It never ends

[cheerob4gd]

I miss James still. It never ends. I think of him when songs come on. During the year I had made a "jerkface" set list with songs of me and him on my Kazaa.

Thicke sings "and all the stupid things I do have absolutely no reflection on how I feel about you".

We were barely even together. Held hands like, twice. Why does it still plague me?

There's still a hole in my heart shaped like a J.

Knowing he's not coming back next year, knowing I'll probably never see him again troubles me.

And then I think "what would I do if he did show up next year?" I picture that happening, me happily walking to class with my diet coke in one hand and my books in the other. Then I see him, as I stroll around the corner, him walking with his hands shoved deeply in his A&F jean pockets, looking at the ground. Emotions flood back and the next thing I know I'm crying in the ladies room, in the throws of an all-out emotional breakdown. Taking me back to my freshman year all over again. I don't think I could handle it again.

Why do I want to see him ever again?

Because I want to, oh God I want to.

I'm seriously crazy.