(no subject)
Chapter Eleven.
Glee was a difficult affair as Quinn had to endure two and a half weeks of Rachel and Finn rehearsing a duet that had potential for the competition. Mr. Schuester had finally managed to get a tentative set list with enough time to be practiced and perfected, and it seemed as if they had all it took to win this year. But it was extremely hard to concentrate on singing and dancing and simultaneously trying not to send murderous glares to Finn, while he constantly touched Rachel and grabbed her by the wrist and waist. Objectively, Quinn knew it was all part of the choreography, but her mind couldn’t be objective. It could only be possessive and jealous.Quinn tried not to let it show, tried to act normal around Rachel and tried not to act like she wanted to bite Finn’s jugular, but it proved to be a difficult task. A part of her believed it was a little of something else besides herself that felt possessive over Rachel, but she tried not to blame everything that happened and everything she felt on her condition, even if it felt like it had part of the fault.
Rachel eyed her suspiciously a couple of times, and Quinn felt the urge to look away, as if the brunette could read her mind. She realized after every time that it only made her look guiltier of whatever was going through Rachel’s mind.
&&&
Mr. Schuester decided on that class that Rachel and Finn would practice. Everyone had to sit on the risers while he pointed out things he claimed couldn’t notice when he had to watch everyone else as well.
Quinn sat on the front row, Santana on one side and an empty chair on the other, where Rachel should be if she weren’t parading around the room with Finn. The blonde felt a normal kind of headache coming from watching them perform the same song for the third time in a row. Finn looked a little tired as well, whilst Rachel kept her show face on perfectly. No one else was paying attention since the beginning of rehearsal, but Quinn couldn’t look away. She could practically see the cartoon version of herself blowing smoke out of her ears and shooting darts at Finn’s stupid face.
“I believe that’s enough for today, Mr. Schuester.” Rachel stated with her hands on her hips, before giving him a curt nod and walking straight out of the room.
“Whoa -“He didn’t even try to finish a sentence as everyone stood up and started walking out of the room. Then there was only him and Quinn gaping at the door where Rachel had walked out from.
Mr. Schuester cleared his throat.
“Right… uh, tell Rachel we’ll have to rehearse that again on the next meeting.”
Quinn only nodded absentmindedly while she shouldered her bag and walked out of the Choir room, in search for Rachel. But she wasn’t hard to find, standing against the blonde’s locker with a scowl and her arms crossed in front of her chest.
“Do you want Finn again?”
“Are you still in love with him?”
“Of course not!”
“You’re the one that wants him!”
They both stood perplexed, looking at each other with their arms helplessly hanging at their sides.
“Okay…” Rachel began. “No, I’m not in love with him, and no, I don’t want him. I thought you…”
“But you where… the way you looked at each other… and why would I want him?” Quinn scrunched up her nose in disgust.
Rachel shrugged.
“It’s part of the performance, Quinn. I have to look like he’s the light of my life, the prince that I always dreamed o -“
“Okay! I get it, fine.”
“Why… are you so upset, then? If you don’t want to be with him…”
Quinn ignored the mad beating of her heart and the heat rising to her cheeks. She tried to ignore the almost physical pain of lying to Rachel and took a deep breath before answering.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt. And he isn’t good enough for you.” No one is. So it wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth either. How could she say that she was jealous and she wanted her friend all to herself?
She couldn’t.
Rachel smiled, and for a second, by the look in her eyes, Quinn thought she didn’t believe her. But then Rachel stood up on her toes, with the help of her right palm against the lockers, and placed a soft, tingling kiss against Quinn’s cheek, right below her cheekbone.
“Thank you.” She said softly. “I can’t promise you I won’t ever be hurt, but it’s incredible to know you care. You know I feel the same for you, right?”
Rachel smiled; she really had no idea what those words really meant for Quinn, she had no idea that she was unconsciously lying, but Quinn smiled back with the knowledge that, even if Rachel would never love her as much as she loved Rachel, she had all the love Rachel was able to give to her. And even if it hurt, everything Rachel had, and everything she gave, was precious, and good enough.
&&&
Rachel breathed in deeply through her nose and tried to calm the maddening beating of her heart against her chest, beating so strongly she felt it could wake Quinn up. It was an uncharacteristically warm night, but the blankets were almost up to her neck and the heat emanating from her friend’s body was making her sweat slightly. Rachel tried to think about Glee, school, her dog, anything to distract herself from the feeling of the length of Quinn’s body pressed up against her. She could feel the blonde’s knees molded to the back of her thighs, her pelvis against her ass and Quinn’s breasts pressed against her back. Rachel’s hands tingled from being kept still by sheer will power, and the warmth of Quinn’s breath against her neck made her mouth dry. The room was too dark, too cold outside the bed and too hot inside the covers; and her body nearly hummed from the energy that being so close to Quinn gave her and she wasn’t using. The blonde shifted almost unperceptively, but Rachel could feel everything, hear every exhale and little whimper, and she wanted to tear her brains off. She wanted to move her head and kiss Quinn -everywhere she could reach. She wanted to reach back and run her hands all over, hug her tightly and stroke her hair and her skin and crawl inside her bones. But all she could do was clench her legs and bit her lip and beg for sleep to come and take her away from the torture. Eventually, though, the only solution was to take a deep breath full of Quinn’s perfume, go to the bathroom to press her forehead against the cold linoleum wall and slip a hand inside her underwear.
When she came back, sedated but embarrassed, Quinn was a curled figure on Rachel’s side of the bed, hugging Rachel’s pillow to her chest. It made the brunette’s heart skip a beat, out of love, and it also made her feel incredibly guilty about what she’d just done. She contemplated going to sleep downstairs on the couch, but the frown on Quinn’s sleeping face was stronger than her will.
“Hey, Quinn…” She whispered next to the blonde’s face, tracing her cheek with her index finger when the blonde didn’t respond. “You’re on my side, honey. Scoot over.” The frown banished from her friend’s face as she sighed in her sleep. Rachel was fully tempted to press her lips against Quinn’s, just barely, just to see what it felt like. Quinn wouldn’t find out…
“Where’d y’go?” She mumbled sleepily.
Rachel bit her lip and looked up before answering.
“Bathroom.”
Quinn nodded and moved back, allowing Rachel to climb in bed next to her. A second later, she burrowed under the covers with a shiver and Rachel tensed when she felt arms around her waist and Quinn’s face hiding against her stomach. She took a deep, deep breath, forcing herself not to be aroused and instead feel the flutter in her chest that loved proximity and hugs and Quinn’s warmth. It worked after a moment, and Rachel moved under the covers as well, sighing contently as she treaded her fingers softly in blonde hair.
&&&
“Do you really promise we’re going to try?”
“I swear, Rach. I already told you like, ten times.”
“Just seven.” Rachel shrugged meekly while Quinn rolled her eyes, not taking her eyes out of the road. “Hey, turn there!”
“Shi -shoot.”
“We’re going to be late!”
“She can wait five minutes.”
“Quinn! is rude to keep people waiting, even if it’s your Mom.”
“Okay, okay…”
“But don’t speed, you’re going fast enough!”
“Stop telling me how to drive, it’s distracting!”
“I’m sorry.” Rachel smiled widely, showing her perfect row of teeth to Quinn.
“Oh, God.” Quinn laughed, trying to keep her eyes on the road, which Rachel made incredibly hard by being so cute and pretty. “That’s scary, stop it!”
“Aren’t I beautiful enough for you?” Rachel faked-whined, tilting her head to the side and opening her eyes wide while keeping her scary smile.
“No when you put that face, you’re not.” Quinn grinned.
“Well, you’re quite hard on the eyes yourself.” The brunette rebutted with a raised eyebrow.
“Bitch.”
“Language!”
Quinn parked the car and looked to the door where her mom was supposed to be waiting.
“You’re pretty.” Rachel said softly.
“I know.”
The brunette rolled her eyes.
“Tell me an eighth time?” She asked bashfully.
“I promise to try my best not to hunt animals next week.” Quinn repeated, a little annoyed; but then she saw Rachel’s expression and her features softened. “Hey, I mean it.” She took the brunette’s hands between her own. “I’m scared for you too. I don’t want you to ever get hurt, okay?” She lowered her head to meet Rachel’s eyes.
“I know.” Rachel straightened herself and smiled wide. She quickly reached for one of Quinn’s cheeks to rest her palm on while she kissed the other. “I’ll go to the back seat, your mom’s coming.”
Quinn was quiet during dinner, thoughtful. Rachel and her mother carried the conversation by themselves perfectly fine, which always amused Quinn, but today it gave her a different kind of feeling, a certain flutter she’d never felt before in her chest. Whatever it was, it was good and it made her feel light and like everything smelled amazing.
This was her life, and it was finally good. Her mother was going to AA meetings every week, and it became sort of a ritual for them to pick her up and have lunch after, and it so happened to involve Rachel most of the times. School was going great, it was liberating to finally have peace there, without giving in to pressure and status and petty high school drama, she had Glee and Rachel and she wished she could go back in time and tell the scared, lonely girl she was as a freshman that everything was going to finally be okay in time for senior year. She’d finally found something she loved and was amazing at, skating made her feel good, inside and out. And sure, all it took was a terrible accident and a life-long supernatural condition for her to realize what she needed, to get the courage to get what she needed, and a part of her always knew Rachel would be the one to help her push through her walls and be okay again. And maybe that’s why she was so scared of letting her in, once upon a time; that, and the feelings she never wanted to acknowledge but were always there, in the back of her mind every time she fought with Rachel or heard her sing. Rachel was the most incredible thing in her life. She was her best friend, she kept her grounded, made her happy, helped her through every full moon night and made her feel alive. That’s why she was scared of losing her. She was terrified. And if the only thing that kept her life from being perfect was to have Rachel as a friend and not as something more, so be it. Her life had been a mess for a long, long time; for as long as she could remember. She could be content with how it was now.
&&&
The whooshing of the air hitting against her fur as she ran was as exhilarating as the smells around her everywhere she went. Quinn wasn’t sure what had changed, but everything smelled that much better. Perhaps it was the wind or changes in its direction, because it suddenly smelled different, richer. Once her running stopped and she took some time to breathe properly, she could hear the river flowing a couple of miles away, hear the birds as they flew high above the trees, and the distinctive sound of paws hitting the ground, running straight at her. Her wolf’s smell kept getting stronger by the second as she approached and finally jumped and landed next to her, hitting her ribs with her head and knocking her to the ground. A bark left her throat before she could stop it, followed by a whine as Rachel delivered a generous lick to the side of her muzzle. Quinn was startled by the smell her wolf emitted, stronger and sweeter, and the way her whining sounded. She trained her hears as she looked up at the wolf’s dark haired face, the way her eyes pierced right through her, even as a wolf. But Rachel whined again, and Quinn remembered to deliver the well-deserved lick to the face before jumping up and knocking Rachel to the ground. They growled a little, low in their throats, as they kept rolling around and jumping to knock each other to the ground. Quinn knew instantly that there would be no hunting this time, but that didn’t stop her from licking up Rachel’s face and letting out a playful bark.