(no subject)
Chapter Eight.
Despite having the busiest first month of school, they still had time to hear all about the rumors. If it wasn’t Jacob Ben Israel stalking them with his video camera on the first week, then it was Kurt whispering conspiratorially with Mercedes about them on the second, or Santana mocking them on the third, or Finn accusing them of being together on the fourth week of school. Rachel had to hold Quinn back from lounging at him the first time. He had chosen a bad day to cross them; apparently the third day of headaches along with all the stress of the first month of school had Quinn on an edge Finn had easily pushed her off of.
Rachel had gotten one thing clear out of all the mess: Quinn wasn’t going anywhere. She had laughed in Jacob’s face, paid no attention to Kurt and Mercedes, mocked Santana with her hypocrisy and defended Rachel of Finn in front of all the Glee Club. She said he had no right over neither of them and a nerve to call Rachel out on anything.
Coach Sylvester would have taken Quinn back, except she hadn’t tried to go back to the Cheerios. When Rachel asked her about it, Quinn said she was busy enough, would be too sore for two weeks of every month to do flips and jumps, and she had finally gotten over school popularity and just wanted to be in peace.
Rachel hadn’t joined as many clubs that year now that she had such a busy schedule. They still did skating, ballet and running together plus Glee, and Rachel still had additional dancing and singing lessons. But changing once a month took a tool on their bodies, it started tiring them mentally one week before the full moon and then physically for a couple of days after, and that’s how they ended up almost every day of the previous week lying down on Rachel’s room’s floor, without the lights and in complete silence in order to clear their heads. The routine started on summer, and now it was their own getaway from everyone and everything, just them in the dark in silence, sometimes playing with their hands or whispering with each other.
Quinn had stopped questioning what they shared together, because she needed it, and because Rachel seemed to have no problem with holding hands or hugging or snuggling. She figured that’s what real friends did, and neither of them ever had any true best friends. She had feared the new school year, feared what people would say about her and what would she do when they did. But when as soon as she walked in the hallway she had that Jacob kid in her face, and she saw Rachel’s expression towards her, like she expected her to run or throw slushies at both of them, she realized she wasn’t the same person anymore. She didn’t feel like she felt all those years, like she had to make people believe she was worth something because she didn’t truly believe it. Like she needed people to fear and respect her because she didn’t think any of them could love her. Everything was easy once she realized she wasn’t alone now, and she wasn’t sad now; she had Rachel in school and outside school as well, and she finally had her mom, and other things she loved that were outside school, like skating and ballet. And once she realized her entire world revolved around more than those walls, and she had things outside of school, she was finally able to get rid of the burden that was being at her highest in high school. And that was yet another thing she had to thank Rachel for.
Quinn realized those were, more than anything, the thoughts that led her to be in this position right now: In four legs, with a muzzle, licking another wolf’s face. Her instincts were primal and she couldn’t really think like a human being, her thoughts weren’t coherent enough for that, but after all these months of learning and training, but most of all becoming familiar with Rachel in all the aspects of their lives, she was finally able to recognize her as one of her own. The past months of being with each other as wolves had been tentative for all that she could remember; they regarded the other carefully and sniffed each other, she always submitted to Rachel and they hunted, but this night was different. Quinn recognized her wolf as soon as she saw her, and it was the first time she found herself referring to her in that way: her wolf. That’s how they ended up rubbing the side of their faces together and whining almost like dogs. Rachel, in all her scary black figure, licked her face for the first time, and the howl that left Quinn’s mouth couldn’t be contained, but the black wolf just kept licking her in greeting until they sniffed something that immediately distracted them. They paused for a second, as if deliberating whether to go or not, but there was really not much of a choice once the smell intensified. As they ran, their scent mixed together until it was a collective scent, a mix between the both of them with a unique smell. She howled as soon as she perceived it, and Rachel joined and soon their noises reverberated among the trees, making the illusion of being more of them than there really were. She never felt freer than in that moment.
She woke up with the morning sun shining on her face and her body covered in a blanket. Rachel was lying down next to her, fully clothed, with a blissful expression on her face as the sun bathed her skin. Quinn took a moment to take in Rachel’s appearance, her smooth cheeks and long eyelashes, the curve of her lips and the way her fingers rested laced together just below her breasts. Her feet were bare and digging into the grass, and the skin of her long, tanned legs seemed to glow under the light. Her heart thudded inside her chest at the sight before her, and she could feel her breath catching in her throat, but the reason changed after a few seconds when she realized she was naked.
“You tired yourself.” Rachel mumbled low, her features never moving an inch. “I covered you as soon as I got a glimpse of you, but I couldn’t wake you up.”
“Thanks.” Quinn uttered bashfully, wrapping herself with the blanket and resting her forehead against Rachel’s shoulder. “Do you remember…?”
“It was amazing.” She could hear the smile on Rachel’s words, and her own lips stretched across her face, caressing the material of the brunette’s shirt. “I wish we could stop hunting, though.”
“One step at a time, right? We’ve come a long way.” Rachel made a non-committed noise with her throat. “We’re both perfectionist, we’ll get there. I think it’s amazing all we’ve done on our own.”
“You’re right.” She sighed, rolling her shoulder to wrap her arm around Quinn’s shoulders. “I’m just afraid.” She whispered.
“Afraid?” Quinn propped herself up on her elbow, resting her chin on her hand and looking down at Rachel. “What are you afraid of?”
“Getting caught… hurt. What if Mr. Linton sees us… killing one of his sheep? It’s bad enough that it goes against all my morals and beliefs, and that’s not even what I’m more worried about.”
“We would run, Rachel.” Quinn smiled, stroking the back of her shaking hand along the side of the brunette’s face. “We’re pretty fast.” When Rachel didn’t answer, Quinn just knew she was holding back something. “What else is it? Don’t hide things from me, please.”
“Quinn, we were attacked.”
Quinn waited, eyebrows raised, for something else that was news to her.
“And you think I didn’t realize?”
“No!” Rachel sat up abruptly, almost nocking the blonde to the ground. “Aren’t you afraid we attack him once he’s at our reach? Quinn, we can’t fully control ourselves, I hope we can someday but I don’t know if we’ll ever do! The werewolf that attacked us didn’t care that we were human! Or maybe it did, but it couldn’t stop itself. Aren’t you afraid of that happening to us?”
She had tears running down her face by the end of her outburst, and Quinn couldn’t think of anything else than hugging her, forgetting the wrapped blanket tucked under her arms. Rachel fisted her hands in it as she buried her face on Quinn’s neck and started sobbing, both of them knowing it was just residual hormone wreckage from the transformation.
“I’m afraid of running into someone, a person, and trying to hunt them.” Rachel whispered against Quinn’s neck.
“It won’t happen to us.” Quinn was quick to reassure, even if she wasn’t really sure of that. “We’re trying really hard to be better. That has to count for something, right?”
Rachel pulled back, careful not to drop the blanket until Quinn tucked it under her arms again, and dropped a soft kiss against the blonde’s cheek.
“I was just really nervous because I couldn’t wake you up.” She mumbled. “I’m sorry. You know I have the utmost faith in us.”
“Yeah.” Quinn breathed out. “I’ll change and then we can -“
“Can we stay here for a while? Put on some clothes, of course, but perhaps an hour? Next month may be too cold.”
“Of course.” The blonde smiled, shaking her head softly as Rachel immediately plopped down on the ground once more, assuming the position she was first in.
&&&
“What does being vegan have to do with anything?” Quinn sighed for the umpteenth time, trying to keep her voice down.
“Well, it’s an improvement for your body, certainly. You’re healthier, less prone to diseases, and I’ve seen the way you look at bacon, Quinn. That can’t be healthy.”
“Leave me and my bacon alone.” She pouted. “You’ve always been more prepared than me; you have a better idea of everything when it concerns our… project.” She rolled her eyes at what the brunette had decided they called being werewolves in public. “I don’t think eating meat would change any -” She cut herself as Tina and Mike entered the choir room.
“I think eating animals is a caveman’s habit.” Rachel stated with a firm nod. “If we stay as far away as we can from our animal instincts and concentrate on being disciplined in all aspects of -“
“We haven’t even started and you’re already lecturing, Smurfette?” Santana grinned as she walked in along with Brittany.
“And you’re already bitching?” Quinn quipped.
“Hide your teeth, Q.” Santana held her palms in front of her chest.
Rachel giggled at the catch only she and Quinn understood, and wrapped her arms around Brittany as the blonde enveloped her in a hello hug.
Their conversation was cut short as people started showing up, Mr. Schuester last as always. Quinn was still bickering with Santana sitting next to her when the teacher started delivering music sheets for everyone, and she peered up over Rachel’s shoulder to look at the highlighted part she was supposed to sing. She held the sheet as the brunette reached inside her meticulously organized bag and took out her binder with the year’s Glee music so far and turned the pages to reach the proper category. But when Rachel took the paper back from the blonde’s hand, she hissed and unintentionally dropped it, blowing her finger where a thin line of red blood was seeping out. Quinn didn’t realize what she was doing until she had the hand between both of her own and the tip of Rachel’s middle finger inside her mouth. Santana, Sam and Mercedes where gapping at her, while Rachel calmly took her hand back and softly said “Thank you”.
“Do that again.” Puck whispered on her ear from his position on the next row of chairs.
“Ugh, shut up.” She muttered red as a tomato and trying to vanish into thin air from sheer will power.
“Please.” He whined. “I’ll pay you.”
“Shut up!” Quinn barked.
“I’ll pay both of you!”
“Please refrain from making more offers, Noah. Go back to your girlfriend.” Rachel gestured calmly to Lauren, who was watching the entire situation as dispassionately as she would watch a bowl of broccoli.
Puck grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest like a petulant child, as Lauren patted him condescendingly on the head.
Rachel cupped her hand on the back of Quinn’s neck and the blonde tensed for a second, fully aware of the stares, before reminding herself that she didn’t care and relaxing.
“Instincts.” Rachel mumbled when Mr. Schuester started talking obliviously. Quinn slid down further in her chair with a sigh.
No one said anything about it, and by the end of practice, it was like it never happened. But Quinn was still mortified, and Rachel had gone from amused to annoyed.
“No one remembers, Quinn. You’re getting on my nerves.” Rachel mumbled from her place in the passenger seat.
“I know.” She sighed. “It was just… embarrassing.”
“I was bleeding!”
“I sucked your finger!”
They remained silent after that, both beet red and staring embarrassingly ahead.
Rachel didn’t really want to branch on the subject of their behavior towards one another. Her dads had already asked her about the nature of Quinn and hers relationship after watching them interact for an entire weekend when Quinn stayed over from Friday afternoon to Monday morning, using her bathroom and wearing her clothes. She didn’t want to dive in too deep into their conduct because she was afraid of what she might find.
While she didn’t care about what everyone else thought, just one month into school had them surrounded with rumors, scrutiny and ten entries on Jacob Ben Israel’s blog about spotting them at the mall or the movies and that one picture of them walking hand in hand out of a store. She felt like a celebrity, which wasn’t a bad thing in essence, but it wasn’t the sort of publicity she enjoyed. She was used to people talking about her, but there were usually bad things and mockery, this… was different. She wasn’t used to people watching her at school because they wanted to see what she did with her friends instead of laughing at her while she got slushied. Neither Quinn nor her where in any club or clique that deemed importance at the school, so why where people so pendant? Was it because they were rumored to be gay? Because it involved Quinn and she seemed to always be in the radar of rumors? She wasn’t a Cheerio anymore, just an honor roll student who was in Glee Club; the very same club that doomed you to Loserdom just two years before and that was one of the main gossip themes of the school now. It hadn’t fully registered on her that she seemed to be… popular, now. She always thought it would be a good thing, but now realized it wasn’t so much. She liked the privacy that being a loser her entire life allowed her, she liked being around school with Quinn and acting in their own special way without Jacob or Puck leering at them and without other people whispering about them when Quinn kissed her cheek at her locker every morning. But she seemed to be losing a little bit of that now, and she was trying to not let it get to her, but she couldn’t shake away the feeling of dread that Jacob spying on them caused her, especially when they turned into werewolves once a month.
“Rachel? Hey!” Quinn snapped her fingers in her face.
“Uh… sorry, I was just thinking…”
“Loudly.” Quinn raised an eyebrow before turning around and opening her car door.
Rachel didn’t say anything, just got out of the car and shouldered the bag with her skates that Quinn handed to her. They walked through the glass doors, immediately feeling the cold of the ice, and Rachel went to sit by the risers as Quinn walked to her teacher with a smile on her face. She’d agreed to help her with the next class today, too, and Rachel took advantage of that to skate today as well, but first there was the hour and a half where Quinn and four other girls and two boys had an advanced class, practicing a number they would present to compete at the end of the year, along with two a numbers of couples, where Quinn was paired up with the best of the boys. Time went by smoothly as Rachel had stopped bringing a book because she always got too entranced by watching Quinn on the ice. The way she skated fast from one corner to the other, then back but turning around in the middle of the rink to meet Dave, her partner, who picked her up by the waist as if she was made of glass, both of them twirling and doing impossible spins and jumps that had Rachel beaming and with her mouth agape at the same time.
It was spellbinding to watch Quinn’s face as she skated, concentrating one second and beaming the next as she twirled on one foot as smoothly as if she were an Ice Princess; or the way her back arched or bowed depending on the movement and how her strong legs never seemed to falter, always beautifully hugged by her leggings. Rachel sometimes wished she were half as good, if only to be able to practice a number with Quinn and have the blonde pick her up and twirl her around. But as it was, she was happy to be able to share what seemed to make Quinn happy the most, and spend time skating with her, especially when they stayed around after the little girls where gone and skated and had fun by themselves.
Later on, as Quinn watched Rachel interact with the little girls, all beaming at her as she singed along with Björk, she felt overwhelmed by how beautiful her friend was on the ice. Her movements were as graceful as practicing ballet allowed her, and the way her pitch never faltered as she picked up girl after girl, twirled them once and then sent them back on the ice almost made her shiver with delight. Happiness seemed to pour out from her and it made Quinn wish to never miss out on any of it; no matter what mundane or incredible thing happened to Rachel to make her shine like that, Quinn wanted to be there to see it. She imagined them skating on Times Square in New York, laughing as if they were alone. Perhaps people were watching them because Rachel was already a famous star, or maybe they were still anonymous and no one paid them any mind. And watching Rachel with Spencer, one of the youngest girls with brown locks long to the waist and a beaming smile that almost held nothing on Rachel’s, Quinn couldn’t help but put her in the picture too. She could be Rachel’s daughter, they could be teaching her how to skate on the ice, maybe take her for hot (vegan) cocoa later, one of her gloved hands in Rachel’s and the other on Quinn’s. And she tried hard to imagine the little girl calling her aunt, imagine herself feeling a love for them like they were a part of her life, but she knew deep down what she wanted the most. She wanted Rachel to hold her hand as they skated, meet her in the middle and kiss her with a smile; she wanted the little girl in the picture to call her Mom and she wanted her and Rachel to tuck her in bed at the end of the day, smiling exhaustedly from an entire day on the ice. She wanted to love them as if they were her entire life.
Her chest constricted as she tried to shove it all away, tried to evaluate Rachel and Spencer and all the other girls instead of day dreaming the scariest things she could ever imagine, she tried to shove the feelings deep inside her every day, but it always got harder. How could she stop herself from wanting to kiss Rachel when she was constantly making funny faces at her, sitting in her lap, grinning down at her so close to her face, kissing her cheek and tucking strands of hair behind her ear? No wonder everyone thought they were dating when all she could do was stay beside Rachel all day, pick her up in the mornings, walk the halls with her all day, eat with her in the cafeteria and take her home after. She knew they were the closest of friends, and she hoped no one noticed the feelings that crossed her mind every time she looked at Rachel. The happiness, the easiness she felt around her, the natural way her body always found to touch her…
“Are you okay?” Rachel smiled in front of her, taking off her scarf. “Class is done, did to pay any attention?”
Quinn smirked at Rachel’s mirth.
“I was daydreaming.” She chuckled with a shrug. “Ready to go?”
“Actually… I prefer staying for a little while longer.” She said sheepishly. “But if you don’t want…”
“No, it’s okay.” Quinn smiled, already skating away with a challenging eyebrow raise. “Race you?”
She laughed as Rachel’s protests of cheating reached her ears from behind her, and soon they were having their usual, easy fun that made Quinn forget whatever feelings she may have, acting on them instead of worrying about them when Rachel let her twirl her around, push her away and into her body with one hand, making pirouettes and silly movements with their hands as they pretended to dance an intricate tango on the ice. Rachel’s boisterous laugh filled the rink and filled her soul with happiness as she picked her up by the waist and lifted her as much as her strength allowed her, her arms going around her waist when she couldn’t hold her up any longer. Rachel’s arms circled her neck and she beamed and panted against her face, warm breath visibly swirling around her face as background as their eyes met and locked. Quinn fought hard to keep her smile even as she felt her insides churning as her heart wanted out, she tried to keep her composure when both of Rachel’s hands cupped her neck. But then Rachel’s face hid in the crook of her neck and shoulder and she felt her entire frame shake with silent laughter.
“I think we tired ourselves enough.” She heard mumbled against her shoulder.
She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself as Rachel did the same, cradled by her arms. This was enough, what they had was deep and meaningful and intricate, and went beyond any feeling she knew. They were more than friends, they shared a bond that helped their feelings keep them together, and she wasn’t dumb enough to challenge that, to ask more of something already so perfect. It had to be enough.
Rachel pulled away smiling, visibly exhausted.
“Hot cocoa at my house?” She beamed.
Quinn took a gloved hand in her own and allowed Rachel to pull her forward, watching her long brown hair swing from side to side as they skated slowly out of the rink. It had to be enough.