Random thoughts
There are some days I wake up and think "Brilliant I'm alive, the day will be fine", sometimes I just get this feeling that things are ok, and for most of the day they are-until a certain inevitable point comes. But on those days it doesn't matter because I can handle it.
On other days I tend to wake up and want to do nothing. Those days are the ones we have to pretend that things are ok. It is just a bad day right? You just wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
Problem with that was that when pretending I lost myself in that pretend me, the chirpy happy-go-lucky one I would be. And as the wrong side of the bed days became more often my pretend "me" became the real "me"...but only in a way. If you lie enough you start believing the lie...well if you pretend enough you loose yourself in that fake thing.
After I realised it was slightly too late, I knew what had happened, just not how to change it. So I tried to not change me, and find me. Problem was I didn't know what "me" was.
Anyway, being at SGS with all my friends, it knd of helped me figure things out. Now even though I am still figuring out the whole of "me" I knwo more about me than I did before. However, I've found I can only truly be "me" all the time with a few people. One is with one of my closest friends, my sister basically, who has seen every part of me there is to see. And she has never run away from any side of me. She has helped me so much on my way through everything that has been going on around me. I mean it almost seems at times that my life seems to be moving on and pulling me behind it, and the only thing that stops me from totally loosing it is this rock that stands and makes me laugh when I am upset, makes me smile when I feel like shit, knows when I am upset, and normally why I am upset. And this rock is, at those points in time, my anchor. I hope she knows who she is. She should do.
I don't know how we became so close, but it is hard, and this is with anyone, to thank people like this person for just being there for you. If you have a friend, it is always really hard, and sometimes not even thought of, to tell them exactly what they mean to you, so that they know. For some reason we just don't do it. And that seems odd.
Another person who has seen me and never run is a guy who I am very close to. He is really sweet and will always listen to me. We are from different friendship groups, yet not a day goes by when we don't say "hi" to each other. If an emotion hits us and we can't deal with it, or a situation comes that we can't handle alone, we always tell the other person. There is an honesty to our relationship that is cherished by both of us. And it isn't as if he doesn't know what he does for me, because he does, but it is one of those things I have never said.
See, I have three brothers in my life. One is through proximity when we were younger. That is Bhiya. One is through family (but not blood) ties. This person is Shivan. And the last brother I have is simply because he is so close to me I think of him as a brother. He started off as a friend and grew into a brother.
I guess it is really the luck of the draw who you meet in your life. Fate decides who you meet, and then you choose if you want to let it slip or carry it on. Sometimes you choose one way and wish you chose the other. But sometimes you know you made the right choice, and you end up with a relationship, an emotional tie, that can withstand all the winds of time, simply because it is that strong. And if you end up with that bond, you are really lucky.
I know it sounds stupid, but it strikes me as odd that you have all these days in the year for all these different commemerations, a day when we focus on one special person. Father's day, mother's day, christmas... But there is never a day when we focus on the people who we met who changed our life forever. I guess it is because we don't really know how much we appreciate them, or because you can't choose only one day to focus on these people simply because there isn't one. They play their role every single day of the year.
But I do still feel they need some credit. So here is it. For all the people who have changed tmy life, who walked into my life and, even if they walked out again, left a great imprint behind them, here's to you.
There is a saying that goes something like "During your life many people will walk in and out of your life, but very few of them will leave footprints on your heart." And as corny as it sounds it is true. Many people have walked in my life, very few have left a mark, and here is a shout to the ones who have, because without them I wouldn't be who I am today...
On other days I tend to wake up and want to do nothing. Those days are the ones we have to pretend that things are ok. It is just a bad day right? You just wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
Problem with that was that when pretending I lost myself in that pretend me, the chirpy happy-go-lucky one I would be. And as the wrong side of the bed days became more often my pretend "me" became the real "me"...but only in a way. If you lie enough you start believing the lie...well if you pretend enough you loose yourself in that fake thing.
After I realised it was slightly too late, I knew what had happened, just not how to change it. So I tried to not change me, and find me. Problem was I didn't know what "me" was.
Anyway, being at SGS with all my friends, it knd of helped me figure things out. Now even though I am still figuring out the whole of "me" I knwo more about me than I did before. However, I've found I can only truly be "me" all the time with a few people. One is with one of my closest friends, my sister basically, who has seen every part of me there is to see. And she has never run away from any side of me. She has helped me so much on my way through everything that has been going on around me. I mean it almost seems at times that my life seems to be moving on and pulling me behind it, and the only thing that stops me from totally loosing it is this rock that stands and makes me laugh when I am upset, makes me smile when I feel like shit, knows when I am upset, and normally why I am upset. And this rock is, at those points in time, my anchor. I hope she knows who she is. She should do.
I don't know how we became so close, but it is hard, and this is with anyone, to thank people like this person for just being there for you. If you have a friend, it is always really hard, and sometimes not even thought of, to tell them exactly what they mean to you, so that they know. For some reason we just don't do it. And that seems odd.
Another person who has seen me and never run is a guy who I am very close to. He is really sweet and will always listen to me. We are from different friendship groups, yet not a day goes by when we don't say "hi" to each other. If an emotion hits us and we can't deal with it, or a situation comes that we can't handle alone, we always tell the other person. There is an honesty to our relationship that is cherished by both of us. And it isn't as if he doesn't know what he does for me, because he does, but it is one of those things I have never said.
See, I have three brothers in my life. One is through proximity when we were younger. That is Bhiya. One is through family (but not blood) ties. This person is Shivan. And the last brother I have is simply because he is so close to me I think of him as a brother. He started off as a friend and grew into a brother.
I guess it is really the luck of the draw who you meet in your life. Fate decides who you meet, and then you choose if you want to let it slip or carry it on. Sometimes you choose one way and wish you chose the other. But sometimes you know you made the right choice, and you end up with a relationship, an emotional tie, that can withstand all the winds of time, simply because it is that strong. And if you end up with that bond, you are really lucky.
I know it sounds stupid, but it strikes me as odd that you have all these days in the year for all these different commemerations, a day when we focus on one special person. Father's day, mother's day, christmas... But there is never a day when we focus on the people who we met who changed our life forever. I guess it is because we don't really know how much we appreciate them, or because you can't choose only one day to focus on these people simply because there isn't one. They play their role every single day of the year.
But I do still feel they need some credit. So here is it. For all the people who have changed tmy life, who walked into my life and, even if they walked out again, left a great imprint behind them, here's to you.
There is a saying that goes something like "During your life many people will walk in and out of your life, but very few of them will leave footprints on your heart." And as corny as it sounds it is true. Many people have walked in my life, very few have left a mark, and here is a shout to the ones who have, because without them I wouldn't be who I am today...