(no subject)
Chapter Ten.
Quinn spent the next day with Sam, and Rachel tried not to read too much into it. They didn’t have to spend every day together and she knew he’d been complaining about being neglected. Quinn drove her home in the morning and smiled at her before closing the passenger door, and Rachel held fiercely to that smile to try and convince herself that everything was fine. But that feeling in the back of her head and on her chest wouldn’t leave until she saw Quinn again and everything was the way it was supposed to.
They had to see each other the next day to drive the backpack to the woods, so Rachel spent all day preparing things for Glee Club and cleaning her house with her dads. At night, she fell asleep in the middle of reading a book, but not before thinking she hadn’t spoken to Quinn all day. She tried not to read too much into it.
The car ride was an awkward affair the next day. Rachel looked out the window chewing on her bottom lip, desperately trying to find something to say. When was the last time they were awkward? Even when they were naked a month before, it wasn’t so painful.
“How was your day with Sam yesterday?”
“Good. I spent more time with his brother and sister than with him, but it was fine.”
Rachel nodded.
So… something had happened. What had changed? She wasn’t sure of what to say because Quinn was acting weird. She seemed off, and Rachel wasn’t sure if she had done something wrong. She kept silent for the rest of the ride, trying to figure out the best way to approach the subject.
She followed Quinn through the trees and then Quinn helped her up the tree to hang the bag on a branch.
“Um… Quinn. Help?” Rachel looked down.
The blonde smiled lightly and stood under the branch, opening her arms for Rachel to fall into. She caught her around the waist and the brunette wrapped her arms around her neck. Rachel’s breath hitched when she became centimeters away from Quinn’s mouth, their noses brushing together. They locked eyes and the blonde tightened her grip on her for a second, warm breath washing over her mouth, before turning her head to the side and softly dropping Rachel to the ground.
“We should go.” Quinn mumbled and started walking.
Rachel trailed behind her, at a loss for words. Her heart pounded so hard against her ribcage that her head started pounding in unison, and she couldn’t think about what just happened because it only made her head hurt more.
“Can we stay here for a while?” She mumbled once they were both sitting in the car. “My head is hurting.”
Quinn nodded, reaching inside the glove compartment for Advil and handing it to Rachel along with a bottle of water.
“Thank you.” Rachel grabbed Quinn’s hand and held on as she rested her head on the seat and closed her eyes. She didn’t know how else to make things better, contact was always their way of communicating when words failed.
So maybe Quinn realized she had a small crush on her, but Rachel wanted to show her things could stay the same, that she could be Quinn’s friend as always even if she had stronger feelings the blonde didn’t reciprocate. There was no denying that her feelings went beyond friendship and beyond their bond, that her thoughts about Quinn were more than merely platonic, but Rachel would be damned if she let Quinn walk away because of that. She could do it, she could still be just friends and even try and forget her romantic feelings. Anything to stay together, even if that desperation scared her.
“We’re okay, right?” She whispered. When there was no response, she opened her eyes to find Quinn watching her intently, something strong dancing behind her eyes, making them stormy. Rachel could see the freckles even from a distance. “What’s wrong?” She breathed out. She tried not to sound desperate, but she wasn’t sure it succeeded.
Quinn bit her lip and looked away.
“I’m just… not feeling… so good.” She said slowly, deliberately.
“Is your head hurting?”
Quinn shook her head.
“Emotionally.”
Rachel sat up straight, turning to face her.
“What’s wrong?” She frowned, concerned.
“Nothing.” Quinn shrugged. But Rachel could see there was something she wasn’t saying.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” She squeezed her hand, but Quinn pulled her own away and ran both through her hair and then shook her head.
“I know. I just want to go home and sleep, can we go now?” She turned in her seat, facing forward and gripping the steering wheel with both hands.
Rachel frowned at her, resting her hands in her lap.
“Okay…”
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Quinn drove Rachel home and told her she had to go with her mom to help her in the house. She hoped Rachel didn’t remember her mother’s schedule and realize it was a blatant lie.
Everything felt wrong. She couldn’t be away from Rachel without missing her, but she missed her even when they were together. Her feelings scared her; she didn’t know what to do with them. Even being in Rachel’s arms wasn’t close enough, she wanted to crawl into her skin, hide her face in her neck and never look up again. But she couldn’t, she knew that, and that was why she rather be alone at home, crying under the covers, than being close to Rachel and staining their friendship. She had to get a hold of her feelings and keep them down, otherwise Rachel would know something was wrong, and everything would go to shit. She had a way of always knowing when she felt bad, a way of guessing just what the problem was. There was almost no doubt that Rachel would understand if Quinn told her she harbored romantic feelings for her, but there was no certainty that things would stay the same. And Quinn didn’t want to, wouldn’t be able to bear it if things between them changed. Because if it wasn’t nearly enough now, how would she feel, what would she do, if things changed? Just the desperation those thoughts caused her, the physical pain in her chest, scared her.
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Rachel reflected on what to do. Should she talk to Quinn about it? Tell her that, even though she had stronger feelings, things could stay the same? But she wasn’t sure that was even the problem, and she was a coward. She didn’t want to tell her unless it was absolutely necessary. She decided on just waiting to see if that was the problem, or if there was something else. And she couldn’t think with the headaches assaulting her brain, barely letting her keep her eyes open at school.
Quinn was hiding her face on her arms resting on her desk, and as soon as the bell rang, Rachel approached her, resting her palm on Quinn’s back. The blonde stiffened for a second, then turned in her seat and hid her face on Rachel’s stomach, circling her waist with her arms. Rachel ignored her heart pounding strongly against her chest, feeling Quinn trembling slightly. Tomorrow would be full moon, and Rachel knew how strong the headaches were. Quinn was crying softly and she knew nothing else to do but to stoke her hair and run her hands up and down her warmer than usual back.
“Does it hurt?” She asked softly as soon as they were alone in the classroom. Quinn nodded against her stomach. “Poor thing.” Rachel cooed, stoking blonde hair to expose her left ear. She bent over to whisper against it. “Do you want to go home? I could drive you and we could stay quiet, with the lights off.”
Quinn shivered lightly and squeezed Rachel as she nodded, then let her go and whipped the tear tracks from her cheeks.
“Please, let’s go.”
Rachel nodded and they walked quietly out of the classroom and out the school to the parking lot, hands aching to hold each other, nails digging inside palms. Quinn’s headache worsened with her unconscious clenched teeth, and she pressed her cheek against the cold window to lessen the heat that accompanied her headache, closer to becoming a fever with each passing minute.
Once at Quinn’s house, Rachel went to the kitchen to grab water bottles and Advil as Quinn went up to her room. She got under the covers fully clothed, her shoes on and hanging from the side of the bed. Once Rachel got in, she left a bottle on each side of the bed and bent over to take Quinn’s shoes off. The blonde curled up inside the blanket as Rachel closed the binds and curtains, the door, and turned off the light. She sighed as her ears buzzed from the sudden quiet, and took off her shoes to get under the covers as well. Quinn was in the far left side of the bed, curled up with her eyes closed and the blanket covering her head, and Rachel bit her lip at the unusual distance. She kept her head on the pillow to breath better, closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but either the headache or the need to have Quinn in her arms kept her awake. She was so frustrated and tired she could almost cry, but she refrained, instead clutching the sheets tighter and trying to relax. She didn’t know how much time passed until Quinn’s head peeked out from the covers and they locked anguished eyes on each other. Rachel bit her lip, frowning to keep herself from crying, and Quinn opened the covers as an invitation for her to snuggle. Rachel sighed as they quickly met in the middle and huddled close, Rachel’s head going inside the covers and their bodies molding to each other, Quinn’s face hiding in the crook of her neck and her arms clutching tightly at her waist once more. Rachel rounded her neck with her arms and stroked her hair, the heat emanating from both of their bodies making Quinn’s nape sweat slightly. Surely Quinn could feel and hear Rachel’s heart beating strongly against her ear, but she probably ignored it because her heart was beating just as strong in rhythm. They breathed deeply, and Rachel didn’t mind that she couldn’t sleep because this time it was Quinn’s warm breath against her collarbone and her scent under her nose that kept her awake. She swore she felt her more and smelled her stronger on these days, either because her scent improved or because Quinn’s hormones were changing already. She decided it was both, as with everything else. Rachel thought that everything between them was both natural and supernatural, but she still hadn’t decided if it was better or worse.
“Better?” She whispered against Quinn’s hair.
“Yeah.” Quinn breathed out, warm breath caressing her skin.
Rachel wasn’t sure if she imagined a kiss to her neck or if it was really there, but she relaxed, influenced by the feel of Quinn, and finally feel asleep.
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It was the first time they woke up next to each other on a transformation day. Quinn opened her eyes to find Rachel asleep next to her, still on each other’s arms but now face to face. Her slender, pale fingers traced the bridge of the brunette’s nose and her cheek bone, down her jaw and the rim of her ear. Her hands were trembling, but she kept her touch as soft as she could. But it was the shaky breath she exhaled the one that woke Rachel up, and Quinn looked straight to her eyes like a deer caught in headlights with her hand still on her ear. Rachel closed her eyes again and nuzzled her nose against Quinn’s palm, then breathed out heavily and huddled close to the blonde, wrapping her in her arms tightly for a second as she hid her face against Quinn’s chest. Quinn bit her lip and buried her nose in soft brown locks, inhaling her scent and wrapping her arms firmly around Rachel.
The next time she woke up, Rachel was gone. For a second, she was surprised that she didn’t woke up as soon as the brunette left her arms, but then her head was hurting like it was about to split in half. She realized Rachel wouldn’t have been able to stay even if she wanted to. Getting up quickly, she changed into the usual ruined clothes she wore in case she lost them and hastily left her house.
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The winter night crept up upon the trees dark as a blanket, they wouldn’t be able to see anything if they were human, but their wolf senses were superior. It took Rachel longer than usual to find her wolf, and it was making her anxious. But then there Quinn was, her dark gold fur shining as a substitute for the Moon light that was barely visible in the darkest night Rachel had ever been under. As if sensing her, or probably smelling her, Quinn turned her head and immediately got to Rachel in a leap and a fast run. They greeted as usual, rubbing their muzzles and licking their faces, and they were almost sure, like a collective thought, that they weren’t going to find anything wild that night. But Rachel fought against her urge to go to their usual feeding spot, a rush cursing through her when she found her body obeying her orders and staying right where she stood. Quinn watched her intently, her body almost trembling when she realized Rachel wasn’t going to move and she tried to figure out whether to stay or go without her. But finally, whatever sort of power Rachel had over her when they were wolves won, and she lay next to her on the snow.
It was the first time they were able to be peaceful since the whole thing started, and Quinn was able to really appreciate the peace and quiet of the forest, the warmth of her body, specially next to Rachel’s, and the improvement of her senses that allowed her to hear, see, smell and feel that much more. The way the grass felt under her body, barely tickling the skin beneath her paws, the way the air rushed around them, she could hear the leaves as they moved together against each other and Rachel’s breathing next to her, soothing her. She tried to focus on the sound in order to stay calm and still. Even in the dark, she could detect birds passing from one tree to the other, bugs climbing plants or flying around her.
She didn’t know how much time they spent there, but it was Rachel who detected the noise first. It was a rumbling of leaves that came from afar, something running against the wind. They were standing and running to the line of trees in a second, listening intently to the movements. Quinn wasn’t able to hold it in much longer, and once she figured the path the animal was sure to take, she sprinted forward, Rachel a hair behind her. The animal never had a chance.
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Rachel jumped from the grass and flew to press her back against a tree. If the throbbing between her legs was any indication, she had to get away from Quinn’s naked body as fast as she could. The wood digging against her back and scratching her skin every time she exhaled a panting breath was oddly soothing; if only, the pain served as a distraction from her friend lying on the grass, wheezing and looking straight to the sky. God, could she at least close her legs?
Rachel grimaced and bit her lip, using all of her willpower to look away. It would take just a second for her hand to travel down her body, for her legs to jump on top of Quinn and cover her body, just inches away from her warm, soft skin. Rachel hit her back against the tree and covered her face with her hands.
“A shirt!” Quinn screamed suddenly, and Rachel uncovered her face to see a naked Quinn running through the trees.
“Oh, God. Please, please, please…” She whispered. “I’m going to the bag!” She screamed at the blonde’s general direction, voice a little raspy. Her legs were shaky as she walked away, one arm around her chest and the other around her stomach.
She was tying her shoelaces when she saw Quinn approaching, a long t-shit covering her mid-thigh. Her breath hitched at the skin visible, and she ducked her head, hair blissfully obstructing her vision of the blonde next to her, putting clothes on.
“If it has to come down to hunting or killing sheep, I think I prefer the latter.” Rachel commented as they walked to the bus stop. She had to break the silence.
“Isn’t it a little hypocrite?”
“It’s not a matter of them; it’s a matter of us.” Quinn shrugged. “Something could go wrong, what if we come across something bigger? Or something with friends?”
“Okay, you’re right.”
“I still think we ought to control ourselves not to kill, but if it comes down to one thing or the other, I’ll go with safe choice.”
Quinn nodded.
The rest of the walk was silent, and Rachel was already preparing herself for the pain of being alone, like every day lately, but Quinn grabbed her hand to keep her from getting off on her stop.
“Hungry or sleepy?” The blonde asked as they stepped into her house.
Rachel bit her lip. The truth was neither; it was something else, a new third choice she would have to take care on her own. But if she had to choose…
“Sleepy.”
Once they were huddled under the covers, as close as they could be with their arms and legs around each other, Rachel knew her choice was the right one.
It was as close as she would ever get.