I copied this for myself last weekend, but just read it this morning, which shows you at least how much computer time I've had recently. :D Okay, and that I've been using what I have had on finishing up Buffy drawings. :D
I thought that was great work, all of it, and you do action so well - action; and this is what makes it so wonderfully readable, with a genuine sense of danger an urgency, as well as an emotional journey. I really like the bits where they put aside humanity itself (and, er, blackribbonery) in order to endure. That's something that was ther in the prison fics too; of course, but I muchly approve of the continuation of the theme. I was greatly inspired to draw the wounded filthy shaved twosome, even if I'm usually bad at wounded and filthy. We'll see. I've actually already been ordered some art I should probably get out of the way first.
There's only one constructive criticism -like note, which really isn't much for 11,662 words: The opening sentence of the epilogue felt a little out of the place. "But" is an odd way to start what is more or less a new body of text. I'd take the sentence out, and maybe start with "Two weeks later Polly and Mal walked into Munz...", but it's a matter of taste.
Re: Matter of Taste: It's also a matter of spacing. It isn't a new body of text. It's part of the same body of text, which was long enough that it had to be broken into manageable chunks.
They crossed into their own country, and the new day was a great big fish.
But, of course, that is never the end of the story.
Or whatever it was. :-) So... I might tweak it a little bit, but I will almost definitely leave it as-is, as all three bits are supposed to be presented together. :-)
Re: Doing Action Well: I do? :-D Oh, cool! :-D And I'm really, really glad that the danger and urgency didn't seem contrived. I'm always a little worried about that sort of thing. :-) Also I'm glad that you like the bits where they're doing what they have to in order to get by. (Although I'm not sure which bits you mean... Probably killing that soldier and stripping his body, but I'm not sure what else. :-)
If you wish to draw the filthy, wounded, shaven twosome, please feel free. (Although, ideally, when they're at the Duchess and at least safe again. ;-)
Oh; okay, so I shouldn't html the epilogue with the title "Epilogue"? Oops. :D
Actually not the killing of the soldier, since that's the sort of thing a soldier would do anyway; I meant more like withstanding pain and pushing yourself through impossible situations... thing. :D
Ah. See, I wouldn't see that as putting aside your humanity. (Your black-ribbon-ity, yes, but not your humanity -- possibly clinging to your humanity, in that situation. ;-)
Re: Epilogue: Either way. :-) Did you get the new first and second sentence, since I tweaked them a bit? :-)
I thought that was great work, all of it, and you do action so well - action; and this is what makes it so wonderfully readable, with a genuine sense of danger an urgency, as well as an emotional journey. I really like the bits where they put aside humanity itself (and, er, blackribbonery) in order to endure. That's something that was ther in the prison fics too; of course, but I muchly approve of the continuation of the theme. I was greatly inspired to draw the wounded filthy shaved twosome, even if I'm usually bad at wounded and filthy. We'll see. I've actually already been ordered some art I should probably get out of the way first.
There's only one constructive criticism -like note, which really isn't much for 11,662 words: The opening sentence of the epilogue felt a little out of the place. "But" is an odd way to start what is more or less a new body of text. I'd take the sentence out, and maybe start with "Two weeks later Polly and Mal walked into Munz...", but it's a matter of taste.
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They crossed into their own country, and the new day was a great big fish.
But, of course, that is never the end of the story.
Or whatever it was. :-)
So... I might tweak it a little bit, but I will almost definitely leave it as-is, as all three bits are supposed to be presented together. :-)
Re: Doing Action Well: I do? :-D Oh, cool! :-D And I'm really, really glad that the danger and urgency didn't seem contrived. I'm always a little worried about that sort of thing. :-) Also I'm glad that you like the bits where they're doing what they have to in order to get by. (Although I'm not sure which bits you mean... Probably killing that soldier and stripping his body, but I'm not sure what else. :-)
If you wish to draw the filthy, wounded, shaven twosome, please feel free.
(Although, ideally, when they're at the Duchess and at least safe again. ;-)
Reply
Actually not the killing of the soldier, since that's the sort of thing a soldier would do anyway; I meant more like withstanding pain and pushing yourself through impossible situations... thing. :D
Reply
See, I wouldn't see that as putting aside your humanity. (Your black-ribbon-ity, yes, but not your humanity -- possibly clinging to your humanity, in that situation. ;-)
Re: Epilogue: Either way. :-) Did you get the new first and second sentence, since I tweaked them a bit? :-)
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