Prognosticating Paul

Jul 12, 2010 19:20


 

Paul the Octopus is a very fine looking Octopus. He has dreamy caramel colored eyes that can see the Future. Paul the Octopus made a bed of mussels on the recent World Cup Games betting on Germany, Slovenia, and Spain.



Seven out of seven times, Paul was correct in his predictions. And he made his moolah on mussels. And some people made their moolah on Paul.

But before we all go anthropomorphizing Paul and considering what a wonderous and friendly and predictable kind of cephalopod that he is, I would like to interject this dart of poison.

Did anyone wonder where Paul the Prognosticator got his dreams of the Future?

Did you think that his soothsaying was from the ether of universal probability theory?

Well what a gullible Fool you are!

Paul got his future visions in his sleep from the Greatest and Meanest and Evilest Cephalopod of them all.

Cthulhu, the Evil Dreamer of the Drowned Island of R'lyeh, was giving Paul his betting tips on the World Cup.





For those oblivious ones who live their lives believing in Good and Cute Octopi, Cthulhu is an evil tentacled demigod who lives and sleeps and dreams on the Lost and Submerged Island of R'lyeh. Cthulhu dreams and through his evil dreams he can control the malefic actions of the susceptible. One day, Cthulhu will wake and the Island of R'lyeh will rise and we will all be lost to the Terror of Pure Abomination. The pollution and corruption of Cthulhu will overtake us all.

Some say that that pollution in the Gulf is just the flatulence of the rising evil of R'lyeh and its bane of Earthly Creation, Cthulhu. And British Petroleum is Cthulhu's Minion.

And I say that Paul the Soothsaying Octopus was disseminating the Malevolence of Cthulhu through his World Cup predictions.

First the World Cup!

And then the World!

That is how Fiends operate.

Don't say that you weren't warned.

And I didn't dream up any of this (Curse you, Cthulhu!). I thought it up in broad daylight with my conscious brain.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Title picture by Tamara MacGregor

UPDATE:

Paul the Octopus has died. On October 26, 2010, Paul departed his glass enclosed aquarium. He left no predictions behind him. We'll have to figure things out on our own now.

the world, cthulhu, lagniappe, paul the octopus, lovecraft

Previous post Next post
Up