withstanding pain and pushing yourself through impossible situations... thing. :D

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amazon_syren February 25 2007, 12:27:53 UTC
Ah.
See, I wouldn't see that as putting aside your humanity. (Your black-ribbon-ity, yes, but not your humanity -- possibly clinging to your humanity, in that situation. ;-)

Re: Epilogue: Either way. :-) Did you get the new first and second sentence, since I tweaked them a bit? :-)

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