Everything's Better With Skulls
So here I am, sipping vodka out of a skull...
First off, as most of you probably already know, I enjoy the taste of certain alcoholic beverages. A fine gin and tonic, especially if featuring Martin Miller's London Dry Gin, is a sweet and tasty delight. Rum, schnapps, sweet wines, and even certain beers can all be pleasing to the palate here.
Anyway, as a result, I can occasionally be found in a liquor store, just... browsing.
So what do I see at Bottle King a few days ago? "Come See Dan Aykroyd And Get A Signed Bottle Of Crystal Head Vodka!"
Like any fan of classic 80's films, I can point out "Ghostbusters", "Caddyshack", and "The Blues Brothers" as some of the highlights of Dan's career. That in addition to all his time on SNL. ("You've got a bass? You've got a problem!") So I say, sure, meet Dan Aykroyd, it sounds cool. Probably a hojillion people doing this, however. I dunno...
Oh but wait! I look at the ad more closely. Crystal Head Vodka is sold in bottles shaped like HUMAN SKULLS. And Dan is signing the bottles himself.
All of a sudden I absolutely need a CRYSTAL SKULL SIGNED BY DAN AYKROYD. Reason has left the building.
Unfortunately, Dan's doing his signing on a Thursday from 4-7 pm. Inconveniently timed, I say! And indeed, I get there from work too late; already the line has extended too long, and they're cutting people off. I am suitably saddened.
Oh but wait, again! My wonderful partner in crime HG tells me that, on the radio, she heard that he would be doing a second signing on Saturday morning, and if I got up early enough, I should be able to beat the rush.
And as easy as that, I'm standing inside a large liquor store in Wayne, NJ with hundreds of other people. And that was an hour before he was scheduled to start. Fortunately, I've faced the horrors of lines at Disneyworld and Great Adventure. Here I'm inside, away from the rain which is soaking hundreds of other sods who arrived later.
The liquor store is prepared and well-organized. They have enough Crystal Skulls for everyone. In addition, they're selling Dan Aykroyd DVDs which he will also sign. I respect that, and I snag a copy of "The Blues Brothers", because... well, just because.
And so we wait. The liquor store, for some unfathomable reason, does not allow us to start opening bottles and satisfying our thirst while we wait. Bunch of savages, I tell you.
At about 10:05 we estimate that his limousine has arrived. This conclusion is drawn from the fact that the store's sound system suddenly starts playing the theme to "The Blues Brothers" and the "Peter Gunn" song. Someone claps. Alone.
About five minutes later, we estimate that he actually makes a physical appearance, based on the much louder and longer round of applause from the front of the line. At last, we start to move.
A woman walks by with a bouquet of roses. Someone jokes that she's a stalker planning to ask Dan to marry her.
The store also is selling Crystal Head Vodka t-shirts. Their marketing slogan: "Buy a shirt. Dan is wearing one." Hah, you cannot snare me that easily. Give me Dan's shirt, and then we're talking.
However, when it all came down to it, they handled the signing very efficiently, and Dan was totally cool. I came up and he reached out his hand and said "Power Shake!" and the ladies next to me in line took my picture.
I paid for the skull and the DVD, and went home. Oh, that reminds me: NJ Route 23 sucks ass. But that's a whole different story.
I got home, three hours after I'd started. I had to know... so I popped open the cork and took a sip of vodka out of a crystal skull. In all fairness, it is a relatively smooth vodka. Almost good enough to drink straight, if you're insane. I'll stick to coffee tequila myself. OM NOM NOM.
EDIT: barbarienne, did I mention it was a SKULL?!?!?
First off, as most of you probably already know, I enjoy the taste of certain alcoholic beverages. A fine gin and tonic, especially if featuring Martin Miller's London Dry Gin, is a sweet and tasty delight. Rum, schnapps, sweet wines, and even certain beers can all be pleasing to the palate here.
Anyway, as a result, I can occasionally be found in a liquor store, just... browsing.
So what do I see at Bottle King a few days ago? "Come See Dan Aykroyd And Get A Signed Bottle Of Crystal Head Vodka!"
Like any fan of classic 80's films, I can point out "Ghostbusters", "Caddyshack", and "The Blues Brothers" as some of the highlights of Dan's career. That in addition to all his time on SNL. ("You've got a bass? You've got a problem!") So I say, sure, meet Dan Aykroyd, it sounds cool. Probably a hojillion people doing this, however. I dunno...
Oh but wait! I look at the ad more closely. Crystal Head Vodka is sold in bottles shaped like HUMAN SKULLS. And Dan is signing the bottles himself.
All of a sudden I absolutely need a CRYSTAL SKULL SIGNED BY DAN AYKROYD. Reason has left the building.
Unfortunately, Dan's doing his signing on a Thursday from 4-7 pm. Inconveniently timed, I say! And indeed, I get there from work too late; already the line has extended too long, and they're cutting people off. I am suitably saddened.
Oh but wait, again! My wonderful partner in crime HG tells me that, on the radio, she heard that he would be doing a second signing on Saturday morning, and if I got up early enough, I should be able to beat the rush.
And as easy as that, I'm standing inside a large liquor store in Wayne, NJ with hundreds of other people. And that was an hour before he was scheduled to start. Fortunately, I've faced the horrors of lines at Disneyworld and Great Adventure. Here I'm inside, away from the rain which is soaking hundreds of other sods who arrived later.
The liquor store is prepared and well-organized. They have enough Crystal Skulls for everyone. In addition, they're selling Dan Aykroyd DVDs which he will also sign. I respect that, and I snag a copy of "The Blues Brothers", because... well, just because.
And so we wait. The liquor store, for some unfathomable reason, does not allow us to start opening bottles and satisfying our thirst while we wait. Bunch of savages, I tell you.
At about 10:05 we estimate that his limousine has arrived. This conclusion is drawn from the fact that the store's sound system suddenly starts playing the theme to "The Blues Brothers" and the "Peter Gunn" song. Someone claps. Alone.
About five minutes later, we estimate that he actually makes a physical appearance, based on the much louder and longer round of applause from the front of the line. At last, we start to move.
A woman walks by with a bouquet of roses. Someone jokes that she's a stalker planning to ask Dan to marry her.
The store also is selling Crystal Head Vodka t-shirts. Their marketing slogan: "Buy a shirt. Dan is wearing one." Hah, you cannot snare me that easily. Give me Dan's shirt, and then we're talking.
However, when it all came down to it, they handled the signing very efficiently, and Dan was totally cool. I came up and he reached out his hand and said "Power Shake!" and the ladies next to me in line took my picture.
I paid for the skull and the DVD, and went home. Oh, that reminds me: NJ Route 23 sucks ass. But that's a whole different story.
I got home, three hours after I'd started. I had to know... so I popped open the cork and took a sip of vodka out of a crystal skull. In all fairness, it is a relatively smooth vodka. Almost good enough to drink straight, if you're insane. I'll stick to coffee tequila myself. OM NOM NOM.
EDIT: barbarienne, did I mention it was a SKULL?!?!?