A New Beginning
Title: A New Beginning
Pairing: Jonghyun/Taemin friendship
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 5115
Summary: In a world ravaged by the greediness of humankind, can Jonghyun and Taemin find it in themselves to move on from their tragic pasts and rebuild a new life together?. Originally written for phonebook and posted at shineesanta for SHINee Secret Santa 2011
Disclaimer: the very need for one should indicate that I do not own them
“Shit!” Jonghyun grimaced as his fingers sunk into the flesh of a particularly rotten fruit, instantly getting soaked with sickly-sweet and sticky juice. This was the third time it had happened, and again he had forgotten to steal some hand sanitizer from the last store he had been in, so he would have to walk home with his hands all sticky and gross.
He was growing frustrated by the lack of things he was finding in the stores these days, but he couldn’t even do anything about it. The number of suppliers to his hometown had dwindled down to two, and even they didn’t take their job too seriously anymore since he was the only one still around in these parts. They had promised not to let him starve to death and they stuck to their word, mostly. But that still didn’t mean that he got to eat what he wanted; no, he was stuck having to choose between over-ripe fruits and cheap cuts of meat. And he had never been particularly good at grocery shopping anyway; that had always been his mother’s job since he had never had the patience or the sense to sort out the good, fresh produce from the older stock. His mother had always found that trait of his endearing, but...
He froze, trying to shift his thoughts away from those of his mother. Even after ten years, it was still a painful memory and he had a feeling that no matter how much time elapsed, the pain would never go away. And how could it when he had no new memories to replace those old ones with? He didn’t have anyone on his side, least of all anyone who could even come close to filling the gap his mother had left in his soul. He didn’t know if his fond memories with his mother seemed perfect now because too much time had passed for him to remember all the tiny little imperfect details or because they actually had been, but that was how he always recollected them to be.
Things had been going so well for them and even though growing up Jonghyun missed out on a lot of experiences a son is supposed to share with his father, he never felt like he was lacking anything. Even as a child he had been able to appreciate and understand that his family might not be like everyone else’s, but that his mom loved him more than any mom could ever love her child. His mother had been his rock, supporting him through everything, even though his decision to switch from a business track to a singing one. She always said that they didn’t need a man in their lives, and he believed her. He didn’t know what made his mother change her mind and decide that he really did need a father figure in his life, but suddenly, everything had changed. He had come back from school one day to find his mother waiting for him in the living room, sitting next to a man he vaguely recognized from an office party he had once accompanied his mother to. He had been confused to see the man there at first, and even after his mother explained how she felt lonely and that she thought he needed a father figure, he remained unsure of how he felt about everything. Still, he loved his mother and knew that she deserved happiness more than anyone and he would not be the one to stand in the way of that. So he had smiled and accepted the man in his life, doing all that he could to make sure his mother was happy. His mother soon married the man and things seemed to be progressing nicely. He was supportive of Jonghyun and often attended his school recitals along with his mother. He bought him new clothes and electronic gadgets and seemed fond of him. But after his mother had passed…his stepfather had changed completely.
Jonghyun had almost always thought that it would be some freak alien invasion, or world war that would destroy them all. Whenever he had let himself dwell on the topic of the end of the world, he had always imagined something huge and of epic proportions that everyone would notice and be scared of right away. Something people would run and try to hide from. Something that essentially came out of any action move that focused on the apocalypse. Instead, the end of the human race had come by in a different, much quieter, way. When Jonghyun was five, a new drug, called SI (short for semper iuvenis- the Latin phrase for “forever young”) short for was released by a famous pharmaceutical company that claimed it would make people stop aging and retain their youth forever. It was so outrageous a claim that naturally everyone bought it up and the drug consumption skyrocketed. For a while, it seemed to work, and even people who had been reluctant to believe the claims of the makers before started buying the drug now. When people realized that the drug did indeed work when taken at the prescribed dosage of one tablet a week, they got greedy and wanted to de-age faster. They started taking the drug at much higher dosages- many took the pill more frequently during the week, some even once a day. Once they started taking the pill more and more often, they grew addicted and could not stop.
When the deaths started happening, no one noticed or thought to ascribe the cause to the drug. All the deaths either occurred in accidents, or in people who were around the age where they were expected to die, so no one bothered investigating if there was another reason behind the deaths. No one thought that there could be another reason behind why a young driver suddenly lost control of her car in broad daylight on a safe street, or why a pregnant mother suddenly miscarried and found her organs deteriorating. It was tragic, but everyone assumed it all to be the cause of unfortunate accidents. The young driver was drunk, and the miscarriage caused the organs to fail. In the same vein, the government addressed any and all accidents that happened by simply ascribing it to unfortunate circumstances.
It wasn’t until much later when a scientist by the name of Lee Sunwoo discovered a trend behind the inexplicable circumstances surrounding the deaths of the youngsters. He knew that they all died in accidents, but he was curious as to what triggered the accidents and why certain accidents were happening to people of the same demographic; why were pregnant women suddenly, why were more and more drunk drivers dying instantly once they crashed into something, even if they were driving extremely slowly, why were young children dying while being bullied and beat up by their tormentors. Was it really just because of the obvious cause or was there something else behind it? Lee Sunwoo came out with a study that indicated that the cause wasn’t just the accidents they were involved in; he stated that the accidents were only triggers to an underlying health condition caused by the SI drug. He believed that the drug prevented aging by shutting down the pituitary glands, and in a regulated level it wasn’t enough to cause instant death, but when taken in a larger than prescribed dose, the drug started attacking vital organs and shutting them down as well. He also claimed that once someone started taking the drug in a large dose, it was impossible to stop the overconsumption so it was inevitable that they started dying.
The final blow was triggered an accident of some sort; the young driver’s central nervous system failed to cooperate and she was unable to press the brake in time to prevent her death. The would-be mother’s body began rejecting the fetus and caused a miscarriage, which resulted in her heart stopping. Either way, his study found, that once one had taken the drug, they would die of unnatural causes anyway- the only difference is that the ones who had taken more than the acceptable dosage would die much faster. His study also found that the disease wasn’t restricted to only those who had taken the drug, but also those who had not taken it but had sexual contact (including everything from sex to prolonged kissing) with others who had. His basis for the study was his own wife. Lee Eunmi, one of the pregnant women who had miscarried and died.
At first, no one wanted to believe the findings, simply because it was easier not to believe it. People bullied and attacked Lee Sunwoo, driven insane by their own fear, and Lee Sunwoo, who was already unstable because of having contracted the disease from wife and depressed because of her passing, committed suicide. By the time people opened their eyes to the truth, to the death that mere accident, it was too late to do anything about it. People tried to hide and seclude themselves, making sure that they would never be in harm’s way. But that wasn’t enough. People were found suffocated by their blankets in their own beds, or by losing their motor coordination and bumping into a bookcase and being buried under an avalanche of books. Some lost their minds and killed relatives and friends to have access to their stash of the drug. There was no escaping it, and soon Jonghyun, like many other people, realized that the action movies had gotten it wrong. It was far worse to have to live each day in fear of the unknown, of having to watch loved ones try and fight the disease and knowing that there was nothing that could be done, than it was to have some alien invasion that they could at least try to combat. There was no hope. In the summer of 2001, he lost his mother to the illness and even though he had known it would happen, it still took him by surprise. He had turned to his stepfather for comfort but he had been sorely mistaken.
He had always thought that the stereotypical wicked step parent that fairy tales always seemed to utilize as the bad guys were just that; part of a fictional fairy tale. Besides, wasn’t it supposed to be the wicked step mother, not father? Turns out he had been wrong on both counts, because there was no other way to describe the man he had been forced to call father for the past few years of his life. Oh, the man had been all charm and dark good looks while his mother had been around; he suspected that the other man’s charisma had been exactly what had convinced his mother to give marriage another go. But as soon as she passed away from severe organ failure, his true colors began to show. If before the death he had been a little suspicious and stingy, it was nothing compared to the way he was after the death. Gone were the fake attempts to get closer to him, or to act like he cared. He immediately ran the family fortune dry, and when that ran out, he sold all of the “luxurious” items in the house, including the television and Jonghyun’s bed, and used all of the money he received to buy more of the pills. Their relationship completely deteriorated, to the point where the only things his stepfather said to him were demeaning insults and disparaging comments about his physically appearance and future as a singer, and it became like they were two strangers coincidentally living in the same home. Or rather, house, since that house had not been a home since his mother had left him.
And it was still the house he had to go back to each day. As much as he had wanted to move away and start a new chapter of his life somewhere else, far away from the memories of his bastard stepfather, he couldn’t bring himself to let go of the only thing that still connected him to his mother. And he didn’t have a legitimate reason to leave anyway; the disease wasn’t one that spread through contamination of inanimate objects so he was safe. Sighing, Jonghyun gathered up all that he had managed to salvage from the store and started to exit, dragging the day’s haul, which consisted of a couples of packets of dry crackers, some cheese that he couldn’t find anything wrong with and a carton of juice boxes that were supposed to be grape flavored. He didn’t even like grapes. He was going to kill Minho for missing the scheduled delivery today the next time he saw him.
“Jonghyun! Over here!” A voice called, seeming louder than it actually was in comparison to the morbid silence that usually occupied his days. He spun around and saw the familiar red pickup truck parked in the empty lot outside the store, and rushed over. Maybe he would be able to get some decent food today after all. Minho, the friendly guy who ran the service with a man named Key, was driving today.
“Where’s Key?” Jonghyun asked, noting the blatant absence of the fastidious truck driver. They weren’t the best of friends but in these times, anyone was better than no one at all. He peered around where Minho was seated, thinking maybe he had Key hidden somewhere in the truck. “He couldn’t come. It’s his anniversary with Jinki today” Minho explained as he opened the door and jumped down from the truck, giving Jonghyun a friendly thump on the back before moving to unlatch and lower the scratched-up door at the back of the truck. Jonghyun, expecting to find an assortment of food and other goodies, eagerly peered into the open bed of the truck. He drew back in fear only a second later as he saw what looked like a body laying spread out on the burlap blankets spread on the floor of the truck bed
“Damn, Minho. Who’d you kill?” Jonghyun questioned, praising himself for managing to keep his tone stable and the stutter out of his voice.
“Haha. This here is Lee Taemin.” Minho called back as he shook the man awake roughly. The man, who looked to be no more than eighteen, which would make him two years younger than Jonghyun himself, shot up from his spot on the floor and looked around frantically. His light brown eyes fell upon Minho and he relaxed a little before sitting up and sliding out of the truck bed and onto the ground. Minho explained that Taemin had been living by himself in Gangnam, a wealthy suburb located on the other side of the Han River in from where they were currently standing in Yongsan. Minho had found him practically wasting away when he stopped by a clinic to steal any left over health care supplies he could find. His dad had owned the clinic and he agreed to give Minho anything he wanted as long as Minho took Taemin away with him.
“The problem is, I can’t just bring Taemin with me without asking Key first and between you and me, I think he would say no anyway. He already hates me for intruding on his time with Jinki, so do you think you can keep Taemin here with you?” Minho whispered to Jonghyun as the two stood off to the side, watching Taemin observe his surroundings. Jonghyun opened his mouth to say yes, of course because really, who would deny any company in these times, but Minho must have thought that he was going to refuse because he followed up with “Come on, don’t be like that, I’ll even give you twice the amount of food and I’ll make deliveries more often too okay?”
“Are you trying to bribe me?” Jonghyun asked, amused.
“That depends. Is it working?”
“Well, I was going to say yes anyway, but you can’t back out on that promise now. I’m going to hold you to it.” Jonghyun fired back, smirking slightly at the put-out look on Minho’s face, before turning to face Taemin who had stopped looking around and had been watching them curiously. He quickly explained the situation to Taemin, who nodded silently before helping Jonghyun grab the packages of food Minho was offering to him. Then, both weighed down by the food, walked home in silence.
Seeing his place through another’s eyes made him realize for the first time just how messy his home really was. He felt slightly ashamed of the overflowing garbage in the bin and the piles of food containers he had not had a chance to throw out yet. He had become lazier about cleaning up now that there was no government that mandated recycling so he could throw his trash out in whatever manner he choose to, so long as he walked down to the nearby landfill to do so. He hurriedly shoved piles of empty boxes off the table and set down his containers, indicating to Taemin that he should do the same. They sat there a while, in silence, before nodding to each other and heading to different parts of the house. Jonghyun brought Taemin some blankets and pillows, and Taemin promptly camped out on the couch. Jonghyun watched him for a few minutes, before heading inside and lying sleeplessly in bed.
Things settled into an easy routine after that first awkward night; by a mutual effort of both and the recognition that they didn’t have any other options, they became more friendly to each other. Having had no one to release his talkativeness on before, having Taemin around now made him insanely happy. Taemin was content to sit and listen, offering his own two cents whenever he felt it necessary, to Jonghyun’s ramblings. Jonghyun was the one who went scavenging for food, but Taemin was the one who took the food and made it into something edible. They both took care of the house after a rather lengthy discussion in which Taemin made it clear that just because he cooked did not mean that he was Jonghyun’s wife. They lived together for the most part pretty peacefully, getting into slight arguments, the worst of which was the one that happened after Jonghyun, who could contain his curiosity no longer, emended to be told why Taemin had never taken the drug.
Jonghyun himself had never gotten a chance to take the pill, with his greedy stepfather refusing to give him any, but had never had the desire to stay young anyway. He had wanted to grow up and get away from his bully of a stepfather, and that had been his saving grace. Taemin, as it turned out, had never taken the pill either but for an entirely different reason. He was the son of Lee Sunwoo and Lee Eunmi. He had been too young when the pill first came out, and by the time he could have started taking it anyway, his father had discovered the true nature of the drug and forbidden Taemin from ever taking it. Taemin had no desire to befoul his mother’s memory and never took the drug.
After finding that out, it took Jonghyun several days to overcome his guilt, but after some prompting from Taemin and an awkward hug, they both moved on and life continued much as it had. They met Minho once a month for more supplies, and sometimes Key and Jinki came along as well and they were content to live their life in their tiny circle of friends much as they would have if the world had been normal. Seasons began to change, and six months after Taemin had come to live with Jonghyun, winter arrived, bringing with it not only frosty winds and chilly nights, but the worst fight Taemin and Jonghyun ever had.
“What is all this?” Taemin grimaced as he stepped inside the tiny walkway of the apartment, hand going behind him automatically to lock the door. Locking the door was unnecessary and had been for quite a few years, but it was a force of habit and a little feeling of security never hurt anyone. He had only been gone for an hour, to look for food, because Jonghyun had said that he wasn’t feeling well and all this had happened.
“Isn’t it nice? I thought we could use something more festive for the season” Jonghyun said cheerily, hand absently stroking the tree he had managed to secure in the corner of the room next to the window. He had also placed a shabby wreath on the other side of the window and there was a large, slightly tacky paper sign saying “Happy Holidays” in large red letters taped up over the wreath that he had managed to find in the attic with the tree ornaments. He had been growing restless as the holiday approached. He felt like he needed to do something fun, wanted to do something to mark this new chapter of his life. He felt it in the air, the anticipation of the changing seasons that he hadn’t felt in ages. He had always loved winter, the crisp freshness of the wind, the chilly nights that were the perfect excuse for being bundled up in bed, watching TV. More than anything else, he had always loved the holiday season like most other children do. But it wasn’t just because of the presents; he had loved spending time with his mother. There was something about simply because he and his mother used to cuddle up and drink hot chocolate and stare out the giant window in her room to the snow-covered grass out there. Or running outside and making snow angels while his mother watched and beamed at him. It was snowing now too, and he was tempted to go outside and play but it would have to wait.
All in all, he was feeling quite good about finally being able to celebrate his favorite holiday again like he had as a child. His mother had always been a big decorator and on Christmas, she and Jonghyun would decorate the whole house together while eating candy canes and talking about presents. Over the years since she had passed, he hadn’t been up to putting on a show by decorating the house when all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and never come out. Now, however, he was ready to change that because he finally had someone worth sharing the holidays with.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do this?” Taemin asked coldly, walking to the kitchen table and dropping the bag full of fruits and vegetables onto it with a thud.
“I wanted to surprise you!” Jonghyun said, positively beaming, giving the tree one last tug before turning to face Taemin. His face fell when he saw the unfamiliar and cruel expression on the other’s face. “What’s the matter? Don’t you like it?” he asked softly, feeling unsure of himself.
“It’s tacky and disgusting, take it down right now” Taemin growled out
“What? Why!” Jonghyun felt thunderstruck. He had been so excited for Taemin to come back so that they could decorate together, just like he used to with his mother before she passed. Sure the tree may not have been as nice as Taemin was used to, but it wasn’t disgusting. What was his problem anyway? Jonghyun thought, growing angry.
“Just take it down already, or do you want me to do it for you?” Taemin asked, as he advanced towards the tree and yanked the wreath off the wall, crushing the dried leaves and causing part of it to break off.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jonghyun shouted, rushing over and trying to yank the wreath from Taemin’s firm grip
“Do you think I’m joking? Take all that crap off now” Taemin shouted back, pulling the wreath towards him. Jonghyun pulled back, and seconds later, the wreath had ripped apart, showering the floor with dried pine cones and leaves. They both stared at each other, before Taemin snarled and threw his half of the wreath on the floor contemptuously before shoving past Jonghyun and leaving the house, slamming the door shut behind him.
Jonghyun stood there for a while, stunned silent, before he stared down at his mother’s favorite wreath laying in pieces on the carpet. He felt rage, white hot rage he had not felt since the time he saw his stepfather pawning of pieces of his mother’s wedding jewelry. As if moved by some super human energy, he grabbed ornaments and strung them on the tree, getting lost in the blur of motion as he continued decorating.
Jonghyun sighed, sitting back against the wall to admire his work. The five-foot plastic tree he had dug up out of the attic had left a lot to be desired; half the branches were bent irreparably, and the base was a bit crooked, but he had managed to make it look festive with the red and gold garlands, the multicolored lights and the few unbroken ornaments he had been able to salvage from the boxes marked ‘decorations’ that had been untouched since his mother had passed. It was a testament to how much he wanted to take this step and move on, for both his and Taemin’s sake, that he didn’t dwell on his mother’s loopy handwriting for more than a minute. Taemin…he regretted more than before how much he had taken the other’s presence for granted He knew he was the not the most hospitable person to stay with, and he hoped that by putting up the decorations and defying Taemin’s wishes, he was not damaging their relationship even more.
He might not get along with Taemin on all counts, but he hated people leaving after an argument, it just made everything seem so final and irreparable. Taemin was pretty much all he had now and he didn’t want to alienate his only companion. What was so wrong about what Taemin had wanted anyway? He had been so driven by his anger at the other that he put up all the decorations up without once thinking about what Taemin had said. Maybe when he put them up he had wanted to make the other angry and hurt, as angry and hurt as Taemin had made him, but now he wasn’t so sure. Taemin had been pretty unreasonable, but maybe Jonghyun had been too blinded by his own excitement of finally having someone to celebrate the holidays with that he didn’t notice what was really bothering his friend. He sighed, moving forward and starting to unwind the garland he had wrapped around the tree. He did not know if Taemin would be back, but he hoped he would and he was not going to let a few decorations be what broke them after all that they had been through. He engrossed himself in gently untangling the lights from the garland and failed to notice the telltale signs of the front door being opened and then closed.
“I know you didn’t put those up just to take them down” came a quiet voice from behind him, causing him to freeze up. He felt the other come up and stand beside him, and knew without even having to look that the other was gazing up at the tree.
“You’re back.” It was meant to be a statement, but both of them could hear the unspoken question.
“Looks like it. So why are you taking all the decorations down” Taemin asked, quickly glancing at the other out of the corner of his eye before turning back to look at the tree. They stood there in silence; both wanting to apologize for all that had been said, but not knowing how.
“It’s not worth it if it makes you upset with me” Jonghyun whispered back finally, still not looking up. He heard the other take a deep sigh before he walked forward and sat down on the plush tree skirt. He glanced back when he noticed Jonghyun still standing, and placed his hand on the skirt next to him, smiling wearily when Jonghyun took the hint and sat down. They both stared through the window in front of them, out to where the snow was falling softly and piling up, covering the dirty and grimy world outside with a clean, fluffy white blanket. Not for the first time, Jonghyun was grateful for the beauty the world possessed.
“My mother died on Christmas, when I was 8.” Taemin said sometime later. Jonghyun turned his head to look at him and for what felt like the first time in weeks, he really looked. He saw the pale, drawn face with bruise-like bags under the puffy eyes, and the tense shoulders. He didn’t know what to say, but it seemed like he didn’t have to say anything because Taemin continued talking. “Christmas was her favorite holiday, you know. Every year she would wake up earlier than anyone else, and make hot chocolate and wake my dad and me up to open presents. She loved everything about Christmas, the gift giving, decorating, cooking, everything. She always decorated the tree so beautifully that it was the best on the whole street. My dad and I did not decorated or put up the tree after she died” He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but fell silent upon noticing the look on Taemin’s face.
“Don’t do that. Don’t apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know and I shouldn’t have expected you to understand without having told you the reason I was so against you decorating. I’m sorry, Jonghyun. I’m sorry” Jonghyun’s heart broke as he saw tears start to slide out from the already- puffy eyes. He wanted to apologize, to turn time back and stop the world from taking away the innocence of such a young boy, but he instead he just moved a little towards where the other was sitting and slid an arm around his slim shoulders, pressing a kiss onto the salty skin of his cheek. The tension fell from Taemin’s body instantly and he curled his body to rest his head on the older man’s shoulder. They sat there for hours, long after Taemin’s sobbing had ceded to small sniffles, just staring out at the light flickering on the snow covered street, feeling for the first time in a long time a sense of contentment and belonging. They did not know if they would survive tomorrow, or what the future would hold, but they knew that in that moment they had each other and maybe that was really all they needed anyway.
Pairing: Jonghyun/Taemin friendship
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 5115
Summary: In a world ravaged by the greediness of humankind, can Jonghyun and Taemin find it in themselves to move on from their tragic pasts and rebuild a new life together?. Originally written for phonebook and posted at shineesanta for SHINee Secret Santa 2011
Disclaimer: the very need for one should indicate that I do not own them
“Shit!” Jonghyun grimaced as his fingers sunk into the flesh of a particularly rotten fruit, instantly getting soaked with sickly-sweet and sticky juice. This was the third time it had happened, and again he had forgotten to steal some hand sanitizer from the last store he had been in, so he would have to walk home with his hands all sticky and gross.
He was growing frustrated by the lack of things he was finding in the stores these days, but he couldn’t even do anything about it. The number of suppliers to his hometown had dwindled down to two, and even they didn’t take their job too seriously anymore since he was the only one still around in these parts. They had promised not to let him starve to death and they stuck to their word, mostly. But that still didn’t mean that he got to eat what he wanted; no, he was stuck having to choose between over-ripe fruits and cheap cuts of meat. And he had never been particularly good at grocery shopping anyway; that had always been his mother’s job since he had never had the patience or the sense to sort out the good, fresh produce from the older stock. His mother had always found that trait of his endearing, but...
He froze, trying to shift his thoughts away from those of his mother. Even after ten years, it was still a painful memory and he had a feeling that no matter how much time elapsed, the pain would never go away. And how could it when he had no new memories to replace those old ones with? He didn’t have anyone on his side, least of all anyone who could even come close to filling the gap his mother had left in his soul. He didn’t know if his fond memories with his mother seemed perfect now because too much time had passed for him to remember all the tiny little imperfect details or because they actually had been, but that was how he always recollected them to be.
Things had been going so well for them and even though growing up Jonghyun missed out on a lot of experiences a son is supposed to share with his father, he never felt like he was lacking anything. Even as a child he had been able to appreciate and understand that his family might not be like everyone else’s, but that his mom loved him more than any mom could ever love her child. His mother had been his rock, supporting him through everything, even though his decision to switch from a business track to a singing one. She always said that they didn’t need a man in their lives, and he believed her. He didn’t know what made his mother change her mind and decide that he really did need a father figure in his life, but suddenly, everything had changed. He had come back from school one day to find his mother waiting for him in the living room, sitting next to a man he vaguely recognized from an office party he had once accompanied his mother to. He had been confused to see the man there at first, and even after his mother explained how she felt lonely and that she thought he needed a father figure, he remained unsure of how he felt about everything. Still, he loved his mother and knew that she deserved happiness more than anyone and he would not be the one to stand in the way of that. So he had smiled and accepted the man in his life, doing all that he could to make sure his mother was happy. His mother soon married the man and things seemed to be progressing nicely. He was supportive of Jonghyun and often attended his school recitals along with his mother. He bought him new clothes and electronic gadgets and seemed fond of him. But after his mother had passed…his stepfather had changed completely.
Jonghyun had almost always thought that it would be some freak alien invasion, or world war that would destroy them all. Whenever he had let himself dwell on the topic of the end of the world, he had always imagined something huge and of epic proportions that everyone would notice and be scared of right away. Something people would run and try to hide from. Something that essentially came out of any action move that focused on the apocalypse. Instead, the end of the human race had come by in a different, much quieter, way. When Jonghyun was five, a new drug, called SI (short for semper iuvenis- the Latin phrase for “forever young”) short for was released by a famous pharmaceutical company that claimed it would make people stop aging and retain their youth forever. It was so outrageous a claim that naturally everyone bought it up and the drug consumption skyrocketed. For a while, it seemed to work, and even people who had been reluctant to believe the claims of the makers before started buying the drug now. When people realized that the drug did indeed work when taken at the prescribed dosage of one tablet a week, they got greedy and wanted to de-age faster. They started taking the drug at much higher dosages- many took the pill more frequently during the week, some even once a day. Once they started taking the pill more and more often, they grew addicted and could not stop.
When the deaths started happening, no one noticed or thought to ascribe the cause to the drug. All the deaths either occurred in accidents, or in people who were around the age where they were expected to die, so no one bothered investigating if there was another reason behind the deaths. No one thought that there could be another reason behind why a young driver suddenly lost control of her car in broad daylight on a safe street, or why a pregnant mother suddenly miscarried and found her organs deteriorating. It was tragic, but everyone assumed it all to be the cause of unfortunate accidents. The young driver was drunk, and the miscarriage caused the organs to fail. In the same vein, the government addressed any and all accidents that happened by simply ascribing it to unfortunate circumstances.
It wasn’t until much later when a scientist by the name of Lee Sunwoo discovered a trend behind the inexplicable circumstances surrounding the deaths of the youngsters. He knew that they all died in accidents, but he was curious as to what triggered the accidents and why certain accidents were happening to people of the same demographic; why were pregnant women suddenly, why were more and more drunk drivers dying instantly once they crashed into something, even if they were driving extremely slowly, why were young children dying while being bullied and beat up by their tormentors. Was it really just because of the obvious cause or was there something else behind it? Lee Sunwoo came out with a study that indicated that the cause wasn’t just the accidents they were involved in; he stated that the accidents were only triggers to an underlying health condition caused by the SI drug. He believed that the drug prevented aging by shutting down the pituitary glands, and in a regulated level it wasn’t enough to cause instant death, but when taken in a larger than prescribed dose, the drug started attacking vital organs and shutting them down as well. He also claimed that once someone started taking the drug in a large dose, it was impossible to stop the overconsumption so it was inevitable that they started dying.
The final blow was triggered an accident of some sort; the young driver’s central nervous system failed to cooperate and she was unable to press the brake in time to prevent her death. The would-be mother’s body began rejecting the fetus and caused a miscarriage, which resulted in her heart stopping. Either way, his study found, that once one had taken the drug, they would die of unnatural causes anyway- the only difference is that the ones who had taken more than the acceptable dosage would die much faster. His study also found that the disease wasn’t restricted to only those who had taken the drug, but also those who had not taken it but had sexual contact (including everything from sex to prolonged kissing) with others who had. His basis for the study was his own wife. Lee Eunmi, one of the pregnant women who had miscarried and died.
At first, no one wanted to believe the findings, simply because it was easier not to believe it. People bullied and attacked Lee Sunwoo, driven insane by their own fear, and Lee Sunwoo, who was already unstable because of having contracted the disease from wife and depressed because of her passing, committed suicide. By the time people opened their eyes to the truth, to the death that mere accident, it was too late to do anything about it. People tried to hide and seclude themselves, making sure that they would never be in harm’s way. But that wasn’t enough. People were found suffocated by their blankets in their own beds, or by losing their motor coordination and bumping into a bookcase and being buried under an avalanche of books. Some lost their minds and killed relatives and friends to have access to their stash of the drug. There was no escaping it, and soon Jonghyun, like many other people, realized that the action movies had gotten it wrong. It was far worse to have to live each day in fear of the unknown, of having to watch loved ones try and fight the disease and knowing that there was nothing that could be done, than it was to have some alien invasion that they could at least try to combat. There was no hope. In the summer of 2001, he lost his mother to the illness and even though he had known it would happen, it still took him by surprise. He had turned to his stepfather for comfort but he had been sorely mistaken.
He had always thought that the stereotypical wicked step parent that fairy tales always seemed to utilize as the bad guys were just that; part of a fictional fairy tale. Besides, wasn’t it supposed to be the wicked step mother, not father? Turns out he had been wrong on both counts, because there was no other way to describe the man he had been forced to call father for the past few years of his life. Oh, the man had been all charm and dark good looks while his mother had been around; he suspected that the other man’s charisma had been exactly what had convinced his mother to give marriage another go. But as soon as she passed away from severe organ failure, his true colors began to show. If before the death he had been a little suspicious and stingy, it was nothing compared to the way he was after the death. Gone were the fake attempts to get closer to him, or to act like he cared. He immediately ran the family fortune dry, and when that ran out, he sold all of the “luxurious” items in the house, including the television and Jonghyun’s bed, and used all of the money he received to buy more of the pills. Their relationship completely deteriorated, to the point where the only things his stepfather said to him were demeaning insults and disparaging comments about his physically appearance and future as a singer, and it became like they were two strangers coincidentally living in the same home. Or rather, house, since that house had not been a home since his mother had left him.
And it was still the house he had to go back to each day. As much as he had wanted to move away and start a new chapter of his life somewhere else, far away from the memories of his bastard stepfather, he couldn’t bring himself to let go of the only thing that still connected him to his mother. And he didn’t have a legitimate reason to leave anyway; the disease wasn’t one that spread through contamination of inanimate objects so he was safe. Sighing, Jonghyun gathered up all that he had managed to salvage from the store and started to exit, dragging the day’s haul, which consisted of a couples of packets of dry crackers, some cheese that he couldn’t find anything wrong with and a carton of juice boxes that were supposed to be grape flavored. He didn’t even like grapes. He was going to kill Minho for missing the scheduled delivery today the next time he saw him.
“Jonghyun! Over here!” A voice called, seeming louder than it actually was in comparison to the morbid silence that usually occupied his days. He spun around and saw the familiar red pickup truck parked in the empty lot outside the store, and rushed over. Maybe he would be able to get some decent food today after all. Minho, the friendly guy who ran the service with a man named Key, was driving today.
“Where’s Key?” Jonghyun asked, noting the blatant absence of the fastidious truck driver. They weren’t the best of friends but in these times, anyone was better than no one at all. He peered around where Minho was seated, thinking maybe he had Key hidden somewhere in the truck. “He couldn’t come. It’s his anniversary with Jinki today” Minho explained as he opened the door and jumped down from the truck, giving Jonghyun a friendly thump on the back before moving to unlatch and lower the scratched-up door at the back of the truck. Jonghyun, expecting to find an assortment of food and other goodies, eagerly peered into the open bed of the truck. He drew back in fear only a second later as he saw what looked like a body laying spread out on the burlap blankets spread on the floor of the truck bed
“Damn, Minho. Who’d you kill?” Jonghyun questioned, praising himself for managing to keep his tone stable and the stutter out of his voice.
“Haha. This here is Lee Taemin.” Minho called back as he shook the man awake roughly. The man, who looked to be no more than eighteen, which would make him two years younger than Jonghyun himself, shot up from his spot on the floor and looked around frantically. His light brown eyes fell upon Minho and he relaxed a little before sitting up and sliding out of the truck bed and onto the ground. Minho explained that Taemin had been living by himself in Gangnam, a wealthy suburb located on the other side of the Han River in from where they were currently standing in Yongsan. Minho had found him practically wasting away when he stopped by a clinic to steal any left over health care supplies he could find. His dad had owned the clinic and he agreed to give Minho anything he wanted as long as Minho took Taemin away with him.
“The problem is, I can’t just bring Taemin with me without asking Key first and between you and me, I think he would say no anyway. He already hates me for intruding on his time with Jinki, so do you think you can keep Taemin here with you?” Minho whispered to Jonghyun as the two stood off to the side, watching Taemin observe his surroundings. Jonghyun opened his mouth to say yes, of course because really, who would deny any company in these times, but Minho must have thought that he was going to refuse because he followed up with “Come on, don’t be like that, I’ll even give you twice the amount of food and I’ll make deliveries more often too okay?”
“Are you trying to bribe me?” Jonghyun asked, amused.
“That depends. Is it working?”
“Well, I was going to say yes anyway, but you can’t back out on that promise now. I’m going to hold you to it.” Jonghyun fired back, smirking slightly at the put-out look on Minho’s face, before turning to face Taemin who had stopped looking around and had been watching them curiously. He quickly explained the situation to Taemin, who nodded silently before helping Jonghyun grab the packages of food Minho was offering to him. Then, both weighed down by the food, walked home in silence.
Seeing his place through another’s eyes made him realize for the first time just how messy his home really was. He felt slightly ashamed of the overflowing garbage in the bin and the piles of food containers he had not had a chance to throw out yet. He had become lazier about cleaning up now that there was no government that mandated recycling so he could throw his trash out in whatever manner he choose to, so long as he walked down to the nearby landfill to do so. He hurriedly shoved piles of empty boxes off the table and set down his containers, indicating to Taemin that he should do the same. They sat there a while, in silence, before nodding to each other and heading to different parts of the house. Jonghyun brought Taemin some blankets and pillows, and Taemin promptly camped out on the couch. Jonghyun watched him for a few minutes, before heading inside and lying sleeplessly in bed.
Things settled into an easy routine after that first awkward night; by a mutual effort of both and the recognition that they didn’t have any other options, they became more friendly to each other. Having had no one to release his talkativeness on before, having Taemin around now made him insanely happy. Taemin was content to sit and listen, offering his own two cents whenever he felt it necessary, to Jonghyun’s ramblings. Jonghyun was the one who went scavenging for food, but Taemin was the one who took the food and made it into something edible. They both took care of the house after a rather lengthy discussion in which Taemin made it clear that just because he cooked did not mean that he was Jonghyun’s wife. They lived together for the most part pretty peacefully, getting into slight arguments, the worst of which was the one that happened after Jonghyun, who could contain his curiosity no longer, emended to be told why Taemin had never taken the drug.
Jonghyun himself had never gotten a chance to take the pill, with his greedy stepfather refusing to give him any, but had never had the desire to stay young anyway. He had wanted to grow up and get away from his bully of a stepfather, and that had been his saving grace. Taemin, as it turned out, had never taken the pill either but for an entirely different reason. He was the son of Lee Sunwoo and Lee Eunmi. He had been too young when the pill first came out, and by the time he could have started taking it anyway, his father had discovered the true nature of the drug and forbidden Taemin from ever taking it. Taemin had no desire to befoul his mother’s memory and never took the drug.
After finding that out, it took Jonghyun several days to overcome his guilt, but after some prompting from Taemin and an awkward hug, they both moved on and life continued much as it had. They met Minho once a month for more supplies, and sometimes Key and Jinki came along as well and they were content to live their life in their tiny circle of friends much as they would have if the world had been normal. Seasons began to change, and six months after Taemin had come to live with Jonghyun, winter arrived, bringing with it not only frosty winds and chilly nights, but the worst fight Taemin and Jonghyun ever had.
“What is all this?” Taemin grimaced as he stepped inside the tiny walkway of the apartment, hand going behind him automatically to lock the door. Locking the door was unnecessary and had been for quite a few years, but it was a force of habit and a little feeling of security never hurt anyone. He had only been gone for an hour, to look for food, because Jonghyun had said that he wasn’t feeling well and all this had happened.
“Isn’t it nice? I thought we could use something more festive for the season” Jonghyun said cheerily, hand absently stroking the tree he had managed to secure in the corner of the room next to the window. He had also placed a shabby wreath on the other side of the window and there was a large, slightly tacky paper sign saying “Happy Holidays” in large red letters taped up over the wreath that he had managed to find in the attic with the tree ornaments. He had been growing restless as the holiday approached. He felt like he needed to do something fun, wanted to do something to mark this new chapter of his life. He felt it in the air, the anticipation of the changing seasons that he hadn’t felt in ages. He had always loved winter, the crisp freshness of the wind, the chilly nights that were the perfect excuse for being bundled up in bed, watching TV. More than anything else, he had always loved the holiday season like most other children do. But it wasn’t just because of the presents; he had loved spending time with his mother. There was something about simply because he and his mother used to cuddle up and drink hot chocolate and stare out the giant window in her room to the snow-covered grass out there. Or running outside and making snow angels while his mother watched and beamed at him. It was snowing now too, and he was tempted to go outside and play but it would have to wait.
All in all, he was feeling quite good about finally being able to celebrate his favorite holiday again like he had as a child. His mother had always been a big decorator and on Christmas, she and Jonghyun would decorate the whole house together while eating candy canes and talking about presents. Over the years since she had passed, he hadn’t been up to putting on a show by decorating the house when all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and never come out. Now, however, he was ready to change that because he finally had someone worth sharing the holidays with.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do this?” Taemin asked coldly, walking to the kitchen table and dropping the bag full of fruits and vegetables onto it with a thud.
“I wanted to surprise you!” Jonghyun said, positively beaming, giving the tree one last tug before turning to face Taemin. His face fell when he saw the unfamiliar and cruel expression on the other’s face. “What’s the matter? Don’t you like it?” he asked softly, feeling unsure of himself.
“It’s tacky and disgusting, take it down right now” Taemin growled out
“What? Why!” Jonghyun felt thunderstruck. He had been so excited for Taemin to come back so that they could decorate together, just like he used to with his mother before she passed. Sure the tree may not have been as nice as Taemin was used to, but it wasn’t disgusting. What was his problem anyway? Jonghyun thought, growing angry.
“Just take it down already, or do you want me to do it for you?” Taemin asked, as he advanced towards the tree and yanked the wreath off the wall, crushing the dried leaves and causing part of it to break off.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jonghyun shouted, rushing over and trying to yank the wreath from Taemin’s firm grip
“Do you think I’m joking? Take all that crap off now” Taemin shouted back, pulling the wreath towards him. Jonghyun pulled back, and seconds later, the wreath had ripped apart, showering the floor with dried pine cones and leaves. They both stared at each other, before Taemin snarled and threw his half of the wreath on the floor contemptuously before shoving past Jonghyun and leaving the house, slamming the door shut behind him.
Jonghyun stood there for a while, stunned silent, before he stared down at his mother’s favorite wreath laying in pieces on the carpet. He felt rage, white hot rage he had not felt since the time he saw his stepfather pawning of pieces of his mother’s wedding jewelry. As if moved by some super human energy, he grabbed ornaments and strung them on the tree, getting lost in the blur of motion as he continued decorating.
Jonghyun sighed, sitting back against the wall to admire his work. The five-foot plastic tree he had dug up out of the attic had left a lot to be desired; half the branches were bent irreparably, and the base was a bit crooked, but he had managed to make it look festive with the red and gold garlands, the multicolored lights and the few unbroken ornaments he had been able to salvage from the boxes marked ‘decorations’ that had been untouched since his mother had passed. It was a testament to how much he wanted to take this step and move on, for both his and Taemin’s sake, that he didn’t dwell on his mother’s loopy handwriting for more than a minute. Taemin…he regretted more than before how much he had taken the other’s presence for granted He knew he was the not the most hospitable person to stay with, and he hoped that by putting up the decorations and defying Taemin’s wishes, he was not damaging their relationship even more.
He might not get along with Taemin on all counts, but he hated people leaving after an argument, it just made everything seem so final and irreparable. Taemin was pretty much all he had now and he didn’t want to alienate his only companion. What was so wrong about what Taemin had wanted anyway? He had been so driven by his anger at the other that he put up all the decorations up without once thinking about what Taemin had said. Maybe when he put them up he had wanted to make the other angry and hurt, as angry and hurt as Taemin had made him, but now he wasn’t so sure. Taemin had been pretty unreasonable, but maybe Jonghyun had been too blinded by his own excitement of finally having someone to celebrate the holidays with that he didn’t notice what was really bothering his friend. He sighed, moving forward and starting to unwind the garland he had wrapped around the tree. He did not know if Taemin would be back, but he hoped he would and he was not going to let a few decorations be what broke them after all that they had been through. He engrossed himself in gently untangling the lights from the garland and failed to notice the telltale signs of the front door being opened and then closed.
“I know you didn’t put those up just to take them down” came a quiet voice from behind him, causing him to freeze up. He felt the other come up and stand beside him, and knew without even having to look that the other was gazing up at the tree.
“You’re back.” It was meant to be a statement, but both of them could hear the unspoken question.
“Looks like it. So why are you taking all the decorations down” Taemin asked, quickly glancing at the other out of the corner of his eye before turning back to look at the tree. They stood there in silence; both wanting to apologize for all that had been said, but not knowing how.
“It’s not worth it if it makes you upset with me” Jonghyun whispered back finally, still not looking up. He heard the other take a deep sigh before he walked forward and sat down on the plush tree skirt. He glanced back when he noticed Jonghyun still standing, and placed his hand on the skirt next to him, smiling wearily when Jonghyun took the hint and sat down. They both stared through the window in front of them, out to where the snow was falling softly and piling up, covering the dirty and grimy world outside with a clean, fluffy white blanket. Not for the first time, Jonghyun was grateful for the beauty the world possessed.
“My mother died on Christmas, when I was 8.” Taemin said sometime later. Jonghyun turned his head to look at him and for what felt like the first time in weeks, he really looked. He saw the pale, drawn face with bruise-like bags under the puffy eyes, and the tense shoulders. He didn’t know what to say, but it seemed like he didn’t have to say anything because Taemin continued talking. “Christmas was her favorite holiday, you know. Every year she would wake up earlier than anyone else, and make hot chocolate and wake my dad and me up to open presents. She loved everything about Christmas, the gift giving, decorating, cooking, everything. She always decorated the tree so beautifully that it was the best on the whole street. My dad and I did not decorated or put up the tree after she died” He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but fell silent upon noticing the look on Taemin’s face.
“Don’t do that. Don’t apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know and I shouldn’t have expected you to understand without having told you the reason I was so against you decorating. I’m sorry, Jonghyun. I’m sorry” Jonghyun’s heart broke as he saw tears start to slide out from the already- puffy eyes. He wanted to apologize, to turn time back and stop the world from taking away the innocence of such a young boy, but he instead he just moved a little towards where the other was sitting and slid an arm around his slim shoulders, pressing a kiss onto the salty skin of his cheek. The tension fell from Taemin’s body instantly and he curled his body to rest his head on the older man’s shoulder. They sat there for hours, long after Taemin’s sobbing had ceded to small sniffles, just staring out at the light flickering on the snow covered street, feeling for the first time in a long time a sense of contentment and belonging. They did not know if they would survive tomorrow, or what the future would hold, but they knew that in that moment they had each other and maybe that was really all they needed anyway.