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Chapter Nine.
If they were looking for control, Rachel knew they had lost it as soon as they smelled it. It was a scent even stronger than the one they were used to from Mr. Linton’s sheep. For a fleeting second, she was afraid of it being a human, but it was almost impossible so deep in the woods, unless they were hunters. She growled at Quinn and they stopped behind a large group of trees. The smell was strong, so alluring she could almost feel her mouth water, but she strained her ears nonetheless. Next to her, she could feel her golden wolf’s body trembling, barely holding the adrenaline in. Her body went rigid as the smell got closer, and she growled at her wolf when she took a step forward. She could hear the prey’s paws hitting the ground, because it most definitely was their prey now, and it was getting closer still. She realized it must not be paying attention to their smell, or simply not registering it, and she took that to her advantage taking a few steps forward, Quinn never leaving her side. Lowering her tail, the golden wolf slowly made her way to the source of the smell, tentative steps that hit the ground softly beneath her paws. She understood the initiative and tried again to locate the delicious smell. This was the first time they were going to attack something that could defend itself, she realized, when she got the first glimpse of the coyote. Dread crept up her spine when she realized how wrong it could go, but when the animal got closer it became evident that it wasn’t very big. It was young, not a puppy but not completely adult, and Quinn realized it too when her body crouched down, preparing herself. Her jaw clenched when the animal’s scent filled the entire air around them, and her wolf’s hairs stood on end. Rachel took a few steps backwards and crouched down as Quinn prepared herself, waiting for the right time. The coyote stopped its trail and its body froze, its ears raised and its teeth bore. Then, as it made a move to step back, Rachel heard the most fascinating, captivating and daunting noise she ever heard as Quinn hurdled forward and launched herself at the animal, and when her teeth sunk down on the side of its neck, Rachel leaped forward with her back legs and landed on top of the grey coyote, her teeth finding the flesh on the other side, staying away from the animal’s teeth. Both of their forces combined pinned the coyote down to the ground as its head moved from side to side, trying to defend itself in vain. Her body trembled as she felt the blood flooding her muzzle and the body beneath her going limp, and she could feel and smell the adrenaline on her wolf beside her as they broke away from the body and attacked again.
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Quinn woke up panting with the shining sun hitting her face, almost blinding her. What they’d done… her body was still humming with energy with it, and her hands were shaking as she buried them on the earth and filled her fists with it. It took her a couple of seconds to hear the panting breaths next to her, but she jumped from the ground to her feet in a fleeting second when she did.
Rachel sat on the ground, completely naked and looking up at her with the darkest eyes she’d ever seen, panting for breath. Her breasts rose with every intake, and Quinn could feel a very warm, very moist spot between her legs. Her mouth opened and stayed that way for excruciating seconds until she realized what she was doing. It seemed to catch up to Rachel as well, because their heads turned sideways at light speed at the same time.
“S-sorry…” Quinn stammered. Her entire body seemed to be shaking, and a shudder wrecked her whole back when Rachel made a strangled noise as she breathed out.
“I c-can’t believe we… did that. It was…”
“Entrancing.” Quinn breathed out.
“I couldn’t… how did we…”
Quinn shook her head. She didn’t know how they knew what to do or how to attack, surely it was instinct behind their actions, but it felt… She didn’t know how long it would take her this time to stop the trembling and the shuddering and the panting… the arousal. Her chest felt full of tingles and all she wanted was to leap on top of Rachel and…
“We sh-should find out c-clothes.” Rachel stammered.
Quinn nodded and tried to think about how it reminded her of Tina to stop herself from pouncing on her best friend, and they began to walk towards the tree where they always left their bag one week before each full moon, searching for their clothes along the way and trying not to look at each other.
“I hope it doesn’t become a regular thing.” Rachel said once they were walking towards the bus stop and their breathing seemed to be coming back. Still, Quinn thought she seemed calmer than herself.
“It was amazing, but also… I don’t know... creepy? I think I’m a little afraid of myself right now.”
“Don’t be silly.” Rachel bumped her shoulder. “But I really hope we can put a stop to that killing thing.”
“Rachel, we’re wild. We are controlling ourselves and remembering, but I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to stop hunting.”
“I do know I’m more capable of controlling myself than you are. I could feel you trembling beside me”
“And you still think it’s because you don’t eat animals while you’re human.” Quinn stated sullenly.
“Well yes!” She huffed.
“And I still think it’s because you’re more prepared than me! I know you’ve got a bigger understanding of all of this than I have! Why do you think you’re the commander when we’re wolves?”
“Perhaps we should talk about this when our hormones are in check.” Rachel grumbled.
“This is not about that, you know it. I can feel when it is and these emotions are completely in my control!”
“Quinn, you’re screaming at me in the middle of the road!” Rachel hissed. “Just keep it down and we’ll talk about this when we get to my house.”
“Well, maybe I want to be alone today.”
“Don’t be a petulant child, Quinn. It’s very unbecoming.”
They walked with their arms crossed in their chest and matching stubborn expression all the way to the bus stop and on the bus as well. Only when it was Rachel’s stop, Quinn stood up with her and put an arm around her waist.
“I don’t want to be alone in my house.” She pouted.
Rachel shook her head and bit her lip to stop herself from grinning.
“I know.” She said softly, kissing Quinn’s cheek. “You’re cute, come on.” She took her hand to walk towards the bus door.
Quinn tried to ignore the additional tingle that accompanied their touches, always there but stronger when her hormones were going wild. She could smell Rachel’s scent intensified, feel more of their touches and hear the melody in her voice that much better. Rachel often talked about how she could control her pitch better now, reach her notes better and hear imperfections strongly. But Quinn just felt; felt that much more and she wasn’t sure if it had to do with being werewolves or if it was just the natural progression of her feelings. But she was sure things were harder to control when the full moon approached, and after it was gone, too. Rachel disregarded the theory of the moon affecting their emotions so strongly; sure, she believed it altered their hormones in order for them to be able to change, and she believed it took a couple of days after the transformation for them to be in check again, but Quinn understood something more. She believed the moon transformed them as people thought so many years ago, that it affected their moods and emotions, but Rachel always let her down easily. It made Quinn wonder if maybe she wanted to blame the moon for her depression, or if Rachel was repressing those thoughts because she was afraid, or simply if it affected her more because Rachel had a better control of the entire situation.
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“Are you coming over?”
“If I have to.” Santana rolled her eyes. “Britt is making me, so yes.”
“Wow. Hey, thanks a lot.” Quinn smiled -more like grimaced, at her.
“Well, I can’t say I enjoy watching you freaking with Berry more than I have to here.”
“Freaking?” Quinn raised an eyebrow.
“What are you doing exactly right now?” Santana matched her bitch face perfectly.
“I’m cutting an apple.”
“And why is that?”
“To share it with… okay, what is your point? We’re sharing an apple, that’s not weird.”
“Yes it is.”
“You are weird.”
“Are you eight?” Rachel interjected from her spot next to Quinn on the cafeteria table.
“Tell her it’s not weird, Rachel.”
The brunette rolled her eyes.
“Santana, Quinn and I sharing an apple is not weird.”
“Yes it is! You’re gonna eat another one any way, you do this every freaking day! Quinn cuts fruit and gives you half of it and then you eat another one and do it all over again!” Quinn shrugged, handing Rachel half of her apple. “Why can’t you each eat one and leave it at that? You get on my freaking nerves!”
“You peel the tangerines for me, Santana.” Brittany quipped.
“That’s different.” She huffed. “I don’t eat it and you’re my girlfriend. They’re just weird.”
“You’re weird.” Quinn grumbled once more.
“Perhaps you should stop paying so much attention to us, Santana. I eat with you every day and I haven’t noticed any of your eating habits, so that must mean you are paying deliberate attention to us.”
“Whatever. I keep expecting you two to hump each other on the table at any given second; I can’t keep my guard down.”
Rachel opened her mouth to protest, scandalized, but…
“You said we weren’t allowed to have sex on these tables, Santana!” Brittany seemed indignant, and Rachel bit her lips to stop herself from laughing, pressing her face against Quinn’s arm that was already shaking, trying to control her own laughter.
“We aren’t!” Santana defended herself, beet red and almost jumping from the table.
That seemed to shut her up, and Quinn was glad they weren’t on that subject anymore. Talking about Rachel and her made her insides churn with uneasiness, because she knew now that they didn’t behave like best friends. They seemed even more intimate than Brittany and Santana, and she thought perhaps someone who didn’t know them may confuse which pair of girls was in a relationship. Despite how affectionate their friends were, there was just something about the way she behaved with Rachel that seemed too intimate to be just friends, while perhaps Brittany and Santana could pass as overly affectionate, like they did for many years. But she didn’t want anything to change; she didn’t want Rachel to distance herself from her and she wanted to keep this ideal relationship they had where they understood each other and never got tired of seeing each other every day. Being with Rachel gave her a calm sense of peacefulness she’d never experienced; it made her feel good with herself, with everyone else and with the world. But she didn’t want to broach on the subject of their relationship, even if they were still questioned and she knew Rachel must have thought about it too. As long as she didn’t say anything, Quinn wouldn’t either. It felt like a ticking bomb when she thought about it, but it mostly only happened when people were judging their behavior.
Much to her charging, that seemed to be happening a lot on that day. Somehow Rachel had convinced her to throw some sort of party for the Glee Club, more like a reunion, and not everyone was able to go. But there was enough people to see Rachel prance around her house like she lived there, helping Quinn with food or arranging things with her, and Quinn had to admit that if she put herself on someone else’s position, it seemed as if Rachel spent a hell of a lot of time there, walking around the place like she owned it and talking with Quinn’s mom as if they were old pals.
She caught Kurt eyeing Rachel when she took things from the kitchen without even stopping to think of where they were, and Finn frowning at her while she laughed in the hall with Judy talking about some show they’d watched together on TV. Mercedes raised her eyebrows when Rachel dropped down on top of her on the couch because there was no room to sit and Quinn’s hands immediately started running through her brown hair.
There were a lot of things they did almost instinctually now, like knowing exactly how to do things together, where to put their hands when they hugged, or just the way they were always touching each other on some way, almost absentmindedly. Quinn turned bright red when she realized everyone, and she meant everyone, was watching them talk because Rachel was talking softly and running her thumbs over Quinn’s eyebrows while she cupped her face, and Quinn’s hands were resting on Rachel’s back inside her shirt.
And she tried to ignore them, tried to keep talking to Rachel as if they weren’t watching them and judging them, she tried to remind herself that she didn’t care about what they thought because she was happy. She knew that, and so she wasn’t sure why she mumbled that she had to go to the bathroom and stood up. Rachel frowned at her, oblivious to the stares but not to the change in Quinn’s mood, but she didn’t say anything.
Quinn went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet lid, chest heaving. She didn’t want to leave Rachel’s side and she wasn’t sure why she got up at all, or why she let everybody get to her. They were most likely surprised, perhaps trying to figure out what was going on between them, but not judging negatively. But all the stares got to her, she couldn’t help it. All she wanted was to go back to that couch and crawl into Rachel’s skin, she wanted everyone to go away and hide under the covers with Rachel and sleep, and just the thought that they were going to stay there all night brought tears to her eyes. She realized she was having a break down, but Rachel wasn’t coming to get her and she wasn’t sure she wanted her to. Despite making her feel incredibly better by just holding her, Quinn wanted to be able to be okay on her own. She loved Rachel, but didn’t want her emotional stability to depend on her. So she sat there, trying to keep herself from crying and making her chest and her head hurt, because she didn’t know how else to deal with it.
When she went back to her living room, everyone was playing Rock Band on Puck’s PlayStation and Rachel was smiling with them, but Quinn saw the concern in her eyes when her head wiped in her direction as she walked in. She smiled crookedly at her, failing miserably at trying to appear okay, and sat on a chair on the other side of the room. She didn’t wait to see the confusion or maybe the hurt in Rachel’s eyes, because she already knew it was going to be there and her chest was already aching for it. She needed a little distance to clear her head but wanted to be in Rachel’s arms at the same time; she wanted to get through her break downs on her own, but was annoyed at Rachel because she didn’t go searching for her, and she was in a bad mood because there were a lot of people in her house that she didn’t want. There were enough contradictions to make her head hurt, and for the rest of the night, she kept going to the bathroom to be alone for a while and coming back to sit absentmindedly ignoring as everyone had fun.
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Rachel stood on edge all night. Whatever had happened to Quinn, she could see that she was struggling with something and wanted to be alone, but it was extremely hard for her to allow that, seeing as her first instinct was to just kick everyone out and be alone with Quinn. But she didn’t seem to be seeking comfort, and Rachel knew it would be selfish of her to do what made her feel good when Quinn felt bad instead of doing whatever made Quinn feel better. But it turned out to be neither, because Quinn seemed disheartened the entire night, and when everyone left in the morning, she still seemed down. They went to sleep on her bed, and Quinn seemed to lie as far as the bed allowed her to be from her. Rachel tried to swallow the hurt of not being held for sleeping, of not being talked to, of Quinn turning her back on her on the bed and looking to the other side. Sometimes, as much as she tried, she couldn’t contain herself.
“Quinn, what’s wrong?” She whispered, clenching her hands into fists to keep herself from reaching out and touching her friend. “What happened?” She waited for a minute, but there seemed to be no response. “I guess you’re asleep.” She sighed, dejected.
But Quinn was too tense to be asleep, so Rachel concluded she was being ignored. Had she done something? They were just talking and suddenly Quinn became somber, went to the bathroom and came back completely weary. There was something troubling her, and Rachel hated herself for not knowing. She knew she couldn’t just guess, but she should be damn able to! Her chest was too constricted for every breath not to be painful, and the tingles in her body that just begged her to touch Quinn were really hard to ignore. It felt as if they were in the last day of headaches instead of the first, and all these sensations were too strong to be blamed on that.
She may just be overreacting, but Rachel couldn’t help the sense of dread that flooded her as, after two hours, they were still both very much awake, and very far away for being in the same bed.